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"I have a relationship problem...:("

Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.

My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.

I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.

He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".

After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.

While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.

I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.

Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.

I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.

He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.

I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.

The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.

He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.

I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.

I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.

Mav wrote:
> I've got nothing against gay people, and I'd assume nobody else in
> this thread does either (although I haven't read it).

Unfortunately you (and I had the same thoughts prior to reading btw) would appear to be quite wrong :-(

GL

I've got nothing against gay people, and I'd assume nobody else in this thread does either (although I haven't read it).

But that's not to say I don't have something against Cubist. While he can be alright-ish at times, he's acted like a right idiot in the past. On the subject of prejudice, I remember he once voiced his views against overweight people.

Still - perhaps he's grown up a little since then.

I actually feel a bit ashamed that I've just spent 20 mins or so ready this "post". But seeing as I have, I'm going to try and put some points across. These are my opinions, I am not saying I'm right or wrong, attacking anyone or claiming that my views are in anyway superior!!!!

1. The kid is 16/17, he's posted on the forums, asking for some advice. A large number of people have jumped on him saying he's too young. I'd agree. But surely his asking for advice is therefore something to be respected? Also, I like to think that we are generally a pretty intelligent and helpful bunch here.....maybe I was wrong? (Please don't come back with a load of "he started it" comments here!)

2. Homophobia is something I can't understand myself. If someone has a problem with gays then fine, but I don't need to hear about it. At the same time, I also find the term "breeder" offensive. Can't we just cut all the sexual orientation terms out and just use generic terms - that way no-one gets offended?

3. Cubist - I have absolutely no problem with your sexuality, I have plenty of gay friends, have been to gay clubs (often having more fun than in "mixed" clubs), etc. etc. But I do not understand why you need to make a big thing of it? You could easily have written that post without referring to the sex of your boyfriend or ex. Then people could have focused on your situation, rather than your sexuality.

Can't we all just get along? ;-p

GL

Belldandy wrote:
> Waste of time arguing anything like freedom of speech with Light,
> Forest Fan, he's the kind of person who'd be queueing up to defend
> Saddam Hussen in court, 'cause "criminals have rights".

Y'see, sometimes I can't figure out if you're genuinely an idiot, or you're just the kind of moron who gets his kicks out of s###-stirring on internet chat forums because he's got nothing better to do. At the moment, I'm going for a little of column A and a little of column B.

Do grow up Bell, it's embarrasing watching you get bully-rammed so often. Go play Rainbow Six.

Okay, well personally I can see where FF is coming from. I'm not gonna go out holding signs up that say "BURN GAYS", but if he thinks it's disgusting then he has the right to do so.

No doubt my religion influences how I feel, but I think that homosexuality is unnatural - we weren't created to do that, or be like that, or however you wanna put it. I'm not gonna hide and say "I think people should be allowed to do what they want, freedom, rights etc" because personally I don't think it's right.

Still, if thas what Cubist wants to do then fine - when the topic arises I will say that I disagree with it, but that doesn't give me the right to stop him.

But once I'm Ruler of the Universe I shall, har!

Waste of time arguing anything like freedom of speech with Light, Forest Fan, he's the kind of person who'd be queueing up to defend Saddam Hussen in court, 'cause "criminals have rights".

You said what you honestly thought, you've apologised for one thing, and were by no means the worst offender in this topic.

I recommend having vigorous, shouty sex with a random Brazilian.
It seemed to cheer up my mate Martin, he's still beaming about it almost 3 weeks later.

Light wrote:
> My two cents...
>
> Forest Fan wrote:
> Is it me, or is free speech not allowed anymore? Is expressing your
> emotion not right? Homosexuality is disgusting. If anyone has a
> problem with my view - that's just political correctness, i.e. non
> freedom of speech. You're all entitled to your views, and I'm
> entitled to mine.
>
> So by that logic, aren't the staffies entitled to their view that you
> were being intolerant, hateful, and ignorant? Aren't they entitled to
> express that view by giving you a warning? If not, why not? Aren't
> you trying to restrict their freedom of speech by complaining about
> being warned?

Well Light I feel of all my comments, one was misplaced which I will publicly apologise for now saying something along the lines of gays should be called bent - which I take back and apologise for. However, aside from that it was a heated debate, I debated purposely not just with the intent of offending anyone and despite Cub!st continually insulting myself and others - he got away with it scot free. Oh, and about your point about the warning - I'm still to recieve my e-mail about why it was given, as to be honest I'm still mystified as to why it was given to myself and maddmum and NOT Cub!st. Surely this only further backs up more point of political correctness...

My friends saw a monkey bash the bishop in Salou zoo.

Said he looked displeased when they disturbed him.

They live by the philosophy of every hole's a goal