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"Why?"

I sit here and think about what could have been; always thinking what could have happened if I didn’t do that. Why is it I can’t appreciate what I have, how I always want more then what I have?
Is it greed I ask myself, or is it just wanting to better my self. I can’t decide.

I want every thing in my life to be perfect, I want the perfect family the perfect job, and I want happiness. What is perfect though?
Can anyone say they have the perfect life?
I always say to my self life is not perfect and nobody is perfect. Yet I always question it.

If I am unaware about what perfect is how do I know what I have isn’t?

Then there is me this individual that sits and puts herself down all the time. I always go on about how the way people look doesn’t bother me. Everybody is different and I don’t judge any one about there appearance. Yet I constantly judge myself, put my self down. Hate the way I look.
The question is why?
I am who I am; it might not be perfect not your ideal cuppa tea. But it’s me.

There are so many questions I ask my self, never enough answers, I constantly go through things in my head. Trying to work things out and why things happen and why we think the way we do.

Why is it I always question everything I do, always unsure about things?

Something’s are just best left unanswered I guess.

just thought id share that with you

Are you happy ?
Are you happy enough ?
Do you feel you can be happier ?
Are you willing to gamble what you have ?

Try to answer them yes or no and then you go from there.

EDIT: Didn't see your post below, i'll go through them with you tommorow.

Flock wrote:
> Are you happy ?
ish

> Are you happy enough ?
No

> Do you feel you can be happier ?
Yes

> Are you willing to gamble what you have ?
I dont think i want to loose what i have

But will you actually lose anything if you strive for more and fail?
Or just come back down again to the same place?

And if things aren't making you happy, why are you scared of losing them?

What i have is all i have, im not as happy as i would like to be, but if i changed things it could leave me worse off. Its a matter of making the right desicion. What i think maybe right may not work out.

Like i said i am scared of getting things wrong, which is why i try to live with what i have at the minute and make do with it.

I think this is a problem most people come across once or twice in their lives. They get to a stage where they're quite comfortable to stay as they are, even though things aren't perfect.
Most people stay put, some try to improve and succeed, some fail.

I'm a big believer in going for things 100% - if you're not happy do something about it.

But then I'm young and have nothing to loose in going all-out to achieve what I want. I suppose it's a lot harder when you're a bit older and have not only yourself to consider, but your son who's relying on you to give him a good start in life.

To be honest, I think this is something you're going to have to decide to do for yourself. No amount of encouragement or persuasion on here will make you do anything.
It might make your mind up as to what would be best to do, but to actually do it is a much bigger step.

Not knowing the specifics, I can't really say 'do this' or 'do that'
All I can say is to take a step back - right back, emotionally detached - and ask yourself some big questions:

What do I really want?
What's the worst that can happen - within reason, not 'my house could collapse and the bank blow up'?
What's the best that can happen?
Can I succeed?

Whatever you want to do, there's always some 'safety steps' you can take before hand to either make sure you will achieve it, or reduce any problems if you don't. Take the little steps.

Always think of the posotives - and stop confusing yourself with questions that don't really matter.
I hope you can sort things out.

Cheers FFF,

I know that no one on here can make me decide things for me and encourage me in any decisions that I have to make in any aspect of my life. I have to do things my own way. Whatever they maybe.

To do this post and to have these replies, just helps me to focus on things and makes my own head that little bit clearer. It helps me look at things from a different angle. What’s written may help and then again maybe not. Either way your all fantastic and took the time out to post a reply. Also putting effort in to it to.

I hope things work out for me, I have been through so much in my life, I need to put things behind me, I need to sort things out with different people. Get things straight in my head. Just generally start moving on with different things. Well before it all becomes to much for me to cope with.

Especially for my son’s sake. He does need a good start in life and I cant give him that if I don’t sort things out in my head and in my heart.

Human existence is in striving for something better.

Think. If you had everything you wanted, what would be the point of continuing? What goals could you set?

Life, my friend, is an adventure.