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"Jokes"

An escaped prisoner breaks into a house and finds a couple naked in bed. He ties up the man then moves over to the woman and kisses her neck before visiting the bathroom. Her husband says: "This guy might be really dangerous, it's obvious from the way he kissed your neck that he wants to have sex with you. I advise you should do as he says and be strong, and just remember that I love you." His wife replied: "Actually, he wasn't kissing me, he whispered that he was gay and asked if there was any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, and I love you too."


Anyone here knows any great jokes?

Fiery Salamander wrote:
> ho ho ho

hello... father christmas

ho ho ho

*shock* no replies

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asks as he puts on a surprised look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms,son....Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college boys." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"

An escaped prisoner breaks into a house and finds a couple naked in bed. He ties up the man then moves over to the woman and kisses her neck before visiting the bathroom. Her husband says: "This guy might be really dangerous, it's obvious from the way he kissed your neck that he wants to have sex with you. I advise you should do as he says and be strong, and just remember that I love you." His wife replied: "Actually, he wasn't kissing me, he whispered that he was gay and asked if there was any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, and I love you too."


Anyone here knows any great jokes?