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"Jokes"

An escaped prisoner breaks into a house and finds a couple naked in bed. He ties up the man then moves over to the woman and kisses her neck before visiting the bathroom. Her husband says: "This guy might be really dangerous, it's obvious from the way he kissed your neck that he wants to have sex with you. I advise you should do as he says and be strong, and just remember that I love you." His wife replied: "Actually, he wasn't kissing me, he whispered that he was gay and asked if there was any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, and I love you too."


Anyone here knows any great jokes?

An escaped prisoner breaks into a house and finds a couple naked in bed. He ties up the man then moves over to the woman and kisses her neck before visiting the bathroom. Her husband says: "This guy might be really dangerous, it's obvious from the way he kissed your neck that he wants to have sex with you. I advise you should do as he says and be strong, and just remember that I love you." His wife replied: "Actually, he wasn't kissing me, he whispered that he was gay and asked if there was any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, and I love you too."


Anyone here knows any great jokes?

A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms,son....Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college boys." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asks as he puts on a surprised look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

*shock* no replies

ho ho ho

Fiery Salamander wrote:
> ho ho ho

hello... father christmas

"*shock* no replies"


thats probably due to the fact that this site is mainly inhabited by lazy members of the educational system, who are unlikely to be up at such hours. The remainder are probably in the work force and as a result are unlikely to be able to post to early in the morning.

the condom joke was good as was the wheelchair one. thought the first one was pretty rubbish

Q. Why did the Scientist install a knocker on his door?

A. He wanted to win the No-bell prize

Good one...but bad one...if you know what I mean...:)

> Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs
> the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic
>
> site is ten miles away so, it takes them ten days to get there. When they
> get there Mick unpacks the food and beer.
> "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener"
> "I didn't bring it" says Roy
> "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried,
> He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"
> Naturally Andy didn't bring it.
> So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and
> Andy
> beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the
>
> sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise
> lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
>
> So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still
> isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise.
> Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
> Finally
> they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just
> as
> they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts,
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
>
> "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT F'ING GOING!"