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My Parents and Girlfriend have all said I look 'down'. My Boss 'pulled me in' for a chat as concerns were raised by colleagues that I wasn't 100%, not all there, vacant. I can't be bothered with anything most of the time now. The only highlight in my life at the moment is getting my new car - a bit sad really. Retail therapy isn't cutting it like usual and I'm not eating as much as I normally do.
Could I be depressed/stressed? I despise my job, only staying for the money. The slightest things are annoying me and I'm just bottling my anger up inside. I feel the need to lash out almost all the time but again, keep it inside. I can never stay happy for too long, as I just start getting all negative again.
I'm not sleeping properly either. I finally went to the Doctors yesterday about it as I fell asleep at work on Tuesday. He gave me something to help me sleep at night but I doubt it'll work.
Worst of all, suicide has crossed my mind - BUT ONLY CROSSED IT, I've never given it any proper thought.
I don't know what's going on with me. I know there is something wrong, but I'm reluctant to admit I have a problem. The Doc asked me if I was Stressed or Depressed. I replied 'I don't think I am' - I feel that if I open up, people will think I'm some kind of Hypochondriac. I don't trust anyone. I feel they're all out to make me screw up.
This is probably the only place I can get my feelings across. I'll never see any of you lot, so I don't feel threatened by you. Feel free to ask questions/give comments, but I'm primarily writing this here for the satisfaction of knowing I have opened up in some way. The first step so to speak.
Finally, did any of that make any sense?!?
> http://www.b3ta.com/questions/sh!tstor!es/
>
> Replace the "!"'s. These might cheer you up a bit. Lord
> knows, the tears are streaming down my face at the moment.
> Repulsively amusing. :)
aww man thats rough >_<
> Thanks Creepy, might have to snap some necks soon - haven't been on
> LIVE for ages!
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/sh!tstor!es/
Replace the "!"'s. These might cheer you up a bit. Lord knows, the tears are streaming down my face at the moment. Repulsively amusing. :)
Flockhart wrote:
> Only going on what youve said, it sound's simliar to the apathy stage
> of depression, i really hope it doesnt get into the depression stage
> proper, because it wil become impossible to cope but even if you do,
> it only lasts a couple of days and you should try not to make any
> rash decisions when you cant think straight.
Thanks Flockhart. Hopefully if I do something about it now, I will avoid the decline and turn things around.
I'm always on msn/LIVE if you fancy a argument to get rid of the aggression :D
Oh, and I used SJW for a while, works like a charm but its some strange stuff.
> As for the tablets and counsellors, I would just see them as 'helping
> hands', I know it's up to me to get myself out of this hole.
Well, even though I don't know you personally, I wish you the very best of luck.
> Do you feel like you don't
> really have anything to talk to people about cos you've done nothing
> all day? So you feel quite boring at times?
You don't know how right you are there. I feel like I mus**t come across as extremely boring. I never find the need to talk about work - or anything for that matter, as it all seems insignificant and pointless.
> What do you want to do with your life?
I have recently decided to join the Police force. This is going to take a lot of determination and fitness - qualities I'm lacking at the moment. Enrolments are closed until September now, so at leas**t I have time to get my life in order for the application process.
> I have quite a sensitive
> ques**tion, so please forgive me for asking, but is there anything you
> would do if you weren't with your girlfriend (travelling, uni, etc.)
To be hones**t, if I didn't have my gf, I'd probably s**till be at McDonalds. She changed me from being a submissive introvert, always taking sh*t from others and never s**tanding up for myself. I was quite pathetic before I met her. Ideally though, I would have travelled, maybe even emigrated to s**tart a new life elsewhere.
> Your brain
> goes to sleep if you're bored in life and won't wake up until YOU do
> something about it, and no counsellor or tablets you take will be
> able to cure that for you.
Somethimes though, it's simply not that easy. I went through what Bullet is describing, and although its managable now, I needed that extra help to get through a bleak time. I didn't get any side efects from SJW, apart from levelling my mood. I didn't get a downer once I came off it. Although I was at university, in a job I enjoyed and programming games for my own amusement (so my mind was active and I was hardly bored in life), there was just that "something" that was making me self destructive. Add to the fact I'm a lazy trout, and the most exercise I've done since leaving school (i'm 30) was a seven mile walk last week.
You solution may work for you, it certainly wouldn't have worked for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not critizicing, but it simply wouldn't have.
[edit] And I didn't find SJW an "easy option". It enabled me to deal with what I was going through. As my life changed over time, I didn't feel the need so much to take them. Was it the drugs? I don't know. I can only speculate that if not for them, I might have more scars now. It may have been a fact that it was a placebo, and my life changed in slight ways over time and I felt more able to cope as I got older.
*shrugs* I found them a useful crutch.