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"I might have a problem..."

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Fri 07/05/04 at 08:34
Regular
Posts: 14,437
...but I'm afraid to admit it.

My Parents and Girlfriend have all said I look 'down'. My Boss 'pulled me in' for a chat as concerns were raised by colleagues that I wasn't 100%, not all there, vacant. I can't be bothered with anything most of the time now. The only highlight in my life at the moment is getting my new car - a bit sad really. Retail therapy isn't cutting it like usual and I'm not eating as much as I normally do.

Could I be depressed/stressed? I despise my job, only staying for the money. The slightest things are annoying me and I'm just bottling my anger up inside. I feel the need to lash out almost all the time but again, keep it inside. I can never stay happy for too long, as I just start getting all negative again.

I'm not sleeping properly either. I finally went to the Doctors yesterday about it as I fell asleep at work on Tuesday. He gave me something to help me sleep at night but I doubt it'll work.

Worst of all, suicide has crossed my mind - BUT ONLY CROSSED IT, I've never given it any proper thought.

I don't know what's going on with me. I know there is something wrong, but I'm reluctant to admit I have a problem. The Doc asked me if I was Stressed or Depressed. I replied 'I don't think I am' - I feel that if I open up, people will think I'm some kind of Hypochondriac. I don't trust anyone. I feel they're all out to make me screw up.

This is probably the only place I can get my feelings across. I'll never see any of you lot, so I don't feel threatened by you. Feel free to ask questions/give comments, but I'm primarily writing this here for the satisfaction of knowing I have opened up in some way. The first step so to speak.

Finally, did any of that make any sense?!?
Fri 07/05/04 at 09:43
Regular
Posts: 14,437
Yeah, I think I'll pop up to the local Health food Shop a bit later today.

Thanks.

It wouldn't hurt to see someone too though, would it? That way I can still talk to someone rather than keep it in. I don't know what it is, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about it with my family and friends.
Fri 07/05/04 at 09:52
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
It cannot hurt to talk to someone about this. If you really do not wish to go through your doctor first how about trying the Samaritans? It is confidential and they should encourage you to talk, even if you don't know where to start. It may be a starting point for you much as your initial post was.

Just had a quick browse through their website and nearly ended up volunteering :|
Fri 07/05/04 at 10:01
Regular
"Lisan al-Gaib"
Posts: 7,093
ßulle†† wrote:
> Yeah, I think I'll pop up to the local Health food Shop a bit later
> today.
>
> Thanks.
>
> It wouldn't hurt to see someone too though, would it? That way I can
> still talk to someone rather than keep it in. I don't know what it
> is, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about it with my family
> and friends.

If you really feel it'll help, go for it. I can't imagine any bad coming from it. Ineedsleeps suggestions above (below now?) is also very good. The Samaritans is one step above talking to people on a web board in essence after all. :)
Fri 07/05/04 at 10:10
Regular
"50 BLM,30 SMN,25 RD"
Posts: 2,299
I think a lot of us probably feel this way. So obviously videogames screw us up, or something.
Fri 07/05/04 at 10:15
Regular
"Lisan al-Gaib"
Posts: 7,093
Darwock wrote:
> I think a lot of us probably feel this way. So obviously videogames
> screw us up, or something.

Quite to opposite I find. Nothing like wholesome murder of polygons to lighten the day. After a hugely stressful day at work I used to Quake for an hour and came off feeling totally refreshed. :)
Fri 07/05/04 at 10:17
Regular
"Wanking Mong"
Posts: 4,884
It has been said that depression is a mental illness that afflicts only the intelligent.

Whomever said that obviously realised that the best way to combat depression was to boost the sufferers self-esteem...

Anyway, without wishing to seem flippant, you've done the right thing by even acknowledging the problem. My ex was exquisitely screwed up in the head, but insisted she wasn't. It's only the fact that I have a marvellous new lady in my life that prevents me being entirely twisted with hatred and bitterness.

Uhh...well, twisted with hatred and bitterness any more
Fri 07/05/04 at 11:30
Regular
"2 weeks to go..."
Posts: 349
Hmmm, I'm really against using drugs, even 'natural' ones they can still lead to addiction and a lot of the time they do upset your natural 'balance' for example natural remedies that wake you up are known to give you that 'down' after. I strongly believe anyone can get out of depression without talking to anyone professionally (though it wouldn't hurt) or taking anything for it, I think they are shortcuts to the actual problem, the lazy option, they don't get to the root of the problem, it's like putting perfume on if you smell rather than taking a shower and washing your clothes.

Your problem is not that you suffer with depression, which is when these methods become necessary, but you are unhappy with your life, and the more unhappy you become the lazier you become. It is def. 100% your job, I used to have a job just like that, on the internet all day, own office, thought it was really cool in the beginning and wanted to slash my wrists (ok slight exaggeration) after a few months, but I became so lazy and lost all my confidence that I couldn't be bothered to get a new job, eventually my company moved and I took voluntary redundancy, so I had to get a new job, but even then, I started getting panic attacks and even had one during an interview, which really knocked me back. Do you feel like you don't really have anything to talk to people about cos you've done nothing all day? So you feel quite boring at times?

What do you want to do with your life? I have quite a sensitive question, so please forgive me for asking, but is there anything you would do if you weren't with your girlfriend (travelling, uni, etc.)

I know I would slip back into being unhappy or 'depressed' if I don't always keep on top of it, so I always make sure I eat as healthy as poss, as fats and sugars bring you down, make you lazy and tired, plus if you're eating vegetables and fruit then your digestive system will work better which means your body can use its energy in other areas to make sure you have more general awakeness and energy - a better state of mind, plus working out does absolute wonders, when I get home after going to the gym I feel amazing, I have so much energy and confidence and feel much more awake, and able to concentrate better. Plus I've started doing a course, which is keeping me challenged and mentally stimulated, it gives me that feeling of achievement, there's nothing worse than doing nothing and work and then getting home and sitting around doing 'nothing'. Your brain goes to sleep if you're bored in life and won't wake up until YOU do something about it, and no counsellor or tablets you take will be able to cure that for you.
Fri 07/05/04 at 11:38
Regular
"Lisan al-Gaib"
Posts: 7,093
Kat wrote:
> Your brain
> goes to sleep if you're bored in life and won't wake up until YOU do
> something about it, and no counsellor or tablets you take will be
> able to cure that for you.

Somethimes though, it's simply not that easy. I went through what Bullet is describing, and although its managable now, I needed that extra help to get through a bleak time. I didn't get any side efects from SJW, apart from levelling my mood. I didn't get a downer once I came off it. Although I was at university, in a job I enjoyed and programming games for my own amusement (so my mind was active and I was hardly bored in life), there was just that "something" that was making me self destructive. Add to the fact I'm a lazy trout, and the most exercise I've done since leaving school (i'm 30) was a seven mile walk last week.

You solution may work for you, it certainly wouldn't have worked for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not critizicing, but it simply wouldn't have.

[edit] And I didn't find SJW an "easy option". It enabled me to deal with what I was going through. As my life changed over time, I didn't feel the need so much to take them. Was it the drugs? I don't know. I can only speculate that if not for them, I might have more scars now. It may have been a fact that it was a placebo, and my life changed in slight ways over time and I felt more able to cope as I got older.

*shrugs* I found them a useful crutch.
Fri 07/05/04 at 11:43
Regular
Posts: 14,437
Kat wrote:
> Do you feel like you don't
> really have anything to talk to people about cos you've done nothing
> all day? So you feel quite boring at times?

You don't know how right you are there. I feel like I mus**t come across as extremely boring. I never find the need to talk about work - or anything for that matter, as it all seems insignificant and pointless.

> What do you want to do with your life?

I have recently decided to join the Police force. This is going to take a lot of determination and fitness - qualities I'm lacking at the moment. Enrolments are closed until September now, so at leas**t I have time to get my life in order for the application process.

> I have quite a sensitive
> ques**tion, so please forgive me for asking, but is there anything you
> would do if you weren't with your girlfriend (travelling, uni, etc.)

To be hones**t, if I didn't have my gf, I'd probably s**till be at McDonalds. She changed me from being a submissive introvert, always taking sh*t from others and never s**tanding up for myself. I was quite pathetic before I met her. Ideally though, I would have travelled, maybe even emigrated to s**tart a new life elsewhere.
Fri 07/05/04 at 11:45
Regular
Posts: 14,437
As for the tablets and counsellors, I would just see them as 'helping hands', I know it's up to me to get myself out of this hole.

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