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"I might have a problem..."

...but I'm afraid to admit it.

My Parents and Girlfriend have all said I look 'down'. My Boss 'pulled me in' for a chat as concerns were raised by colleagues that I wasn't 100%, not all there, vacant. I can't be bothered with anything most of the time now. The only highlight in my life at the moment is getting my new car - a bit sad really. Retail therapy isn't cutting it like usual and I'm not eating as much as I normally do.

Could I be depressed/stressed? I despise my job, only staying for the money. The slightest things are annoying me and I'm just bottling my anger up inside. I feel the need to lash out almost all the time but again, keep it inside. I can never stay happy for too long, as I just start getting all negative again.

I'm not sleeping properly either. I finally went to the Doctors yesterday about it as I fell asleep at work on Tuesday. He gave me something to help me sleep at night but I doubt it'll work.

Worst of all, suicide has crossed my mind - BUT ONLY CROSSED IT, I've never given it any proper thought.

I don't know what's going on with me. I know there is something wrong, but I'm reluctant to admit I have a problem. The Doc asked me if I was Stressed or Depressed. I replied 'I don't think I am' - I feel that if I open up, people will think I'm some kind of Hypochondriac. I don't trust anyone. I feel they're all out to make me screw up.

This is probably the only place I can get my feelings across. I'll never see any of you lot, so I don't feel threatened by you. Feel free to ask questions/give comments, but I'm primarily writing this here for the satisfaction of knowing I have opened up in some way. The first step so to speak.

Finally, did any of that make any sense?!?

Pandaemonium wrote:
> Agree with all you are saying, each to their own (although I'm
> getting a strong "I don't agree with ANY drugs, natural or
> prescribed.

No, I'm against things that you can become reliant on - that is also my argument against religion when people say 'well if it helps people, let them pray and hope for the best'. Bad, you should be able to sort problems out without the aid of anything. Now drugs for fun...

Exercise is the *only* cure" vibe

You wouldn't think it, but I am extremely lazy, I've been to the gym once in the last 3 weeks, BUT, if I am feeling down it makes me feel better when I go, if I am feeling happy when I go, I feel on top of the world coming out, if you're unhappy, what's the best thing to do? Release natural serotonin (or whatever it is that's released when you exercise). It's a hobby, it's all good, but no, it's not the only cure, but as an alternative to taking sjw it kicks a*se. I've been going jogging in my lunch break, and it definitely cheers me up for the afternoon. Plus you get this great glow that makes you look hot.

I would also suggest taking a course, it's the best thing I ever did, and actually is the reason I decided to go to uni, sometimes you don't realise your own capabilities and are nicely surprised when you do and again, you gain confidence from that AND things to talk about!

> Anyhoo. Nice to hear you managed to pick yourself up in your own way.
> It's so easy to let it continue.

Love you

ßulle†† wrote:

> You don't know how right you are there. I feel like I mus**t come
> across as extremely boring. I never find the need to talk about work
> - or anything for that matter, as it all seems insignificant and
> pointless.

That's the wors**t part, I feel - once you s**tart losing confidence it's all downhill from there.

> I have recently decided to join the Police force. This is going to
> take a lot of determination and fitness - qualities I'm lacking at
> the moment. Enrolments are closed until September now, so at leas**t I
> have time to get my life in order for the application process.

Great decision, you could always temp until September? Or s**tick it out but jus**t know that your depression is cos of the job and that you will get out of it.

> To be hones**t, if I didn't have my gf, I'd probably s**till be at
> McDonalds. She changed me from being a submissive introvert, always
> taking sh*t from others and never s**tanding up for myself. I was quite
> pathetic before I met her. Ideally though, I would have travelled,
> maybe even emigrated to s**tart a new life elsewhere.

You were never pathetic, maybe jus**t lazy and not very confident but not pathetic. You are who you are, and she loves you for it.

and now you get to repay her kindness by being a policeman. Hubba hubba.

My prescription for you, is, every time you think about doing something but don't because it's 'easier' not to - whether it be because you're a bit shy/nervous/scared or jus**t lazy, do it. I can't tell you how good that will be for you, I am so much more confident than I used to be because of that, and now I can't s**top facing my fears, it's like a drug! and the more you do it, the easier it becomes, until you're on top of the world with confidence and radiance and people are attracted to your vibrance and energy, but you s**till remain down to earth because you know how you were and you spot it in other people so it makes you a better friend, and more aware of things/people/life and more confidence helps you become your true self and the person you wanna be.

Stick with it fella, you have a good heart and I have 100% confidence that you will be everything I could wish for you. (no I'm not drunk)

I luv bulet.
:)

"Finally, did any of that make any sense?!? "

Ohh yes

That sounds a lot like where I've been, to varying degrees and with varying emphasis on the constituant parts, for the past few years.

At the moment, I'm not really eating much, I'm definitely not really happy, although I have a bit more direction than in that past as I'm making progress playing pool (county b side man of the match last month!), giving me something to work towards.

I figure that's often quite important, it can stave off the general feeling of utterly pointless feutility.

Though I've just started a crap job, which I could be doing until September :^(

I've also been reluctant to admit / talk about it.


I don't really have any advice for you. Execpt maybe having something to work towards. The police thing could help you with that if you make a serious commitment now to go for it. Perhaps.

Kat wrote:
> Again, everyone's different, but you didn't try exercise and you're
> self admittedly lazy, which are 2 factors that encourage
> 'depression'.

Agree with all you are saying, each to their own (although I'm getting a strong "I don't agree with ANY drugs, natural or prescribed. Exercise is the *only* cure" vibe, which I disagree with), but I should make it clear that I’m *physically* lazy. I'm anything but *mentally* lazy.

Bwhahahahaha. ;)

Anyhoo. Nice to hear you managed to pick yourself up in your own way. It's so easy to let it continue.

Thanks Kat, you're giving more options and widening the 'help-spectrum' as it were. At the moment, I'm not sure exactly how I feel or the best way to combat it.

I think speaking to someone first of all will help me put things into perspective and provide the foundations of the tasks ahead. I really do need to clear my head of any confusion/uncertainty before I make any decisions.

Thank you all for your help though, you're great people! I'm glad I posted this now - you've already helped me determine that I most likely do have a problem that needs to be sorted before it gets out of hand.

Thank you.

Pandaemonium wrote:
>
> You solution may work for you, it certainly wouldn't have worked for
> me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not critizicing, but it simply wouldn't
> have.

That's my point - you were happy but still depressed (if that makes sense) I'm sensing that Bullett doesn't have an history of depression? Which means it's purely his lifestyle that's getting him down. I didn't use anything and got through it, and feel proud of myself and strong that I did it without anything, surely that's a better way to feel? I do appreciate that everyone is different, but if you prescribe drugs and counselling for everyone we're just gonna avoid dealing with the problem ourselves - cos the tablets will sort us out temporarily you just pop a pill (the 'natural' equivalent of drinking to feel better). If you're in serious suicidal depression then yeah, I would agree with you - but do you not think Bullett can do it without? It's not the strength of them or biological damage, but the subconsious 'need' for them that could arise

Again, everyone's different, but you didn't try exercise and you're self admittedly lazy, which are 2 factors that encourage 'depression'. Maybe it is the right choice for Bullett, but surely it should be a last option - once he has tried everything else? I strongly strongly strongly (if you can't tell) believe that a good run, or hour down the gym will help far more than SJW.

ßulle†† wrote:
> Thanks Creepy, might have to snap some necks soon - haven't been on
> LIVE for ages!


Tom will have it before the end of this month, he really wants to give you a game. :) you can have some fun breaking his neck ;)

Oh dear God. Pandy, what evil hast thou inflictest upon thy looking balls?

That's some gross stuff right there! T'was indeed amusing though :)

Creepy wrote:
> aww man thats rough >_<

The picture? Aye, I could have done without that, but the stories are genius. :)