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Underworld: better than expected but too many dumb moments.
The Core: as above but underground. Everyone who dies, dies a hero
SWAT: as above but with "attitude" and not underground
Master and Commander: Lots of shouting at sea and some cannons
Cabin Fever: like any holiday in Butlins, only fun for a while, then the tedium sets in
Pearl Harbour: unwatchable, apart from the big fight scene, which was almost unwatchable. Everyone goes "ye haa!" a lot.
Versus: kung fu ganster movie in the woods with zombies.
Kill Bill volume 1: pure plagarism in yellow tracksuit
Dune, the mini series: could have been great, no violence and none of the important themes included. Where was everyone's dependance upon drugs?
The Karate Kid 3: a plot written by someone who has been punched in the head too many times.
The Core: as above but underground. Everyone who dies, dies a hero
SWAT: as above but with "attitude" and not underground
Master and Commander: Lots of shouting at sea and some cannons
Cabin Fever: like any holiday in Butlins, only fun for a while, then the tedium sets in
Pearl Harbour: unwatchable, apart from the big fight scene, which was almost unwatchable. Everyone goes "ye haa!" a lot.
Versus: kung fu ganster movie in the woods with zombies.
Kill Bill volume 1: pure plagarism in yellow tracksuit
Dune, the mini series: could have been great, no violence and none of the important themes included. Where was everyone's dependance upon drugs?
The Karate Kid 3: a plot written by someone who has been punched in the head too many times.
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And so on...
The Karate Kid versus Pinhead
He spends the whole film trying to solve the lament configuration, and in the end Pinhead opens the box for him. The girl from the pottery shop bakes some cakes.
He spends the whole film trying to solve the lament configuration, and in the end Pinhead opens the box for him. The girl from the pottery shop bakes some cakes.
Karate Kid 7:
As a pensioner, the flid is horrified to find he was Mr miyagi all along, as he looks in the mirror. It all encapsulates in some "come full circle" spiritual learing karma crap. He then proceeds to p!ss on the bible and stroke his penis.
Karate Kid X:
Karate kid is now a cyborg computer chip who is programmed to play chess. One day, when playing some little kid, he accidently gets his pawn to do a take down on him. It becomes apparent he is the lost soul of a karate master/bad actor and so panic follows. He transforms into a a terminator and daves the world from multi-coloured ninja's made from Sodium Hydroxide.
As a pensioner, the flid is horrified to find he was Mr miyagi all along, as he looks in the mirror. It all encapsulates in some "come full circle" spiritual learing karma crap. He then proceeds to p!ss on the bible and stroke his penis.
Karate Kid X:
Karate kid is now a cyborg computer chip who is programmed to play chess. One day, when playing some little kid, he accidently gets his pawn to do a take down on him. It becomes apparent he is the lost soul of a karate master/bad actor and so panic follows. He transforms into a a terminator and daves the world from multi-coloured ninja's made from Sodium Hydroxide.
Number 6: Karate kid has grown up and become Steven Segal. There is no plot, no dialogue, just two hours of Segal performing a Kata that will allow him to become a white belt. The parts of this film where Segal is resting up, will be filled by flashback clips of the young Karate kid washing Miyagi's laundry.
In number 5, Mr Miyagi's ghost (Sushi poisoning) teaches the flid "the way of the chimp".
Afterwards, he goes on a 3 year soul searching journey in a jungle and has a karate fight with Neo and Branch-sabre fight with Luke Skywalker to proove himself. Oh and he plants trees. Spiritual, heavenly trees. In abundance.
He hears that the gorilla wants to eat him and so re-surfaces for a last judgement day bout.
They fall in love and both give birth to thelma and louise.
Then in the future, gangsters and mafia familys are headed by a karate kid whose 8 and wants to enter a tournament.
Most of these familys have rivalrys and all die because of some little kid beating some other litte kid in a crappy little league.
Afterwards, he goes on a 3 year soul searching journey in a jungle and has a karate fight with Neo and Branch-sabre fight with Luke Skywalker to proove himself. Oh and he plants trees. Spiritual, heavenly trees. In abundance.
He hears that the gorilla wants to eat him and so re-surfaces for a last judgement day bout.
They fall in love and both give birth to thelma and louise.
Then in the future, gangsters and mafia familys are headed by a karate kid whose 8 and wants to enter a tournament.
Most of these familys have rivalrys and all die because of some little kid beating some other litte kid in a crappy little league.
The sagacious one wrote:
> There are some car chases and shoot outs in there as well. Plus top
> dialogue.
I can just imagine it.
One flaw though - nobody can defeat The T. Especially not some puny little punk.
Foo'.
> There are some car chases and shoot outs in there as well. Plus top
> dialogue.
I can just imagine it.
One flaw though - nobody can defeat The T. Especially not some puny little punk.
Foo'.
I've come up with a great plot for the Karate Kid 4.
A giant gorilla called Gordon, escapes from a zoo and ends up in the Open to all Martial Arts competition. The judges try and ban him but the gorilla points out using a banana that although he is not human (but underneath aren't we all the same, well in fact we are 99.3% the same so indeed we are) it is an Open to all competition, not just open to all martial arts competition.
So we get to the final four combatants; Mr T, Hulk Hogan, Gordon and the Karate Kid. Gordon defeats Hulk Hogan by waiting till the Hulkster gets really, really angry and rips off his t-shirt, and then ripping Hogan's head off. The Karate Kid gets Mr T disqualified by taunting him about his sponsor, Typhoo and the fact the tournament is on the 1st of April. April fool!
In the final the Gorilla kills Karate kid and declares that his Kong Fu is too strong for anyone and becomes the king of Europe.
There are some car chases and shoot outs in there as well. Plus top dialogue.
A giant gorilla called Gordon, escapes from a zoo and ends up in the Open to all Martial Arts competition. The judges try and ban him but the gorilla points out using a banana that although he is not human (but underneath aren't we all the same, well in fact we are 99.3% the same so indeed we are) it is an Open to all competition, not just open to all martial arts competition.
So we get to the final four combatants; Mr T, Hulk Hogan, Gordon and the Karate Kid. Gordon defeats Hulk Hogan by waiting till the Hulkster gets really, really angry and rips off his t-shirt, and then ripping Hogan's head off. The Karate Kid gets Mr T disqualified by taunting him about his sponsor, Typhoo and the fact the tournament is on the 1st of April. April fool!
In the final the Gorilla kills Karate kid and declares that his Kong Fu is too strong for anyone and becomes the king of Europe.
There are some car chases and shoot outs in there as well. Plus top dialogue.
Such fabulous efforts do not deserve to go unnoticed.
Wonderful.
And the reviews seem more detailed than many ones I've read recently for some reason.
Yeehaaaawwww.
Wonderful.
And the reviews seem more detailed than many ones I've read recently for some reason.
Yeehaaaawwww.
[I] At the little kid's disco disco.....
The dojo master (long hair, owns a gym, mansion, isn't oriental, makes stereotypical karate noises which sound like an ostrich giving birth to a razor-sharp tortoise shell, also mega rich and employs tramps, obsessed with little kids and their little league karate)
"Hey you, kid" *points*
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. I want you to go over to that fat depressed karate flid over there and lift his date's skirt up."
"Why, sir?"
*Gets willy out whilst performing the crane stance and making shrieks*
"Woaaarrr! Wooooooooaaar!"
*Kid Backs off*
"Just do it kid."
*Kid goes over and does it, karate flid eyes him up with murderous contempt and gets ready to strike (Whilst downing some lithium-prozac juice)*
*Swings and missed*
"Oops."
*Swings and misses*
"...."
"Stand right there you fag cuz I'm gunna punch you!"
"And if I don't?"
"I'll punch you whilst trying to punch you. Foo'"
"OH NO! Sorry."
*Poor kid imitates getting punched and falls down, scared*
*Karate flid's girl goes mad*
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! THAT POOR GUY! He just pretended to punch himself because of you, you big geek! That's the last time I get my hands wet because of your pottery mistah."
*Resumes Fonz/Sly impersonation*
"heyyyy, he just pulled up your skirt. Cum'on. You said you'd show me how to make cups and bowls"
"No I didn't you liar!"
"You did. Remember that time I had my hand on your jug and liked it? And you said you would show me how to make one."
"I said I'd show you how to make one of my jugs?"
"Yeeeaah"
The dojo master (long hair, owns a gym, mansion, isn't oriental, makes stereotypical karate noises which sound like an ostrich giving birth to a razor-sharp tortoise shell, also mega rich and employs tramps, obsessed with little kids and their little league karate)
"Hey you, kid" *points*
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. I want you to go over to that fat depressed karate flid over there and lift his date's skirt up."
"Why, sir?"
*Gets willy out whilst performing the crane stance and making shrieks*
"Woaaarrr! Wooooooooaaar!"
*Kid Backs off*
"Just do it kid."
*Kid goes over and does it, karate flid eyes him up with murderous contempt and gets ready to strike (Whilst downing some lithium-prozac juice)*
*Swings and missed*
"Oops."
*Swings and misses*
"...."
"Stand right there you fag cuz I'm gunna punch you!"
"And if I don't?"
"I'll punch you whilst trying to punch you. Foo'"
"OH NO! Sorry."
*Poor kid imitates getting punched and falls down, scared*
*Karate flid's girl goes mad*
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! THAT POOR GUY! He just pretended to punch himself because of you, you big geek! That's the last time I get my hands wet because of your pottery mistah."
*Resumes Fonz/Sly impersonation*
"heyyyy, he just pulled up your skirt. Cum'on. You said you'd show me how to make cups and bowls"
"No I didn't you liar!"
"You did. Remember that time I had my hand on your jug and liked it? And you said you would show me how to make one."
"I said I'd show you how to make one of my jugs?"
"Yeeeaah"
"Yeah great new rule change Mr Maggiriru, the champion only has to fight in the final. I'm the champion. That means I don't have to fight so much don't it?"
"Daniel-san, rule change also mean champion must fight in blindfold with no pants on".
"Yeah great and the girl across the road in the pottery shop can make me a ceramic blindfold".
Ten minutes later...
"Mr Mraggyy, she says she'll do it but I have to place my head into the kiln until it bakes. Then she says I can put the blindfold on. I've asked her to make it in the shape of a bonza tree mate. Oh and I've dug up your wife's body. She really stinks".
"Daniel-san, rule change also mean champion must fight in blindfold with no pants on".
"Yeah great and the girl across the road in the pottery shop can make me a ceramic blindfold".
Ten minutes later...
"Mr Mraggyy, she says she'll do it but I have to place my head into the kiln until it bakes. Then she says I can put the blindfold on. I've asked her to make it in the shape of a bonza tree mate. Oh and I've dug up your wife's body. She really stinks".
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