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I am identified largely by illness these days. It feels as if it has become my life, I exist day to day fending it off, but all the while it's in the back of my mind that one day I will succumb to it, and what is my life will end my life. I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely recognise the person looking back at me in the mirror. I once had boundless energy, spent my days working hard in school, spent my evenings and weekends running up and down the playing fields and pushing myself to swim a faster length. I can't swim anymore. My ears can't handle a few drops of water in them. I haven't got the energy to train or play a match anymore either, at least not naturally.
I have yet to manage a full week of college. I want to sit in a classroom once again soaking up what is being said and committing it to memory like I used to. The illness robbed me of my strongest study aid in more ways than one, I now neither hear the lecture nor remember sometimes that I was even there. I want to hear all the sounds I once never paid attention to, but missed once they were gone for good. I want to break out of the world I am becoming trapped in, I feel I don't belong there. But it is my inevitable, my past, my present and my future.
I have yet to manage a full week of college. I want to sit in a classroom once again soaking up what is being said and committing it to memory like I used to. The illness robbed me of my strongest study aid in more ways than one, I now neither hear the lecture nor remember sometimes that I was even there. I want to hear all the sounds I once never paid attention to, but missed once they were gone for good. I want to break out of the world I am becoming trapped in, I feel I don't belong there. But it is my inevitable, my past, my present and my future.
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*big hug*
Sometimes there's just nothing we can do about things, no matter how much you'd like to change them. Things happen for reasons far beyond our understanding. Life is a big long battle one way or another, your battle is illness, another person's battle may be a permenant disability and another person's may be their crippling shyness.
Life's an intricate tappestry of which I am proud to be a stitch.
Sometimes there's just nothing we can do about things, no matter how much you'd like to change them. Things happen for reasons far beyond our understanding. Life is a big long battle one way or another, your battle is illness, another person's battle may be a permenant disability and another person's may be their crippling shyness.
Life's an intricate tappestry of which I am proud to be a stitch.
I am identified largely by illness these days. It feels as if it has become my life, I exist day to day fending it off, but all the while it's in the back of my mind that one day I will succumb to it, and what is my life will end my life. I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely recognise the person looking back at me in the mirror. I once had boundless energy, spent my days working hard in school, spent my evenings and weekends running up and down the playing fields and pushing myself to swim a faster length. I can't swim anymore. My ears can't handle a few drops of water in them. I haven't got the energy to train or play a match anymore either, at least not naturally.
I have yet to manage a full week of college. I want to sit in a classroom once again soaking up what is being said and committing it to memory like I used to. The illness robbed me of my strongest study aid in more ways than one, I now neither hear the lecture nor remember sometimes that I was even there. I want to hear all the sounds I once never paid attention to, but missed once they were gone for good. I want to break out of the world I am becoming trapped in, I feel I don't belong there. But it is my inevitable, my past, my present and my future.
I have yet to manage a full week of college. I want to sit in a classroom once again soaking up what is being said and committing it to memory like I used to. The illness robbed me of my strongest study aid in more ways than one, I now neither hear the lecture nor remember sometimes that I was even there. I want to hear all the sounds I once never paid attention to, but missed once they were gone for good. I want to break out of the world I am becoming trapped in, I feel I don't belong there. But it is my inevitable, my past, my present and my future.
Page: