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"The lifeguard was wetting himself"

I’ve had a dodgy hamstring for around half a year now and have decided that once a week as well as my usual gyming I am going to hit the swimming pool to give it some more gentle exercise.

So, today was the first day, and…I suck.

Can’t do front crawl for a long period of time. Tried doing frog stroke for the first time ever. I am like a frog, not a frog that glides effortlessly through the water, but more a frog that has had its arms and legs pulled of by an evil spotty 12-year-old child.

I also found that these swimming “techniques” I displayed were working my upper body more then my injured hamstring.

So, I got out, walked over to this little rack thing and picked up a bright red float.

I then proceeded to do length after length very slowly while holding a float in my hands. I got overtaken by old people, young people and I think I frog with no arms and legs went past me at one point.

Only two people in the pool used a float. Me, and a 6-year-old having a swimming lesson.

Bloody smug looking lifeguard.

Film this 'frog' malarky next time.

Well I don't think I could really say that's what I was doing. I was more splashing about in a vain effort to get from one part to the other.

Breast.

It's like breath stroke. I think.

Frog stroke?

Ah there's a flaw in it all.

You're like Gorden Tracey from thunderbirds. On a quilt pattern.

And the distortion is back. Like some trilogy game mine thrower all living and breathing simmetrical, probe droid alien matrix hive things.

I’ve had a dodgy hamstring for around half a year now and have decided that once a week as well as my usual gyming I am going to hit the swimming pool to give it some more gentle exercise.

So, today was the first day, and…I suck.

Can’t do front crawl for a long period of time. Tried doing frog stroke for the first time ever. I am like a frog, not a frog that glides effortlessly through the water, but more a frog that has had its arms and legs pulled of by an evil spotty 12-year-old child.

I also found that these swimming “techniques” I displayed were working my upper body more then my injured hamstring.

So, I got out, walked over to this little rack thing and picked up a bright red float.

I then proceeded to do length after length very slowly while holding a float in my hands. I got overtaken by old people, young people and I think I frog with no arms and legs went past me at one point.

Only two people in the pool used a float. Me, and a 6-year-old having a swimming lesson.

Bloody smug looking lifeguard.