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The house was ablaze. Fire stormed through every doorway, window frame. It burned into the silicon of the numerous TVs and computers, the poisonous silvery metal flooding the bases, stands and suchlike. The main room of the house, the beautiful Monets and Picassos, the extravagant grand staircase leading to the upper realms of this magnificent abode. Vast the house was, and now a burning carnage of twisted steel and roasted mahogany.
The house, which was the grand residence of the wealthy owners of a great multinational company, was now roaring in flame and all the city’s fire fighters were at the scene spraying the many acres of blackened palace with cool jets of water. On the cool quite calm 3rd floor, where the fire had not yet spread its orange-red tentacles a little boy, only 7 and his sister, the usual teenager, 14 were lying in their rooms on their soft silky beds. The boy had a friend over, his name was Jonathan, and his friend was Mark. The girl who’s name was Jessica was with her boyfriend and another couple. Jessica and Peter along with their friends Katie and Jason were sitting in Jessica’s bedroom playing snooker, strip poker, whatever came to their minds.
Jessica and Jonathan’s mum and dad were very busy people. Mr. Swallow was a wealthy bank owner and Mrs. Swallow was an interior designer. They were on their honeymoon. Mrs. Swallow was Mr. Swallow’s 3rd wife and she was a really nice person but the children didn’t like her at all.
The flames were now dying down in the lower part of the mansion. Hundreds of people had gathered around the estate and many policemen, fire fighters, ambulance drivers, doctors and nurses were waiting anxiously for any news of who was in the house if anyone at all.
Jessica had spawned an elaborate plan to make It seem that she was at Katie’s because she was not allowed to be alone with Peter. She told Katie’s parents that they would be at another friends house, Jessica and Katie knew that this 3rd friend’s parents were away and this 3rd friend, Charlie had all the right equipment and tools to fool both sets of parents.
Meanwhile, at the Swallow estate the huge house was still burning but not quite as much as it was earlier on. The flames had not reached the 3rd floor but Jason did sense the heat and made a stupid joke about ‘things getting hot up in here,’ and a song by Nelly. Jonathan meanwhile felt the floor getting hot and told Mark a ridiculous story about the house being built on a volcano. Jessica heard this story and thought to herself
“typical little kid” she was now sitting on her bed because the floor was too hot. Everyone had taken off their shirts because of the extreme heat. Jessica and Katie were now in their bras and all 4 of the were sweating. Jessica headed towards the stairs to lower the central heating … she was not prepared for what she was about to see.
The flames had swallowed up the staircase to the 3rd floor and it finally hit Jessica that the house was burning down very rapidly. Jessica went into her brother’s room to tell Jonathan about what was going on. Mark of course, was standing beside the bed, his eyes focused on her barely covered chest with his tongue out, drooling.
Now things were really getting serious down below. Charlie had turned up at the house and was running towards the entrance, only to be stopped by several fire fighters. The house was now completely unsafe to venture into; it would have to be blasted with freezing water from outside.
The Swallow’s were contacted, they were on holiday in the Bahamas and Mr. Swallow, remembering that his children were meant to be at their friend’s houses was not worried.
The 3rd floor was now on fire, no doubt about it. It was only when the doctors down at the lobby saw 6 people frantically waving out from the windows on the upper floor that people started to panic. Ladders were propped up to see if the children could be rescued. It was of no use, the ladders simply slipped off the charred walls and so the children sat, all 6 of them in Jessica’s bedroom with the door slammed shut and the bright orange flames flickering on the outside of the door. They were all very worried. Mark and Jonathan were crying while Jessica and Katie comforted them. Peter tried to smash open the windows, which has melted shut, but Jason simply sat on the bed in a terrified state of shock.
Peter heroically threw himself against the weakest part of the window and it crashed open spraying debris all over the award winning front lawn. The police car below didn’t fare well when a large slab of mantelpiece crashed onto it, which would have made a rather comic scene if it wasn’t for the seriousness of the situation. Peter fell right through the hole onto the lawn below and fractured his arm but luckily his injuries were not too fatal.
Peter’s heroic acts meant that it was possible to save the children in the house and made for a happy ending, unless things went badly wrong. The door of the bedroom in which all the children were hiding in was feeling the pressure of the intense heat on the other side. In a few minutes the room would become a fiery wreck and speed was essential to save the people in the house. The fire department had been called out and so ladders were propped up and fireman climbed up to save the children, one at a time. Jonathan and Mark, being the youngest were rescued first. Jason ran to the gap in the wall and, tears streaming down his face rushed down to his waiting parents who immediately told him off for being such an idiot.
Jessica and Katie were still upstairs at the top of the ladder when the door exploded. Fire roared into the room burning up the bed and was getting very close to the 2 girls. Jamie Yates, the fire department’s most senior and highly respected man, a true genius and only 28 years old, was climbing up the ladder battling the ferocious heat. His vision was blurred by the usual effect above flames, he couldn’t see ahead of him and still pushed on towards what seemed to be his death. He was trembling with exhaustion by the time he got to Jessica, who by now was terrified beyond her wildest dreams. Katie was stunned; she thought this fire fighter was an angel. Jessica would have laughed because she could see that Katie fancied this guy but she didn’t. Instead, she made sure Katie went down to safety and waited for Jamie to return.
It was very lonely now. The seconds really did seem to tick by a lot slower than usual. Here she was, facing the crowds below waiting for her hero to rescue her. Jamie, while climbing down had lost his footing and fell. He fell a very long way and smashed onto the ground below sustaining non-fatal injuries. Katie landed on him and so she was fine. Now the question was, who would save Jessica? All the other fireman were busy spraying the house so that it didn’t collapse. It was really getting tense now. The people below were looking around for anyone to go up and rescue Jessica. It had been 5 minutes now and Jessica had given up all hope to be saved. She thought she was going to die.
She remembered Peter, lying on a stretcher after he risked his life for them. All the great moments they had together, all the kisses, all the nights sneaking around. She really loved him. Peter loved her too. In a few days he would turn 16. He was hoping that he could make their 1-year anniversary very special… whether she would be there to celebrate it was now not certain.
He was sitting up on the stretcher; no one had noticed he had gotten up. He was a bit dazed when he noticed the unmistakable figure of his beautiful girlfriend sitting with her head in her hands. She was going to die if no one did anything to change that. He looked around. Everyone was panicking. In the room above them the flames had formed a circle around her and were not getting any closer. It seemed to be a sign of some sort. He painfully lifted himself out of the ambulance and suffering unbearable agony walked over to the ladder. Everyone was in their own world, calculating the cost of re-building, the insurance etc.
Now half way up the ladder Peter was struggling to stop himself from falling. Jessica had noticed that Peter was on his way and smiled for the first time that day. By the time he had made it to the top Jessica’s feet were almost on fire. He gracefully picked her up, and carrying her in his arms descended down the ladder.
Back in the house, all was roasted. The entire mansion was blackened and looked like a ghost house. The lower floor support beams cracked under the weight they used to be able to hold. Slowly the house crumbled down to a smoky tired heap.
Peter was taken to hospital and Jessica went with him, now fully clothed. Katie dumped Jason and Jonathan and Mark went to Mark’s house to resume that afternoon’s activities.
“Peter”
“Yes?”
“I love you”
“I love you too Jessica”
Peter and Jessica were admitted into the Intensive Care Unit that night. Jessica had been burnt badly by the flames, which licked, at her soft young body.
Peter didn’t wake up the next morning.
Neither did Jessica.
The house, which was the grand residence of the wealthy owners of a great multinational company, was now roaring in flame and all the city’s fire fighters were at the scene spraying the many acres of blackened palace with cool jets of water. On the cool quite calm 3rd floor, where the fire had not yet spread its orange-red tentacles a little boy, only 7 and his sister, the usual teenager, 14 were lying in their rooms on their soft silky beds. The boy had a friend over, his name was Jonathan, and his friend was Mark. The girl who’s name was Jessica was with her boyfriend and another couple. Jessica and Peter along with their friends Katie and Jason were sitting in Jessica’s bedroom playing snooker, strip poker, whatever came to their minds.
Jessica and Jonathan’s mum and dad were very busy people. Mr. Swallow was a wealthy bank owner and Mrs. Swallow was an interior designer. They were on their honeymoon. Mrs. Swallow was Mr. Swallow’s 3rd wife and she was a really nice person but the children didn’t like her at all.
The flames were now dying down in the lower part of the mansion. Hundreds of people had gathered around the estate and many policemen, fire fighters, ambulance drivers, doctors and nurses were waiting anxiously for any news of who was in the house if anyone at all.
Jessica had spawned an elaborate plan to make It seem that she was at Katie’s because she was not allowed to be alone with Peter. She told Katie’s parents that they would be at another friends house, Jessica and Katie knew that this 3rd friend’s parents were away and this 3rd friend, Charlie had all the right equipment and tools to fool both sets of parents.
Meanwhile, at the Swallow estate the huge house was still burning but not quite as much as it was earlier on. The flames had not reached the 3rd floor but Jason did sense the heat and made a stupid joke about ‘things getting hot up in here,’ and a song by Nelly. Jonathan meanwhile felt the floor getting hot and told Mark a ridiculous story about the house being built on a volcano. Jessica heard this story and thought to herself
“typical little kid” she was now sitting on her bed because the floor was too hot. Everyone had taken off their shirts because of the extreme heat. Jessica and Katie were now in their bras and all 4 of the were sweating. Jessica headed towards the stairs to lower the central heating … she was not prepared for what she was about to see.
The flames had swallowed up the staircase to the 3rd floor and it finally hit Jessica that the house was burning down very rapidly. Jessica went into her brother’s room to tell Jonathan about what was going on. Mark of course, was standing beside the bed, his eyes focused on her barely covered chest with his tongue out, drooling.
Now things were really getting serious down below. Charlie had turned up at the house and was running towards the entrance, only to be stopped by several fire fighters. The house was now completely unsafe to venture into; it would have to be blasted with freezing water from outside.
The Swallow’s were contacted, they were on holiday in the Bahamas and Mr. Swallow, remembering that his children were meant to be at their friend’s houses was not worried.
The 3rd floor was now on fire, no doubt about it. It was only when the doctors down at the lobby saw 6 people frantically waving out from the windows on the upper floor that people started to panic. Ladders were propped up to see if the children could be rescued. It was of no use, the ladders simply slipped off the charred walls and so the children sat, all 6 of them in Jessica’s bedroom with the door slammed shut and the bright orange flames flickering on the outside of the door. They were all very worried. Mark and Jonathan were crying while Jessica and Katie comforted them. Peter tried to smash open the windows, which has melted shut, but Jason simply sat on the bed in a terrified state of shock.
Peter heroically threw himself against the weakest part of the window and it crashed open spraying debris all over the award winning front lawn. The police car below didn’t fare well when a large slab of mantelpiece crashed onto it, which would have made a rather comic scene if it wasn’t for the seriousness of the situation. Peter fell right through the hole onto the lawn below and fractured his arm but luckily his injuries were not too fatal.
Peter’s heroic acts meant that it was possible to save the children in the house and made for a happy ending, unless things went badly wrong. The door of the bedroom in which all the children were hiding in was feeling the pressure of the intense heat on the other side. In a few minutes the room would become a fiery wreck and speed was essential to save the people in the house. The fire department had been called out and so ladders were propped up and fireman climbed up to save the children, one at a time. Jonathan and Mark, being the youngest were rescued first. Jason ran to the gap in the wall and, tears streaming down his face rushed down to his waiting parents who immediately told him off for being such an idiot.
Jessica and Katie were still upstairs at the top of the ladder when the door exploded. Fire roared into the room burning up the bed and was getting very close to the 2 girls. Jamie Yates, the fire department’s most senior and highly respected man, a true genius and only 28 years old, was climbing up the ladder battling the ferocious heat. His vision was blurred by the usual effect above flames, he couldn’t see ahead of him and still pushed on towards what seemed to be his death. He was trembling with exhaustion by the time he got to Jessica, who by now was terrified beyond her wildest dreams. Katie was stunned; she thought this fire fighter was an angel. Jessica would have laughed because she could see that Katie fancied this guy but she didn’t. Instead, she made sure Katie went down to safety and waited for Jamie to return.
It was very lonely now. The seconds really did seem to tick by a lot slower than usual. Here she was, facing the crowds below waiting for her hero to rescue her. Jamie, while climbing down had lost his footing and fell. He fell a very long way and smashed onto the ground below sustaining non-fatal injuries. Katie landed on him and so she was fine. Now the question was, who would save Jessica? All the other fireman were busy spraying the house so that it didn’t collapse. It was really getting tense now. The people below were looking around for anyone to go up and rescue Jessica. It had been 5 minutes now and Jessica had given up all hope to be saved. She thought she was going to die.
She remembered Peter, lying on a stretcher after he risked his life for them. All the great moments they had together, all the kisses, all the nights sneaking around. She really loved him. Peter loved her too. In a few days he would turn 16. He was hoping that he could make their 1-year anniversary very special… whether she would be there to celebrate it was now not certain.
He was sitting up on the stretcher; no one had noticed he had gotten up. He was a bit dazed when he noticed the unmistakable figure of his beautiful girlfriend sitting with her head in her hands. She was going to die if no one did anything to change that. He looked around. Everyone was panicking. In the room above them the flames had formed a circle around her and were not getting any closer. It seemed to be a sign of some sort. He painfully lifted himself out of the ambulance and suffering unbearable agony walked over to the ladder. Everyone was in their own world, calculating the cost of re-building, the insurance etc.
Now half way up the ladder Peter was struggling to stop himself from falling. Jessica had noticed that Peter was on his way and smiled for the first time that day. By the time he had made it to the top Jessica’s feet were almost on fire. He gracefully picked her up, and carrying her in his arms descended down the ladder.
Back in the house, all was roasted. The entire mansion was blackened and looked like a ghost house. The lower floor support beams cracked under the weight they used to be able to hold. Slowly the house crumbled down to a smoky tired heap.
Peter was taken to hospital and Jessica went with him, now fully clothed. Katie dumped Jason and Jonathan and Mark went to Mark’s house to resume that afternoon’s activities.
“Peter”
“Yes?”
“I love you”
“I love you too Jessica”
Peter and Jessica were admitted into the Intensive Care Unit that night. Jessica had been burnt badly by the flames, which licked, at her soft young body.
Peter didn’t wake up the next morning.
Neither did Jessica.
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FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> Indeed.
> Although mine all.
Yes but me = potential
> Indeed.
> Although mine all.
Yes but me = potential
It may just be me - but I don't find rich kiddies burning in a mansion particulary emotive.
Give me one man's depression at the sorry grey life he's produced - perhaps to rise above it, if only for a second - and you've got my attention.
Give me one man's depression at the sorry grey life he's produced - perhaps to rise above it, if only for a second - and you've got my attention.
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> I generally dislike stories where you're forced into feeling sad.
> And this wasn't an exception - I didn't even really feel forced.
>
> There was little description (that that there was, was good, mind)
> so, for me, little emotion. Plus too many people, which got too
> confusing.
>
> Plus I doubt they'd be so stupid as to not notice the house was on
> fire - and just strip off instead.
>
> Overall - meh.
true true... but I liked it! I think cut some slack - though your points should be used productively!
More description but I liked the confusion of plot and people I think it gave me more to think about - more realistic than jack and gill..
> I generally dislike stories where you're forced into feeling sad.
> And this wasn't an exception - I didn't even really feel forced.
>
> There was little description (that that there was, was good, mind)
> so, for me, little emotion. Plus too many people, which got too
> confusing.
>
> Plus I doubt they'd be so stupid as to not notice the house was on
> fire - and just strip off instead.
>
> Overall - meh.
true true... but I liked it! I think cut some slack - though your points should be used productively!
More description but I liked the confusion of plot and people I think it gave me more to think about - more realistic than jack and gill..
Indeed.
Although mine > all.
Although mine > all.
My stuff is better then?
I generally dislike stories where you're forced into feeling sad.
And this wasn't an exception - I didn't even really feel forced.
There was little description (that that there was, was good, mind) so, for me, little emotion. Plus too many people, which got too confusing.
Plus I doubt they'd be so stupid as to not notice the house was on fire - and just strip off instead.
Overall - meh.
And this wasn't an exception - I didn't even really feel forced.
There was little description (that that there was, was good, mind) so, for me, little emotion. Plus too many people, which got too confusing.
Plus I doubt they'd be so stupid as to not notice the house was on fire - and just strip off instead.
Overall - meh.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I was actually thinking how sweet and cute and lovely a story on here was for once when they both ....died
NOOOOOOO!
I am sad now, wanna cry. I was picturing me and my boyfriend naturally. But detaching away the fact that you have traumatised me and focusing on your story as a piece of work... bloody well done.
That was fantastic, if you went over and over clearing little grammital mis haps that would seriously be extroadinary. You have a talent persue it my friend. The story was very well explained, it was graphic well thought through and understandable - I was enticed into reading the LONG passage further which doesnt always happen..
more alec. great stuff
*goes and cries*
I was actually thinking how sweet and cute and lovely a story on here was for once when they both ....died
NOOOOOOO!
I am sad now, wanna cry. I was picturing me and my boyfriend naturally. But detaching away the fact that you have traumatised me and focusing on your story as a piece of work... bloody well done.
That was fantastic, if you went over and over clearing little grammital mis haps that would seriously be extroadinary. You have a talent persue it my friend. The story was very well explained, it was graphic well thought through and understandable - I was enticed into reading the LONG passage further which doesnt always happen..
more alec. great stuff
*goes and cries*
Thanks ST, thanks everyone!
Quite fantastic and dramatical, my favourite line has to be:
where the fire had not yet spread its orange-red tentacles
Nice Description.
where the fire had not yet spread its orange-red tentacles
Nice Description.
....funny ^o(
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