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"Pro-lifers win battle over aborted faeces"

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Fri 19/03/04 at 17:41
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
In a skidmark ruling las**t night, the pro-life group Floater (Federation largely of aghas**t temperamental excreta rebels) were given the right to prohibit any man from doing his do's (agreed legal definition of number twos to be adopted throughout Europe) by corking his bottom, with a cork! Or a bung hole device, such as a bung.

A Floater spokeydokey said of the ruling "this is a victory for common sense". Then when realising that the camera was s**till on her, she followed through saying "men have always disgus**ted me but their disregard for the new life that they create, each and every time a baby s**tool child is birthed, has sickened me to the core. For centuries men have literally been dumping their kids down the pan, abumdoned to wander the sewer sys**tems as society's pariahs or perhaps forced into getting part time jobs in burger joints as food handlers".

This prohibition of men's passage rites is not expected to be an isolated splash in the pan, with 10000 Curry houses facing immediate closure. The owner of Samil Khan's Balti n Bicardi, who wishes to remain anonymous, said "this is a disas**ter for all in the indus**try. Only las**t night we has a party of rugby players in, and one of them placed a beer bottle up his rectum, for a laugh. He then proceeded to ruminate a chicken Vindaloo, 15 lagers, 2 keema nan, 5 onion bahjee, a beef madras, some chips, his mate's chips, rice, some puke and our speciality 'liquorice and rhubarb Phall'.

"About ten minutes after finishing the complementary hot towel washed down with a Cobra and some lager, he abruptly s**tood up with a panicked looked on his face. His mates however pinned him to the table and we all watched in horror as his s**tomach ruptured, with faecal matter flying everywhere as the beer bottle forced its way out of his body in a weird kind of implosion scenario*".

"If a rugby player can't spend a normal night out on the beers with an implement up his ass then what hope do mortal men have?

However Samil need not worry, in the time taken to write this ring piece, the source of Floater's ire has been probed and it was all down to a misunders**tanding. Apparently one of the orches**traters of the movement had heard her husband telling a mate that he was "jus**t nipping to the loo to pinch out a baby of my own".

*The whereabouts of the snake is currently unknown but it is very likely to be extremely agitated and covered in sh*t. Therefore anyone with half a brain is advising that if you spot it, run.
Fri 19/03/04 at 19:27
Regular
"TheShiznit.co.uk"
Posts: 6,592
Class.
Fri 19/03/04 at 19:10
Regular
Posts: 18,775
Ahahahaha "abumdoned" ahhahaha
Fri 19/03/04 at 18:33
Regular
Posts: 20,776
ha ha ha :D

you are one sick puppy my friend!

excellent stuff. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter ...
Fri 19/03/04 at 18:24
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
Genius.

Next I'd like to see a piece on the rising price of 'dogs eggs', or perhaps a report on the disturbances caused to traffic when a group of workmen decided to 'lay a cable' in the road.
Fri 19/03/04 at 17:41
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
In a skidmark ruling las**t night, the pro-life group Floater (Federation largely of aghas**t temperamental excreta rebels) were given the right to prohibit any man from doing his do's (agreed legal definition of number twos to be adopted throughout Europe) by corking his bottom, with a cork! Or a bung hole device, such as a bung.

A Floater spokeydokey said of the ruling "this is a victory for common sense". Then when realising that the camera was s**till on her, she followed through saying "men have always disgus**ted me but their disregard for the new life that they create, each and every time a baby s**tool child is birthed, has sickened me to the core. For centuries men have literally been dumping their kids down the pan, abumdoned to wander the sewer sys**tems as society's pariahs or perhaps forced into getting part time jobs in burger joints as food handlers".

This prohibition of men's passage rites is not expected to be an isolated splash in the pan, with 10000 Curry houses facing immediate closure. The owner of Samil Khan's Balti n Bicardi, who wishes to remain anonymous, said "this is a disas**ter for all in the indus**try. Only las**t night we has a party of rugby players in, and one of them placed a beer bottle up his rectum, for a laugh. He then proceeded to ruminate a chicken Vindaloo, 15 lagers, 2 keema nan, 5 onion bahjee, a beef madras, some chips, his mate's chips, rice, some puke and our speciality 'liquorice and rhubarb Phall'.

"About ten minutes after finishing the complementary hot towel washed down with a Cobra and some lager, he abruptly s**tood up with a panicked looked on his face. His mates however pinned him to the table and we all watched in horror as his s**tomach ruptured, with faecal matter flying everywhere as the beer bottle forced its way out of his body in a weird kind of implosion scenario*".

"If a rugby player can't spend a normal night out on the beers with an implement up his ass then what hope do mortal men have?

However Samil need not worry, in the time taken to write this ring piece, the source of Floater's ire has been probed and it was all down to a misunders**tanding. Apparently one of the orches**traters of the movement had heard her husband telling a mate that he was "jus**t nipping to the loo to pinch out a baby of my own".

*The whereabouts of the snake is currently unknown but it is very likely to be extremely agitated and covered in sh*t. Therefore anyone with half a brain is advising that if you spot it, run.

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