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So I was walking to my girlfriend's house last night. It was about 8:30pm, and I don't normally see anyone on my walk there. But as I approached the bench at the bottom of my road, I see a group of chavs sitting about, being chavvie. Thanks to the paranoia of modern day society, it made me feel a bit edgy that I was going to have to walk through this group of 15-16 year olds, but I told myself that no-one was going to stop me simply walking down the street. But when I got a bit closer, I realised that one of them was standing on the kerb, peeing into the road! What a skank! But I carried on walking towards them, not letting even the chance of smelling fresh wee-wee stop me, and this kid gets really embarrassed that he's been caught out. Not only that, but his mates are laughing at him too. This is excellent, I've put-down a chav without even saying anything!
But it gets better.
I walk past the group and they're trying to stiffle their laughs and maintain their "chav pride". It's like "gay pride", but they wear more caps and aren't old enough to grow handlebar moustaches. I get up the road a bit, and I can hear them going "You got seen by some geezer", and "I can't believe some stranger just came round the corner". Then I get a bit further and the kid eventually shouts out "Hey mate, did you see anything?". What happens next is a work of unbridled genius: "Nah, it was too small". A simple joke for simple people. The reaction was wicked, his mates started clapping, cheering and laughing at him, saying "You got cained by some stranger!". The kid was miffed, his mates were laughing at him, and I had possibly the easiest put-down of a chav ever.
The end. Yay me!
But it gets better.
I walk past the group and they're trying to stiffle their laughs and maintain their "chav pride". It's like "gay pride", but they wear more caps and aren't old enough to grow handlebar moustaches. I get up the road a bit, and I can hear them going "You got seen by some geezer", and "I can't believe some stranger just came round the corner". Then I get a bit further and the kid eventually shouts out "Hey mate, did you see anything?". What happens next is a work of unbridled genius: "Nah, it was too small". A simple joke for simple people. The reaction was wicked, his mates started clapping, cheering and laughing at him, saying "You got cained by some stranger!". The kid was miffed, his mates were laughing at him, and I had possibly the easiest put-down of a chav ever.
The end. Yay me!
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I'm off to claim monkey man in the idol thread :^)
SHEEPY wrote:
> Yes
how can one word contain so much sarcasm? look, it's literally bursting with it.
> Yes
how can one word contain so much sarcasm? look, it's literally bursting with it.
Yes
SHEEPY wrote:
> If I tried that I'd get malkieeed
is that haggis bashing speak for 'aroused' ? ;D
> If I tried that I'd get malkieeed
is that haggis bashing speak for 'aroused' ? ;D
If I tried that I'd get malkieeed
Heh, a quick wit is a mighty weapon.
why was the great monkey_man warned, anyway?
Genius.
That's your version of events monkey_dude, but that's not how the 'chavvies' tell it -
they were 'startled' by a wild eyed unhinged looking peeping tom, who followed one of the poor lads into the bushes as he went to answer the call of nature. several of his friends tried to tackle the man, but were thrown clear as the dangerous looking drooling individual insisted on trying to get a good look, and was mumbling something about "my precious".
they were 'startled' by a wild eyed unhinged looking peeping tom, who followed one of the poor lads into the bushes as he went to answer the call of nature. several of his friends tried to tackle the man, but were thrown clear as the dangerous looking drooling individual insisted on trying to get a good look, and was mumbling something about "my precious".
Ho ho, excellent.
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