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"I had dinner with Gary Kasparov last night...."

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Fri 13/02/04 at 10:14
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
...he took half an hour to pass the salt.

A-boom-cha!
Fri 13/02/04 at 14:44
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
Timmargh wrote:
> Nice one, Saggy.

Ditto. V amusing.

I'm very disappointed by the lack of appreciation for my joke though. I'll never post one again. Until I hear a really funny one.
Fri 13/02/04 at 14:29
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
Timmargh wrote:
> Nice one, Saggy.

Heh, that's almost a descriptive sentence, i.e. "it was nice, and saggy"! Yay me for spotting it.
Fri 13/02/04 at 14:25
Regular
"Twenty quid."
Posts: 11,452
Nice one, Saggy.
Fri 13/02/04 at 12:36
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
Did you bash his Bishop?
Fri 13/02/04 at 12:36
Regular
Posts: 14,437
:D

Good one!
Fri 13/02/04 at 12:31
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
Here's one I posted ages ago

**************

Kasparov vs Deep Throat

Chess is being revamped for the masses, of inbred people who want a more action packed sport. To promote the radical changes to the game (including the introduction of teams, kits, substitutions and topless female managers, whose responsibility will be to bring players off at half time; the uberchess man) Kasparov is to play the android chess player, Deep Throat, in the last ever one on one match up.

The Lithuanian inventor of Deep Throat, Ms Lovelace, claims that the android is invincible and in her broken English explains “DT is good at Pawn, and will bash Kaparov’s Bishop into submission with deft flicks of mechanical wrist. DT never gives in and will come from behind when required. My creation is happy to take a Queen from behind and will show you how King great he play.”

When questioned about Kasparov’s ability to match Deep Throat on the board she snorted “DT will bash him off at every opportunity, Kasparov will not match him and will have to learn to swallow his pride”.

Ms Lovelace is forthright about the animosity between her and Kasparov, which emanates from an earlier encounter between the two at a recent chess party hosted by Michael Jackson (who sang “it does matter if your black or white” amongst his other classics). Lovelace claims that Kapsparov may be intelligent and well respected but his behaviour at the party was indecent. He deeply offended her in conversations as he repeatedly used innuendo in a vain attempt at humour.

Kasparov was understandably tight-lipped at the pre-match weigh in; though he did exchange several dirty looks with Deep Throat and emitted a cry of disbelief when the android was two tonnes over the limit. However the tin man simply loosened his nuts and shot his bolt, into an adjacent broom cupboard in order to make the weight. One plucky reporter did get Kasparov to comment on his opponent and he simply said, “Deep Throat sucks”.

The game will be shown on Channel 5 and Keith Chegwin will present the event live from Spearmint Rhino.
Fri 13/02/04 at 12:17
Posts: 11,652
Fiery Salamander wrote:
> ÂLІÂÎR wrote:
> He is a chess master you silly sod.
>
> Did he get his pawn out?

Lol, see thats a joke.

"I know a chess player"
"really"
"yer, although he just sat there with his pawn out"

Heh.
Fri 13/02/04 at 11:59
"For the horde!!!!"
Posts: 3,656
ÂLІÂÎR wrote:
> He is a chess master you silly sod.

Did he get his pawn out?
Fri 13/02/04 at 11:55
Regular
"That's right!"
Posts: 10,645
Oh, a joke. I like jokes.

*silence*
Fri 13/02/04 at 11:28
Posts: 11,652
Ah, not really very funny.
Made me smile though.

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