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Sorry, I just got this in my e-mail and had to share it...
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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", ushers the man off and shuts the door.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the same little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then then slams the door in his face.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says...
(Get your Chinese accent ready...)
"So - you not Nissan Main Dealer?"
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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", ushers the man off and shuts the door.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the same little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then then slams the door in his face.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says...
(Get your Chinese accent ready...)
"So - you not Nissan Main Dealer?"
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Version I heard was:
Q. How do you get 200 Pikachu's on a bus?
A. Poke 'em on
Slight difference, same corny joke!
Q. How do you get 200 Pikachu's on a bus?
A. Poke 'em on
Slight difference, same corny joke!
Poke 'im on.
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
How do you get a Pikachu on to a Bus?!
Ha ha ha....OUCH...I bet your Nan isn't happy with you!
What's blue and f***s old people?
Hypothermia
Hypothermia
OK - this is the cleanist and least offensive joke I could find!
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a
Seattle Man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.
They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding
gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the Miami hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.
He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the address.
His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the
day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.
Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received
confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a
Seattle Man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.
They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding
gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the Miami hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.
He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the address.
His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the
day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.
Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received
confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.
Well if we're telling jokes....
Tim and Allen are in a pub, a few drinks and are rather drunk.
Suddenly Tim throws up all over himself.
"Oh, No! What am I to do? The wife will kill me" He says with a slur.
"Listen" says Allen "Put a £20 shirt in your pocket, when you get home, tell the wife that someone threw up on you, and gave you the money for dry cleaning.."
"Exshellent mate....another pint?" Says Tim.
Several hours and a dozen pints later Tim walks in his front door.
"Don't thik you can come in here stinking of alcohol and covered in vomit!" Yells his wife.
"Itsh not like you think darlin" Says Tim, trying to sound as sober as possible. "A bloke threw up on be in the pub. Gave me £20 for dry cleaning the shirt"
His wife reaches into his pocket...."But there's £40 here?" she says.
"Oh yeah" Said Tim "I forgot to mention that he crapped in my pants too..."
Tim and Allen are in a pub, a few drinks and are rather drunk.
Suddenly Tim throws up all over himself.
"Oh, No! What am I to do? The wife will kill me" He says with a slur.
"Listen" says Allen "Put a £20 shirt in your pocket, when you get home, tell the wife that someone threw up on you, and gave you the money for dry cleaning.."
"Exshellent mate....another pint?" Says Tim.
Several hours and a dozen pints later Tim walks in his front door.
"Don't thik you can come in here stinking of alcohol and covered in vomit!" Yells his wife.
"Itsh not like you think darlin" Says Tim, trying to sound as sober as possible. "A bloke threw up on be in the pub. Gave me £20 for dry cleaning the shirt"
His wife reaches into his pocket...."But there's £40 here?" she says.
"Oh yeah" Said Tim "I forgot to mention that he crapped in my pants too..."
Meka... you're weird! :-)
Great joke.
It's funny how sometimes the eyes trick you though, isn't it. I read this and istead of reading "Chinese man" I read "duck". Where this came from I do not know....
It's funny how sometimes the eyes trick you though, isn't it. I read this and istead of reading "Chinese man" I read "duck". Where this came from I do not know....
Brilliant!!
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