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"Joke - nothing to do with FoG"

Sorry, I just got this in my e-mail and had to share it...

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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", ushers the man off and shuts the door.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the same little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then then slams the door in his face.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says...


(Get your Chinese accent ready...)


"So - you not Nissan Main Dealer?"

News Flash - News Flash - Due to problems obtaining a big enough bar b que and family illness the bar b que has been delayed, i am looking at monday 31th August (bank Holiday) at the moment. can anyone supply details of anyone who has a large style bar b que that might be available for a loan or anyone who is willing to help get things set up cheers Jamo

Here's another true story, me and a mate got pretty tanked up in a pub and needed to get some drink to bring home later, so we went into the offlicence to get some drink, this is how the conversation went:

FM's mate: Got any Natch?
Offlicensee: Nope, you'll have to go next door for that.
FM's mate: Where's that then?
*Thud on floor as FM falls down laughing*

A man is driving along, when he runs over a Hare.

He gets out, and looks over the crushed bunny. "Oh no!" he cries.

Then, a truck pulls up on the side of road. A man gets out, looks at the Hare, goes back to his truck and gets some sort of spray.

Then he sprays it all over the Hare. The Hare then wakes up, runs 100 yards, and waves. Runs another 100 yards, and waves. The Hare carries this on until he is out of sight.

The man looks amazed and asks the guy from the truck, "How'd you do that??"

And the man replies, "It's hair spray with permanent wave."

It's funny because it's true...

Grix, FM and Sniper are going on a trek in the desert and they are in the market buying supplies.

FM buys a 10 gallon drum for water.
"Very sensible," says Grix as he buys a parasol.

Sniper comes up to them and says: "Hey, I got a great deal on this car door!!"

""Car door?"" ask the other to bewildered explorers.

"Yeah!" replies Sniper, "If it gets too hot as we're going along I can just wind the window down and stick my head out the window!"

This is a conversation between 2 guys (probably in a pub, which is typical for jokes).

'I think I've really done it this time, my wife's never gonna forgive me'

'Why what have you done?'

'Well she's always moaning that I only play golf with my friends so we decided to go together. Anyway I have my first shot and it goes a nice way up the fairway. Then she has a go and slices it off to the right and into a field of cows. We spent ages looking for that ball and then I noticed something white stuck in the back end of one of the cows. I went over to the cow, lifted it's tail up and shouted to the wife "Hey this one looks like yours!"'.

heh, since when did I care?

There was another part of that joke that won't be told due to certain new circumstances in the forum. :0)

Later that day another woman (blonde) was teeing off and hit her ball into the woods, when she came across the same frog and again released him.

The frog was a little worn out by all his spell casting earlier on, so this time could only grant the one wish with no conditions attached.

The blonde said, "Make me 20 times more intelligent."
So the frog turned her into a redhead.

Joke courtesy of Grix :-)

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit
her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your
wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in
the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the
richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what
is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish,
and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever witches.
Don't mess with them.