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Hookers are wonderful creatures, suitable to many occasions including birthdays, office christmas parties, and home alone pleasure. Remember you have to be over 14 to get a hooker, or have a fake ID and/or credit card, but then the fun can really start.
It is best to drive around the "lower class" areas of your town and stopping at corners where there are a few scantily clad women. These, my friend, are hookers. Now once you've stopped the car, you have to wind down the windscreen and shout at a big man in a fur coat. The conversation should go as follows:
Pimp: "Yo wot can I do for you homie?"
You: "I'm looking for a good time homie"
Pimp: "You well my girl Anita, she give you a good time, know wot im sayin?"
You: "Yes I do my fine gentleman friend, now how much for the hour?"
Pimp: "12 bucks"
You: "We're not in LA anymore"
Pimp: "8 pounds, guv'nor"
You: "ok, get in the back, biatch!"
After this friendly engagement, the hooker will often try to stab you and take your car, but this can be resolved with handcuffs. You see, the hooker is now your legal property for the next 60 minutes and you can do with her as you wish for this time.
I advise taking her back to your house and asking her to remove her jacket. She isn't like a normal woman, she is a cheap piece of meat so don't offer her a drink or anything to eat, get her straight to work. Now for maximum efficiency you should have prepared for the hookers visit and should have a pile of clothes for her to begin ironing and the washing up resting beside the sink. Set her to work but don't bother investing in rubber gloves to protect her hands, she'll only infect them with her filthy germs.
Once the hooker has done the filthy work, you should give her busfare (note: NOT money for a cab) and send her back to her pimp. You're house should be gleaming and the hooker stinking of sweat and bleach. Be warned though, some hookers will try and have sex with you once inside your apartment or house, but don't be fooled by their floozy shenanigans, they are just trying to get out of the housework chores you have set for them.
If you are getting a hooker for a party then I would advise booking in advance, there is often a shortage of hookers when you need them most. If you are getting a hooker for your office party make sure she is dressed appropriately, a leather mini-skirt and fishnet stockings should do the job. Now in the workplace the hooker can do many things such as stand-up comedy and sheening the monitors of computers. If you're feeling a bit outrageous she can sharpen pencils and change ink cartridges. Hookers often overcharge for office parties so it could be better to get a real comedian and a cleaner and not a cheap street skank.
Many people hire hookers for their son's birthday parties, my friend Joe got a hooker for his son's 9th birthday and she was very good. She did magic tricks and juggled for the boys and all was going well until she fired ping pong balls out of her lady hole. The stupid floozy skank! Needless to say Joe beat her to death with a shovel and buried her in the yard along with those evil hispanic nannies they hired.
So here ends the guide to getting a hooker, hopefully your hooker will provide a fun and entertaining time for all - however if things turn ugly remember it's ok to beat them because they're not real people and have no real feelings. Have a nice evening.
It is best to drive around the "lower class" areas of your town and stopping at corners where there are a few scantily clad women. These, my friend, are hookers. Now once you've stopped the car, you have to wind down the windscreen and shout at a big man in a fur coat. The conversation should go as follows:
Pimp: "Yo wot can I do for you homie?"
You: "I'm looking for a good time homie"
Pimp: "You well my girl Anita, she give you a good time, know wot im sayin?"
You: "Yes I do my fine gentleman friend, now how much for the hour?"
Pimp: "12 bucks"
You: "We're not in LA anymore"
Pimp: "8 pounds, guv'nor"
You: "ok, get in the back, biatch!"
After this friendly engagement, the hooker will often try to stab you and take your car, but this can be resolved with handcuffs. You see, the hooker is now your legal property for the next 60 minutes and you can do with her as you wish for this time.
I advise taking her back to your house and asking her to remove her jacket. She isn't like a normal woman, she is a cheap piece of meat so don't offer her a drink or anything to eat, get her straight to work. Now for maximum efficiency you should have prepared for the hookers visit and should have a pile of clothes for her to begin ironing and the washing up resting beside the sink. Set her to work but don't bother investing in rubber gloves to protect her hands, she'll only infect them with her filthy germs.
Once the hooker has done the filthy work, you should give her busfare (note: NOT money for a cab) and send her back to her pimp. You're house should be gleaming and the hooker stinking of sweat and bleach. Be warned though, some hookers will try and have sex with you once inside your apartment or house, but don't be fooled by their floozy shenanigans, they are just trying to get out of the housework chores you have set for them.
If you are getting a hooker for a party then I would advise booking in advance, there is often a shortage of hookers when you need them most. If you are getting a hooker for your office party make sure she is dressed appropriately, a leather mini-skirt and fishnet stockings should do the job. Now in the workplace the hooker can do many things such as stand-up comedy and sheening the monitors of computers. If you're feeling a bit outrageous she can sharpen pencils and change ink cartridges. Hookers often overcharge for office parties so it could be better to get a real comedian and a cleaner and not a cheap street skank.
Many people hire hookers for their son's birthday parties, my friend Joe got a hooker for his son's 9th birthday and she was very good. She did magic tricks and juggled for the boys and all was going well until she fired ping pong balls out of her lady hole. The stupid floozy skank! Needless to say Joe beat her to death with a shovel and buried her in the yard along with those evil hispanic nannies they hired.
So here ends the guide to getting a hooker, hopefully your hooker will provide a fun and entertaining time for all - however if things turn ugly remember it's ok to beat them because they're not real people and have no real feelings. Have a nice evening.
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Forward them.
What!?
What!?
English_Bloke wrote:
> I don't drink. Drinking is bad.
Liar!! He has the best office parties ever, (Ive seen the (leaked) emailed photocopies of his botty)
> I don't drink. Drinking is bad.
Liar!! He has the best office parties ever, (Ive seen the (leaked) emailed photocopies of his botty)
tigamilla wrote:
> "Tigs" most call me :-(
Hmmm, I'll consider that...
> "Tigs" most call me :-(
Hmmm, I'll consider that...
English_Bloke wrote:
> I don't drink. Drinking is bad.
You dont like drink AT ALL? Your body is devoid of all fluid and you're dry and crunch like Michael jackson's face?!
> I don't drink. Drinking is bad.
You dont like drink AT ALL? Your body is devoid of all fluid and you're dry and crunch like Michael jackson's face?!
"Tigs" most call me :-(
Tigamilla, can I call you Tigger?
I don't drink. Drinking is bad.
Ah its good t know theres another drinker on the forums...!!
I'm thinking of doing another "guide to" but I'm not dead sure of a subject. My "putting on socks" guide went well, this was a little rushed and I was too drunk to think it through so I want to do something else a bit better. No ideas though, I knew I shouldnt have drank that bleach.
Hey Paradox that was good!!
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