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"I'm bored - so here's a joke part 2"

Every Saturday morning he goes fishing. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, takes the dog and off he goes...all day long. One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, makes his picnic, grabs the dog and climbs into the car.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down like a monsoon. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing at 40mph. He returns the car to the garage, goes into the house and flicks on the Ceefax weather forecast. He finds it's going to be bad all day long, so he returns the dog to its basket, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back and whispers: "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies: "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"

RoJ wrote:
> Pliskin wrote:
> What is worse than Michael Jackson putting your kids to bed?
>
> Ian Huntley bathing them before.
>
>
> Now that is sick and not funny at all

Too soon man, too soon...

An Englishman, he writes, was applying to emigrate to Australia. Australian immigration asked him if he had a criminal record.

"Oh," replied the man, 'I didn't realise it was still a requirement."

Pliskin wrote:
> What is worse than Michael Jackson putting your kids to bed?
>
> Ian Huntley bathing them before.


Now that is sick and not funny at all

Borat I didn't understand your one.

Here is a few jokes.

Michael Jackson is on an Aeroplane on the way to Neverland with 3 kids, the plane is about to crash and the Pilot says to Michael " The Plane is about to crash and there is only 2 parachutes, f**k the kids, yeah?"
Micheal Jackson syas" Have we got time?"

What is brown, warm and inside kids pants?











Michael Jackson's hand.

What is the difference between a hedgehog and a cop car?


One has pr*cks on the outside, and one has pr*cks on the inside.

What is worse than Michael Jackson putting your kids to bed?







Ian Huntley bathing them before.

Why do men drive like they shag?

Because they always pull out before checking to see if anyone else is coming.

Mystique wrote:
> Whats the difference between giving a girl head and a speed camera?
>
> You can see the c**t behind the bush when giving a girl head.

Lol

Another fishing joke

A father son go fishing one afternoon and the son see's his dad open up a can of beer so the son asks dad can I have one and the dad replies
"Son can you d! and the son replies
"No dad"
Later the son see's his dad blowing on a cigar and the son asks if he can have a try, ad the father replies
"Son remember what I told you a few minutes ago, no son you can't"
And after a minute or so the son opens up a packet of biscuits, and the father asks if he could have one and the son replies
"Dad remember what you told me dad can your d! Father:" Why yes son it can"
Son: "well then go f--- yourself the's cookies are mine"

mystique I had no idea you were so filthy ....

***************

another :

Paddy and Murphy sitting atop a high tower on scaffolding, eating their lunch.

"I hate these frikkin baloney sandwiches"
says Paddy
"If I get them tomorra, I'm throwing mesell' off this tower"

"Same 'ere"
says murphy
"These damn cheese sandwiches are the last straw, if I get them tomorrow, that's it!"

the next day comes and both guys get the same sandwiches, at which time they both throw themselves off the tower and die.

*at the funeral*
Paddys Wife : "I just can't understand why he didn't tell me he felt so strongly about it. All he had to do was ask and I'd have made him different sandwiches"
Murphys Wife : "I can't understand it either - Murphy made his own sandwiches"

*************

predictable but made me smile.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.


Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

now thats clever.

In the Garden of Eden God called Adam to him and said, "Now I shall teach you how to kiss."
"Lord, what is kiss?" asked Adam.

"I will show you," said God and taught him all he needed to know about kissing. Whereupon Adam went to Eve and kissed her.

Then God called Adam back and said, "Now I shall teach you about intimacy."

"Lord, what is Intimacy?" asked Adam.

"I will show you," said God and taught him all he needed to know about intimacy. Adam then went to Eve, but came back almost immediately...

"Lord," asked Adam, "what is headache?"