The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Foreword: I've been trying to capture the perspective of someone who is insane or demeted and this is what I came up with. Feedback, positive or negative, welcomed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I wait in the cold darkness beside her house, gently throwing small stones at her bedroom window to get her attention. I feel warm deep inside despite being hopelessly nervous, tonight is the night I will declare my love to her and ask her to come away with me. Forever. I shiver in the cold night air and I see my misty breath in front of me.
The yellow light fills the window above and the silhouette of a woman appears. I hold my breath and wait for her sweet angelic voice to summon me. “What do you want?” she queries sleepily. “I’ve come for you my princess” I replied, the line I had rehearsed so many times in my head. “Who..” She began, “Oh, its you.” She paused. “What do you want?”
I am astounded, either she was joking with me or my true love is shunning my romantic gesture. “What do you mean?” I questioned in an alarmed voice. “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in the country dear!” She looked back at me briefly and snapped, “Look I don’t know why you’re following me but I’m sick of it. I’m going to call the police.”
I stand here in the icy-cold air and feeling neglect, woe and fear all at once. Does my love not know my true feelings for her? I now knew I had to prove my love to her with an act of selflessness. She kept a key under her doormat, I know because I had watched her so often. I take the liberty of letting myself in and closing the door behind me.
It’s warm inside her hallway and the entire downstairs of the house is unlit and eerily quiet. I begin up the stairs and the soft rubber soles of my boots leaves large muddy imprints on the stairs. I will clean the mess later, when I am forgiven. I continue up the stairs and pad across the landing to the door from which a dim yellow light escapes from the crack underneath it. It was the promised land; her bedroom.
I take a deep breath outside her door before gripping the cold metal handle and gently pushing the door open. The hinges squeak as the door opens and I peer in to see her terrified face glaring back at me. “What the hell do you want from me?” she shouted, a spark of terror danced about in her pretty eyes as she cowered in the corner, clutching a sturdy looking paperweight.
I advance towards her feeling a mix of worry and tenderness. “It’s ok my princess” I say reassuringly, “Everything is going to be just fine.” I hear the sound of sirens growing louder in the background and I know I have very little time left. “Come with me, trust me” I exclaim to her, but she doesn’t seem to want to know. “Leave me alone” she began weeping. The sirens were deafening now and the room flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
“If that’s how it must be princess, then we will be together in death.” I remove the large silver revolver from my jacket pocket, plan B as I playfully called it, and aimed it shakily at her head. I close my eyes, I can’t bear the look in my princess’s eyes, I squeeze the trigger and a loud pop echoes throughout the room, temporarily deafening me. With my eyes still closed I draw the gun to my head and press the hot barrel to my forehead, the hot metal burns my skin but that doesn’t matter. I grasp the trigger with my index finger and I ignore the sound of officers in boots running up the stairs as I pull the trigger, with nothing but the vision of my princess in my mind.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I wait in the cold darkness beside her house, gently throwing small stones at her bedroom window to get her attention. I feel warm deep inside despite being hopelessly nervous, tonight is the night I will declare my love to her and ask her to come away with me. Forever. I shiver in the cold night air and I see my misty breath in front of me.
The yellow light fills the window above and the silhouette of a woman appears. I hold my breath and wait for her sweet angelic voice to summon me. “What do you want?” she queries sleepily. “I’ve come for you my princess” I replied, the line I had rehearsed so many times in my head. “Who..” She began, “Oh, its you.” She paused. “What do you want?”
I am astounded, either she was joking with me or my true love is shunning my romantic gesture. “What do you mean?” I questioned in an alarmed voice. “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in the country dear!” She looked back at me briefly and snapped, “Look I don’t know why you’re following me but I’m sick of it. I’m going to call the police.”
I stand here in the icy-cold air and feeling neglect, woe and fear all at once. Does my love not know my true feelings for her? I now knew I had to prove my love to her with an act of selflessness. She kept a key under her doormat, I know because I had watched her so often. I take the liberty of letting myself in and closing the door behind me.
It’s warm inside her hallway and the entire downstairs of the house is unlit and eerily quiet. I begin up the stairs and the soft rubber soles of my boots leaves large muddy imprints on the stairs. I will clean the mess later, when I am forgiven. I continue up the stairs and pad across the landing to the door from which a dim yellow light escapes from the crack underneath it. It was the promised land; her bedroom.
I take a deep breath outside her door before gripping the cold metal handle and gently pushing the door open. The hinges squeak as the door opens and I peer in to see her terrified face glaring back at me. “What the hell do you want from me?” she shouted, a spark of terror danced about in her pretty eyes as she cowered in the corner, clutching a sturdy looking paperweight.
I advance towards her feeling a mix of worry and tenderness. “It’s ok my princess” I say reassuringly, “Everything is going to be just fine.” I hear the sound of sirens growing louder in the background and I know I have very little time left. “Come with me, trust me” I exclaim to her, but she doesn’t seem to want to know. “Leave me alone” she began weeping. The sirens were deafening now and the room flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
“If that’s how it must be princess, then we will be together in death.” I remove the large silver revolver from my jacket pocket, plan B as I playfully called it, and aimed it shakily at her head. I close my eyes, I can’t bear the look in my princess’s eyes, I squeeze the trigger and a loud pop echoes throughout the room, temporarily deafening me. With my eyes still closed I draw the gun to my head and press the hot barrel to my forehead, the hot metal burns my skin but that doesn’t matter. I grasp the trigger with my index finger and I ignore the sound of officers in boots running up the stairs as I pull the trigger, with nothing but the vision of my princess in my mind.
Page:
Aye, its all too common.
Love yer tagline mate, lol :-D
Love yer tagline mate, lol :-D
I knew you would develop into a flasher Kyz, I know what people are like.
I thought they would have a special technical name, obviously not!
On another light-related note, I am going to get a strobe light :-)
On another light-related note, I am going to get a strobe light :-)
Kyz21 wrote:
> What are those twirly things on top of police cars and ambulances
> called though? They have a name?
Um, yeah, we call them "lights"...
Most police cars have the "bar" light now.
> What are those twirly things on top of police cars and ambulances
> called though? They have a name?
Um, yeah, we call them "lights"...
Most police cars have the "bar" light now.
Flashy thingies.
English_Bloke wrote:
> Azul wrote:
> Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red.
> ;)
>
> Actually, Kyz was closer to being correct. Sirens make noise no light
> :D
>
> You were however right in the colour of the lights.
I was entirely correct, hactually :-P
What are those twirly things on top of police cars and ambulances called though? They have a name?
> Azul wrote:
> Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red.
> ;)
>
> Actually, Kyz was closer to being correct. Sirens make noise no light
> :D
>
> You were however right in the colour of the lights.
I was entirely correct, hactually :-P
What are those twirly things on top of police cars and ambulances called though? They have a name?
Azul wrote:
> But I can't help but find this line... awkward. I dunno, the 'dear'
> at the end just doesn't feel right.
>
> “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in
> the country dear!”
I wanted a sort of Psycho-eqsue thing and wanted to build up a sort of fictional/fantasy life in his head. I also though the bit about the light under the door was worded a bit badly.
> But I can't help but find this line... awkward. I dunno, the 'dear'
> at the end just doesn't feel right.
>
> “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in
> the country dear!”
I wanted a sort of Psycho-eqsue thing and wanted to build up a sort of fictional/fantasy life in his head. I also though the bit about the light under the door was worded a bit badly.
Azul wrote:
> Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red.
> ;)
Actually, Kyz was closer to being correct. Sirens make noise no light :D
You were however right in the colour of the lights.
> Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red.
> ;)
Actually, Kyz was closer to being correct. Sirens make noise no light :D
You were however right in the colour of the lights.
Yeah, you caught it fairly well, worked throughout really. The descriptive detailing was good.
But I can't help but find this line... awkward. I dunno, the 'dear' at the end just doesn't feel right.
> “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in
> the country dear!”
> The sirens were deafening now and the room
> flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red. ;)
I know the black is the darkness as they spin, and that side of it fits well. You can imagine the light creating a shadow of him upon the wall as he towers over her.
Yeah, good.
But I can't help but find this line... awkward. I dunno, the 'dear' at the end just doesn't feel right.
> “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in
> the country dear!”
> The sirens were deafening now and the room
> flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
Oh come on. You of all people should know sirens are blue and red. ;)
I know the black is the darkness as they spin, and that side of it fits well. You can imagine the light creating a shadow of him upon the wall as he towers over her.
Yeah, good.
Foreword: I've been trying to capture the perspective of someone who is insane or demeted and this is what I came up with. Feedback, positive or negative, welcomed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I wait in the cold darkness beside her house, gently throwing small stones at her bedroom window to get her attention. I feel warm deep inside despite being hopelessly nervous, tonight is the night I will declare my love to her and ask her to come away with me. Forever. I shiver in the cold night air and I see my misty breath in front of me.
The yellow light fills the window above and the silhouette of a woman appears. I hold my breath and wait for her sweet angelic voice to summon me. “What do you want?” she queries sleepily. “I’ve come for you my princess” I replied, the line I had rehearsed so many times in my head. “Who..” She began, “Oh, its you.” She paused. “What do you want?”
I am astounded, either she was joking with me or my true love is shunning my romantic gesture. “What do you mean?” I questioned in an alarmed voice. “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in the country dear!” She looked back at me briefly and snapped, “Look I don’t know why you’re following me but I’m sick of it. I’m going to call the police.”
I stand here in the icy-cold air and feeling neglect, woe and fear all at once. Does my love not know my true feelings for her? I now knew I had to prove my love to her with an act of selflessness. She kept a key under her doormat, I know because I had watched her so often. I take the liberty of letting myself in and closing the door behind me.
It’s warm inside her hallway and the entire downstairs of the house is unlit and eerily quiet. I begin up the stairs and the soft rubber soles of my boots leaves large muddy imprints on the stairs. I will clean the mess later, when I am forgiven. I continue up the stairs and pad across the landing to the door from which a dim yellow light escapes from the crack underneath it. It was the promised land; her bedroom.
I take a deep breath outside her door before gripping the cold metal handle and gently pushing the door open. The hinges squeak as the door opens and I peer in to see her terrified face glaring back at me. “What the hell do you want from me?” she shouted, a spark of terror danced about in her pretty eyes as she cowered in the corner, clutching a sturdy looking paperweight.
I advance towards her feeling a mix of worry and tenderness. “It’s ok my princess” I say reassuringly, “Everything is going to be just fine.” I hear the sound of sirens growing louder in the background and I know I have very little time left. “Come with me, trust me” I exclaim to her, but she doesn’t seem to want to know. “Leave me alone” she began weeping. The sirens were deafening now and the room flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
“If that’s how it must be princess, then we will be together in death.” I remove the large silver revolver from my jacket pocket, plan B as I playfully called it, and aimed it shakily at her head. I close my eyes, I can’t bear the look in my princess’s eyes, I squeeze the trigger and a loud pop echoes throughout the room, temporarily deafening me. With my eyes still closed I draw the gun to my head and press the hot barrel to my forehead, the hot metal burns my skin but that doesn’t matter. I grasp the trigger with my index finger and I ignore the sound of officers in boots running up the stairs as I pull the trigger, with nothing but the vision of my princess in my mind.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I wait in the cold darkness beside her house, gently throwing small stones at her bedroom window to get her attention. I feel warm deep inside despite being hopelessly nervous, tonight is the night I will declare my love to her and ask her to come away with me. Forever. I shiver in the cold night air and I see my misty breath in front of me.
The yellow light fills the window above and the silhouette of a woman appears. I hold my breath and wait for her sweet angelic voice to summon me. “What do you want?” she queries sleepily. “I’ve come for you my princess” I replied, the line I had rehearsed so many times in my head. “Who..” She began, “Oh, its you.” She paused. “What do you want?”
I am astounded, either she was joking with me or my true love is shunning my romantic gesture. “What do you mean?” I questioned in an alarmed voice. “I’ve come to take you away, we’re going to live in the country dear!” She looked back at me briefly and snapped, “Look I don’t know why you’re following me but I’m sick of it. I’m going to call the police.”
I stand here in the icy-cold air and feeling neglect, woe and fear all at once. Does my love not know my true feelings for her? I now knew I had to prove my love to her with an act of selflessness. She kept a key under her doormat, I know because I had watched her so often. I take the liberty of letting myself in and closing the door behind me.
It’s warm inside her hallway and the entire downstairs of the house is unlit and eerily quiet. I begin up the stairs and the soft rubber soles of my boots leaves large muddy imprints on the stairs. I will clean the mess later, when I am forgiven. I continue up the stairs and pad across the landing to the door from which a dim yellow light escapes from the crack underneath it. It was the promised land; her bedroom.
I take a deep breath outside her door before gripping the cold metal handle and gently pushing the door open. The hinges squeak as the door opens and I peer in to see her terrified face glaring back at me. “What the hell do you want from me?” she shouted, a spark of terror danced about in her pretty eyes as she cowered in the corner, clutching a sturdy looking paperweight.
I advance towards her feeling a mix of worry and tenderness. “It’s ok my princess” I say reassuringly, “Everything is going to be just fine.” I hear the sound of sirens growing louder in the background and I know I have very little time left. “Come with me, trust me” I exclaim to her, but she doesn’t seem to want to know. “Leave me alone” she began weeping. The sirens were deafening now and the room flashed blue and black from the police lights outside.
“If that’s how it must be princess, then we will be together in death.” I remove the large silver revolver from my jacket pocket, plan B as I playfully called it, and aimed it shakily at her head. I close my eyes, I can’t bear the look in my princess’s eyes, I squeeze the trigger and a loud pop echoes throughout the room, temporarily deafening me. With my eyes still closed I draw the gun to my head and press the hot barrel to my forehead, the hot metal burns my skin but that doesn’t matter. I grasp the trigger with my index finger and I ignore the sound of officers in boots running up the stairs as I pull the trigger, with nothing but the vision of my princess in my mind.
Page: