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"Pointless scientific research about toast."

I read something on Ceefax the other day that really angered me.
The story was something along the lines of “Scientists discover a mathematical formula for perfect toast”, and was about a lengthy study by some boffins into creating the ultimate piece of toast; cooked and buttered in the perfect way.
There’s nothing wrong with this really though is there? Some scientists on their days off doing research for the good of humankind in their spare time.
But further down the page it said the in depth study had cost something like £10,000!
£10,000 to make good toast. Great, life will never get better than this; it’s a new high point for maths and science. Children are dying of AIDS in Africa because they have no drugs, yet we spend extortionate amounts of cash on this.

A quick search on Google revealed this:
http://www.leeds.ac.uk/media/current/toast.htm
Plus, according to a new Australian news site, the study lasted three months and cost $25,000 (Aussie dollars presumably?)

The funny thing is, this isn’t the first such story like this either.
A few months ago there was a story in the paper about making the “perfect sandwich”, in which the scientists had discovered that using a certain weight of margarine spread a certain way, a certain thickness of cheese and bread and a certain amount of pickle would make the ultimate cheese sandwich. The research probably cost millions of pounds.
I also remember a study was made into finding the perfect and most space-efficient way to stack oranges, and surprise surprise, after a lengthy and costly study the result was that the best way to stack oranges was in a pyramid, the only way really possible anyway.
And I’m sure there are even more pointless studies going on this very minute, concerning every facet of modern living.

So what is the point of pointless research like this?
Scientists and mathematicians are faffing about with toast and oranges when they could be doing something like, oh I don’t know, finding the cures for major diseases or something trivial like that.
And it costs money. People are spending large amounts of money on stuff like this when there are 1001 better places that large amounts of cash could go to.

So lets forget about the money it cost/rumoured to have cost, just what a waste of bloody time it also is really. When in the kitchen on a cold and dark winter morning, in a hurry to go to school, work etc, are we going to spend an hour consulting a mathematical formula to make our toast? Nope, it’s going to go into the toaster, probably burn and have butter spread onto it as fast as possible with little regard to taste quality or aesthetic value.
I guess it’s just the human beings’ love of science and finding a mathematical equation for every single thing, no matter how pointless and or trivial. We have science, and we're gonna use it.
You could develop a mathematical equation for working out the best and most energy efficient way of getting out of bed in the morning, or even the best way of wiping your rear after having a dump, but would it make life any easier?

Should everything in life have a perfect mathematical equation to accompany it, or are scientists just abusing their brainpower and the shed-loads of cash they’re given to conduct their work?
More to the point, should we rebel? Form an angry mob and burn pointless scientists and use their research money for feeding the poor and buying medical treatment for kids dying in poor places?

I toast my bread on the lowest setting, applying a thin layer of marginerine quickly and eating straight away while still nice and warm.

I followed your link and thought this was hilarious. I thought it was a joke until I read that Arla foods were pleased to be involved.

I'm with you in forming lynch mobs and discovering the perfect way to 'toast' these scientists.

Thank god I don't go to part time to that university, I would be ashamed.

Its like why sell cigarettes if thier the biggest killers in the country? Pointless, the governments a disgrace for not doing anything about it

ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> Cold crunchy toast. leave it to go cold (I stick it in the fridge
> for a minute). then apply your butter. nice and crunchy!

Ew! Are you insane? :P

I have two fave forms of toast: -

Toast the bread on a low setting till its lightly brown - apply a layer of margerine and eat while its "soft-crunchingly" warm.

Or

Toast it till its moderatly brown and apply a massive layer of marg.


Humph - back to the original topic. What a waste of time. I read about it in the paper - They even made a mathmatical formula for it....

Whats next? How to open a bag of crisps perfectly?

ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> Cold crunchy toast. (I stick it in the fridge for a minute).
> then apply your butter.

Stick it in the fridge?! That's like, very nearly insane.

Insane Bartender wrote:
> - A study into why biscuits crumble in their packaging

That was looked into near where I studied. Apparently it’s all due to how they are cooked, they now cook them for longer at a lower heat. Money well spent.

I like toast.

I'm in two minds though as to which is best :

Hot soggy toast, where you put tonnes of butter on straight after it leaves the toaster.

Cold crunchy toast. leave it to go cold (I stick it in the fridge for a minute). then apply your butter. nice and crunchy!

The perfect slice of toast - the whole thing is based on a flawed precept.
Some like toast to be very nearly burnt with lashings of butter.
Others like it only mildly browned with a skimming of margarine.
Some actually prefer to use the grill instead of a toaster...
Perfect toast is in the mouth of the eater.
Scientists living up to their mad scientist image.

Thank the lord for science and technology.

Ah, but that's where you're wrong. Apparently.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3155994.stm