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"Ending it all."

I’ve tried the rope before, pills too. They weren’t effective. The rope broke so nobody had to find out, but the pills were a different matter. I didn’t take enough to kill me but enough to send me into convulsions. My parents found me at the bottom of the stairs, shaking with froth around my mouth and got me straight to the hospital. They saved the life I wanted to escape so badly. The embarrassment was horrible. The people who have pushed me to end it all laughed at me even harder when they found out.

This time I wont fail. I will finish the job and do it right. I have considered the possibilities. Cutting my wrists is too melodramatic and makes too much of a mess. Hardly anyone ever dies from this, it is one of those “cry for help” things. Plus most people cut across the wrist instead of down like you’re supposed to. Amateurs.

I considered trying to drown myself but humans have a subconscious survival instinct. Self-suffocation is impossible because when the lack of oxygen causes unconsciousness we respire through our skin instead. That ruled that one out. This time there was to be no more half-assed attempts, I was going to do it properly and have no regrets. Get away from the torment and heartache life keeps throwing. Permanently.

The only certain way of killing yourself is falling. Even with a gun to your head you can screw it up and misfire. Falling off a building or a cliff there is no two ways about it, you hit the ground below and it all ends, plus you get a view very few people ever get to experience. The feeling must be something like a roller coaster. I will soon see.

I park my car on double yellow lines and get out leaving the keys in the ignition and the door open. Someone else can have the car; I just hope it gets a parking ticket first. I start the short walk to the cliff and absorb everything for the last time. Few people get to appreciate this feeling, knowing it is the last time to see everything and appreciate every last detail. I got the chance to leave a note and give a last great big “f**k you!” to the world.

The ground under my feet turns to grass and the noise of my footsteps becomes a soothing swooshing sound. As I reach the rocks at the end of the grass and look down to the tide crashing on the rocky shore beneath me I realise this is the moment I have wanted all along. I look up for one final time at the hot orange sun setting in the west, the happy families on boats heading back to shore and the chirpy birds flying back to their nests for the night. After one final deep breath I spread my arms and fly gracefully towards to painlessness that awaits me.

Don't do it Kyz. Who will look after the children?

I watched chatting to death too.

I read the transcript from the chatroom where that guy took an overdose after it was in the news. It was quite an interesting programme, particularly the account of Smoke2k. It was hard to believe that he had witnessed somebody commiting suicide, but i guess with all things on the internet its hard to find them believable.

The most foolproof way of killing yourself is sticking your head on a train track at night. Or shooting yourself in the head with a shotgun.

Sorry to worry you mate

(Stoopid eejit)

Thanks for reading everyone.

I read your "short story" dude.

Microchips wrote:
> Suicide seems to be all people can think about these days.
>
> That and Dubya.

Isn't that a famous quote?!

Anyhoo, I enjoyed it.

Whoa, that was great. Can't really say much else.

I'll give it a read.

I watched this programme last night on channel 4 called "Chatting to death" and it was talking with suicidal people who were suicidal only in bouts, like with manic depresives. They spoke to families of suicidal people who were sucessful and the families said they didnt notice any behavioural differences or abnormalities before the event.

This one guy planned his entire death on a website before.
Suicide is associated with desperation but I wanted another slant on it. I have another story written that is also about suicide and is much more desperate. Do you want me to post it for you?

Yeah, I have to agree with E_B. It is very good, but for someone to be committing suicide, their pain has to be almost unimaginable, you need to work on capturing that complete and utter despair and hopelessness.

apart from that, yeah..

Sorry man, didn’t really grab me. This may because of the subject matter, but I just didn’t really feel the despair I imagine a character in this situation would feel.

The whole, “calculating”, the way he was going to do it was a good idea though. As people who really want to kill themselves will consider it to make sure they achieve their goal at the first attempt.

Good basis there, I just think it needs a little more “atmosphere” to it.