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It is with a very heavy heart that i have decided to share my story with everyone, it's a true story and i hope it will make you all cherish the special people in your lives.
Two years ago my life changed dramatically, at the time i was a care free nineteen year old who thought that life couldn't get much better, after years of a very difficult relationship with my mother we had finally become friends, in fact only two weeks before i had returned from a fantastic trip to the USA where she lived with her husband and an older sister of mine. I remember exactly when i realised that after all we had been through my mother was in fact my 'mum' and not a stranger who didnt love me (this was the story that had been imprinted on my mind by other family members for as long as i can remember).
My morning started with a visit from my cousin, she said that it was urgent that i go to my grandparents house straight away, so urgent in fact that she wouldnt allow me to even get dressed or tidy myself up at all. I remember sitting in her car wondering what could possibly be so bad that she couldn't tell me right there and then. Many different thoughts ran through my head especially when we appoached my grandparents house and an ambulance was stationed outside of it. At first i thought something had happened to my grampa as he is quite elderly and had been ill recently, but when i saw the faces of my cousins who were stood outside of their house i knew this couldn't be so. They looked at me knowing that what i was about to be told would ruin my life forever, that it affected them but would almost kill me.
As i entered the house i was very confused, there was my gramps and my nan, aunties, cousins, uncles and even my elder sisters,they were crying but fine, my mind was on overdrive. As my grandad approached me i heard my youngest sister ( at the time she was 17) crying and screaming, i ran upstairs to see what was wrong, she was pulling at her own hair and biting her hands and acting almost like a person who should be in a mental hospital. What on earth could of happened to make everyone act like this? This is when i finally found out what had happened, and i was the last to know.
''Whats the matter'' i asked her.
''she's dead'' she screamed.
''who's dead'' i asked.
''mum'' she said, ''mums dead''.
at this point she realised that i hadn't known. I stood staring at her for a few seconds and then i turned around and ran, if my grandad hadn't been at the bottom of the stairs i'm not sure how far i would have gotten before i finally stopped, he grabbed me and held me so tight, i colapsed and burst into tears.
This was the day that changed my life !!! I try to live life as full as i can now and appreciate every day i have with my family and my son. I hope you all do too. x
Two years ago my life changed dramatically, at the time i was a care free nineteen year old who thought that life couldn't get much better, after years of a very difficult relationship with my mother we had finally become friends, in fact only two weeks before i had returned from a fantastic trip to the USA where she lived with her husband and an older sister of mine. I remember exactly when i realised that after all we had been through my mother was in fact my 'mum' and not a stranger who didnt love me (this was the story that had been imprinted on my mind by other family members for as long as i can remember).
My morning started with a visit from my cousin, she said that it was urgent that i go to my grandparents house straight away, so urgent in fact that she wouldnt allow me to even get dressed or tidy myself up at all. I remember sitting in her car wondering what could possibly be so bad that she couldn't tell me right there and then. Many different thoughts ran through my head especially when we appoached my grandparents house and an ambulance was stationed outside of it. At first i thought something had happened to my grampa as he is quite elderly and had been ill recently, but when i saw the faces of my cousins who were stood outside of their house i knew this couldn't be so. They looked at me knowing that what i was about to be told would ruin my life forever, that it affected them but would almost kill me.
As i entered the house i was very confused, there was my gramps and my nan, aunties, cousins, uncles and even my elder sisters,they were crying but fine, my mind was on overdrive. As my grandad approached me i heard my youngest sister ( at the time she was 17) crying and screaming, i ran upstairs to see what was wrong, she was pulling at her own hair and biting her hands and acting almost like a person who should be in a mental hospital. What on earth could of happened to make everyone act like this? This is when i finally found out what had happened, and i was the last to know.
''Whats the matter'' i asked her.
''she's dead'' she screamed.
''who's dead'' i asked.
''mum'' she said, ''mums dead''.
at this point she realised that i hadn't known. I stood staring at her for a few seconds and then i turned around and ran, if my grandad hadn't been at the bottom of the stairs i'm not sure how far i would have gotten before i finally stopped, he grabbed me and held me so tight, i colapsed and burst into tears.
This was the day that changed my life !!! I try to live life as full as i can now and appreciate every day i have with my family and my son. I hope you all do too. x
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Very brave of you to share that with us. Loosing a parent is very hard to deal with. I know what its like not to have a parent around. I was 4 years old when my dad died.
Bane wrote:
>
> But my steely emotional shell has a weakness, and I know without
> having yet had to experience it that I will fall apart when the day
> comes that I must deal with this.
I'd love to say that won't happen, but...well, at least you're not kidding yourself and can attempt to prepare yourself to a degree. But in my experience, you won't know how to deal with it until it happens. And you won't know when that will be until it does.
>
> But my steely emotional shell has a weakness, and I know without
> having yet had to experience it that I will fall apart when the day
> comes that I must deal with this.
I'd love to say that won't happen, but...well, at least you're not kidding yourself and can attempt to prepare yourself to a degree. But in my experience, you won't know how to deal with it until it happens. And you won't know when that will be until it does.
I realised the other day that once my parents die, i will probably feel very lonely.
I'm a person who takes life as it comes. Pretty much nothing surprises me, and I'm ready for everything that I encounter - good or bad.
But my steely emotional shell has a weakness, and I know without having yet had to experience it that I will fall apart when the day comes that I must deal with this.
A lot of people find it hard, as our parents are a constant throughout our lives, like air, and the need for sleep or food. When they're gone, the fabric of reality is swept from under your feet. Things that you take for granted in life must suddenly feel so fragile and weak.
To get to where I am in this life, I have endured much suffering and hardship, and on more than one occasion, it has come close to killing me, mentally as well as physically, and I just hope that I have the courage to face the day when it comes.
But my steely emotional shell has a weakness, and I know without having yet had to experience it that I will fall apart when the day comes that I must deal with this.
A lot of people find it hard, as our parents are a constant throughout our lives, like air, and the need for sleep or food. When they're gone, the fabric of reality is swept from under your feet. Things that you take for granted in life must suddenly feel so fragile and weak.
To get to where I am in this life, I have endured much suffering and hardship, and on more than one occasion, it has come close to killing me, mentally as well as physically, and I just hope that I have the courage to face the day when it comes.
I can't begin to imagine how you must've felt. It's something I try not to think about but know that's it's more or less inevitable that we all have to face losing a parent at some point in our lives.
Thanks for sharing it with us. As Grix said: how did your mother die? If you don't mind saying, that is ...
Thanks for sharing it with us. As Grix said: how did your mother die? If you don't mind saying, that is ...
Hey, thanks for sharing that with us dude.
How did your mum die, may I ask?
How did your mum die, may I ask?
It is with a very heavy heart that i have decided to share my story with everyone, it's a true story and i hope it will make you all cherish the special people in your lives.
Two years ago my life changed dramatically, at the time i was a care free nineteen year old who thought that life couldn't get much better, after years of a very difficult relationship with my mother we had finally become friends, in fact only two weeks before i had returned from a fantastic trip to the USA where she lived with her husband and an older sister of mine. I remember exactly when i realised that after all we had been through my mother was in fact my 'mum' and not a stranger who didnt love me (this was the story that had been imprinted on my mind by other family members for as long as i can remember).
My morning started with a visit from my cousin, she said that it was urgent that i go to my grandparents house straight away, so urgent in fact that she wouldnt allow me to even get dressed or tidy myself up at all. I remember sitting in her car wondering what could possibly be so bad that she couldn't tell me right there and then. Many different thoughts ran through my head especially when we appoached my grandparents house and an ambulance was stationed outside of it. At first i thought something had happened to my grampa as he is quite elderly and had been ill recently, but when i saw the faces of my cousins who were stood outside of their house i knew this couldn't be so. They looked at me knowing that what i was about to be told would ruin my life forever, that it affected them but would almost kill me.
As i entered the house i was very confused, there was my gramps and my nan, aunties, cousins, uncles and even my elder sisters,they were crying but fine, my mind was on overdrive. As my grandad approached me i heard my youngest sister ( at the time she was 17) crying and screaming, i ran upstairs to see what was wrong, she was pulling at her own hair and biting her hands and acting almost like a person who should be in a mental hospital. What on earth could of happened to make everyone act like this? This is when i finally found out what had happened, and i was the last to know.
''Whats the matter'' i asked her.
''she's dead'' she screamed.
''who's dead'' i asked.
''mum'' she said, ''mums dead''.
at this point she realised that i hadn't known. I stood staring at her for a few seconds and then i turned around and ran, if my grandad hadn't been at the bottom of the stairs i'm not sure how far i would have gotten before i finally stopped, he grabbed me and held me so tight, i colapsed and burst into tears.
This was the day that changed my life !!! I try to live life as full as i can now and appreciate every day i have with my family and my son. I hope you all do too. x
Two years ago my life changed dramatically, at the time i was a care free nineteen year old who thought that life couldn't get much better, after years of a very difficult relationship with my mother we had finally become friends, in fact only two weeks before i had returned from a fantastic trip to the USA where she lived with her husband and an older sister of mine. I remember exactly when i realised that after all we had been through my mother was in fact my 'mum' and not a stranger who didnt love me (this was the story that had been imprinted on my mind by other family members for as long as i can remember).
My morning started with a visit from my cousin, she said that it was urgent that i go to my grandparents house straight away, so urgent in fact that she wouldnt allow me to even get dressed or tidy myself up at all. I remember sitting in her car wondering what could possibly be so bad that she couldn't tell me right there and then. Many different thoughts ran through my head especially when we appoached my grandparents house and an ambulance was stationed outside of it. At first i thought something had happened to my grampa as he is quite elderly and had been ill recently, but when i saw the faces of my cousins who were stood outside of their house i knew this couldn't be so. They looked at me knowing that what i was about to be told would ruin my life forever, that it affected them but would almost kill me.
As i entered the house i was very confused, there was my gramps and my nan, aunties, cousins, uncles and even my elder sisters,they were crying but fine, my mind was on overdrive. As my grandad approached me i heard my youngest sister ( at the time she was 17) crying and screaming, i ran upstairs to see what was wrong, she was pulling at her own hair and biting her hands and acting almost like a person who should be in a mental hospital. What on earth could of happened to make everyone act like this? This is when i finally found out what had happened, and i was the last to know.
''Whats the matter'' i asked her.
''she's dead'' she screamed.
''who's dead'' i asked.
''mum'' she said, ''mums dead''.
at this point she realised that i hadn't known. I stood staring at her for a few seconds and then i turned around and ran, if my grandad hadn't been at the bottom of the stairs i'm not sure how far i would have gotten before i finally stopped, he grabbed me and held me so tight, i colapsed and burst into tears.
This was the day that changed my life !!! I try to live life as full as i can now and appreciate every day i have with my family and my son. I hope you all do too. x
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