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How evolution happened
By Goatboy
Once upon a time, this planet was just gas. And the Stephen Hawking did his speak and spell voice and the gas solidified into a big ball of fire and smoke and more gas, and then a big crust grew on it. Like Ice Magic topping, but with water and grass and countries instead of chocolate sauce.
But there was no people because we had not been invented yet (some say we got made by god from clay and wind and magic but that's another story for later on), there was just sea and ground. And some amoeba.
Being an amoeba was boring, they couldn't watch films or ride go-karts so they decided they wanted to be fish instead, because fish can swim and do jumps and make bubbles. So over a lot of years, they turned into fish.
And being fish was fun for a while, there were lots of different kinds of fish. Some big, some little, some glowing and some with teeth and lights on (I saw one in Finding Nemo as well).
But the sea got crowded and fish kept bumping into each other and getting angry so some fish decided to live on the ground and not in the sea so they called themselves "lungfish" and threw themselves onto the beaches (these were made of mud and not sand, sand wasn't invented until later on)
These lungfish thought being on the ground was good, as they didn't get wet and have to swim in the same sea they pooed in, and eventually they grew some legs they could drag themselves around on. But they were cold because houses weren't around yet, so two of the fish decided to be big and called dinosaurs.
There were loads of dinosaurs, some ate plants and some ate other dinosaurs - these were called Raptors and can open doors and make the lights go off. Very clever for big fish with arms, and they flourished until a big rock came from space and smashed into the ground and killed them.
And then, we do not know why, monkeys came (from a planet where they were masters and buried a statue in the beach and Charlton Heston cried at the end I think, I'm not sure). Some of these monkeys didn't like living in trees and eating poo and fighting all the time, so they got less hairy and lived in caves and called themselves Neanderthals.
They learned to make fire and use it to eat and be warm and they talked to each other, but not like we do, they made noise and pointed.
Then one day a big black obelisk came down from the sky and the neanderthals were scared, and they hit each other with bones and screamed until only two were left.
And they made a house and shaved most of their fur and gave themselves names like Alan and Tanya and had kids and made jobs and were very sad.
This is what evolution is, and a man called Darwin said this and was shouted at and probably had things put through his letterbox by angry vicars. Today you can see examples of evolution everywhere, and there still exists recordings of Neanderthal man screaming, it's called "Definitely Maybe" and it reminds us of where we came from and why we should not go back to fish.
Thank you.
By Goatboy
Once upon a time, this planet was just gas. And the Stephen Hawking did his speak and spell voice and the gas solidified into a big ball of fire and smoke and more gas, and then a big crust grew on it. Like Ice Magic topping, but with water and grass and countries instead of chocolate sauce.
But there was no people because we had not been invented yet (some say we got made by god from clay and wind and magic but that's another story for later on), there was just sea and ground. And some amoeba.
Being an amoeba was boring, they couldn't watch films or ride go-karts so they decided they wanted to be fish instead, because fish can swim and do jumps and make bubbles. So over a lot of years, they turned into fish.
And being fish was fun for a while, there were lots of different kinds of fish. Some big, some little, some glowing and some with teeth and lights on (I saw one in Finding Nemo as well).
But the sea got crowded and fish kept bumping into each other and getting angry so some fish decided to live on the ground and not in the sea so they called themselves "lungfish" and threw themselves onto the beaches (these were made of mud and not sand, sand wasn't invented until later on)
These lungfish thought being on the ground was good, as they didn't get wet and have to swim in the same sea they pooed in, and eventually they grew some legs they could drag themselves around on. But they were cold because houses weren't around yet, so two of the fish decided to be big and called dinosaurs.
There were loads of dinosaurs, some ate plants and some ate other dinosaurs - these were called Raptors and can open doors and make the lights go off. Very clever for big fish with arms, and they flourished until a big rock came from space and smashed into the ground and killed them.
And then, we do not know why, monkeys came (from a planet where they were masters and buried a statue in the beach and Charlton Heston cried at the end I think, I'm not sure). Some of these monkeys didn't like living in trees and eating poo and fighting all the time, so they got less hairy and lived in caves and called themselves Neanderthals.
They learned to make fire and use it to eat and be warm and they talked to each other, but not like we do, they made noise and pointed.
Then one day a big black obelisk came down from the sky and the neanderthals were scared, and they hit each other with bones and screamed until only two were left.
And they made a house and shaved most of their fur and gave themselves names like Alan and Tanya and had kids and made jobs and were very sad.
This is what evolution is, and a man called Darwin said this and was shouted at and probably had things put through his letterbox by angry vicars. Today you can see examples of evolution everywhere, and there still exists recordings of Neanderthal man screaming, it's called "Definitely Maybe" and it reminds us of where we came from and why we should not go back to fish.
Thank you.
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Quote, pb, quote!
I loved that Max Payne 2 review. Please...more.
I will never be able to keep a straight face when someone mentions Ragdoll physics in a game again!
I will never be able to keep a straight face when someone mentions Ragdoll physics in a game again!
No warcraft tonight Goaty?
I almost feel sad.
I almost feel sad.
what was your job?
I leave tomorrow.
Thursday is my last day at where I work.
Hence I shall not be posting very much as I won't be sat at a desk staring into space and thinking of fights between bus drivers and emus and stuff.
I hope I get a present from the lovely people I work with, because I like them so much and went down the pub with them once for lunch.
And then I'm taking a couple weeks to lay around in my pants and watch movies, play video games and listen to music before bothering to look for another dossy part time job for a bit whilst I sort out my teaching things.
So expect a few more seemingly-idiotic posts tomorrow, and possibly a few more reviews of excellent PC games like the one what I did today.
Now I'm off to look at porn, eat my dinner and then watch The Office series 2.
Thursday is my last day at where I work.
Hence I shall not be posting very much as I won't be sat at a desk staring into space and thinking of fights between bus drivers and emus and stuff.
I hope I get a present from the lovely people I work with, because I like them so much and went down the pub with them once for lunch.
And then I'm taking a couple weeks to lay around in my pants and watch movies, play video games and listen to music before bothering to look for another dossy part time job for a bit whilst I sort out my teaching things.
So expect a few more seemingly-idiotic posts tomorrow, and possibly a few more reviews of excellent PC games like the one what I did today.
Now I'm off to look at porn, eat my dinner and then watch The Office series 2.
Ipso facto: Goatboy leaves his job on Friday, which may explain these posts.
Everything seems in order, there.
It was da aliens. Dey did it.
You missed the important part about a guy named Tony Rainbird who evolved a slow pointless invention known as the web into a place for men and less hairy men to meet and discuss things.
You missed the important part about a guy named Tony Rainbird who evolved a slow pointless invention known as the web into a place for men and less hairy men to meet and discuss things.
Goatboy wrote:
> I don't just randomnly mash this crap out y'know.
...
> I don't just randomnly mash this crap out y'know.
...
I know you did it your way for a reason.
Personally I prefer "had kids and maid jobs".
Personally I prefer "had kids and maid jobs".
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