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How evolution happened
By Goatboy
Once upon a time, this planet was just gas. And the Stephen Hawking did his speak and spell voice and the gas solidified into a big ball of fire and smoke and more gas, and then a big crust grew on it. Like Ice Magic topping, but with water and grass and countries instead of chocolate sauce.
But there was no people because we had not been invented yet (some say we got made by god from clay and wind and magic but that's another story for later on), there was just sea and ground. And some amoeba.
Being an amoeba was boring, they couldn't watch films or ride go-karts so they decided they wanted to be fish instead, because fish can swim and do jumps and make bubbles. So over a lot of years, they turned into fish.
And being fish was fun for a while, there were lots of different kinds of fish. Some big, some little, some glowing and some with teeth and lights on (I saw one in Finding Nemo as well).
But the sea got crowded and fish kept bumping into each other and getting angry so some fish decided to live on the ground and not in the sea so they called themselves "lungfish" and threw themselves onto the beaches (these were made of mud and not sand, sand wasn't invented until later on)
These lungfish thought being on the ground was good, as they didn't get wet and have to swim in the same sea they pooed in, and eventually they grew some legs they could drag themselves around on. But they were cold because houses weren't around yet, so two of the fish decided to be big and called dinosaurs.
There were loads of dinosaurs, some ate plants and some ate other dinosaurs - these were called Raptors and can open doors and make the lights go off. Very clever for big fish with arms, and they flourished until a big rock came from space and smashed into the ground and killed them.
And then, we do not know why, monkeys came (from a planet where they were masters and buried a statue in the beach and Charlton Heston cried at the end I think, I'm not sure). Some of these monkeys didn't like living in trees and eating poo and fighting all the time, so they got less hairy and lived in caves and called themselves Neanderthals.
They learned to make fire and use it to eat and be warm and they talked to each other, but not like we do, they made noise and pointed.
Then one day a big black obelisk came down from the sky and the neanderthals were scared, and they hit each other with bones and screamed until only two were left.
And they made a house and shaved most of their fur and gave themselves names like Alan and Tanya and had kids and made jobs and were very sad.
This is what evolution is, and a man called Darwin said this and was shouted at and probably had things put through his letterbox by angry vicars. Today you can see examples of evolution everywhere, and there still exists recordings of Neanderthal man screaming, it's called "Definitely Maybe" and it reminds us of where we came from and why we should not go back to fish.
Thank you.
By Goatboy
Once upon a time, this planet was just gas. And the Stephen Hawking did his speak and spell voice and the gas solidified into a big ball of fire and smoke and more gas, and then a big crust grew on it. Like Ice Magic topping, but with water and grass and countries instead of chocolate sauce.
But there was no people because we had not been invented yet (some say we got made by god from clay and wind and magic but that's another story for later on), there was just sea and ground. And some amoeba.
Being an amoeba was boring, they couldn't watch films or ride go-karts so they decided they wanted to be fish instead, because fish can swim and do jumps and make bubbles. So over a lot of years, they turned into fish.
And being fish was fun for a while, there were lots of different kinds of fish. Some big, some little, some glowing and some with teeth and lights on (I saw one in Finding Nemo as well).
But the sea got crowded and fish kept bumping into each other and getting angry so some fish decided to live on the ground and not in the sea so they called themselves "lungfish" and threw themselves onto the beaches (these were made of mud and not sand, sand wasn't invented until later on)
These lungfish thought being on the ground was good, as they didn't get wet and have to swim in the same sea they pooed in, and eventually they grew some legs they could drag themselves around on. But they were cold because houses weren't around yet, so two of the fish decided to be big and called dinosaurs.
There were loads of dinosaurs, some ate plants and some ate other dinosaurs - these were called Raptors and can open doors and make the lights go off. Very clever for big fish with arms, and they flourished until a big rock came from space and smashed into the ground and killed them.
And then, we do not know why, monkeys came (from a planet where they were masters and buried a statue in the beach and Charlton Heston cried at the end I think, I'm not sure). Some of these monkeys didn't like living in trees and eating poo and fighting all the time, so they got less hairy and lived in caves and called themselves Neanderthals.
They learned to make fire and use it to eat and be warm and they talked to each other, but not like we do, they made noise and pointed.
Then one day a big black obelisk came down from the sky and the neanderthals were scared, and they hit each other with bones and screamed until only two were left.
And they made a house and shaved most of their fur and gave themselves names like Alan and Tanya and had kids and made jobs and were very sad.
This is what evolution is, and a man called Darwin said this and was shouted at and probably had things put through his letterbox by angry vicars. Today you can see examples of evolution everywhere, and there still exists recordings of Neanderthal man screaming, it's called "Definitely Maybe" and it reminds us of where we came from and why we should not go back to fish.
Thank you.
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pb wrote:
> Some would say we haven't so much evolved as spread and adapted
> badly.
That's just fat people.
Oops, sorry, I meant obese. Didn't want to offend any fatties there.
> Some would say we haven't so much evolved as spread and adapted
> badly.
That's just fat people.
Oops, sorry, I meant obese. Didn't want to offend any fatties there.
hm FM. Reminds me of Barry Allen.
One for comic fans that.
Some would say we haven't so much evolved as spread and adapted badly.
One for comic fans that.
Some would say we haven't so much evolved as spread and adapted badly.
I find it interesting that not only can a bolt of lightning create life, it can end it too. Which is good for humanity as a whole really, because surely people who wear funny clothes and whack little white balls about the countryside with iron sticks shouldn't be in the gene pool in the first place.
Oxygen was a poision to creatures early on in the Eath's history though. In fact it still is, we're just very resistant to it. Not completely though. Oxygen has been shown to cause the effects of ageing, if my memory serves me correctly...
Did you know it took about 1 billon years for single celled organisums to provide a climate that more advance organisms could survive and evolve in, the planet's atmosphere was a mass of volcanic gases that were simular to what Venus is now but not as compressed and hot but it took a long time and even when oxygen was present the sea absorbed it, at least thats what a documentary (Horizon I think) I saw said.
Goatboy wrote:
> I'm not going to last long am I...
Not if you don't learn when to use question marks m'lad. Tut tut etc.
> I'm not going to last long am I...
Not if you don't learn when to use question marks m'lad. Tut tut etc.
I know, and the scary thing is I'll be a teacher and thinking "Excellent, you're really thick!"
I'm not going to last long am I...
I'm not going to last long am I...
You do know the majority of the English essays you read will sound like this.
Made me laugh mind
Made me laugh mind
LOL, fantastic.
SR should satisfy his GAD wishes... he may not have played it, but the words used there are worth it.
SR should satisfy his GAD wishes... he may not have played it, but the words used there are worth it.
From Goatboy's Max Payne 2 review...
"Payne doesn't look like somebody touching cloth anymore, which is a shame because after I completed the original, I went back through and replayed it, but made a story up in my head about how he badly needed to drop the kids off at the pool " Goatboy, 22-10-2003
You have to read the rest...
"Payne doesn't look like somebody touching cloth anymore, which is a shame because after I completed the original, I went back through and replayed it, but made a story up in my head about how he badly needed to drop the kids off at the pool " Goatboy, 22-10-2003
You have to read the rest...
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