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"The Tale of Seiyo"

Story. I found this quite difficult to write at times, especially wondering if I should take certain scenes further. It's from a story which I'm still yet to name, which is based in a world dominated by humanesque animals. I wrote this because I'm developing a character called Seiyo, a mystical creature that cannot be seen by others. I first wrote an extract on here about Renna, who had become a pyschological assassin after witnessing an attempted rape, while Seiyo takes a more hands on approached to his hatred.

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I squeeze my thumb between my teeth, crunching hard against the skin so I can feel the bone tight in my mouth.

I want to slip my teeth between my knuckle, bite down hard and tear my thumb away, suck the blood from inside my thumb out, leave it a chalky white death, then chew and eat the skin and muscle, crunch the bone hard.

It wasn't the past that got to me... no, no... it was that fact, that GLARING fact that people assumed that they've had such terrifying lives, such hardships... it made me want to scrape their faces off, hammer into their cheeks with flint and watch the sparks fly.

Legion of pigs, hogs. Flithy with their lies, their assumptions, their ways. Their closed-mindedness.

They do not KNOW pain.

And I sit here, facing them at the table completely unseen, smiling with the stinking air that escapes their mouth with every single word. I sit here as I look into the eyes of a dogwoman facing me, glancing into thin air, I want to grab her across the table, force a knive up into her mouth and cut her throat out from the inside.

These people, these creatures. What are they? How can they live like this, these lives, these disgusting lives inside their protected world. No fear, only pretence of hurt.

And that's when I decided.

These creatures, these hogs. They deserve pain. They deserve to KNOW what it's like. If they wish to assume, and talk, then perhaps they should be tutored.

They should learn pain.

I will cut them. I will tear them from limb to limb and leave them crying for their lives.

I will slice them and smash them. Punch them and kick them to the very bottom, to the inside of their souls and out again. I will batter them to an inch of their life. But I will not kill them. I will just give them life.

I will give them eyes. I will teach them pain.

And then, maybe, they'll apprieciate their lives.

These sick, digusting hogs. They must learn.

So that's what I do. That's what I did. I followed the dogwoman to the bathroom in the restaurant with her steak knife from the table. Nobody sees me, nobody ever does.

She stands in front of the mirror, the toilet is empty, so I walk up behind her, still unseen.

I grab her, and throw her backwards into a cubicle behind me. Her lipstick flies into the air, smeared across her face as I walk into the cubicle with her and close the door behind me.

I slice through her clothes, then grab her face and push it into the toilet bowl, and flush it. Her hair and fur soaks with the toilet water, and I start to rip through it with the knife.

Lump after lump of long dull golden hair falls off onto the toilet seat and bowl, one hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming. Unseen I may be, but I can still touch, squeeze, grip.

I cut the back of her head, and she starts to bleed. I let her go, and she gets up, opens the door and runs out of the bathroom screaming, nursing the back of her head... and a few seconds later, the whole restaurant fills with screams.

I wash my hands in the sink, leaving the blood stained steak knife under the toilet... and walk out as others rush in.

I can't help but feel a small sense of gratification. Apart from the complete fear and terror which will, I would at least hope, give her some idea of what it's really like... she should also be expected to be under very close watch by doctors.

It may just be that a strange epidemic of insanity may be appearing to cleanse these lands. How strange. How very strange.

Just read it...

I liked Seiyo better as a drunk.
When did he go all psycho? :-D

I know, all will be revealed.
It's great to know the first draft is done.
Any idea when something will be ready for reading?

Ta.. I actually found the thumb bit a little dull myself, guess different tastes and all..

I'm developing four characters, basically living through their lives completely from start to end, and how they're affected by their pasts etc but still trying to keep them believable and on distinct contrasts to each other, while still having some sort of connection.

It's very difficult but great fun. As children they're all very close together, the same sort of characters with only small differences, but as they grow older they become more defined as characters and being. Apart from maturity, there's a very important reason to the plot for this happening anyway, which does make it good fun, pyschologically.

I know I'll be working on this story for years, it's a very complex thing to pull off...

I can't say I was a particular fan. The opening few sentences were good, and had me wiggling my thumb around in discomfort at the thought of having it cleanly parted thusly, but beyond that, it's fairly run of the mill. However, if this is, as you say "getting the feel" for a character, then certainly there is potential. I'd like to see it re-written once you have a better feel for Seiyo.

Yah, thought it was that. Don't worry... using animal similes for actual animals, I'm sure I've gotta be more careful.

Oh yeah, it was a dogwoman. The "Legion of pigs, hogs" stuck in my mind.

Ineedsleep, thanks for the comments, let's see.

Well the first point of being thrown backwards... well, I can see it quite easily working... why do you need talons?

Although I didn't mention, all these creatures do wear clothes, and Seiyo is a very strong/large character. In imagination to his strength, I expect he's quite able to grab her by the collar, and throw her [while moving to the side] backwards, to hit a cubicle door wide open while she eventually stumbles backwards to the toilet.

As with the hand thing I'd admit that's quite confusing. I think my mind was concentrating on her face being in the flush of the toilet while he was cutting the hair with two hands. I think it'd be better if Seiyo kept flushing the toilet while holding her head down into the bowl.

As for the violence, heh. This episode wasn't -meant- to be too violent, just a bit twisted. If I wanted to shock and scare you then I'd do my very best, but this was meant just to help get inside the mind of Seiyo a bit more. Perhaps I'll make it a bit more clear of his intentions to do much more than he really does, but over time he'll start performing very graphic acts. After all, this won't even be in the story, the scenes will no doubt, but it won't be in the first person.

And it was a dogwoman but thinking about it a pigwoman would go down much better, I think. Ta. :)

A pig-woman putting on lipstick in a tiolet is nonchalantly cut to shreds by a knife-wielding invisible mystical being... marvellous.

I remember the cat, in retrospect I really like that cat or at least the whole idea behind her character.

I'm sorry but this didn't work for me possibly because of the way I visualise what I am reading. I'm not a critic but would just like to tell you which bits didn't read well to me.

> She stands in front of the mirror, the toilet is empty, so I walk up
> behind her, still unseen.
>
> I grab her, and throw her backwards into a cubicle behind me. Her
> lipstick flies into the air, smeared across her face as I walk into
> the cubicle with her and close the door behind me.

If you are behind her how can you grab her and throw her backwards, unless she was tossed over the shoulder but I needed it to be stated. You either need to stick talons into her shoulder (animallike) / grab her by the throat and drag her or stand in front of her and push. What confused me is the fact that you 'throw' her and then 'walk into the cubicle with her'.

> Lump after lump of long dull golden hair falls off onto the toilet
> seat and bowl, one hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming.

Again, not enough info on Seiyo for me to visualise this working. According to the drawing it looks equine therefore how did he/it put his 'hand' over her mouth when he would need two 'hands' to cut the hair off with a knife.

I spent too long trying to get these visualised and lost the tempo of the story.

The toilet scene could be expanded and detailed a little more. You don't need to swear and can get away with a lot more than you posted - I do. This either means that Snuggly doesn't like my stories so doesn't bother reading them and I get away with it or I tame the stories enough so that they pass without comment.

What title did you post the cat story under? I'd like to find it again and reread it and your comments.

"How strange. How very strange"

Indeed. Brilliantly strange I think.

I put it on hold for a while, while I got myself in some sort of workable shape. After coming to the conclusion that I'm always going to be messed up, started work again. :)

The first draft to the first -part- is pretty much done. Few plotholes I've gotta work on, but I'm proud of how it's turning out.

Amneshire was the basis for what the story is now... it's quite different, much more twisted, the characters are far more developed. I'm having problems finding a name for it now. I guess I'll just refer to it as Amneshire for now, but well... guess you'll have to read it to understand really. :)

I'll be putting more and more about this over the next few weeks. The website should be up soon, which I'll be using to track development of the animation and production. It'll be going very slowly, because of work on the Festival planned for August 2004, and also I'm going to try and get my skills up to scratch by working with someone else on a small animation project called Captain Catering and the Mighty Monkey, which will also appear on the website soon, with tracking of development on that too.

All in all I'm -pretty- bloody busy. :) Always trying to keep working on one thing or another, thankfully they seem to suit my different moods, which is fun.

I'm determined to get Amneshire, or whatever it is now, finished.