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Oh dear.
Oh dear oh dear.
Vampires Vs Werewolves.
Gonna be good right? Gonna be exciting and rammed with excellent set-pieces like in the trailer right?
Wrong.
If you've seen the trailer, then save yourself the ££ and watch that again, pausing between fights and say "ancient feud between lycans & vampires" "I fancy that human" and "Oooo you're in trouble Kate Beckinsale"
Vampires with no discernible vampire abilities. They jump from tall things and land easily, that's about it. They dont appear to drink blood, they don't possess any supernatural powers.
Hell, there's one that can't even see in the dark - he has to peer into the blackness, squinting like a chinaman to allow a "Boo!" moment.
A vampire that can't see in the dark. That sums this turgid floater up.
Werewolves that are hairless and run along ceilings like the Alien, and howl once at the beginning (and that was lifted in an "homage" to American Werewolf in London).
So Vampires vs Werewolves. Classic horror devices. Battling. Cool.
Er...except they just shoot at each other with machine guns. Werewolves have "ultraviolet bullets" - basically sunbed bullets and vampires have silver-nitrate bullets.
Vampires in Matrix-leather shooting machine guns & werewolves in X-Men Sabre-tooth clothes shooting machine guns.
Rubbish.
Some plot about a bloke that has mixed blood and can ultimately become some werevampire (I kid you not). Except the vampires are crap and don't realise until Beckinsale gets the hots for hero-man (who resembles Peter Buck from REM).
Zero power struggles for control of the coven (writer forgets vampires are in clans, witches in covens), some old vampire gets woken up and minces about with IV tubes.
Ah...I can't be bothered to write anymore about why this film sucks.
Vampires that cannot see in the dark.
Awful
Oh dear oh dear.
Vampires Vs Werewolves.
Gonna be good right? Gonna be exciting and rammed with excellent set-pieces like in the trailer right?
Wrong.
If you've seen the trailer, then save yourself the ££ and watch that again, pausing between fights and say "ancient feud between lycans & vampires" "I fancy that human" and "Oooo you're in trouble Kate Beckinsale"
Vampires with no discernible vampire abilities. They jump from tall things and land easily, that's about it. They dont appear to drink blood, they don't possess any supernatural powers.
Hell, there's one that can't even see in the dark - he has to peer into the blackness, squinting like a chinaman to allow a "Boo!" moment.
A vampire that can't see in the dark. That sums this turgid floater up.
Werewolves that are hairless and run along ceilings like the Alien, and howl once at the beginning (and that was lifted in an "homage" to American Werewolf in London).
So Vampires vs Werewolves. Classic horror devices. Battling. Cool.
Er...except they just shoot at each other with machine guns. Werewolves have "ultraviolet bullets" - basically sunbed bullets and vampires have silver-nitrate bullets.
Vampires in Matrix-leather shooting machine guns & werewolves in X-Men Sabre-tooth clothes shooting machine guns.
Rubbish.
Some plot about a bloke that has mixed blood and can ultimately become some werevampire (I kid you not). Except the vampires are crap and don't realise until Beckinsale gets the hots for hero-man (who resembles Peter Buck from REM).
Zero power struggles for control of the coven (writer forgets vampires are in clans, witches in covens), some old vampire gets woken up and minces about with IV tubes.
Ah...I can't be bothered to write anymore about why this film sucks.
Vampires that cannot see in the dark.
Awful
Page:
I was considering watching this.
Not any more.
I'll save my money for something worthwhile. Like a book.
Not any more.
I'll save my money for something worthwhile. Like a book.
Oh dear.
Oh dear oh dear.
Vampires Vs Werewolves.
Gonna be good right? Gonna be exciting and rammed with excellent set-pieces like in the trailer right?
Wrong.
If you've seen the trailer, then save yourself the ££ and watch that again, pausing between fights and say "ancient feud between lycans & vampires" "I fancy that human" and "Oooo you're in trouble Kate Beckinsale"
Vampires with no discernible vampire abilities. They jump from tall things and land easily, that's about it. They dont appear to drink blood, they don't possess any supernatural powers.
Hell, there's one that can't even see in the dark - he has to peer into the blackness, squinting like a chinaman to allow a "Boo!" moment.
A vampire that can't see in the dark. That sums this turgid floater up.
Werewolves that are hairless and run along ceilings like the Alien, and howl once at the beginning (and that was lifted in an "homage" to American Werewolf in London).
So Vampires vs Werewolves. Classic horror devices. Battling. Cool.
Er...except they just shoot at each other with machine guns. Werewolves have "ultraviolet bullets" - basically sunbed bullets and vampires have silver-nitrate bullets.
Vampires in Matrix-leather shooting machine guns & werewolves in X-Men Sabre-tooth clothes shooting machine guns.
Rubbish.
Some plot about a bloke that has mixed blood and can ultimately become some werevampire (I kid you not). Except the vampires are crap and don't realise until Beckinsale gets the hots for hero-man (who resembles Peter Buck from REM).
Zero power struggles for control of the coven (writer forgets vampires are in clans, witches in covens), some old vampire gets woken up and minces about with IV tubes.
Ah...I can't be bothered to write anymore about why this film sucks.
Vampires that cannot see in the dark.
Awful
Oh dear oh dear.
Vampires Vs Werewolves.
Gonna be good right? Gonna be exciting and rammed with excellent set-pieces like in the trailer right?
Wrong.
If you've seen the trailer, then save yourself the ££ and watch that again, pausing between fights and say "ancient feud between lycans & vampires" "I fancy that human" and "Oooo you're in trouble Kate Beckinsale"
Vampires with no discernible vampire abilities. They jump from tall things and land easily, that's about it. They dont appear to drink blood, they don't possess any supernatural powers.
Hell, there's one that can't even see in the dark - he has to peer into the blackness, squinting like a chinaman to allow a "Boo!" moment.
A vampire that can't see in the dark. That sums this turgid floater up.
Werewolves that are hairless and run along ceilings like the Alien, and howl once at the beginning (and that was lifted in an "homage" to American Werewolf in London).
So Vampires vs Werewolves. Classic horror devices. Battling. Cool.
Er...except they just shoot at each other with machine guns. Werewolves have "ultraviolet bullets" - basically sunbed bullets and vampires have silver-nitrate bullets.
Vampires in Matrix-leather shooting machine guns & werewolves in X-Men Sabre-tooth clothes shooting machine guns.
Rubbish.
Some plot about a bloke that has mixed blood and can ultimately become some werevampire (I kid you not). Except the vampires are crap and don't realise until Beckinsale gets the hots for hero-man (who resembles Peter Buck from REM).
Zero power struggles for control of the coven (writer forgets vampires are in clans, witches in covens), some old vampire gets woken up and minces about with IV tubes.
Ah...I can't be bothered to write anymore about why this film sucks.
Vampires that cannot see in the dark.
Awful
Page: