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"When does a friend become a mate?"

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Wed 03/09/03 at 12:13
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
I have a very small circle of friends. I am very select about who I call a friend and it's taken me years to whittle away the dead wood, leaving the people who I can talk to about personal things and still have a laugh with. But a few of these friends have moved away for various reasons, and they've more or less become mates. I'm still friendly with them, but I don't see them very much. So how will I know when they become friends again? There's been quite a lot of change at my end, but they wouldn't be aware of this, the same as I wouldn't be aware of change at their end. It's weird, but I don't think that I would be able to be as open with them now we've spent so much time apart.

It complicates matters that they don't have a phoneline, transport, and hardly ever respond to text messages. Snuggly knows who I'm talking about. He sees them a bit more than me, but I think he knows what I mean about being mates rather than friends. They're very pleasent people, and I'd hate to lose their friendship, but I can't see the situation changing much - not for a few years at least. But it might be too late by then.
Thu 04/09/03 at 14:35
Regular
"Chavez, just hush.."
Posts: 11,080
Goatboy wrote:
> It was declared gay in the word-reformation of 1997.
> Along with "terrific!" "buddy" and
> "Wow!"

So MSN is spreading gayness with it's 'Buddy List?'
Thu 04/09/03 at 13:56
Regular
"Long time no see!"
Posts: 8,351
People you do stuff with. People you get along really well with. People who... You're close-to - but never THAT close! They'll always be "watching your back", and you'll always be "watching theirs".

That is, basically, how I would define "Friend".


If you've become friends with someone once, and you then lose-contact with them for a good-deal of time, you should find that the person is still the same, and that they haven't changed.

"People" don't change (...Unless they win the Lottery!)

They may appear or look different on the outside, but on the inside, they're still the same person they always were; just a little bit older.


The only problem is that after even only a year-or-two apart, the very-next time you see them is always 'awkward', and you never quite know what to do next - doubting whether they really are still the same.

But I've found from experience that they are the same. Just "older", and all-that.


I haven't seen my only-ever "best-friend" for about 8 years now, since he and his family immegreated to Australia. I haven't heard from him for a couple of years, either - no-one has.

It makes me think he has changed, but I'm still intent on one-day, within the next 4-or-5 years, travelling over there to find him, and see how he's doing, just because we were such good-friends before he left.
Wed 03/09/03 at 15:50
Regular
Posts: 8,220
monkey_man wrote:
> Rosalind wrote:
> maybe your being too analytical. Do you really need to
> compartmentalise all the people you know into different groups?
>
> Gee, I do sound like a bit of an an*l c*nt, don't I!


I don't know. You have friends who you can't completely trust and depend on like.. better friends.

Only if that's the distinction I wouldn't have thought how often you see each other would be all that important...
Wed 03/09/03 at 15:30
Regular
"Selected"
Posts: 4,199
if you smack a friend in the gob and they cower in the corner - you're the alpha male.

otherwise their all mates.
Wed 03/09/03 at 14:48
Regular
"may contain nuts"
Posts: 533
My friends are all friends.

No select groups except one guy who I known since I was a nipper, guess he is best friend but that sounds like an 80's american sitcom.
Wed 03/09/03 at 14:45
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Flippant mode:

Your friends become condoms?? That could be useful in certain situations.

Serious mode:

It is a fact of life that friends drift apart as people move around the country, become involved in a one to one relationship or develop new interests. Personally I've found that good friends remain good friends regardless of the fact that you are miles apart and only in touch a few times a year. Each friendship / situation is different. Sometimes it doesn't matter that you haven't spoken for 12 months, after the initial catching up, it is like you saw them yesterday. Some friendships you just have to let go.
Wed 03/09/03 at 14:38
Regular
"8==="
Posts: 33,481
*Jumps in*

Shut up you bunch of new-lads! :D
Wed 03/09/03 at 14:32
Regular
"everyone says it"
Posts: 14,738
FantasyMeister wrote:
> If you contact them out of the blue saying your house burnt down and
> could they put you and your 14 parakeets up for 3 weeks and they say
> yes, then they're still friends. If not, then they're mates.

LOL.
Wed 03/09/03 at 13:01
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
Rosalind wrote:
> maybe your being too analytical. Do you really need to
> compartmentalise all the people you know into different groups?

Gee, I do sound like a bit of an an*l c*nt, don't I! Maybe I'll rephrase that into "People that I see on a regular basis and people that I don't". It's not like I'm not friendly to anyone (hopefully I'm not), but I hate the feeling of drifting apart from people who I used to go out loads with and got on well with.
Wed 03/09/03 at 12:47
Regular
"Excommunicated"
Posts: 23,284
In my work

My brain hurt today

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