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"Lord of the Flies"

The campaign of chucking every spider I see through the window has been a long, laborious and often petrifying affair, but it seems to be working.

New problem:
The house is filling up with flies. There are two in the room with the computer (where I am now), one in my bedroom, and at least 3 in the kitchen.

Unlike spiders, they can fly (no sh**!), and they're quick - too quick to catch. Meaning I'm at their mercy.

Fortunately they're also unlike spiders in the fact that they don't try to kill you, or worse crawl across your face, while you sleep, so at the moment we're getting along fairly well.
The one in my bedroom seemed fairly polite, until he got a bit too bold and buzzed around my face - though that didn't last. I think we bonded.

But will the house's fly population follow a 'boom-bust' pattern, or will it rise forever, until it reaches a plateau where it's just not possible to fit any more flies in?
Even if I'm to be saved by the boom-bust distribution, at their peak I could be inhaling 7 flies with every breath.
If you've ever been cycling with your mouth open you'll know why this scares me.


Yep, I'm very much a one-fly-man, and while I can tolerate the other 5 (jealous) flies for now, inevitably the fly population will spiral out of all control, driving me from my home.

And all because I chucked a bunch of spiders out of the window.


Don't be a fool, don't go the same way I did. Mother Nature knows better than you ever will, and if she says the spiders are in then so it must be.

You've been warned.

I see a box of matches. I have an old can of deoderant from a christmas gift box thing a couple of years ago that I'll never use.

I think I have the makings of a Macauley Culkin - like campaign against my intruders.

With the rest of my family on holiday or living elsewhere, I am Home Alone too.

Hmm... I think I know where I can get rusty nails....

Quazi wrote:
> I had loads of flys in my house earlier this week...i just opened a
> window and waved my hands in front of them and made them fly away.

You obviously a magical way with flies. You will be known to me from now on as "Quazi the Fly Enchanter".

I had loads of flys in my house earlier this week...i just opened a window and waved my hands in front of them and made them fly away. But if you can time it right you can clap in midair and K.O one of them, i did this and the fly lost the use of its wings and two of its legs ;)

The sagacious one wrote:
> I've experienced an infestation (in my flat) and we had to resort to
> those hideous glue traps.

Glue traps? Surely you jest. Only a psychopathic rat-catcher could invent such a devilish utensil.

As for bashing flies. I had another method. I used to trap them behind a curtain against the glass of the window with my nimble fingers, then impale their manic buzzing with a pin. The evil designs of childhood, eh.

Every man on this earth should construct his own rudimentary fly-basher. It's like membership to an exclusive club.

Shunning everyday weapons like the fly swatter and the open palm, one must weld his fly-basher with reckless abandon with no quarter given. Indeed, the inadvertent and foolhardy destruction of other property whilst embarking on the youthful "flybashing" quest is a priority.

Then you'll be a real man.

Black Glove wrote:
> Unbeliever wrote:
> When I was younger, I managed to create a "fly-basher".
>
> "The Fly-basher of the Unbeliever" - sounds like the sacred
> weapon of a great hero.
> I could embark of a treacherous odyssey in pursuit of that legendary
> "rude club".

It was truly remarkable. Such an innocent looking thing but it held a dark and sinister past that was wreathed in blood.

Unbeliever wrote:
> When I was younger, I managed to create a "fly-basher". It
> was a poor Blue Peter job with layers and layers of newspaper covered
> with sellotape and resembling a rude club.

> That was a great weapon and my fly killing skills had been honed to a
> fine art that summer over 10 years ago.

There is no more noble art than killing flies. Like Blade hunts Vampires I hunt flies.

Black Glove wrote:
>
> I don't know if you've ever had an infestation of mice [or little
> rats]. I have, and it's seriously bad news. They scurry around waking
> you up every five minutes, russle about in waste paper bins, spring
> onto the bed, leave droppings everywhere, and [so I'm told] urinate
> everywhere too. Terrible.
> We didn't want to do it, but we had to get Rent-a-kill in. The
> non-lethal mousetraps didn't work.

I've experienced an infestation (in my flat) and we had to resort to those hideous glue traps. The poor mice scurry onto these and get stuck; as the glue is so strong that they often rip their own limbs off trying to escape. I had to therefore pick up a glue trap with the mouse on soon as it was discovered, place the mouse's head over the edge of a concrete step and snap it's neck with the back of a broom handle. Bad Karma man but it was the most humane thing to do.

Unbeliever wrote:
> When I was younger, I managed to create a "fly-basher".

"The Fly-basher of the Unbeliever" - sounds like the sacred weapon of a great hero.
I could embark of a treacherous odyssey in pursuit of that legendary "rude club".

When I was younger, I managed to create a "fly-basher". It was a poor Blue Peter job with layers and layers of newspaper covered with sellotape and resembling a rude club.

It was highly effective though. I killed loads of flies with that one. By the time I finally laid it to rest (it had fallen apart due to overuse) it had vanquished over a thousand flies and also had the unusual award of being responsible for breaking three prized pieces of crockery in the house, much to the chagrin and anger of my mum.

That was a great weapon and my fly killing skills had been honed to a fine art that summer over 10 years ago.