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Much of the Eastern sea-board suffered a power-cut yesterday, plunging many areas in total daylight. Local New York resident Al-Fahaa El-Mackba said “I was sitting at home reading, when all of a suddent I felt the urge for a cup of tea. I went to boil the kettle and then I realised that I had no power”.
When pressed to describe the terrifying ordeal, Mr El-Mackba shrugged “I had a soda instead and went for a walk”
Similar stories flooded in to newsrooms all over the country and the same horrific story was repeated nationwide, “Power cut affects Eastern Sea-Board! Nobody overly bothered really!”
CNN were quick to whip up hysteria and controversy by running the banner “Terrorist attack?!?!!!111” at the bottom of the screen, forgetting that nobody in the affected areas could ready it anyway.
Anchorman Dan Lovely expressed CNN’s concern with a grim, heroic voice similar to The Tic: “People everywhere are panicking! They’re stocking up on sunshine in case TERRORISTS try to attack them at night, under cover of darkness”
When pointed out that only Bond Villains had the technology and wherewithal to alter the planet’s solar cycle, Lovely looked even more patriotic and Chuck Norris “Yes but what if it escalates? What if TERRORISTS!!!!! try to, y’know, harness the terrible power the sun to achieve their own sunshine goals? They could hold us to ransom, TERRORISTS!!!!”
All over America, bovine masses were immediately concerned at the likelihood of this being a terrorist attack. UK Tourist Alan Commiesympathiser sighed “for god’s sake, they should try living in a country where we have had terrorist bombings for as long as I can remember. I mean really, one albeit horrific attack, and suddenly they start trying to blame Johnny Foreigner for anything”.
Events took a turn for the patriotic when President George “pig-eyed demon” Bush was informed of this potential terrorist skyjacking by Defence Secretary Chuck “Patriot” Goddamn.
Bush was quick to address the nation in a faltering, squinty-eyed televised address to the nation from a special safety bunker somewhere underground:
“Ma fellow Amurcans, do not worry, for ah’m safe. I have been informed by ma security cabinet that we will pursue the perpetrators of this terrible thing and…ah…get ‘em real good. Rest assured that I will not sleep until I am tired and have bombed the ass off of whoever did this. Or at least another country that I’ve been itching to smackdown but didn’t have no reason. Hyuck hyuck hyuck”.
When it became clear that a simple power cut was to blame, and not nefarious moonpeople intent on destroying all that is good, Bush once again addressed the nation, dressed in combats and smeared with camouflage paint to indicate his compassion and dedication to his fellow soldiers:
”People of Amurca, I have spoken to ma advisors and their insurance companies, and they tell meh this was an ‘Act of Gawd’.
Well I’ve been reading up on that there Gawd, and have had advice from several army men, and it is clear that this ‘Gawd’ is to blame. He is the head of a very well organised group, responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent Amurcans. His followers are fanatical, loyal, dedicated and willing to follow his word to the very last. This cannot be permitted. I have mobilised every plane, warship, tank, missile, pointy stone and pebble in an effort to find this person, and I will not stop until we have foiled his attempts to destroy everything we hold dear as a nation: War, acts of contrition, illiteracy, 3rd World levels of povery in some inner cities, xenophobia, hatred of others and an arrogance that staggers belief.
These truths we hold to be self evident, and I will promise you that I will find, stop and destroy this “Gawd”. God bless each and every one of you honest white anglo-saxon Christians. And probably The French are to blame, so let's keep Freedom Fries forevah! Ah...but we'll keep that there Statue of Liberty, 'cos that symbolises our great country. Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the listening-bugs bite”
When pressed to describe the terrifying ordeal, Mr El-Mackba shrugged “I had a soda instead and went for a walk”
Similar stories flooded in to newsrooms all over the country and the same horrific story was repeated nationwide, “Power cut affects Eastern Sea-Board! Nobody overly bothered really!”
CNN were quick to whip up hysteria and controversy by running the banner “Terrorist attack?!?!!!111” at the bottom of the screen, forgetting that nobody in the affected areas could ready it anyway.
Anchorman Dan Lovely expressed CNN’s concern with a grim, heroic voice similar to The Tic: “People everywhere are panicking! They’re stocking up on sunshine in case TERRORISTS try to attack them at night, under cover of darkness”
When pointed out that only Bond Villains had the technology and wherewithal to alter the planet’s solar cycle, Lovely looked even more patriotic and Chuck Norris “Yes but what if it escalates? What if TERRORISTS!!!!! try to, y’know, harness the terrible power the sun to achieve their own sunshine goals? They could hold us to ransom, TERRORISTS!!!!”
All over America, bovine masses were immediately concerned at the likelihood of this being a terrorist attack. UK Tourist Alan Commiesympathiser sighed “for god’s sake, they should try living in a country where we have had terrorist bombings for as long as I can remember. I mean really, one albeit horrific attack, and suddenly they start trying to blame Johnny Foreigner for anything”.
Events took a turn for the patriotic when President George “pig-eyed demon” Bush was informed of this potential terrorist skyjacking by Defence Secretary Chuck “Patriot” Goddamn.
Bush was quick to address the nation in a faltering, squinty-eyed televised address to the nation from a special safety bunker somewhere underground:
“Ma fellow Amurcans, do not worry, for ah’m safe. I have been informed by ma security cabinet that we will pursue the perpetrators of this terrible thing and…ah…get ‘em real good. Rest assured that I will not sleep until I am tired and have bombed the ass off of whoever did this. Or at least another country that I’ve been itching to smackdown but didn’t have no reason. Hyuck hyuck hyuck”.
When it became clear that a simple power cut was to blame, and not nefarious moonpeople intent on destroying all that is good, Bush once again addressed the nation, dressed in combats and smeared with camouflage paint to indicate his compassion and dedication to his fellow soldiers:
”People of Amurca, I have spoken to ma advisors and their insurance companies, and they tell meh this was an ‘Act of Gawd’.
Well I’ve been reading up on that there Gawd, and have had advice from several army men, and it is clear that this ‘Gawd’ is to blame. He is the head of a very well organised group, responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent Amurcans. His followers are fanatical, loyal, dedicated and willing to follow his word to the very last. This cannot be permitted. I have mobilised every plane, warship, tank, missile, pointy stone and pebble in an effort to find this person, and I will not stop until we have foiled his attempts to destroy everything we hold dear as a nation: War, acts of contrition, illiteracy, 3rd World levels of povery in some inner cities, xenophobia, hatred of others and an arrogance that staggers belief.
These truths we hold to be self evident, and I will promise you that I will find, stop and destroy this “Gawd”. God bless each and every one of you honest white anglo-saxon Christians. And probably The French are to blame, so let's keep Freedom Fries forevah! Ah...but we'll keep that there Statue of Liberty, 'cos that symbolises our great country. Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the listening-bugs bite”
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haha
My lady friend was all CNN warped about it the other day. I had to give her a damn good beating... well beating meaning discussion. She still won't read George Orwell.
My lady friend was all CNN warped about it the other day. I had to give her a damn good beating... well beating meaning discussion. She still won't read George Orwell.
Yep, Al-Queda Electricity Branch. Bringing terror through no public transport and rapidly melting freezer goods.
"First we kill your power, then we release the killa bees!"
"First we kill your power, then we release the killa bees!"
Heck, even I realised it was a spoof, though the power network of any country makes for a stupidly easy target, especially if crippled in a way that causes anything more than a few days drop out.
I didn't realise I needed to put "spoof" in the title for the idiots.
My mistake.
My mistake.
Kiriyama wrote:
> That said, it wouldn't be "plunged" into daylight, but it
> would remain in daylight...
Read the original post - It's a spoof/joke type thing.
> That said, it wouldn't be "plunged" into daylight, but it
> would remain in daylight...
Read the original post - It's a spoof/joke type thing.
Kiriyama wrote:
> That said, it wouldn't be "plunged" into daylight, but it
> would remain in daylight...
It's called "comedy".
Possibly an aspect of life you'll never grasp.
> That said, it wouldn't be "plunged" into daylight, but it
> would remain in daylight...
It's called "comedy".
Possibly an aspect of life you'll never grasp.
"CNN were quick to whip up hysteria and controversy by running the banner “Terrorist attack?!?!!!111” at the bottom of the screen, forgetting that nobody in the affected areas could ready it anyway"
That made me laugh uncontrollably.
Heh, it's true though, in a funny way.
That made me laugh uncontrollably.
Heh, it's true though, in a funny way.
That said, it wouldn't be "plunged" into daylight, but it would remain in daylight...
Kiriyama wrote:
> Goatboy wrote:
> Much of the Eastern sea-board suffered a power-cut yesterday,
> plunging
> many areas in total daylight.
>
> Don't you mean darkness? :|
No, the power cut happened during the day.
Thats why the widescale panic is so laughably stupid.
> Goatboy wrote:
> Much of the Eastern sea-board suffered a power-cut yesterday,
> plunging
> many areas in total daylight.
>
> Don't you mean darkness? :|
No, the power cut happened during the day.
Thats why the widescale panic is so laughably stupid.
Goatboy wrote:
> Much of the Eastern sea-board suffered a power-cut yesterday, plunging
> many areas in total daylight.
Don't you mean darkness? :|
> Much of the Eastern sea-board suffered a power-cut yesterday, plunging
> many areas in total daylight.
Don't you mean darkness? :|
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