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"Cuddle your pets tonight and whisper "I wuv you" softly into furry ears"

Because they will be dead by dawn. I'm even going to include any wildlife that inhabits your garden. Total genocide.

You had your chance.

Good job I don't know where Stoke is.

I made a funny noisehahahahahaha

You should also beware of FFF, as he is currently rounding up any animals not sellotaped to Ford Fiesta dashboards, for our secret animal love sanctuary. In Stoke.

I voted for you

Will my goldfish be alright?

Their doom is imminent; for I have infected them with the entropy virus. Some of your pets will try and kill themselves by playing with cars, the rest will not live beyond old age.

I hate you all for making me do this.

You sick f#cks.

I'm seeing your point, definitely, but as you say they're getting prepared for an imminent stoate attack, and so they need strong leadership, perhaps only the leadership a slow loris can give. Of course, beneath the slow loris general, there would be multiple colonels and sergeants, all slender, who will provide the leadership on the battlefield, just not the tactics beforehand.

Possibly, and it's a very nice theory you've formulated there, but still I can't see it going smoothly. There'll be some fighting amongst the ranks, and that's the last thing we need with a stoate attack imminent.

That's my reason for thinking it, it's exactly what you wouldn't expect. Maybe the superiority of the slender loris was merely a ploy to hide the slow loris from harm, due to its superior intellect and strategic planning capabilities.

It's exactly the kind of thing a sly animal like a loris (slender or slow) would do.

A slender loris taking orders from a slow? I can't see that one happening, pers'nally...

The otter might be able to hold it off, yes, but long enough for all the slender lorises (lorii?) to get there... I think not.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that the slender loris army is led by a single slow loris.

The only thing that can combat a stoate is Gerrid's slender loris population.

Although I have an otter of giant proportions with just crazy claws that could hold it off until they got here.