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"I've seen some stinkers in my time..."

...but "Bulletproof Monk" is easily the worst of the lot. I can't even be bothered to have a conversation about this now - just thinking about the film makes me lose interest! It was seriously the most dire film I have ever seen. Chow Yun Fat is a kung-fu/action star, but he chose to play this clownish monk that's a total parody of his earlier, better roles. Sean William Scott plays his usual teen-comedy role...except there weren't any jokes, and he looked totally wooden, which is a shame seeing as I quite like him in his other films. The prize for the worst acting goes to both the "Chick", (Jade or something, she had a palace) and the old Nazi who was looking for a scroll that, once read out loud, the reader could control the world. Why don't they just destroy the stupid scroll before he inevitably finds it!?!?

the Nazi's hideout was hilarious. It was like this underground sewer, even though he had loads of money and his grand-daughter was President of the Human rights Organisation (the perfect cover for Nazis, don't you think?). The funniest bit was when she was wheeling the old Nazi along in his wheelchair and he was explaining why he needed the scroll. Think about it, she's about 35 and he's probably told her this story loads of times, just convenient that he did it there and then for the camera. I have this mental image of her going "*sigh* Yes Grandad, I've heard your story about how you have to find the secret scroll and control the world. Time for your pea soup.". The Grandad's numberplate even spelt the word "NZY"! (say it quickly).

Just an utter, utter waste of time. The beginning fight scene between Chow Yun and his master was pretty good, but the backgrounds were obviously fake and it's been done plenty of times in plenty of better action/kung-fu movies. So many plot holes to mention here, and so much bad science and stolen scenes to count. Also, did anyone notice the startling resemblance between the Nazi's torture machine and the one in the Princess Bride? Made me laugh out loud in the cinema, which was unusually quiet. Hmmmmm. He wasn't even bulletproof, either. In fact, the first thing he does is get shot. Then a bullet goes past him in slow-mo a bit later, but that was going to miss anyway. In my opinion, a much better fish-out-of-water-kung-fu-action-flick is "Repo Man". Check that out and see how people should be taught martial arts and how to dodge bullets.

Bah.

Bruce Almighty just staes what we all knew - Morgan Freeman is God.

That i have to see! Ace Ventura in total control...cool!!

A trailer that I saw todaythat looked good was something like Almighty Bruce, it's Jim Carrey being given the power of God for a week.

The name was what enticed me. I was watching The Recruit and the trailer came on, with the husky voice guy saying "Bulllllletproof Monk". I laughed and decided it'd be funny. It wasn't.

Best thing was seeing the new Matrix trailer on the big screen. I can't wait for that. And X-Men 2 trailer as well.

"What have you done Eric?"
"To be honest, sod all. Escaped from a clingfilm prison, and you're still a cripple."

I mean, come on. A plastic prison.

That's weird, i thought the trailler looked really good! Maybe not then....

monkey_man wrote:
> He wasn't even bulletproof,

--

I know! I was shocked at that. He got shot. Blatant false advertising. Oh, and prize for worse line ever?

"Do you like my armoured car, Kar?"

I fiund myself wondering if anyone would mind if I killed myself right there in the aisle.

Did you go to the bathroon?

I hope you believed you could

It reminded me of this, from The Simpsons:

Bart: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Karate Instructor: "You can, if you believe you can"

It was like that, all the way through.

You deserved it. You went to a film, knowing that it was called 'Bulletproof Monk'.

No good can come from a film with a name like that.

I sat there the whole movie, belming. Worst film ever.