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"I've seen some stinkers in my time..."

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Thu 24/04/03 at 11:21
Regular
Posts: 787
...but "Bulletproof Monk" is easily the worst of the lot. I can't even be bothered to have a conversation about this now - just thinking about the film makes me lose interest! It was seriously the most dire film I have ever seen. Chow Yun Fat is a kung-fu/action star, but he chose to play this clownish monk that's a total parody of his earlier, better roles. Sean William Scott plays his usual teen-comedy role...except there weren't any jokes, and he looked totally wooden, which is a shame seeing as I quite like him in his other films. The prize for the worst acting goes to both the "Chick", (Jade or something, she had a palace) and the old Nazi who was looking for a scroll that, once read out loud, the reader could control the world. Why don't they just destroy the stupid scroll before he inevitably finds it!?!?

the Nazi's hideout was hilarious. It was like this underground sewer, even though he had loads of money and his grand-daughter was President of the Human rights Organisation (the perfect cover for Nazis, don't you think?). The funniest bit was when she was wheeling the old Nazi along in his wheelchair and he was explaining why he needed the scroll. Think about it, she's about 35 and he's probably told her this story loads of times, just convenient that he did it there and then for the camera. I have this mental image of her going "*sigh* Yes Grandad, I've heard your story about how you have to find the secret scroll and control the world. Time for your pea soup.". The Grandad's numberplate even spelt the word "NZY"! (say it quickly).

Just an utter, utter waste of time. The beginning fight scene between Chow Yun and his master was pretty good, but the backgrounds were obviously fake and it's been done plenty of times in plenty of better action/kung-fu movies. So many plot holes to mention here, and so much bad science and stolen scenes to count. Also, did anyone notice the startling resemblance between the Nazi's torture machine and the one in the Princess Bride? Made me laugh out loud in the cinema, which was unusually quiet. Hmmmmm. He wasn't even bulletproof, either. In fact, the first thing he does is get shot. Then a bullet goes past him in slow-mo a bit later, but that was going to miss anyway. In my opinion, a much better fish-out-of-water-kung-fu-action-flick is "Repo Man". Check that out and see how people should be taught martial arts and how to dodge bullets.

Bah.
Thu 15/05/03 at 19:26
Regular
"twothousandandtits"
Posts: 11,024
"Guests"?
Thu 15/05/03 at 15:08
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
You should have seen the Thai Television on offer. Every show had men with swords in it, bad hair and unfathomable humour (the fact that it was all in Thai didn't help). Amazingly any guests I had staying with me, were compelled by the drivel on offer.

And yes this is the last time I mention my holiday.
Thu 15/05/03 at 14:57
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
I still can't believe that I paid good money to see this. I should have given the ticket fee to a tramp in return for him kicking me repeatedly in the ball-nads until they came out my a***-end. Would have been much more enjoyable, with better "special" effects.
Thu 15/05/03 at 14:22
"Darth Vader 3442321"
Posts: 4,031
I saw this film being advertised when I was in Thailand and thought to myself "I'm glad that kind of sh*t isn't at the cinema in good ol Blighty".

How wrong can a man be.
Fri 25/04/03 at 18:09
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
Am i right in thinking there's a game of this film coming out? I smell a bargan bucket title *Realises he's sitting on LOTR* oh, well that's that solved then.
Fri 25/04/03 at 18:08
Regular
Posts: 16,548
BEARDS. wrote:
> Morgan Freeman is an amazing man. Just by appearing in a film he has
> the power to make it watchable.

--

To prove this point - I'm off to see Dreamcatcher tonight, knowing nothing except that Morgan Freeman is in it. And that's all I need to know.
Fri 25/04/03 at 18:03
Regular
"Wants Spymate on dv"
Posts: 3,025
It's a big shame that Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan seem intent of ruining their once great careers by constantly staring in American made tosh for big pay checks. Keep it real, go back to making Hong Kong movies instead you money-grabbers.
Fri 25/04/03 at 17:59
" Crazy!"
Posts: 1,768
Anyone else noted that the person who becomes the guarder of the scroll in this film is not allowed to have a name.

Well if this is the case, how cme at the end when Kar becomes one of the new guarders, how come that Yun fat guy directly refers to him as Kar.
Fri 25/04/03 at 14:01
Regular
"Cardboard Tube Ninj"
Posts: 2,221
Morgan Freeman is an amazing man. Just by appearing in a film he has the power to make it watchable.
Fri 25/04/03 at 12:25
Regular
"Pouch Ape"
Posts: 14,499
It's always been a joke amongst me and my girlfriend that Morgan Freeman is God. That film just proves it.

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