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"Staff Wars: Episode I"

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Wed 26/03/03 at 18:29
Regular
Posts: 787
Quite recently, in a forum you’re in now, was a young boy named Final Fantasy Fanatic, or FFF for short. Until very recently, FFF was a good and wholesome poster, posting many great tales of daring adventures and the like. Yet, the Slightly Gray Side, in the guise of PB, whose real name has been lost in the aeons of time, corrupted him, and, like all young, senseless apprentices FFF turned to the Slightly Grey Side. His powers, now turned grey, shall forever continue, and soon the numbing flamming shall set in. First one small, powerless, unsuspecting JAT, then, THE WORLD. It is on one such days, that we have found the “innocent” FFF, in a room with a small window, typing rapidly on his computer, wearing a spray-painted black saucepan attached to a ventilator.


FFF- Huh? Is that a cammera?
Drunk Cow- Moo.

FFF slaps Drunk Cow [DC henceforth] on the back of the head.

FFF- It’s a name. You’re not actually a cow.
DC- Oh.
FFF- Huh? Is that a camera?
DC- Yup.
FFF- Are you filming me, to give information of my whereabouts to another apprentice of my master?
DC- Yup.

At this point, Parr jumps through the window.

FFF- Huh? Is that a camera?
Parr- Er… No.
FFF- OK then.

DC coughs loudly.

FFF- Oh yeah… Where was I?
DC- Something about me giving head to your sister.
FFF- Oh! That’s right, as I was saying, will this be given to the apprentice of my master, who will later grow to be stronger than me?
Parr- Hold it! Will it be possible for this evidence to be used in court?
FFF- What evidence?
Parr- Oh… Sorry, wrong place.

Parr moves in front of DC’s camera.

Parr- You have the force Luke.

Parr jumps back out the window, falling on the glass he broke the first time.

Parr [from beyond the window]- I’m alright!

Parr falls back on the ground, screaming in pain.

Parr- Umm… A little help?
FFF- Anyway… Will it be given to that guy who knows my master?
DC- Yup.
FFF- OK then.
DC- Can you take off your mask for a second please? So I can get a nice picture of you with the ventilator?
FFF- Agh! Get out, you little, insignificant REGULAR!

DC runs out screaming something about not being a regular. As we can see, FFF is not the most considerate person…





Chapter 1

It all began one summers day, when, whilst all his “friends” were outside, BEARDS sat watching the video which had been given to him, many years ago…



The street was cold, a wind whipped round the figures silhouted in the sunlight, as the dark buildings towered above them.

Kyz22- Hiya DC!
DC- Shush.
Kyz22- Hiya DC!

DC coughs loudly.

DC- Shush.
Kyz22- Hiya DC!
DC- SHUT UP ALREADY!!!
Kyz22-…
DC- Sorry.
Kyz22- Hiya DC!

DC jumps at Kyz22, and grapples him to the floor, kicking him with his sandals. Kyz22, seeming undetered by DC’s attempts…

Kyz22- Nice shoes.
DC- They’re not shoes, they’re sandals.
Kyz22- Umm… Do you wanna stop kicking me?
DC- Hmm… Let me see. No.
Kyz22- Ok then.

DC’s assault on Kyz22 [henceforth “Kyz”] goes on for another 26 minutes.

DC- Sigh.
Kyz- Well, that was fun.
DC- Sure was.
Kyz- Hiya DC!
DC- Oh shut the hell up.
Kyz- Do you have the tape?
DC- Yeah…

DC hands over precious footage of FFF.

Kyz- Thanks.
DC- No biggie.
Kyz- Let’s go for a ride…

Kyz leads DC to a Mazda 3.1 Speeder.

Kyz- Let’s go for a ride…
DC- Didn’t you just say that?
Kyz- Yeah, but it didn’t feel right the first time.
DC inspects the speeder closely…

DC- Well, OK then.
Kyz- My speeder’s right over there.

Kyz moves over to a smaller, slightly crumpled FIAT speeder, and opens the door. A few hours later, still in the speeder, DC is fiddling with what appears to be a long, oblong shaped object in his coat pocket.

DC- Stop! This is the end of the line for you Kyz!

Kyz’s eyes widen as he catches sight of the object in DC’s pocket.

Kyz- Please! Don’t shoot!
DC- No, I mean it, this is the end of the line!
Kyz- Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
DC- Oh for God’s sake…

DC grabs the steering wheel and veers across the road.

Kyz- Oh! Wrong LANE, you really need to work on you're spelling!
DC- Whoops, did I do bad?
Kyz- Numbnuts.
DC- Whoops. Would you like a bannana?

DC pulls the object out from his pocket.

Kyz- I think I’ll pass on that one actually.

Suddenly, FFF falls from above them onto the bonnet of the speeder.

FFF- Mwahahaha! I have you know Kyz!

Parr follows FFF, falling on the boot.

Kyz- No! Not FFF!
Parr- You have the right to remain silent.
Kyz [whimpering] - Why did you say that Parr?
Parr- Umm… er…
Wed 26/03/03 at 19:22
Regular
"Being Ignorant"
Posts: 2,574
You seem to be trying to make some kind of point that will cause an argument Kyz22
Wed 26/03/03 at 19:17
Regular
"Z will be here soon"
Posts: 7,562
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> What exactly are you implying.....?

I take it you knew nothing about this?
Wed 26/03/03 at 19:16
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> What exactly are you implying.....?

Oh, nothing at all my good friend :D.
Wed 26/03/03 at 19:13
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
What exactly are you implying.....?
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:57
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
Kyz22 wrote:
> Sylphetic wrote:
> Kyz22 wrote:
> plotless
>
> Ah, the plot comes later... Or does it?
>
> I...dont know!


Damn... What about you animen? Do you know?
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:54
Regular
"Z will be here soon"
Posts: 7,562
Sylphetic wrote:
> Kyz22 wrote:
> plotless
>
> Ah, the plot comes later... Or does it?

I...dont know!
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:52
Regular
"\\"
Posts: 9,631
Kyz22 wrote:
> "Hiya DC"

that was actually the bit i laughed at
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:51
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
Kyz22 wrote:
> plotless

Ah, the plot comes later... Or does it?
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:42
Regular
"Z will be here soon"
Posts: 7,562
That was quite funny, plotless, yet funny. "Hiya DC"
Wed 26/03/03 at 18:34
Regular
"\\"
Posts: 9,631
i laughed once.... but good post

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