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"I want to be there."

I want to be there in Iraq or Kuwait or where ever. I don’t know why but I want to be there, whether as a journalist or as a soldier. While I’m watching pictures of air raid sirens going off, people wearing gas masks and bombs going off for some reason I just want to get involved. I have an urge to be a part of it. Maybe it’s me being patriotic; maybe it’s me being mad/sick. I can’t really describe it, it could be adrenaline. A part of me just wants to pick up a rifle and kick some ***. Even as a journalist, being there would get me excited/scared. But deep down I know I want to be there with ‘our’ men and women fighting for our country.

Is it wrong for me wanting to be there while people who are there are scared and worried? Am I sick? Why do I want to be involved in a war? People will die, yet I still have an urge.

Some people don’t care, like Ant, and I can’t understand why.

War has started and I’d give my right arm to be there. Though in retrospect with out my arm I couldn’t hold a gun, so I’d be dead weight.

There’s panic in the world, and I seem to be getting off on it. Maybe I like the idea of coming home a hero, having the whole (well, nearly) country cheering me as I arrive back home. The satisfaction.

This wont make a lot of sense as I’m just writing what I feel. So, anyone else feel like this?

you don't have to kill people to let out anger.

But shooting random objects while imagining they are the heads of choice individuals does the trick just fine.

Go to a rifle range, shoot your heart out. Well, not literally, you know what I mean...

*places rifle in random hero's outstretched hands*

There you go.

Maybe it's a bit of built up anger like you say. Who knows.

"Cool" people have always smoked.

So, you just want to kill people? I feel in that mood everyday.

Hmm...I don't think I'm trying to be cool. I mean the "cool" people usually tuck there trousers into there socks, wear their baseball caps at an angle and smoke.

Well, that's the "cool" now a days.

Yes. Cider is rank and abhorrent. My friend lives in Glastonbury and she bought some cider to London when she visited. It was foul.

Drinking cider?

That's going just a little too far, don't you think?

Fair enough. Each to his own. I watched the pre-war build uo and they showed troops being primes for battle (I think I've said this before) but it was quite startling. They looked like rabid animals screaming in fury and attacking a sandbag using their bayonets with such vehemence that it was shredded in seconds.

Anyone seen Jacob's Ladder?

No, you're a posturing child that feels he has to be "cool" and alternative.

Instead of wanting to shoot people, try dying your hair, piercing your eyebrow and drinking cider like everyone else.

Yep, I'm just sick.