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"My imagination has gone haywire... again"

If there's one thing that really, truly, keeps me alive, it's my imagination. And I mean alive the sense of living, not stopping myself from killing myself.

I was on the bus home, just sitting by myself, as I always do... when I remembered about something I always used to do as a child.

When my parents were driving, they'd just be sitting in the front, not talking... not really doing anything, except driving, or if not, arguing.

So my mind would drift outside, and I'd watch the fields and the hills and the light outside... buildings and so on.

And I used to picture things.

I used to imagine that there were animals outside running along side the car... when we reached buildings they'd jump, jump onto the roofs and scuttle across the top.

Then I started picturing characters...

I used to get ill in the car, and I'd ask if I could sit in the front...

I love being in a car, I just drift off into my imagination... not a care in the world... just all the things outside running around...

So today, I did it again..

And.. well, it worked a lot better than I remembered...

Three sheep with wings appeared, standing outside the bus, gazing in at me. I smiled at them, and they smiled back. So the bus started to move.

And.. watching these sheep leaping up into the sky, gliding and bounding around, made me so happy. They'd jump up so high, land back down again... sometimes they'd try to fly and fail, bouncing in the sky, sometimes they'd glide about a bit...

Sometimes they'd get ahead of the bus, sometimes they got behind. When buildings came, they'd leap up onto the side of the roof, and try desperately to cling on... but they'd catch up..

I was listening to Nina Simone, Sinnerman... which they were bouncing around and clapping to, and one of them sung the lyrics. Then we came to a stop, and they came and attached themselves to the bus... there were like, um, fishing rods on the top of the bus, and the three sheep hooked themselves on.

I wonder what you're thinking as I write this...

Yes, I know I'm insane.

Anyway, Little Plastic Castle by Ani DiFranco came on, which they started playing and singing, while attached to these fishing rods hanging off the side of the bus, swinging in the speed.

I really wish I could show people what I see... this is why I animate... but it's so damn difficult..

At one point, the sheep that was singing Ani, still with wings on it's back opening and closing like a heartbeat, was looking straight into my eyes, smiling and singing. It felt... amazing.

The bus stopped so we could change the bus, and they started dancing on the pavement... if people were watching me, they would have seen me with such a massive smile, watching these three sheep dancing to the music... I kept thinking to myself that I wanted to dance with them, but I know how strange I'd look, I'd probably be locked away. So I just danced on my own, and they danced too.

I've taken no drugs, no alcohol or anything. I ate some of those Crunchie bits things, a breakfast apricot and coconut bar, and half an apple. Oh, and a Snickers Crunch thing. Haven't drunk anything yet. I don't know why I told you any of that, but it was just to prove that I'm not drugged or something...

The amount I used to rely on my imagination was amazing... these days, I don't rely on it that much at all...

But I listen to music without lyrics for that...

And music is the most inspiring thing that makes me imagine things... it's my own personal drug because it affects me so much.

Because music without lyrics can make me cry. It can make my body shiver, the skin to go all funny on my back...

It can make me imagine. And as long as I can keep imagining, I have so much to live for.

Imagination really is my religion. And people may like me, and people may hate me, and people may join me, and people may leave me... but I'll always have myself, and I'll always have my imagination.

And no matter how down I am, no matter how depressed I can get, my imagination can always, ALWAYS cheer me up. I just need to remember to use it...

Because today, when I got back to uni, I was thinking about everything that's happened... How I've lost so much that I've loved, how well... how stupid I've been, and how much I still have to grow... and as I was beginning to feel alone, there stood Renna, the whorecat from Amneshire, a story I'm animating and writing. She just smiled, and walked by me back to the Uni.

And that gives me so much hope, and so much confidence, just to have someone there for that moment, that I can look straight into their eyes, that I can trust intimately.

It makes me so happy.

I used to do that, visualize an imaginary character sprinting along the moving car I was in - jumping over obstacles and grinding on fences like he was in some crazy 2D platformer.

Grix Thraves wrote:
> I wonder what you're thinking as I write this...
>
> Yes, I know I'm insane.


That's pretty accurate :^)

But just reading the post made me smile, quite a lot. So I guess I'll give it a go, maybe when I (inevitably) lose the will to live in my lecture this afternoon (lame subject, lame lecturer).

See you in the asylum :^)

If there's one thing that really, truly, keeps me alive, it's my imagination. And I mean alive the sense of living, not stopping myself from killing myself.

I was on the bus home, just sitting by myself, as I always do... when I remembered about something I always used to do as a child.

When my parents were driving, they'd just be sitting in the front, not talking... not really doing anything, except driving, or if not, arguing.

So my mind would drift outside, and I'd watch the fields and the hills and the light outside... buildings and so on.

And I used to picture things.

I used to imagine that there were animals outside running along side the car... when we reached buildings they'd jump, jump onto the roofs and scuttle across the top.

Then I started picturing characters...

I used to get ill in the car, and I'd ask if I could sit in the front...

I love being in a car, I just drift off into my imagination... not a care in the world... just all the things outside running around...

So today, I did it again..

And.. well, it worked a lot better than I remembered...

Three sheep with wings appeared, standing outside the bus, gazing in at me. I smiled at them, and they smiled back. So the bus started to move.

And.. watching these sheep leaping up into the sky, gliding and bounding around, made me so happy. They'd jump up so high, land back down again... sometimes they'd try to fly and fail, bouncing in the sky, sometimes they'd glide about a bit...

Sometimes they'd get ahead of the bus, sometimes they got behind. When buildings came, they'd leap up onto the side of the roof, and try desperately to cling on... but they'd catch up..

I was listening to Nina Simone, Sinnerman... which they were bouncing around and clapping to, and one of them sung the lyrics. Then we came to a stop, and they came and attached themselves to the bus... there were like, um, fishing rods on the top of the bus, and the three sheep hooked themselves on.

I wonder what you're thinking as I write this...

Yes, I know I'm insane.

Anyway, Little Plastic Castle by Ani DiFranco came on, which they started playing and singing, while attached to these fishing rods hanging off the side of the bus, swinging in the speed.

I really wish I could show people what I see... this is why I animate... but it's so damn difficult..

At one point, the sheep that was singing Ani, still with wings on it's back opening and closing like a heartbeat, was looking straight into my eyes, smiling and singing. It felt... amazing.

The bus stopped so we could change the bus, and they started dancing on the pavement... if people were watching me, they would have seen me with such a massive smile, watching these three sheep dancing to the music... I kept thinking to myself that I wanted to dance with them, but I know how strange I'd look, I'd probably be locked away. So I just danced on my own, and they danced too.

I've taken no drugs, no alcohol or anything. I ate some of those Crunchie bits things, a breakfast apricot and coconut bar, and half an apple. Oh, and a Snickers Crunch thing. Haven't drunk anything yet. I don't know why I told you any of that, but it was just to prove that I'm not drugged or something...

The amount I used to rely on my imagination was amazing... these days, I don't rely on it that much at all...

But I listen to music without lyrics for that...

And music is the most inspiring thing that makes me imagine things... it's my own personal drug because it affects me so much.

Because music without lyrics can make me cry. It can make my body shiver, the skin to go all funny on my back...

It can make me imagine. And as long as I can keep imagining, I have so much to live for.

Imagination really is my religion. And people may like me, and people may hate me, and people may join me, and people may leave me... but I'll always have myself, and I'll always have my imagination.

And no matter how down I am, no matter how depressed I can get, my imagination can always, ALWAYS cheer me up. I just need to remember to use it...

Because today, when I got back to uni, I was thinking about everything that's happened... How I've lost so much that I've loved, how well... how stupid I've been, and how much I still have to grow... and as I was beginning to feel alone, there stood Renna, the whorecat from Amneshire, a story I'm animating and writing. She just smiled, and walked by me back to the Uni.

And that gives me so much hope, and so much confidence, just to have someone there for that moment, that I can look straight into their eyes, that I can trust intimately.

It makes me so happy.