Viewing Thread:
"I'm Sorry"

I've been bottling things up more and more recently. I've not let myself think about the bad things happening in the world, to other people and to me. As soon as a thought like that enters my mind I physically slap myself and think about something else. But today it's just all imploded.

I'm sick and tired of repressing everything that bothers me, everything that scares me and everything that chides me. I need someone to confide in, to listen to me and to tell me it'll all be alright in the end. I need someone to hug me, to silence the screams inside me. But I can't find anyone.

I need to let this out. I need to get out of me what's eating away at me. I need to write. I need to. But I can't. Everytime I try everything just regresses further into me. I can't put into words what I'm feeling. I can't express myself. And that makes me frustrated. That makes me angry. And it’s got to the point where I’m so frustrated that I just want to cry. I want to let it all out through my eyes (Never mind, it’s only me that cries). F### pride, nobility and all the other pseudo-emotions that I force on myself, I need to let me get out. In any form. Spoken, sung, written, drawn. I don’t care what medium. But I need to get out and I can’t. And that is the most frustrating, depressing, saddening and heart-wrenching thing that I have ever experienced. I’m alienated by myself. I’m wrestling with myself alone because I can’t describe what I’m feeling. And it’s continuing to chafe and chew away at me. It’s destroying me from the inside. I need someone to talk to. But I can’t find anyone to listen. I need someone to hug me. But I can’t find anyone who’ll reach out their arms to me. I'm crying out. But no one understands me... because I can't explain myself. It's just a vicious cycle.

And I’m scared. So f###ing scared.

And I’m crying.

I've been bottling things up more and more recently. I've not let myself think about the bad things happening in the world, to other people and to me. As soon as a thought like that enters my mind I physically slap myself and think about something else. But today it's just all imploded.

I'm sick and tired of repressing everything that bothers me, everything that scares me and everything that chides me. I need someone to confide in, to listen to me and to tell me it'll all be alright in the end. I need someone to hug me, to silence the screams inside me. But I can't find anyone.

I need to let this out. I need to get out of me what's eating away at me. I need to write. I need to. But I can't. Everytime I try everything just regresses further into me. I can't put into words what I'm feeling. I can't express myself. And that makes me frustrated. That makes me angry. And it’s got to the point where I’m so frustrated that I just want to cry. I want to let it all out through my eyes (Never mind, it’s only me that cries). F### pride, nobility and all the other pseudo-emotions that I force on myself, I need to let me get out. In any form. Spoken, sung, written, drawn. I don’t care what medium. But I need to get out and I can’t. And that is the most frustrating, depressing, saddening and heart-wrenching thing that I have ever experienced. I’m alienated by myself. I’m wrestling with myself alone because I can’t describe what I’m feeling. And it’s continuing to chafe and chew away at me. It’s destroying me from the inside. I need someone to talk to. But I can’t find anyone to listen. I need someone to hug me. But I can’t find anyone who’ll reach out their arms to me. I'm crying out. But no one understands me... because I can't explain myself. It's just a vicious cycle.

And I’m scared. So f###ing scared.

And I’m crying.