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It has been hinted at many times recently, but now it’s official…Great Britain is now turning its back on Europe and is officially going to be a part of America.
The surprise declaration came after Britain’s relationship with the burger-loving nation had become so strong that George W Bush decided that Britain’s loyalty should be rewarded.
Following the very close diplomatic ties between the two countries in the ill-fated ‘War on Terrorism’ and ‘The Gulf War 2: This Time it’s Personal’, many months of top secret negotiations ensued, and the point was brought before congress, and discussed between top-level government officials for many hours in the confines of the White House. A couple of minor British politicians were also consulted so as to make it appear that America didn’t have 100% influence on the matter, but they weren’t very important in the process.
The shock change has left the majority of British citizens in uproar, and leader of the opposition, Iain Duncan Smith, called the whole thing a despicable act of American greed and supremacy, and gave an incredibly boring statement about Blair being a loyal poodle, but America’s number one friend Tony Blair insisted that it was his decision to join the US, and wasn’t told what to do by any American officials. He later added that the merger would greatly benefit the UK with industry, especially in the fast-food sector. The government also knew that every American loved to buy tacky British merchandise, so they could flog countless naff items and make billions for the treasury.
In a speech to Congress, George W. Bush said, “In our moment of great need on our various war projects, we looked around for our allies, and only found Great Britain holding our hand, so we felt their loyalty should be rewarded. We’ll save them from those crumby European wimps by letting them join up with us to rule the galaxy at our side. We love those crazy little Brits; they have those funny accents, a dysfunctional royal family kinda like a more sophisticated version of The Osbournes, they always wear bowler hats, drink tea from china cups and have a strange sense of humour.
We may be devoid of great culture and long history, but heck, if we get Great Britain to be part of us, we’ll inherit their rich culture.”
Seeing as British culture seems to be slowly being replaced by American culture nowadays anyway (the music in the charts, most of the big movies, fashion, television, fast food outlets etc are all very Americanised) it is insisted that any changes to everyday life will be minimal at the beginning. Here is a preliminary idea of the proposed changes:
* The British Pound will be replaced by the British Dollar, much to the annoyance of the ‘Keep The Pound’ enthusiasts.
* Toilets are to be re-named “The John”.
* People called Colin will pronounce their name “co-lin” like Colin Powell.
* Trousers will be called pants.
* Jam will be called jelly and jelly will be called jello.
* Colour is to be spelt color and centre will be spelt center.
* Health foods will be doused in grease and deep-fried to keep the fat quota up.
* All cinema, dvd and video game releases will remain the same, with the frustrating lengthy delay between the US and us :(
* Many towns/counties will be renamed. Like America’s New England, New Jersey, New Hampshire and New York, we’ll have New Essex, New Leighton Buzzard, New Southend and New Bognor.
It is also believed that sporting life in The 51st State will change gradually over the years.
Our number one sport of football will be renamed ‘soccer’, but the rules will also slowly change over time; more players will be on each team with players specialising in either Offence, Defence and Special Teams, players will wear helmets and lots of padding, you carry the ball and instead of getting it in a goal you must run it into the end-zone and dance like a fool and push all your team-mates, your kicker can then attempt the point after. Instead of having two halves, the game will be four quarters, and the length of the average game will be about 6-hours due to time-outs and TV commercials. Football will turn from soccer into American football.
The gentleman’s game of Cricket, with all its history of British reserve and leather upon willow loveliness will also undergo several changes; instead of using a cricket bat, players will use a baseball bat, with bowlers “pitching” instead of bowling, and home runs will be scored instead of sixes.
It is also hoped that the flagging British Film industry will receive a much needed financial boost from US studios, so more and more lavish period dramas, but with a more American feel, can be made, more gritty comedies about jobless miners in the 1980’s, but this time set in American mining towns, and Guy Ritchie can finally get around to creating his epic gangster film about mockney immigrants in the mean streets of New York.
The factor that people will be most interested in will be the physical movement of the British Isles. The University of California is conducting complicated research into “artificial tectonic plate movement and mass land shifting”, with the hope that the whole of Britain will be moved across the Atlantic Ocean on giant rails and join up with the east coast of America some time in the future, enabling us to be with our new brethren. Chief researcher on the project Newt Boogermeister said, “There’s a strong chance our research will be a success, and that Britain can be moved across the ocean like a giant surfboard. Gnarly dude.”
The name of the new 51st State has yet to be finalised, but ‘The United Kingdom of America’ seems to be the preferred title according to the American administration, though people in the UK have yet to be consulted about the title of their once great nation.
It is believed that ordinary citizens will go on protest marches, and fading celebrities will sign petitions in national newspapers and speak out about the changes to improve their celebrity image, but none of it will make any difference as George W. Bush has made up his mind.
The surprise declaration came after Britain’s relationship with the burger-loving nation had become so strong that George W Bush decided that Britain’s loyalty should be rewarded.
Following the very close diplomatic ties between the two countries in the ill-fated ‘War on Terrorism’ and ‘The Gulf War 2: This Time it’s Personal’, many months of top secret negotiations ensued, and the point was brought before congress, and discussed between top-level government officials for many hours in the confines of the White House. A couple of minor British politicians were also consulted so as to make it appear that America didn’t have 100% influence on the matter, but they weren’t very important in the process.
The shock change has left the majority of British citizens in uproar, and leader of the opposition, Iain Duncan Smith, called the whole thing a despicable act of American greed and supremacy, and gave an incredibly boring statement about Blair being a loyal poodle, but America’s number one friend Tony Blair insisted that it was his decision to join the US, and wasn’t told what to do by any American officials. He later added that the merger would greatly benefit the UK with industry, especially in the fast-food sector. The government also knew that every American loved to buy tacky British merchandise, so they could flog countless naff items and make billions for the treasury.
In a speech to Congress, George W. Bush said, “In our moment of great need on our various war projects, we looked around for our allies, and only found Great Britain holding our hand, so we felt their loyalty should be rewarded. We’ll save them from those crumby European wimps by letting them join up with us to rule the galaxy at our side. We love those crazy little Brits; they have those funny accents, a dysfunctional royal family kinda like a more sophisticated version of The Osbournes, they always wear bowler hats, drink tea from china cups and have a strange sense of humour.
We may be devoid of great culture and long history, but heck, if we get Great Britain to be part of us, we’ll inherit their rich culture.”
Seeing as British culture seems to be slowly being replaced by American culture nowadays anyway (the music in the charts, most of the big movies, fashion, television, fast food outlets etc are all very Americanised) it is insisted that any changes to everyday life will be minimal at the beginning. Here is a preliminary idea of the proposed changes:
* The British Pound will be replaced by the British Dollar, much to the annoyance of the ‘Keep The Pound’ enthusiasts.
* Toilets are to be re-named “The John”.
* People called Colin will pronounce their name “co-lin” like Colin Powell.
* Trousers will be called pants.
* Jam will be called jelly and jelly will be called jello.
* Colour is to be spelt color and centre will be spelt center.
* Health foods will be doused in grease and deep-fried to keep the fat quota up.
* All cinema, dvd and video game releases will remain the same, with the frustrating lengthy delay between the US and us :(
* Many towns/counties will be renamed. Like America’s New England, New Jersey, New Hampshire and New York, we’ll have New Essex, New Leighton Buzzard, New Southend and New Bognor.
It is also believed that sporting life in The 51st State will change gradually over the years.
Our number one sport of football will be renamed ‘soccer’, but the rules will also slowly change over time; more players will be on each team with players specialising in either Offence, Defence and Special Teams, players will wear helmets and lots of padding, you carry the ball and instead of getting it in a goal you must run it into the end-zone and dance like a fool and push all your team-mates, your kicker can then attempt the point after. Instead of having two halves, the game will be four quarters, and the length of the average game will be about 6-hours due to time-outs and TV commercials. Football will turn from soccer into American football.
The gentleman’s game of Cricket, with all its history of British reserve and leather upon willow loveliness will also undergo several changes; instead of using a cricket bat, players will use a baseball bat, with bowlers “pitching” instead of bowling, and home runs will be scored instead of sixes.
It is also hoped that the flagging British Film industry will receive a much needed financial boost from US studios, so more and more lavish period dramas, but with a more American feel, can be made, more gritty comedies about jobless miners in the 1980’s, but this time set in American mining towns, and Guy Ritchie can finally get around to creating his epic gangster film about mockney immigrants in the mean streets of New York.
The factor that people will be most interested in will be the physical movement of the British Isles. The University of California is conducting complicated research into “artificial tectonic plate movement and mass land shifting”, with the hope that the whole of Britain will be moved across the Atlantic Ocean on giant rails and join up with the east coast of America some time in the future, enabling us to be with our new brethren. Chief researcher on the project Newt Boogermeister said, “There’s a strong chance our research will be a success, and that Britain can be moved across the ocean like a giant surfboard. Gnarly dude.”
The name of the new 51st State has yet to be finalised, but ‘The United Kingdom of America’ seems to be the preferred title according to the American administration, though people in the UK have yet to be consulted about the title of their once great nation.
It is believed that ordinary citizens will go on protest marches, and fading celebrities will sign petitions in national newspapers and speak out about the changes to improve their celebrity image, but none of it will make any difference as George W. Bush has made up his mind.
Page:
*grabs some popcorn*
Totoro wrote:
> Actually, It's more a little dig at the British politicians for their
> constant "loyal poodle" American stooges style antics rather
> than being "just another anti-American post". Next time read
> the whole post so as to not make a fool out of yourself on juding
> things before you've read them.
ooooh handbags now. anyway
Hmmmm let's see, you rubbish american sports with your little 6 hour joke about american football.
You say they have no culture
'jokes' about fat, grease and burger lovers, obvious jokes about Americans being fat supposedly.
again stereotypical language with the californian scientist saying 'gnarly dude'. find me a scientist from california who says that and i'll eat my cap.
There i have read it and already found 4 stereotypical ideas. How have i made myself look foolish now i can actually back up my point?
> Actually, It's more a little dig at the British politicians for their
> constant "loyal poodle" American stooges style antics rather
> than being "just another anti-American post". Next time read
> the whole post so as to not make a fool out of yourself on juding
> things before you've read them.
ooooh handbags now. anyway
Hmmmm let's see, you rubbish american sports with your little 6 hour joke about american football.
You say they have no culture
'jokes' about fat, grease and burger lovers, obvious jokes about Americans being fat supposedly.
again stereotypical language with the californian scientist saying 'gnarly dude'. find me a scientist from california who says that and i'll eat my cap.
There i have read it and already found 4 stereotypical ideas. How have i made myself look foolish now i can actually back up my point?
lalakersrule wrote:
> <<<*reads up to 3rd line when notices the words *burger
> loving nation* realises it's going to be a tiresome, stereotypical
> anti-american post
Actually, It's more a little dig at the British politicians for their constant "loyal poodle" American stooges style antics rather than being "just another anti-American post". Next time read the whole post so as to not make a fool out of yourself on juding things before you've read them.
> <<<*reads up to 3rd line when notices the words *burger
> loving nation* realises it's going to be a tiresome, stereotypical
> anti-american post
Actually, It's more a little dig at the British politicians for their constant "loyal poodle" American stooges style antics rather than being "just another anti-American post". Next time read the whole post so as to not make a fool out of yourself on juding things before you've read them.
Americans love burgers, so?
<<<*reads up to 3rd line when notices the words *burger loving nation* realises it's going to be a tiresome, stereotypical anti-american post, which i have seen many times on this board and heard out and about in the crowds of people so decides to save himself some time and goes to find some other posts worth taking seriously*
I liked that
Superb.
And sadly not that far-fetched
And sadly not that far-fetched
It has been hinted at many times recently, but now it’s official…Great Britain is now turning its back on Europe and is officially going to be a part of America.
The surprise declaration came after Britain’s relationship with the burger-loving nation had become so strong that George W Bush decided that Britain’s loyalty should be rewarded.
Following the very close diplomatic ties between the two countries in the ill-fated ‘War on Terrorism’ and ‘The Gulf War 2: This Time it’s Personal’, many months of top secret negotiations ensued, and the point was brought before congress, and discussed between top-level government officials for many hours in the confines of the White House. A couple of minor British politicians were also consulted so as to make it appear that America didn’t have 100% influence on the matter, but they weren’t very important in the process.
The shock change has left the majority of British citizens in uproar, and leader of the opposition, Iain Duncan Smith, called the whole thing a despicable act of American greed and supremacy, and gave an incredibly boring statement about Blair being a loyal poodle, but America’s number one friend Tony Blair insisted that it was his decision to join the US, and wasn’t told what to do by any American officials. He later added that the merger would greatly benefit the UK with industry, especially in the fast-food sector. The government also knew that every American loved to buy tacky British merchandise, so they could flog countless naff items and make billions for the treasury.
In a speech to Congress, George W. Bush said, “In our moment of great need on our various war projects, we looked around for our allies, and only found Great Britain holding our hand, so we felt their loyalty should be rewarded. We’ll save them from those crumby European wimps by letting them join up with us to rule the galaxy at our side. We love those crazy little Brits; they have those funny accents, a dysfunctional royal family kinda like a more sophisticated version of The Osbournes, they always wear bowler hats, drink tea from china cups and have a strange sense of humour.
We may be devoid of great culture and long history, but heck, if we get Great Britain to be part of us, we’ll inherit their rich culture.”
Seeing as British culture seems to be slowly being replaced by American culture nowadays anyway (the music in the charts, most of the big movies, fashion, television, fast food outlets etc are all very Americanised) it is insisted that any changes to everyday life will be minimal at the beginning. Here is a preliminary idea of the proposed changes:
* The British Pound will be replaced by the British Dollar, much to the annoyance of the ‘Keep The Pound’ enthusiasts.
* Toilets are to be re-named “The John”.
* People called Colin will pronounce their name “co-lin” like Colin Powell.
* Trousers will be called pants.
* Jam will be called jelly and jelly will be called jello.
* Colour is to be spelt color and centre will be spelt center.
* Health foods will be doused in grease and deep-fried to keep the fat quota up.
* All cinema, dvd and video game releases will remain the same, with the frustrating lengthy delay between the US and us :(
* Many towns/counties will be renamed. Like America’s New England, New Jersey, New Hampshire and New York, we’ll have New Essex, New Leighton Buzzard, New Southend and New Bognor.
It is also believed that sporting life in The 51st State will change gradually over the years.
Our number one sport of football will be renamed ‘soccer’, but the rules will also slowly change over time; more players will be on each team with players specialising in either Offence, Defence and Special Teams, players will wear helmets and lots of padding, you carry the ball and instead of getting it in a goal you must run it into the end-zone and dance like a fool and push all your team-mates, your kicker can then attempt the point after. Instead of having two halves, the game will be four quarters, and the length of the average game will be about 6-hours due to time-outs and TV commercials. Football will turn from soccer into American football.
The gentleman’s game of Cricket, with all its history of British reserve and leather upon willow loveliness will also undergo several changes; instead of using a cricket bat, players will use a baseball bat, with bowlers “pitching” instead of bowling, and home runs will be scored instead of sixes.
It is also hoped that the flagging British Film industry will receive a much needed financial boost from US studios, so more and more lavish period dramas, but with a more American feel, can be made, more gritty comedies about jobless miners in the 1980’s, but this time set in American mining towns, and Guy Ritchie can finally get around to creating his epic gangster film about mockney immigrants in the mean streets of New York.
The factor that people will be most interested in will be the physical movement of the British Isles. The University of California is conducting complicated research into “artificial tectonic plate movement and mass land shifting”, with the hope that the whole of Britain will be moved across the Atlantic Ocean on giant rails and join up with the east coast of America some time in the future, enabling us to be with our new brethren. Chief researcher on the project Newt Boogermeister said, “There’s a strong chance our research will be a success, and that Britain can be moved across the ocean like a giant surfboard. Gnarly dude.”
The name of the new 51st State has yet to be finalised, but ‘The United Kingdom of America’ seems to be the preferred title according to the American administration, though people in the UK have yet to be consulted about the title of their once great nation.
It is believed that ordinary citizens will go on protest marches, and fading celebrities will sign petitions in national newspapers and speak out about the changes to improve their celebrity image, but none of it will make any difference as George W. Bush has made up his mind.
The surprise declaration came after Britain’s relationship with the burger-loving nation had become so strong that George W Bush decided that Britain’s loyalty should be rewarded.
Following the very close diplomatic ties between the two countries in the ill-fated ‘War on Terrorism’ and ‘The Gulf War 2: This Time it’s Personal’, many months of top secret negotiations ensued, and the point was brought before congress, and discussed between top-level government officials for many hours in the confines of the White House. A couple of minor British politicians were also consulted so as to make it appear that America didn’t have 100% influence on the matter, but they weren’t very important in the process.
The shock change has left the majority of British citizens in uproar, and leader of the opposition, Iain Duncan Smith, called the whole thing a despicable act of American greed and supremacy, and gave an incredibly boring statement about Blair being a loyal poodle, but America’s number one friend Tony Blair insisted that it was his decision to join the US, and wasn’t told what to do by any American officials. He later added that the merger would greatly benefit the UK with industry, especially in the fast-food sector. The government also knew that every American loved to buy tacky British merchandise, so they could flog countless naff items and make billions for the treasury.
In a speech to Congress, George W. Bush said, “In our moment of great need on our various war projects, we looked around for our allies, and only found Great Britain holding our hand, so we felt their loyalty should be rewarded. We’ll save them from those crumby European wimps by letting them join up with us to rule the galaxy at our side. We love those crazy little Brits; they have those funny accents, a dysfunctional royal family kinda like a more sophisticated version of The Osbournes, they always wear bowler hats, drink tea from china cups and have a strange sense of humour.
We may be devoid of great culture and long history, but heck, if we get Great Britain to be part of us, we’ll inherit their rich culture.”
Seeing as British culture seems to be slowly being replaced by American culture nowadays anyway (the music in the charts, most of the big movies, fashion, television, fast food outlets etc are all very Americanised) it is insisted that any changes to everyday life will be minimal at the beginning. Here is a preliminary idea of the proposed changes:
* The British Pound will be replaced by the British Dollar, much to the annoyance of the ‘Keep The Pound’ enthusiasts.
* Toilets are to be re-named “The John”.
* People called Colin will pronounce their name “co-lin” like Colin Powell.
* Trousers will be called pants.
* Jam will be called jelly and jelly will be called jello.
* Colour is to be spelt color and centre will be spelt center.
* Health foods will be doused in grease and deep-fried to keep the fat quota up.
* All cinema, dvd and video game releases will remain the same, with the frustrating lengthy delay between the US and us :(
* Many towns/counties will be renamed. Like America’s New England, New Jersey, New Hampshire and New York, we’ll have New Essex, New Leighton Buzzard, New Southend and New Bognor.
It is also believed that sporting life in The 51st State will change gradually over the years.
Our number one sport of football will be renamed ‘soccer’, but the rules will also slowly change over time; more players will be on each team with players specialising in either Offence, Defence and Special Teams, players will wear helmets and lots of padding, you carry the ball and instead of getting it in a goal you must run it into the end-zone and dance like a fool and push all your team-mates, your kicker can then attempt the point after. Instead of having two halves, the game will be four quarters, and the length of the average game will be about 6-hours due to time-outs and TV commercials. Football will turn from soccer into American football.
The gentleman’s game of Cricket, with all its history of British reserve and leather upon willow loveliness will also undergo several changes; instead of using a cricket bat, players will use a baseball bat, with bowlers “pitching” instead of bowling, and home runs will be scored instead of sixes.
It is also hoped that the flagging British Film industry will receive a much needed financial boost from US studios, so more and more lavish period dramas, but with a more American feel, can be made, more gritty comedies about jobless miners in the 1980’s, but this time set in American mining towns, and Guy Ritchie can finally get around to creating his epic gangster film about mockney immigrants in the mean streets of New York.
The factor that people will be most interested in will be the physical movement of the British Isles. The University of California is conducting complicated research into “artificial tectonic plate movement and mass land shifting”, with the hope that the whole of Britain will be moved across the Atlantic Ocean on giant rails and join up with the east coast of America some time in the future, enabling us to be with our new brethren. Chief researcher on the project Newt Boogermeister said, “There’s a strong chance our research will be a success, and that Britain can be moved across the ocean like a giant surfboard. Gnarly dude.”
The name of the new 51st State has yet to be finalised, but ‘The United Kingdom of America’ seems to be the preferred title according to the American administration, though people in the UK have yet to be consulted about the title of their once great nation.
It is believed that ordinary citizens will go on protest marches, and fading celebrities will sign petitions in national newspapers and speak out about the changes to improve their celebrity image, but none of it will make any difference as George W. Bush has made up his mind.
Page: