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Darren glanced over to his right just in time to see the sign.
“Two for one steak dinners. Not bad.” he said to himself.
“I might just treat the little lady to a night out.”
Darren thought about Jennie, and what she’d let him do to her after a night out. He looked to the back of his car, at the blanket on the back seat, grinning as he did so.
Looking back to the road, Darren realised the car in front wasn’t moving at the same speed as he was. In fact, it had stopped. Darren thought about hitting the brakes, but no time, he swerved into the opposite lane, an oncoming car then honked it’s horn, but there was enough room for it to pass by on Darren’s right. Darren pulled back into his own lane after moving beyond the car that had stopped. He turned to give the finger to the stupid driver that had stopped so suddenly, only there wasn’t anyone there.
“T****r” Darren said to himself.
Darren’s mood changed for the better a moment later though, when a favourite song of his came on the radio. Vibe FM always did Darren proud when he needed it.
Soon enough Darren was on the duel carriageway, finally through Baldock, and heading home to Royston. His mind turned back to Jennie, and he leaned over to the passenger seat to grab his mobile phone.
“Awright Babe.”
“Yeah I’m driving, but that don’t matter I’m a good driver, and there ain’t no cops in sight.”
“Wonderin’ if you fancied goin’ out fer a meal tonight.”
“Awright Babe, I’ll pick you up at seven”
Darren looked at the clock on his dashboard. Ten to six, it was already getting on a bit. He gave himself a quick sniff of the armpit. He’d need a shower, especially if he was going to give it to Jennie later. Classy birds like her did like a bit of rough, but he could hardly go out honking like he did.
Darren put his foot down, he’d need to get home a bit quicker if he was to fit a shower in to routine. Unfortunately for Darren one lorry had decided to over take another, just in front of him.
“For Christ’s sake!” he muttered to himself, before giving a quick blast of the horn.
Eventually the lorry on the right got past the one on the left. Darren made sure to give them both another blast of the horn as he went by, as well as giving the finger, that would show them. Maybe a good dose of deodorant would have to be enough tonight now though.
Darren did manage to get to Jennie’s place for seven o’clock. He did have to really put his foot down, and some knob of a driver had decided to speed up as he went past them, almost causing Darren to hit another car. Why didn’t they realise how to drive? They just didn’t have the same road knowledge as him, half of them should really have had their licenses revoked, though Darren. Still, he didn’t want to get to worked up about it, he’d be seeing Jennie soon.
He pulled up on the street outside her house, and gave a quick blast on the horn. Whilst he was waiting for her he checked the glove-box. Darren looked at the condoms he had bought proudly.
“Ribbed, for her pleasure”
He was sure to give his little lady a treat tonight. He popped them back, and gave the horn another blast, longer this time, in case she hadn’t heard the first time.
Three minutes later (and two horn blasts) Jennie opened the door to the car.
“Didn’t you hear me properly on the phone, I said seven” said Darren, tapping at the clock.
“It’s only five past!”answered Jennie.
“Ne’er mind that now Babe, don’t I get a kiss?” Darren turned toward Jennie, puckering his lips.
Jennie gave him a quick, unsatisfying, kiss.
“You sure are looking sweet today Babe” said Darren.
Jennie blushed. She had been seeing him for a few months now, and his compliments no longer had the same effect. Now it seemed like they were scripted, memorised from the ‘Loaded’ book of how to keep your missus happy, or something. It was funny though, because at first those compliments were possibly the only reason she liked him. He wasn’t attractive, he wasn’t intelligent, but he said nice things to her, which sure beat the hell out of sitting at home, listening to her mother telling her that she was doomed to the same fate, she’d end up alone, no one could ever love her, she’d amount to nothing. Darren thought she was something, or he said he did, at first that was enough for her. Now Darren was more like a habit. Not a good one, like remembering to pick up milk on the way home from college, so her mother didn’t go on at her for being selfish, but a bad one, like leaving her used tampons in the waste bin in the bathroom.
“So, where are we going?” Asked Jennie.
“Nice little place I’ve seen in Baldock, shouldn’t take long to get there this time o’ night.” Replied Darren.
Darren then decided to turn the stereo up a bit, to help with his driving, and spun back out into the road.
The journey to Baldock was uneventful.
Darren asked Jennie about the beauty course she was doing, but it seemed to Jennie that all the questions were set up for text book compliments.
“How’s your beauty course going then Babe?” He said
“Fine” She replied
“I would have thought you were beautiful enough already” He said.
“Wanna know what I’ve been doing?” He asked.
“What?” She asked in response.
“Thinking about you.”He replied.
And so on, until they pulled up outside the pub.
“Are we going on to the restaurant later then?” Asked Jennie.
“What do you mean? We can eat here!” Replied Darren, with a somewhat puzzled look upon his face.
Jennie turned her nose up. Looked like it was going to be another one of those nights with Darren. They walked into the pub, Darren first, not holding the door open for Jennie, but who did these days?
The pub looked a little dingy to Jennie. The carpets were rather worn in places, especially where the bar stools had made their mark. The fake leather on the seats was also tatty, and stained.
“Not bad in here, is it Babe.”said Darren, as he ordered himself a pint of Guinness and a glass of wine for Jennie. He asked for a table, and was handed a menu, told to remember his table number when he chose one to sit down at, and come back to the bar to place his order.
Darren chose the table that they would sit at. One placed so he could just about see the TV, and in walking distance of the bar.
“Easy choice tonight hey Babe?” Said Darren.
“What?” asked Jennie, she wasn’t really paying attention to him, “Oh, yeah the lasagne probably isn’t bad.”
Darren laughed.
“Babe, you do know how to make me laugh” he said.
“What?” She didn’t like the way Darren laughed, it seemed so condescending.
“Look” he pointed at the sign “Two for one steak dinners!”
“I” Jennie paused, bit her lip, then decided to say it anyway, “I don’t really like steak.”
“But it’s two for one Babe” Replied Darren, knowing that steak had been the only thing on the menu for the two of them in his mind all along.
“But it makes me sick, I just don’t eat much red meat.”
“Look, do you really think I can afford to bring you to a fancy place like this? It’s the steak or I can’t afford it Babe”
“Fancy? It’s just a crummy little pub that does food. Probably frozen packaged food, heated in a microwave. Look I’ll have the lasagne, and I’ll pay for it myself.”
“Wassup Babe? Had a bad day at college?”
“Look Darren, just order me the lasagne, you have the steak, I’ll pay for my share, I don’t mind.”
So off Darren went to the bar.
“Could I have the lasagne please, and a rump steak, well done please” requested Darren of the young man standing behind the bar.
“It’s two for one on steak dinners tonight Sir”
“Yeah, I know. Actually, might as well make that a lasagne, and two steak meals then. Also, whilst I’m up here I’ll have a double whisky, and another pint of Guinness.”
Darren downed the whisky whilst at the bar. It always helped to calm him down at difficult moments with the opposite sex. In fact, Darren still suffered from terrible premature ejaculation without getting a drink in him, and if he was to get lucky with Jennie again tonight, he’d need to have more than just a pint.
“You took your time” said Jennie upon his return. Then she spotted his pint “Are you going to be safe to drive after than as well?”
“Yeah, it’s alright t drink with a meal, and I’m a good driver anyway. It’s just the bad drivers who aren’t supposed to drink and drive.”
“Didn’t get me one then?” Queried Jennie, becoming increasingly more annoyed with Darren. The first months had been so good, but now, it was like he was a different person.
“I thought you were paying your own way this evening” smirked Darren.
“Well I’m going to the loo, then to the bar.”Jennie stormed off. She could hear Darren making an “Ooooh!” noise behind her back, but she didn’t respond.
After coming out of the cubicle Jennie stood and looked in the mirror. She looked at her face, it was not a happy one. In fact it was rare that she smiled when with Darren these days. She looked at her body. She wasn’t a bad looking girl, and she could get better than Darren, she deserved better than Darren. She decided that she was going to break up with him.
When Jennie returned to the table the meals had arrived.
She looked at Darren, and his two steak meals.
“Are you going to eat both of those?” She asked, turning her nose up.
“Oh, so you want one now, do you?” He replied, opening his mouth to revealed a charred piece of cow flesh.
“No!”
They ate the rest of their meals in silence. Jennie finished significantly before Darren did, and sat eying up the blokes standing at the bar. One of them gave her a wink, and she smiled back.
Darren belched loudly, and pushed his second plate away from himself. He placed both of his hands on his belly. “I could do with another pint to wash that down with” he said, with grease around the sides of his mouth.
“Can... we just go?” asked Jennie
“Awright then Babe, anything you say.”replied Darren.
“So, what do you want to do now then?” asked Darren when they got back to the car.
“Just take me home Darren” said Jennie.
“Awright then Babe, I get you meaning.” Darren smiled and winked at Jennie.
The y didn’t speak for quite some time, not until Darren took an unexpected turn to the left.
“Where are you going Darren?” Asked Jennie.
“You know Babe, our special place.” said Darren, rubbing his hand along her thigh.
Jennie brushed it off. “Keep your hands on the wheel. I asked you to take me home. We need to talk.”
“Go on then, tawk, all you gotta do is move you mouth, you don’t have to tell me we gotta tawk”
“Stop the car Darren, I want you to listen to me properly.”
Darren pulled over at a layby and switched off the engine. “What is it Babe?” he asked.
“I don’t think that things are working between us anymore.” Said Jennie nervously. She had never dumped anyone before.
“What do you mean not working?” Asked Darren, very familiar with being dumped, and quite aware of what was coming next.
“It’s not the same as things were when we started out. You don’t make me happy anymore.”
“What, and you think you do me? I run around after you, take you out for special dinners, and you just complain. The only reason I didn’t dump you was cause I thought you couldn’t handle it.” Darren didn’t have a clue where the words were coming from. Some form of self defence, to pretend he wasn’t hurting, when inside he was.
“You’re okay with this then Darren?”
“Don’t care”
“Can you just take me home then. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Your loss. Plenty more fish in the sea. Better looking ones too.”
With that Darren started the car. He turned the music up. Why had she done this to him? Hadn’t he always treated her alright? Selfish cow, had a taste of him, now looking to move on to something better.
Darren placed his foot down hard on the accelerator, and skidded out onto the road. As they approached a tight bend Jennie looked at the speedometer, it was at sixty miles per hour, and she moved to speak, but Darren gave her a look that told her to “Shut Up” before she even got close to warning him about his speed.
The car moved into the right hand lane as they made it around the corner, before moving back to the left.
“See, nothing to worry about, driving is one thing I can do” said Darren with venom.
He continued to increase his speed, now moving up towards eighty miles per hour. More so when he noticed Jennie testing her seatbelt.
“Stop it Darren, just let me out here” asked Jennie, unable to hide her fear from her voice.
“I always got you home on time Jennie, got to give me credit for that” He said.
“But you’ll crash you can’t go this fast down these roads” tears were flowing down Jennie’s face.
“I’ve always told you Babe, I’m a good driver.”
“You’re not! You’re too fast.”
“Think this is fast?”
Darren continued to accelerate, now travelling in excess of one hundred miles per hour.
“Think I can’t take this next corner at this speed?” asked Darren
“But the lights, there’s someone coming the other way!” cried Jennie.
Darren saw them too, and suddenly realised that he wouldn’t make the corner without colliding with the oncoming car. He tried to stay in his lane all the same, but it just wasn’t going to happen, and the car careered off to the left, turning over in a ditch.
Darren’s fine now though. He was in hospital for the night with a bit of a bruise shoulder from his seat belt, and he lost his driving license as he was over the limit.
Jennie, well she’s proved herself to be the selfish cow that her mother always used to say she was, the selfish cow that he discovered she was on their last night together. Now she’s so selfish, she has to have someone feed her, change her clothes, make every little movement for her.
Or so Darren was told. It’s not like they were a couple any more, so Darren didn’t see the need to visit her in hospital. He greeted the news that she had come out of a coma with a nod of satisfaction, and the news that she was paralysed from the waist down with a shrug. He had a new girl now, Simone, and she liked his compliments, laughed at his jokes. Hell, she even enjoyed a good steak dinner.
“Two for one steak dinners. Not bad.” he said to himself.
“I might just treat the little lady to a night out.”
Darren thought about Jennie, and what she’d let him do to her after a night out. He looked to the back of his car, at the blanket on the back seat, grinning as he did so.
Looking back to the road, Darren realised the car in front wasn’t moving at the same speed as he was. In fact, it had stopped. Darren thought about hitting the brakes, but no time, he swerved into the opposite lane, an oncoming car then honked it’s horn, but there was enough room for it to pass by on Darren’s right. Darren pulled back into his own lane after moving beyond the car that had stopped. He turned to give the finger to the stupid driver that had stopped so suddenly, only there wasn’t anyone there.
“T****r” Darren said to himself.
Darren’s mood changed for the better a moment later though, when a favourite song of his came on the radio. Vibe FM always did Darren proud when he needed it.
Soon enough Darren was on the duel carriageway, finally through Baldock, and heading home to Royston. His mind turned back to Jennie, and he leaned over to the passenger seat to grab his mobile phone.
“Awright Babe.”
“Yeah I’m driving, but that don’t matter I’m a good driver, and there ain’t no cops in sight.”
“Wonderin’ if you fancied goin’ out fer a meal tonight.”
“Awright Babe, I’ll pick you up at seven”
Darren looked at the clock on his dashboard. Ten to six, it was already getting on a bit. He gave himself a quick sniff of the armpit. He’d need a shower, especially if he was going to give it to Jennie later. Classy birds like her did like a bit of rough, but he could hardly go out honking like he did.
Darren put his foot down, he’d need to get home a bit quicker if he was to fit a shower in to routine. Unfortunately for Darren one lorry had decided to over take another, just in front of him.
“For Christ’s sake!” he muttered to himself, before giving a quick blast of the horn.
Eventually the lorry on the right got past the one on the left. Darren made sure to give them both another blast of the horn as he went by, as well as giving the finger, that would show them. Maybe a good dose of deodorant would have to be enough tonight now though.
Darren did manage to get to Jennie’s place for seven o’clock. He did have to really put his foot down, and some knob of a driver had decided to speed up as he went past them, almost causing Darren to hit another car. Why didn’t they realise how to drive? They just didn’t have the same road knowledge as him, half of them should really have had their licenses revoked, though Darren. Still, he didn’t want to get to worked up about it, he’d be seeing Jennie soon.
He pulled up on the street outside her house, and gave a quick blast on the horn. Whilst he was waiting for her he checked the glove-box. Darren looked at the condoms he had bought proudly.
“Ribbed, for her pleasure”
He was sure to give his little lady a treat tonight. He popped them back, and gave the horn another blast, longer this time, in case she hadn’t heard the first time.
Three minutes later (and two horn blasts) Jennie opened the door to the car.
“Didn’t you hear me properly on the phone, I said seven” said Darren, tapping at the clock.
“It’s only five past!”answered Jennie.
“Ne’er mind that now Babe, don’t I get a kiss?” Darren turned toward Jennie, puckering his lips.
Jennie gave him a quick, unsatisfying, kiss.
“You sure are looking sweet today Babe” said Darren.
Jennie blushed. She had been seeing him for a few months now, and his compliments no longer had the same effect. Now it seemed like they were scripted, memorised from the ‘Loaded’ book of how to keep your missus happy, or something. It was funny though, because at first those compliments were possibly the only reason she liked him. He wasn’t attractive, he wasn’t intelligent, but he said nice things to her, which sure beat the hell out of sitting at home, listening to her mother telling her that she was doomed to the same fate, she’d end up alone, no one could ever love her, she’d amount to nothing. Darren thought she was something, or he said he did, at first that was enough for her. Now Darren was more like a habit. Not a good one, like remembering to pick up milk on the way home from college, so her mother didn’t go on at her for being selfish, but a bad one, like leaving her used tampons in the waste bin in the bathroom.
“So, where are we going?” Asked Jennie.
“Nice little place I’ve seen in Baldock, shouldn’t take long to get there this time o’ night.” Replied Darren.
Darren then decided to turn the stereo up a bit, to help with his driving, and spun back out into the road.
The journey to Baldock was uneventful.
Darren asked Jennie about the beauty course she was doing, but it seemed to Jennie that all the questions were set up for text book compliments.
“How’s your beauty course going then Babe?” He said
“Fine” She replied
“I would have thought you were beautiful enough already” He said.
“Wanna know what I’ve been doing?” He asked.
“What?” She asked in response.
“Thinking about you.”He replied.
And so on, until they pulled up outside the pub.
“Are we going on to the restaurant later then?” Asked Jennie.
“What do you mean? We can eat here!” Replied Darren, with a somewhat puzzled look upon his face.
Jennie turned her nose up. Looked like it was going to be another one of those nights with Darren. They walked into the pub, Darren first, not holding the door open for Jennie, but who did these days?
The pub looked a little dingy to Jennie. The carpets were rather worn in places, especially where the bar stools had made their mark. The fake leather on the seats was also tatty, and stained.
“Not bad in here, is it Babe.”said Darren, as he ordered himself a pint of Guinness and a glass of wine for Jennie. He asked for a table, and was handed a menu, told to remember his table number when he chose one to sit down at, and come back to the bar to place his order.
Darren chose the table that they would sit at. One placed so he could just about see the TV, and in walking distance of the bar.
“Easy choice tonight hey Babe?” Said Darren.
“What?” asked Jennie, she wasn’t really paying attention to him, “Oh, yeah the lasagne probably isn’t bad.”
Darren laughed.
“Babe, you do know how to make me laugh” he said.
“What?” She didn’t like the way Darren laughed, it seemed so condescending.
“Look” he pointed at the sign “Two for one steak dinners!”
“I” Jennie paused, bit her lip, then decided to say it anyway, “I don’t really like steak.”
“But it’s two for one Babe” Replied Darren, knowing that steak had been the only thing on the menu for the two of them in his mind all along.
“But it makes me sick, I just don’t eat much red meat.”
“Look, do you really think I can afford to bring you to a fancy place like this? It’s the steak or I can’t afford it Babe”
“Fancy? It’s just a crummy little pub that does food. Probably frozen packaged food, heated in a microwave. Look I’ll have the lasagne, and I’ll pay for it myself.”
“Wassup Babe? Had a bad day at college?”
“Look Darren, just order me the lasagne, you have the steak, I’ll pay for my share, I don’t mind.”
So off Darren went to the bar.
“Could I have the lasagne please, and a rump steak, well done please” requested Darren of the young man standing behind the bar.
“It’s two for one on steak dinners tonight Sir”
“Yeah, I know. Actually, might as well make that a lasagne, and two steak meals then. Also, whilst I’m up here I’ll have a double whisky, and another pint of Guinness.”
Darren downed the whisky whilst at the bar. It always helped to calm him down at difficult moments with the opposite sex. In fact, Darren still suffered from terrible premature ejaculation without getting a drink in him, and if he was to get lucky with Jennie again tonight, he’d need to have more than just a pint.
“You took your time” said Jennie upon his return. Then she spotted his pint “Are you going to be safe to drive after than as well?”
“Yeah, it’s alright t drink with a meal, and I’m a good driver anyway. It’s just the bad drivers who aren’t supposed to drink and drive.”
“Didn’t get me one then?” Queried Jennie, becoming increasingly more annoyed with Darren. The first months had been so good, but now, it was like he was a different person.
“I thought you were paying your own way this evening” smirked Darren.
“Well I’m going to the loo, then to the bar.”Jennie stormed off. She could hear Darren making an “Ooooh!” noise behind her back, but she didn’t respond.
After coming out of the cubicle Jennie stood and looked in the mirror. She looked at her face, it was not a happy one. In fact it was rare that she smiled when with Darren these days. She looked at her body. She wasn’t a bad looking girl, and she could get better than Darren, she deserved better than Darren. She decided that she was going to break up with him.
When Jennie returned to the table the meals had arrived.
She looked at Darren, and his two steak meals.
“Are you going to eat both of those?” She asked, turning her nose up.
“Oh, so you want one now, do you?” He replied, opening his mouth to revealed a charred piece of cow flesh.
“No!”
They ate the rest of their meals in silence. Jennie finished significantly before Darren did, and sat eying up the blokes standing at the bar. One of them gave her a wink, and she smiled back.
Darren belched loudly, and pushed his second plate away from himself. He placed both of his hands on his belly. “I could do with another pint to wash that down with” he said, with grease around the sides of his mouth.
“Can... we just go?” asked Jennie
“Awright then Babe, anything you say.”replied Darren.
“So, what do you want to do now then?” asked Darren when they got back to the car.
“Just take me home Darren” said Jennie.
“Awright then Babe, I get you meaning.” Darren smiled and winked at Jennie.
The y didn’t speak for quite some time, not until Darren took an unexpected turn to the left.
“Where are you going Darren?” Asked Jennie.
“You know Babe, our special place.” said Darren, rubbing his hand along her thigh.
Jennie brushed it off. “Keep your hands on the wheel. I asked you to take me home. We need to talk.”
“Go on then, tawk, all you gotta do is move you mouth, you don’t have to tell me we gotta tawk”
“Stop the car Darren, I want you to listen to me properly.”
Darren pulled over at a layby and switched off the engine. “What is it Babe?” he asked.
“I don’t think that things are working between us anymore.” Said Jennie nervously. She had never dumped anyone before.
“What do you mean not working?” Asked Darren, very familiar with being dumped, and quite aware of what was coming next.
“It’s not the same as things were when we started out. You don’t make me happy anymore.”
“What, and you think you do me? I run around after you, take you out for special dinners, and you just complain. The only reason I didn’t dump you was cause I thought you couldn’t handle it.” Darren didn’t have a clue where the words were coming from. Some form of self defence, to pretend he wasn’t hurting, when inside he was.
“You’re okay with this then Darren?”
“Don’t care”
“Can you just take me home then. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Your loss. Plenty more fish in the sea. Better looking ones too.”
With that Darren started the car. He turned the music up. Why had she done this to him? Hadn’t he always treated her alright? Selfish cow, had a taste of him, now looking to move on to something better.
Darren placed his foot down hard on the accelerator, and skidded out onto the road. As they approached a tight bend Jennie looked at the speedometer, it was at sixty miles per hour, and she moved to speak, but Darren gave her a look that told her to “Shut Up” before she even got close to warning him about his speed.
The car moved into the right hand lane as they made it around the corner, before moving back to the left.
“See, nothing to worry about, driving is one thing I can do” said Darren with venom.
He continued to increase his speed, now moving up towards eighty miles per hour. More so when he noticed Jennie testing her seatbelt.
“Stop it Darren, just let me out here” asked Jennie, unable to hide her fear from her voice.
“I always got you home on time Jennie, got to give me credit for that” He said.
“But you’ll crash you can’t go this fast down these roads” tears were flowing down Jennie’s face.
“I’ve always told you Babe, I’m a good driver.”
“You’re not! You’re too fast.”
“Think this is fast?”
Darren continued to accelerate, now travelling in excess of one hundred miles per hour.
“Think I can’t take this next corner at this speed?” asked Darren
“But the lights, there’s someone coming the other way!” cried Jennie.
Darren saw them too, and suddenly realised that he wouldn’t make the corner without colliding with the oncoming car. He tried to stay in his lane all the same, but it just wasn’t going to happen, and the car careered off to the left, turning over in a ditch.
Darren’s fine now though. He was in hospital for the night with a bit of a bruise shoulder from his seat belt, and he lost his driving license as he was over the limit.
Jennie, well she’s proved herself to be the selfish cow that her mother always used to say she was, the selfish cow that he discovered she was on their last night together. Now she’s so selfish, she has to have someone feed her, change her clothes, make every little movement for her.
Or so Darren was told. It’s not like they were a couple any more, so Darren didn’t see the need to visit her in hospital. He greeted the news that she had come out of a coma with a nod of satisfaction, and the news that she was paralysed from the waist down with a shrug. He had a new girl now, Simone, and she liked his compliments, laughed at his jokes. Hell, she even enjoyed a good steak dinner.
Page:
BEARDS. wrote:
"I know several "Darren"s,"
Cyclone wrote:
"I'm not a Darren (I hope)"
*cries*
I'm ruined. How much does it cost to change your name? FM? Where are you when I need you...
"I know several "Darren"s,"
Cyclone wrote:
"I'm not a Darren (I hope)"
*cries*
I'm ruined. How much does it cost to change your name? FM? Where are you when I need you...
Blank wrote:
> Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are
> many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
I've posted one in the Stories forum.
It won a GAD, so it can't be all that bad.
http://ukchatforums.reserve.co.uk/ display_messages.php?threadid=66301&forumid=423
> Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are
> many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
I've posted one in the Stories forum.
It won a GAD, so it can't be all that bad.
http://ukchatforums.reserve.co.uk/ display_messages.php?threadid=66301&forumid=423
OO!
I've been through Baldock loads.
Been to Cambridge loads too.
I'm not a Darren (I hope)
And still.....
I've been through Baldock loads.
Been to Cambridge loads too.
I'm not a Darren (I hope)
And still.....
Meka Dragon wrote:
> Constructive criticism is always useful. There are bits I feel don't
> exactly work, so if others could also shed some light, it's helpful,
> and I wouldn't be hurt by it.
Okay then. I felt the first time you used the term "little lady" (from Darren's perspective) was a little odd. Something didn't quite ring true about it if you know what I mean. I'm not sure Darren would actually use the term - but hell, you created the character, so you know best. The second time it was used it seemd to fit right in. :)
I'll try and come up with more suggestions later, but it really is hard. That example is the only thing that really struck me as not quite right.
> Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are
> many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
Thanks, I might just do that. My only concern is that my stories aren't long enough, but I suppose people can tell me that after I post them.
> Constructive criticism is always useful. There are bits I feel don't
> exactly work, so if others could also shed some light, it's helpful,
> and I wouldn't be hurt by it.
Okay then. I felt the first time you used the term "little lady" (from Darren's perspective) was a little odd. Something didn't quite ring true about it if you know what I mean. I'm not sure Darren would actually use the term - but hell, you created the character, so you know best. The second time it was used it seemd to fit right in. :)
I'll try and come up with more suggestions later, but it really is hard. That example is the only thing that really struck me as not quite right.
> Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are
> many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
Thanks, I might just do that. My only concern is that my stories aren't long enough, but I suppose people can tell me that after I post them.
Good stuff mate.
The ending reminded me of the video from Eminems Stan, only because it was on just before I posted this. :)
The ending reminded me of the video from Eminems Stan, only because it was on just before I posted this. :)
Darren sounds familiar...
VenomByte wrote:
> I agree with pb here, it's an excellent story (as always), but Darren
> doesn't feel quite right. Darren feels a little *too* much like a
> stereotype. He's the fictional person everybody thinks they're not,
> rather than one of those who (wrongly) believes themselves to be
> different. Makes things slightly less believeable, but again that's
> just my opinion.
I know several "Darren"s, or at least several people who act in the same way with the same disregard for everyone else and the same attitude towards their own greatness. If you honestly believe that he's too stereotypical then you've clearly been mixing with all the right people.
> I agree with pb here, it's an excellent story (as always), but Darren
> doesn't feel quite right. Darren feels a little *too* much like a
> stereotype. He's the fictional person everybody thinks they're not,
> rather than one of those who (wrongly) believes themselves to be
> different. Makes things slightly less believeable, but again that's
> just my opinion.
I know several "Darren"s, or at least several people who act in the same way with the same disregard for everyone else and the same attitude towards their own greatness. If you honestly believe that he's too stereotypical then you've clearly been mixing with all the right people.
I agree with pb here, it's an excellent story (as always), but Darren doesn't feel quite right. Darren feels a little *too* much like a stereotype. He's the fictional person everybody thinks they're not, rather than one of those who (wrongly) believes themselves to be different. Makes things slightly less believeable, but again that's just my opinion.
JAZZY-JACK wrote:
>youre wasted posting stories on sr
Thanks. SR is my home for stuff like this, and if I get a good response from posting things here, I may well work on them further, and try to do something else with them, so I don't think it's wasted. :o)
Blank wrote:
>I know you sometimes get frustrated with the responses you get from people - did you want some constuctive criticism? I'll try and give you some if you like, although it's hard when the material is so good.
>By the way, I'm interested in writing myself, so if anyone wants me to post one of my short stories I probably will
Constructive criticism is always useful. There are bits I feel don't exactly work, so if others could also shed some light, it's helpful, and I wouldn't be hurt by it.
Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
pb wrote:
>I enjoyed that. Didn't feel that it struck any chords though or that I could emphasise with the main character. Still, a good story, it's just me!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Darren certainly isn't a character that's very likeable, but I did try to make him recognisable, the bloke that thinks he's a great driver, thinks he's good with the ladies, but really doesn't have much of a clue.
Ortega wrote:
>I quite literally live 2 minutes away from Baldock. It has the biggest Tesco store in Hertfordshire i think...Open 24 hours too.
There really is a pub in Baldock that had two for one steak dinners, at least they did the other week when I drove by.
I live near Cambridge, and had to travel to St Alban's to work, and the idea developed from their.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for their kind comments.
>youre wasted posting stories on sr
Thanks. SR is my home for stuff like this, and if I get a good response from posting things here, I may well work on them further, and try to do something else with them, so I don't think it's wasted. :o)
Blank wrote:
>I know you sometimes get frustrated with the responses you get from people - did you want some constuctive criticism? I'll try and give you some if you like, although it's hard when the material is so good.
>By the way, I'm interested in writing myself, so if anyone wants me to post one of my short stories I probably will
Constructive criticism is always useful. There are bits I feel don't exactly work, so if others could also shed some light, it's helpful, and I wouldn't be hurt by it.
Also, go ahead and post a story. If I see it I'll read it, there are many others that do, and we like to read each others stories.
pb wrote:
>I enjoyed that. Didn't feel that it struck any chords though or that I could emphasise with the main character. Still, a good story, it's just me!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Darren certainly isn't a character that's very likeable, but I did try to make him recognisable, the bloke that thinks he's a great driver, thinks he's good with the ladies, but really doesn't have much of a clue.
Ortega wrote:
>I quite literally live 2 minutes away from Baldock. It has the biggest Tesco store in Hertfordshire i think...Open 24 hours too.
There really is a pub in Baldock that had two for one steak dinners, at least they did the other week when I drove by.
I live near Cambridge, and had to travel to St Alban's to work, and the idea developed from their.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for their kind comments.
I quite literally live 2 minutes away from Baldock. It has the biggest Tesco store in Hertfordshire i think...Open 24 hours too.
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