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"Marriage in 20s 'is a good idea'"

Men and women believe that getting married and settling down earlier in life is a good idea, a survey suggests.

Of the 1,000 adults questioned, 90% said the ideal age to have children was under 30 and 43% aspired to a lifelong commitment with one partner.

But 80% of those surveyed for BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour said unhappily married couples should not stay together just for the sake of their children.

And 38% said the best way to care for a child was for the mother to stay home.

It also found 41% of women felt guilty about placing a pre-school child in childcare compared with 20% of men.

Dr Sarah Childs of the University of Bristol said: "The survey suggests that women are not prepared to settle for merely a 'good enough man'."

The survey has been split into four categories - sex and relationships; work; parenting and caring and domestic arrangements.

Dr Rosie Campbell, of Birkbeck College, has also analysed the survey.

She said: "Women are still doing more of the chores and childcare and they're looking for Mr Right, not Mister Will-Do."

Survey results

The results on sex and relationships found that 90% of men and women say that the ideal age to have children is under 30; 43% of men and women aspire to a lifelong commitment with one partner; 40% say that the ideal age of settling down is between 25 and 27 years old, and 33% say it is as young as between 21 and 24.

The results on work, lifestyle and parenting found that 38% of men and women felt that a mother at home is the ideal way in which to care for pre-school children, as opposed to only 0.3% for a father staying at home as the childcarer.

When it came to housework, 45% of women and 57% of men reported sharing household chores equally.

The survey's results will be analysed and discussed on the radio programme throughout the week.

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So when is a good age to get married and have kids? 90% think it's ideal to have kids under 30? Oh dear I better not show my girlfriend this :S But I'd have to agree aswell. Getting married in your 20ies, sure great as long as you don't rush into it.

I agree that a mother should be at home to take care of pre-school children. I think it's best for them both, though I'd like fathers to have a more active role in the childcare too. Do fathers get leave from work when they have kids yet?

I got married in my twenties...still seems like a good decision.

Pah, not getting married, at least not without a pre-nupt, is the better idea.

Seraphim wrote:
> Mumbai Duck wrote:
> Having a family and a career seems like hard work.
>
> Yeah having a family is hard work, specially if one person has
> the can't be bothered attitude!


It's probably not such hard work for him then.

Hmm, you make a pursuasive argument for not giving a crap :^)

hippyman wrote:
> I'd be happy to marry in my early twenties - but the way life is
> for me at the moment - and has been - I'll be lucky to hit the
> aisle before I'm 30!

Make the most of been single Jason!

Mumbai Duck wrote:
> Having a family and a career seems like hard work.

Yeah having a family is hard work, specially if one person has the can't be bothered attitude!


>giving me free time to do the family stuff too.

This is the sort of thing i like to hear. Its when you make a family with someone and one after isnt interested. They seem to think if you have a family the rest of your life stops! UGH! SOME MEN!

> I wonder how it'll work out...

Probably not how you expect it to, but whatever you deal with things as best you can :P

Having a family and a career seems like hard work.

I'd like to make some progress in my job before I settle down, then maybe I can ease off a bit and tread water, giving me free time to do the family stuff too.

I wonder how it'll work out...



I don't think I'd plan to settle down pre-30. But ideally it wouldn't be too long after 30 either.

But I suppose when you find a keeper, you have to keep making progress in the relationship, keep moving forward.


I think what I'm really saying is I want a few more years of semi-serious relationships with a nice range of different women.

I'd be happy to marry in my early twenties - but the way life is for me at the moment - and has been - I'll be lucky to hit the aisle before I'm 30!

Aye, no body is perfect. We like to think their is someone out there that is. Ithink if we all thought that we would be wasting our life looking for them.


Relationships defenetly need to be worked at by both, it cant all be one sided. Communciation is what you need and if you cant talk to each other and resolve things then things are pretty much doomed from the start!

Been there done that!

Think the more you live with someone the more faults you see, i was in a relationship for 7 years, perfect at the start. Soon as house, kids and money became and issue things started to get sour!.

Instead of talking and working things out!

It was over before i knew it, because i was with someone who would run away rather then talk things through.

I think that a lot of women (and some men) are looking too hard for someone perfect. The media gives us the impression that there is always someone right for us out there, just one person.

It's rubbish. If you live with anyone long enough then you will find they have things that really annoy you, no one is perfect in any respect. People these days just don't try. There seems to be a general concensus that marriages are supposed to just work on their own, with no help from either side. The key is compromise, having your own interests as well as each others and communication.

Everyone gets frustrated at some point in a relationship, but its how you deal with it that counts and the fact that you can talk through any issues and make changes on both sides.

If more couples talked to each other in language that both parties could understand, then there would be less break ups.

As for marriage in your 20's. What works for one couple may not work for another, but only you can decide when you're ready. Some will work, others will not. But either way, YOU have to make it work...

You know it's not something that has ever entered my head ... 'what age should I be married by', 'what age should I have children by'. I think you know when the time is right when you meet someone and things feel right.

Compared to eastern standards we're getting married late in the day, arranged marriages in some cultures see people getting married very young indeed. A good friend of mine was in just such a marriage, turned out to be wrong for her (predictably I would have thought, never understood how they're supposed to work) and she split within a few years. Luckily she was able to get out of it, a lot of women in that situation are trapped for many years in abusive marriages.

Anyway she met my mate and they've been together for 5 years, she's 25 now ... Don't think they're in any hurry to get wed ...