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I don't actually watch The Office, but I have seen it, so I know who Dave Brent is. Got these in an e-mail today, and thought they were pretty funny - thought I'd share them...
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1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
4. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
5. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
6. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
7. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
8. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
9. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
10. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
11. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
12. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
13. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
14. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
15. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
16. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
17. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
-----
1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
4. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
5. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
6. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
7. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
8. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
9. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
10. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
11. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
12. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
13. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
14. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
15. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
16. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
17. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
Page:
'The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train'
Heh, when I 1st heard that I laughed for ages.
Manyways, excellent stuff.
Heh, when I 1st heard that I laughed for ages.
Manyways, excellent stuff.
Brilliant.
i've a better tunnel one
The patrician could see light at the end of the tunnel
'the kittens seemed fine' said leanardo of quirm
The end of the tunnel was on fire.
The patrician could see light at the end of the tunnel
'the kittens seemed fine' said leanardo of quirm
The end of the tunnel was on fire.
Haha! Classic!
I love that guy
I love that guy
Brilliant, I must say.
8. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Thats the best one :-)
Thanks for those, brightened up my cold crappy afternoon, slightly.
Thats the best one :-)
Thanks for those, brightened up my cold crappy afternoon, slightly.
I don't actually watch The Office, but I have seen it, so I know who Dave Brent is. Got these in an e-mail today, and thought they were pretty funny - thought I'd share them...
-----
1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
4. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
5. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
6. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
7. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
8. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
9. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
10. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
11. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
12. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
13. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
14. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
15. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
16. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
17. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
-----
1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
4. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
5. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
6. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
7. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
8. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
9. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
10. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
11. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
12. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
13. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
14. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
15. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
16. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
17. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
Page: