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Now.
Everyting seems to be getting on top of me. Put there by people who 'care'.
Freinds. Mock me over my actions/dress. I look like a grandpa aparently, in one jumper. I like it. Music. I listen to one band more, but no, thats not right. It means more to me than most things around - don't they ever have anything like that? Well, if they do, they never show it. They're to busy 'going out' to town. I don't like that, so I'm 'weird/granpaish'. I normaly ignore these comments - even when I don't responds, I get taunted -I never 'stand up for myself'. No, I just never respond with a taunt or fist. I just ignore it. But it really does sodding build up. Rnours too. Blo*dy rumours, and its not as if people never have had odd situations rumoured about them. But no, its me, so. Lastly, the opposite sex. Namely one of. I' m sick and b*oody tired of this. I never. ever. ever like a girl who feels the same way. It sucks, and this one girl at the moment, while I think we have something, is still just that little bit, well, off. I don't know how to put it. But I know what I feel. I try to be nice, freindly, happy person. Just most of the fu***ing time people don't seem to care. Im tired of being all quiet and downtrodden. But I don't want to scream out and hurt people. I just wany to tell somebody, probably a very very vlose friend. But I have few of those. I'd rather thell this girl, but no, not far enough yet. Don't suppose I ever will. Even if I asked her, it would be waiting still. Its all on top, and I am tired of it now. I'm tired of the endless acceptance of taunts from people that I could rip it out of. But then again, that would be pointless. All i want is to have nice, freindly feelings. I want them all to know. And before any of you blame it on 'teenage angst' stop. It still hurrts, even though its 'only' that.
Everyting seems to be getting on top of me. Put there by people who 'care'.
Freinds. Mock me over my actions/dress. I look like a grandpa aparently, in one jumper. I like it. Music. I listen to one band more, but no, thats not right. It means more to me than most things around - don't they ever have anything like that? Well, if they do, they never show it. They're to busy 'going out' to town. I don't like that, so I'm 'weird/granpaish'. I normaly ignore these comments - even when I don't responds, I get taunted -I never 'stand up for myself'. No, I just never respond with a taunt or fist. I just ignore it. But it really does sodding build up. Rnours too. Blo*dy rumours, and its not as if people never have had odd situations rumoured about them. But no, its me, so. Lastly, the opposite sex. Namely one of. I' m sick and b*oody tired of this. I never. ever. ever like a girl who feels the same way. It sucks, and this one girl at the moment, while I think we have something, is still just that little bit, well, off. I don't know how to put it. But I know what I feel. I try to be nice, freindly, happy person. Just most of the fu***ing time people don't seem to care. Im tired of being all quiet and downtrodden. But I don't want to scream out and hurt people. I just wany to tell somebody, probably a very very vlose friend. But I have few of those. I'd rather thell this girl, but no, not far enough yet. Don't suppose I ever will. Even if I asked her, it would be waiting still. Its all on top, and I am tired of it now. I'm tired of the endless acceptance of taunts from people that I could rip it out of. But then again, that would be pointless. All i want is to have nice, freindly feelings. I want them all to know. And before any of you blame it on 'teenage angst' stop. It still hurrts, even though its 'only' that.
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I have the same sort of thing - but thankfully, not too much. I have quite a lot of friends in my year, but the ones that I really feel are my friends and the ones that I always seem to hang around with are the ones that usually rip the ****.
All of them are decent on their own - I always notice that. When I'm at school, and I'm in a class with one mate and the teacher is fairly lenient then we'll happily chat away and joke about some things, but if there are a number of us all around the same area in a classroom and there's a teacher that doesn't really care, then people all start to gang up - not always on me thankfully, but whoever's got 'the gayest bag' or 'the worst hairstyle', and just normal crap like that, but it hurts, and if you reply, you know that you're going to get more stick coming your way. Or if I ever go out with any of them to hang around in the evening or something like that, I always end up talking and joking happily with some guy, but if another one comes along, the jokes start. Sometimes not on me, but if it isn't, then I don't include myself, as I know how the person must be feeling - I've experienced it, I know what they're feeling like. Like crap. Like wanting to throw a punch in rage, but not deep down inside. It's always when there's a group that there's trouble - never when there are just you and someone else around.
I never had this problem in the lower years of the school, and I don't know why it's all happening now - sometimes I just feel that I hate the few people that are at the centre of it all and that I want them to go away, and sometimes I even feel I'd just left at the end of last year, but the thing is, I can't make these people go away, I can't leave now halfway through a course, and I can't hit back at them, or things'll just get worse.
When I'm finally out of that school I'll probably be happy. Well, I hope anyway.
All of them are decent on their own - I always notice that. When I'm at school, and I'm in a class with one mate and the teacher is fairly lenient then we'll happily chat away and joke about some things, but if there are a number of us all around the same area in a classroom and there's a teacher that doesn't really care, then people all start to gang up - not always on me thankfully, but whoever's got 'the gayest bag' or 'the worst hairstyle', and just normal crap like that, but it hurts, and if you reply, you know that you're going to get more stick coming your way. Or if I ever go out with any of them to hang around in the evening or something like that, I always end up talking and joking happily with some guy, but if another one comes along, the jokes start. Sometimes not on me, but if it isn't, then I don't include myself, as I know how the person must be feeling - I've experienced it, I know what they're feeling like. Like crap. Like wanting to throw a punch in rage, but not deep down inside. It's always when there's a group that there's trouble - never when there are just you and someone else around.
I never had this problem in the lower years of the school, and I don't know why it's all happening now - sometimes I just feel that I hate the few people that are at the centre of it all and that I want them to go away, and sometimes I even feel I'd just left at the end of last year, but the thing is, I can't make these people go away, I can't leave now halfway through a course, and I can't hit back at them, or things'll just get worse.
When I'm finally out of that school I'll probably be happy. Well, I hope anyway.
Thats what it was like for me at school and A level - always the quiet one, didn't go out much, didn't drink. I never saw the point of going out and just standing around in the dark on the streets or park, pretty pointless and sad if you ask me, nor did I see the attraction of drinking small tons of alcohol, smoking, and so on.
The point is that with my few friends I was still happy, and didn't care.
Now, at university, I'm the same, but the difference is people respect you for being yourself, instead of some wild idiot, so I know more people, and still don't go out much, but I'm still happy, and get on with a lot more people be being myself.
At the end of the day it's about being happy, and ignoring those who would squash that happiness from you, because they aren't worth thinking about.
~~Belldandy~~
The point is that with my few friends I was still happy, and didn't care.
Now, at university, I'm the same, but the difference is people respect you for being yourself, instead of some wild idiot, so I know more people, and still don't go out much, but I'm still happy, and get on with a lot more people be being myself.
At the end of the day it's about being happy, and ignoring those who would squash that happiness from you, because they aren't worth thinking about.
~~Belldandy~~
It's like we're the same person. :D
People rip it out of me, while all I want to do is be friendly. Even when someone's hurt me, I'll end up trying to make friends with them, hell, even if I don't like someone I'll be kind to them most of the time. Usually I'm ignored, although at my Christian Youth Group many people, including a close friend, called me a good listener. I'm very quiet, and so I'm proud of that.
The opposite sex? I'm trying not to worry too much, and look forward to meeting new people at Uni (if I go.) It's too late to try and talk and build and proper relationships at girls with my school, I don't like most of them anyway.
I like going out, but not just to stand around doing nothing in the freezing cold. I'm not sad, I just don't get bored at home. I read Mick Foley's autobiography (for those of you who don't know, a very very famous wrestler), and he took a quote from someone else which went something like this, "nothing good can ever happen by going out." Okay, so I don't totally agree, but there's nothing particularly to be gained by always going out. Admittedly, Mick didn't say that, but he does agree with it and he doesn't go out too often - and yet everyone respects him for what he's achieved and he has a great family, something which I'm desperate to have in the future.
But anyway mate, don't worry too much, it's a strange coincidence but I've gone through much of the same thing. I'm not through it yet either, but someday someone will appreciate you for the person you really are...no, lots of people will.
People rip it out of me, while all I want to do is be friendly. Even when someone's hurt me, I'll end up trying to make friends with them, hell, even if I don't like someone I'll be kind to them most of the time. Usually I'm ignored, although at my Christian Youth Group many people, including a close friend, called me a good listener. I'm very quiet, and so I'm proud of that.
The opposite sex? I'm trying not to worry too much, and look forward to meeting new people at Uni (if I go.) It's too late to try and talk and build and proper relationships at girls with my school, I don't like most of them anyway.
I like going out, but not just to stand around doing nothing in the freezing cold. I'm not sad, I just don't get bored at home. I read Mick Foley's autobiography (for those of you who don't know, a very very famous wrestler), and he took a quote from someone else which went something like this, "nothing good can ever happen by going out." Okay, so I don't totally agree, but there's nothing particularly to be gained by always going out. Admittedly, Mick didn't say that, but he does agree with it and he doesn't go out too often - and yet everyone respects him for what he's achieved and he has a great family, something which I'm desperate to have in the future.
But anyway mate, don't worry too much, it's a strange coincidence but I've gone through much of the same thing. I'm not through it yet either, but someday someone will appreciate you for the person you really are...no, lots of people will.
Now.
Everyting seems to be getting on top of me. Put there by people who 'care'.
Freinds. Mock me over my actions/dress. I look like a grandpa aparently, in one jumper. I like it. Music. I listen to one band more, but no, thats not right. It means more to me than most things around - don't they ever have anything like that? Well, if they do, they never show it. They're to busy 'going out' to town. I don't like that, so I'm 'weird/granpaish'. I normaly ignore these comments - even when I don't responds, I get taunted -I never 'stand up for myself'. No, I just never respond with a taunt or fist. I just ignore it. But it really does sodding build up. Rnours too. Blo*dy rumours, and its not as if people never have had odd situations rumoured about them. But no, its me, so. Lastly, the opposite sex. Namely one of. I' m sick and b*oody tired of this. I never. ever. ever like a girl who feels the same way. It sucks, and this one girl at the moment, while I think we have something, is still just that little bit, well, off. I don't know how to put it. But I know what I feel. I try to be nice, freindly, happy person. Just most of the fu***ing time people don't seem to care. Im tired of being all quiet and downtrodden. But I don't want to scream out and hurt people. I just wany to tell somebody, probably a very very vlose friend. But I have few of those. I'd rather thell this girl, but no, not far enough yet. Don't suppose I ever will. Even if I asked her, it would be waiting still. Its all on top, and I am tired of it now. I'm tired of the endless acceptance of taunts from people that I could rip it out of. But then again, that would be pointless. All i want is to have nice, freindly feelings. I want them all to know. And before any of you blame it on 'teenage angst' stop. It still hurrts, even though its 'only' that.
Everyting seems to be getting on top of me. Put there by people who 'care'.
Freinds. Mock me over my actions/dress. I look like a grandpa aparently, in one jumper. I like it. Music. I listen to one band more, but no, thats not right. It means more to me than most things around - don't they ever have anything like that? Well, if they do, they never show it. They're to busy 'going out' to town. I don't like that, so I'm 'weird/granpaish'. I normaly ignore these comments - even when I don't responds, I get taunted -I never 'stand up for myself'. No, I just never respond with a taunt or fist. I just ignore it. But it really does sodding build up. Rnours too. Blo*dy rumours, and its not as if people never have had odd situations rumoured about them. But no, its me, so. Lastly, the opposite sex. Namely one of. I' m sick and b*oody tired of this. I never. ever. ever like a girl who feels the same way. It sucks, and this one girl at the moment, while I think we have something, is still just that little bit, well, off. I don't know how to put it. But I know what I feel. I try to be nice, freindly, happy person. Just most of the fu***ing time people don't seem to care. Im tired of being all quiet and downtrodden. But I don't want to scream out and hurt people. I just wany to tell somebody, probably a very very vlose friend. But I have few of those. I'd rather thell this girl, but no, not far enough yet. Don't suppose I ever will. Even if I asked her, it would be waiting still. Its all on top, and I am tired of it now. I'm tired of the endless acceptance of taunts from people that I could rip it out of. But then again, that would be pointless. All i want is to have nice, freindly feelings. I want them all to know. And before any of you blame it on 'teenage angst' stop. It still hurrts, even though its 'only' that.
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