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"Quotes you like..."

These days we gain a tremendous amount of 'information'. We are all exposed daily to all forms and types of media and also gain 'knowledge' through conversation/interaction with our family, friends, work colleagues and the general public...all have provided an endless source of 'memorable and pertinent' quotes - some will be remembered for ever...a couple of my favourites are:

"I'm a vegetarian and the only meat that enters my mouth, leaves happy and has a heartbeat" ...Pamela Anderson

"You can always pick your friends, but you cannot pick your friend's nose"...Groucho Marx

"Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough"...Groucho Marx

"Have you got a light, mac? No, but I've got a dark brown overcoat!"...Vivian Stanshall

Just a few, do you have any...?

So I took up my hammer and sickle and headed over to Fred's house. Gave him a taste of his own flag.
-Alfonse.

Was looking to use something by Camus but this will do. Not particularly clever or pretty, i just like it's conviction and affirmation.

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."
Erica Jong

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

- Einstein

To quote Yahtzee Crowshaw on Zero Punctuation.

*DISCLAIMER...the views of YC are not that of my own. All are intended to shock and disturb. Maybe*

"It's like playing darts after letting your arms fall to sleep.

(after some bitchy comparison) No change there then HAR HAR HAR!

I mean if he/she couldn't take a knock like that then he/she must be made out of wafers

If there's anything that makes me want to squirt liquid hate out of every orafice its...

Fine in theory, but theories are trecherous things that can at any moment disintegrate like a biscuit raft.

Being in charge is easy, all you have to do is make sure that the number of jobs equals the population and you plonk a cake shop down every so often to stop them all moaning

Christ, this is how Nazi Germany must have started

But they're as much use as a cream slice

But that opinion is skewed, before being skewed some more and then put in a thumb-screw until it resembles a slinky

I wouldn't be too surprised if Hitler himself turns up riding a giant robotic spider

It would have to teleport w****s into the room before I'd consider caring

And to balance the undenyingly boringness of this sentence, BOINGO BOINGO WHOOPSIE KNICKERS

Constantly neglected like an orphan chimney sweep

It's kinda like having a big fancy meal in a restaurant and when asking for the bill the chef comes along and farts in your face

Like those people that walk around the local maritime museum acting like they are enjoying themselves

And they might as well have been crafted from the wood of the true cross for how easy they are to get hold of in this city.

So if I can't blame them for that, I'll just blame God, like I usually do

I don't want to be someone who does the same thing every year in what is known as the EA strategy

It's like trying to solve a rubix cube with your elbows

What I am trying to strain out like an uncomfortable kidney stone is

I'm not reading the manual - its thick enough to beat goats to death with


Now we've dropped into the ocean of s***tiness without a rescue boat in sight.

Its just a pointless delay, just like a hallway full of balloons

If you can't even hazard a guess at how this will end , please stick your head in a beehive

I'll be all over you like Robbie Coltrane over a plate of chips

Criticising this for that at this point is like criticising a midget£ for being short

His head is stuck so far up his bottom that he's in danger of choking on his head

...but possibly the universe would explode and it would be AWESOME

...his voice thick like sarcastic marmite

I'm of mixed opinions on the homeless - on one hand they are tragic victims of an uncaring society but on the other they are also tragic victims that smell and shout at me in the street

The warning lights only went off like the lights of Blackpool pleasure beach when...

If you want to get funny with me because you like numbers and I don't give enough of them, how about the number FOUR as in "FOUR-K YOU!"

You know girls, the mysterious creatures you see on the bus, that have their own set of toilets and spray stingy liquid in your face"

Please note, there were a few others, but posting them will probably get me banned...

£ I have to ask this. Is midget now considered totally offensive now? I was watching Room 101 on Dave a few weeks back and it was bleeped out every time somebody said it. If it's hat bad a word, why do they show the epsiode when it there is a whole section about midg*ts?

2002- just a number? wrote:
> pete_21 wrote:
> Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for w*****s - Jez from
> Peep Show.
>
> Ah peep show, proving we all have a witty inner voice, even if
> it manifests itself as an incoherent rant to rival Jeremy
> Clarkson's.
>
> Also dragonlance (or anyone), I’ve never worked out what is
> meant by purely quoting someone, could you please enlighten
> me?

I'll have a go - for me a quote is a saying or phrase uttered by someone to describe someone, something or whatever, but it just descibes the 'action' exactly and you often wonder "Why didn't I say that!"

I'll post a list when I find it of most of Zero Punctuation's quotes. They're brilliant, but I'll have to edit most of them.

"Eat healthy, exercise daily, die anyway" - don't know who gave this gem, but so true for the health fanatics...

"80% of married men cheat in America, the other 20% cheat in Europe" - Jackie Mason

And have to drop in one of my one-liners here...
If a fire hydrant has H2O on the inside, what does it have on the outside? K9P.

EDIT: Wishes that the Small formatting was actually in subscript rather than superscript...

Two serious:
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months"

"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractivness of others"

Two funny:
"So finally justice is served. Well, not actual justice, just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing" - Jeremy/Peep Show

[B][CODE]Jeremy Osborne: Ah, you see! He did do it, but for a nice reason. Who's the racist now, Mark?
Mark Corrigan: [on telephone] Er, Sophie. If you heard that, please ignore it. I'm not a racist. Far from it. Anyway... it's good to hear your voice. I know it's only a recording but you have got a bloody nice voice and...
[laughs lamely]
Mark Corrigan: God, I just called up to say hi and then...
[singing]
Mark Corrigan: Then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like... I like you. I mean, not that. But anyway... I noticed that the paper in the photocopier is running a bit low so... I know it's not really your job but... You know, so... see you tomorrow.
[puts the telephone down]
Mark Corrigan: F***, f***, f***, f***!
Jeremy Osborne: Oh, f***!
Mark Corrigan: Oh, my God.
Jeremy Osborne: Jesus!
Mark Corrigan: I've really f***ed it. Have I f***ed it?

- Maybe the best few lines in television history.

pete_21 wrote:
> Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for w*****s - Jez from
> Peep Show.

Ah peep show, proving we all have a witty inner voice, even if it manifests itself as an incoherent rant to rival Jeremy Clarkson's.

Also dragonlance (or anyone), I’ve never worked out what is meant by purely quoting someone, could you please enlighten me?

Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for w*****s - Jez from Peep Show.

Funny how Kelloggs never used this in their adverts !.

Hows about this one, heard on friday,

"You just open your mouth and let the wind blow your tongue"

Classic that one:)