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Here about the rubber terrorist?
He Blew Up Balloons!
He Blew Up Balloons!
Page:
how can you tell when a woman in tights farts?
her ankles swell up
her ankles swell up
Heres another
What NOT To Say To A Police Officer!
1. Sure I'll get my license, but can you hold my beer?
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..
3. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed.....have you been eating doughnuts?"
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay good, just so one of us does..
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer..
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was just trying to keep up with traffic... Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!
What NOT To Say To A Police Officer!
1. Sure I'll get my license, but can you hold my beer?
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..
3. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed.....have you been eating doughnuts?"
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay good, just so one of us does..
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer..
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was just trying to keep up with traffic... Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!
Great Sporting Quotes:
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator, "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
Murray Walker, "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Greg Norman, "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Alan Minter, "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
Terry Venables, "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
Ron Atkinson, "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977, "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
Metro Radio, "Julian D*cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D*cks on the field."
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
US TV Commentator, "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them, oh my God, what have I just said?"
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator, "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
Murray Walker, "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Greg Norman, "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Alan Minter, "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
Terry Venables, "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
Ron Atkinson, "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977, "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
Metro Radio, "Julian D*cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D*cks on the field."
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
US TV Commentator, "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them, oh my God, what have I just said?"
even my jokes better then this
My dog called sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
My dog called sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
oh dear.........
Did you hear about the gay magician?
He disappeared with a poof!
Badumch!
He disappeared with a poof!
Badumch!
*Yawns*
Here about the rubber terrorist?
He Blew Up Balloons!
He Blew Up Balloons!
Page: