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I have been monitoring the Special Reserve Forums for some time under the alias of Rickoss for over a year now. I am actually Bill Gate’s/Microsoft’s legal advisor/lawyer. Through thorough inspection I can safely say my research is finished. For legal reasons, I must show the offender/offenders the legal document, which will be produced to Bill Gate’s of Microsoft, although as the Special reserve network Forums are family forums, any unnecessary words are deleted. The document is as follows:
“Through thorough monitoring of the Special Reserve Network Forums, I have found abusive use of Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Internet Explorer and other Microsoft applications. This abuse includes calling the Microsoft and the Microsoft Xbox inefficient and not up to good enough standards.
Also, using applications such as Microsoft Word and Microsoft MSN Messenger. Again, calling Microsoft’s products ‘[Expletive Deleted]’, ‘[Expletive Deleted]’ and ‘[Expletive Deleted]’.
There has already been a system check for each of the users of the Special Reserve Discount Network Forums and the lawsuit shall only apply to users of Microsoft machines. Although we now know who is responsible, we cannot reveal names because of the Privacy Policy.
Those who are in the lawsuit shall need to be in court on the 22nd January 2003, the court is still undecided. Although, if the offender/offenders pay the fine of $500 they need not go to court and shall be dropped from the lawsuit.”
That is the full document.
As the legal advisor/lawyer of the prosecutors (Microsoft/Bill Gate’s), I must inform the defendant/defendant’s of their legal position for the court case, to help the defendant/defendants make a better decision before entering court straight away.
The following legal document must be shown to Microsoft/Bill Gate’s as well as the defendant/defendant’s:
“Upon agreeing to Microsoft’s Terms & Conditions when the purchase of a Microsoft product was made, you agreed to sub-section 12a and did follow specific orders when using any of Microsoft’s products. The section reads as follows:
“When using a Microsoft product, no foul language or abuse aimed towards Microsoft. On agreeing to these Terms & Conditions you must not use foul or abusive language aimed at Microsoft when using; Microsoft Windows (Any Version), Microsoft Word (Any Version), Microsoft Internet Explorer (5.5 and Above), Microsoft MSN Messenger (Any Version) and some forthcoming Microsoft products. If these Terms & Conditions are not met, the course of action shall be immediate prosecution, which will result in a fine of $500 or, if the fine is not paid, a lawsuit against the defendant/defendants. Please, all right’s reserved to change terms and conditions as new Microsoft Products are put out into the market.”
If a lawsuit upon the defendant/defendant’s results in the defendant/defendant’s losing, the minimum for breaking Terms & Conditions is either 6 Months in jail or 1 Years Community Service, depending on the scale of the offence.”
These Terms &Conditions can be found within each of the Microsoft products.
Microsoft shall get addresses and other information from the Special Reserve Discount Network as Privacy Policy’s cannot get in the way of lawsuits.
After that there shall be letter asking whether the defendant/defendant’s would like to pay the fine or go to court on 22nd January 2003
Yours Sincerely
Mr. Rick Ossition
Microsoft’s Legal Advisor/Lawyer
“Through thorough monitoring of the Special Reserve Network Forums, I have found abusive use of Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Internet Explorer and other Microsoft applications. This abuse includes calling the Microsoft and the Microsoft Xbox inefficient and not up to good enough standards.
Also, using applications such as Microsoft Word and Microsoft MSN Messenger. Again, calling Microsoft’s products ‘[Expletive Deleted]’, ‘[Expletive Deleted]’ and ‘[Expletive Deleted]’.
There has already been a system check for each of the users of the Special Reserve Discount Network Forums and the lawsuit shall only apply to users of Microsoft machines. Although we now know who is responsible, we cannot reveal names because of the Privacy Policy.
Those who are in the lawsuit shall need to be in court on the 22nd January 2003, the court is still undecided. Although, if the offender/offenders pay the fine of $500 they need not go to court and shall be dropped from the lawsuit.”
That is the full document.
As the legal advisor/lawyer of the prosecutors (Microsoft/Bill Gate’s), I must inform the defendant/defendant’s of their legal position for the court case, to help the defendant/defendants make a better decision before entering court straight away.
The following legal document must be shown to Microsoft/Bill Gate’s as well as the defendant/defendant’s:
“Upon agreeing to Microsoft’s Terms & Conditions when the purchase of a Microsoft product was made, you agreed to sub-section 12a and did follow specific orders when using any of Microsoft’s products. The section reads as follows:
“When using a Microsoft product, no foul language or abuse aimed towards Microsoft. On agreeing to these Terms & Conditions you must not use foul or abusive language aimed at Microsoft when using; Microsoft Windows (Any Version), Microsoft Word (Any Version), Microsoft Internet Explorer (5.5 and Above), Microsoft MSN Messenger (Any Version) and some forthcoming Microsoft products. If these Terms & Conditions are not met, the course of action shall be immediate prosecution, which will result in a fine of $500 or, if the fine is not paid, a lawsuit against the defendant/defendants. Please, all right’s reserved to change terms and conditions as new Microsoft Products are put out into the market.”
If a lawsuit upon the defendant/defendant’s results in the defendant/defendant’s losing, the minimum for breaking Terms & Conditions is either 6 Months in jail or 1 Years Community Service, depending on the scale of the offence.”
These Terms &Conditions can be found within each of the Microsoft products.
Microsoft shall get addresses and other information from the Special Reserve Discount Network as Privacy Policy’s cannot get in the way of lawsuits.
After that there shall be letter asking whether the defendant/defendant’s would like to pay the fine or go to court on 22nd January 2003
Yours Sincerely
Mr. Rick Ossition
Microsoft’s Legal Advisor/Lawyer
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DAMN IT!!
*scrapes dried spaghetti out of underpants*
*scrapes dried spaghetti out of underpants*
Lol! Nice list you compiled there :-D
brilliant, absouloutly brilliant. and i have checked section 12.a:
when using microsoft windows or any microsoft product, it is advisable not to have any of the following inserted in your underpants:
jam
bees
Keith Chegwin
your hand
a vacume cleaner
frogspawn
spaggeti
an electical wire
a highly faulty hand whisk
an alligator
a large blue feather
a cucumber
bill gates
anyone who will ask for a large cash sum afterwards
anyone who will claim later in court that you bribed them into doing it with a large cash sum
swiss cheese
the cast of four weddings and a funeral
a meat cleaver
anything highly radioactive
piranas
a deflated bouncy castle
the entire population of Toronto
a hub cap
your head
anyone elses head
a rolled up pair of socks
a bible
rasberry joy-jam
marmelade
marmite
anything highly acidic
a baseball bat
anything highly fragile and expensive
a solid block of salt
a household pet
Me
when using microsoft windows or any microsoft product, it is advisable not to have any of the following inserted in your underpants:
jam
bees
Keith Chegwin
your hand
a vacume cleaner
frogspawn
spaggeti
an electical wire
a highly faulty hand whisk
an alligator
a large blue feather
a cucumber
bill gates
anyone who will ask for a large cash sum afterwards
anyone who will claim later in court that you bribed them into doing it with a large cash sum
swiss cheese
the cast of four weddings and a funeral
a meat cleaver
anything highly radioactive
piranas
a deflated bouncy castle
the entire population of Toronto
a hub cap
your head
anyone elses head
a rolled up pair of socks
a bible
rasberry joy-jam
marmelade
marmite
anything highly acidic
a baseball bat
anything highly fragile and expensive
a solid block of salt
a household pet
Me
Great post there Rickoss, I was wondering who was gonna be in court until I read everyone's replys.
*Plays Turok on the X Box
"What a load of crap!"
"That'll be $500 please"
"WTF!?"
:)
Great post, Rickoss, something nice and original too, like it!
"What a load of crap!"
"That'll be $500 please"
"WTF!?"
:)
Great post, Rickoss, something nice and original too, like it!
LOL. But still a very funny post
Shush up
:-D
:-D
If you really were from Microsoft you wouldn't be calling him "Bill Gate's", but Bill Gates, without the apostrophe. :)
Indian-DudeY2K wrote:
> so , is rickoss really the microsoft advisor ? That seemed pretty
> convincing, and the americans do go OTT a bit.
Who knows ;-)
Anyone actually checked if it's in the Terms & Conditions?
Hmmm, sub-section 12a: No yellow thongs can be worn when using.
oo-er
:-D
> so , is rickoss really the microsoft advisor ? That seemed pretty
> convincing, and the americans do go OTT a bit.
Who knows ;-)
Anyone actually checked if it's in the Terms & Conditions?
Hmmm, sub-section 12a: No yellow thongs can be worn when using.
oo-er
:-D
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