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News just in!
Famous female videogames stars have recently been bombarded by both their fans and members of the press, when rumours started that these so called "sex symbols of videogames" were actually not women at all, but men.
It is thought that these horrific alligations surfaced within the fabled Special Reserve chat forums (http://www.ukchatforums.com), when posters on these forums frequently accused certain female members - Rosalind, Mystique and Bubbly Babe - of being nothing but female-impersonating blokes. These rumours quickly transformed themselves in a Chinese Whispers style fashion, and female gaming icons found themselves accused of horrific crimes.
We spoke to various people, both Special Reserve members and gaming stars.
UMP = un-named member of press.
UMP: "So Mystique, you've been on the forums for quite a while, haven't you?"
Mystique: "Yes, I've been here for nearly 600 days; over one and a half years."
UMP: "And now you're finding yourself lynched in the street? What exactly has happened?"
Mystique: "Well people have been accusing me of actually being a man."
UMP: "What... and you're not?"
Mystique: "No, I'm bloody well not!!!"
UMP: "Princess Peach, good of you to talk to us."
Peach: "I've baked a cake. Want some?"
UMP: "No... I...!"
Peach: "Go on, it's nice cake."
UMP: "Could we please stick to the topic at hand?"
Peach: "I could have you killed, you know."
UMP: "Yes... erm.... how has your life been effected by this sudden outburst of accusations that you're secretly a male in drag?"
Peach: "Well, I'm wanted for numerous murders now, after talking mushrooms went er... missing. *ahem!* You can edit this, right?"
UMP: "No."
Peach:
UMP: "Eep! Yes."
UMP: "Bubbly Babe, you're looking very nice today. Thanks for giving us this interview."
Bubbly: "Oh, that's ok. I'm devastated by what people are saying, you know."
UMP: "Yes, I'm sure you are -"
Bubbly:
UMP: "Could you explain what's happened?"
Bubbly: "Well I recently joined these forums, and people thought I was being too stereotypical and accused me of being a man pretending to be a woman."
UMP: "Surely not?"
Bubbly: "I'm afraid so."
UMP: "But why?
Bubbly:"Well I think they saw my second Gameaday prize choice - Turok Evolution - as a "giveaway", but as I explained, this was chosen as a birthday present for my brother. But no one else saw it this way and accused me of being a bloke, er.. man."
UMP: "Shocking."
Bubbly: "Yes."
UMP: "Lara Croft, hi."
Lara: "What's wrong?"
UMP: "Nothing..."
Lara: "What?"
UMP: "Ok, I'm scared."
Lara: "Why?"
UMP: "Well you're obviously some kind of human-cotton bud hybrid being from another galaxy, who possesses super strength."
Lara: "Wha...?!"
UMP: "Well how else do you explain a pencil thin waist supporting two 3-ton beach ball sized objects? It just doesn't add up, sorry."
Lara: "!"
uMP: "Rosalind, thanks for speaking to us."
Ros: "Oh, that's fine. I'm extremely angry about all of this."
UMP: "All of what?"
Ros: "These rumours that are flying around, claiming that I'm actually a man."
UMP: "Yes, it's terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "Terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "Terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "So, erm... how have you counter-attacked the people who are claiming that you're a male?"
Ros: "Well I thought that putting on a show regarding how upset I was about the swearing on the forums and the word "tw*t" being used would convince people that I was an emotional woman rather than a smelly, unco-ordinated, drunk, sex-mad, testosterone-hyped..."
UMP: "Man?"
Ros: "Yes."
UMP: "Did it work?"
Ros: "I think so."
Forum Member: "Oi, bloke! Woooo! Hahaha!"
Ros: "Crap."
UMP: "Hiya, Kamek."
Kamek: "Hi."
UMP: "I understand that you've been a favourite "victim" of the rumours."
Kamek: "Yes, I certainly have."
UMP: "Why is that?"
Kamek: "Well up until recently I had always been male, but my role in Paper Mario required me to play as a female... so I had to have a sex change. I thought I could live a happy life as a woman, but people today are so cruel."
UMP: "Yes." *sniggers*
Kamek: "Hmm?"
UMP: "Er, nothing. So people are actually attacking you in the street, I believe?"
Kamek: "Yes. They shout things like 'transvestite' at me."
UMP: "Um... aren't you technically....?"
Kamek: "No!!!"
UMP: "No?"
Kamek: "I'm simply gender challenged."
UMP: "Right."
So there we have it, folks. Actual comments from people whose lives have been effected by these malicious rumours that are circulating on the Special Reserve chat forums. But, what can be done about it? We spoke to Special Reserve owner, Tony, for his views on the situation.
UMP: "Tony, what exactly are you doing to prevent the situation exculating even further?"
Tony: "Nothing."
UMP: "Nothing?!"
Tony: "Duh."
So it seems that the rumours are, at the moment anyway, free to reap havoc upon the forums and make the victims' lives a misery. And, I'm sad to say, that it doesn't end there. No, many others have been accused of being gender challenged. *sniggers*
That's right! Below is a list of the confirmed victims up to the present date:
Special Reserve members:
Bubbly Babe
Mystique
Rosalind
Tony *giggles*
Gaming stars:
Birdo
Brentilda
Croft, Lara
Daisy, Princess
Dark, Joanna "Perfect"
De Vries, Cassandra
Erika, Gym Leader
Gruntilda
Impa
Iron Maiden
Kamek
Kazooie
Kong, Dixie
Kong, Tiny
Kong, Wrinkly
Malon
Misty, Gym Leader
Nettie
Onatopp, Xenia
Peach, Princess
Pipsy
Redfield, Claire
Ruto, Princess
Sabrina, Gym Leader
Salia
Summer, Jody
Tooty
Twinrova, Sorceress Sisters
Valentine, Jill
Zelda, Princess
And many more are being added to this list as we speak.
The worst victims of this malicious campaign have to be Princess Zelda, Salia and Princess Ruto, who were discovered to still be taunted and tormented seven whole years on, when we sent local Hyrule hero, Link, to travel to the future and discover the effects of the event seven years on.
The pictures he sent back to us were not pleasent; too disturbing to show here, though the full time travel report can be seen on October 10th on HTV (Hyrule Television) at 11:30pm. But what we can say is this: the entire world, though most noticably Hyrule, has been effected. Seven years on, and Hyrule is infested with monsters and beings of the night, and everyone, including the Gorons and Zora people, are living lives that I would not wish upon anyone. Princess Ruto, as a child, even attempted to escape those who tormented her by retreating inside the belly of a gian fish. But, she was sadly unsuccessful.
Other cases of irrational behaviour on the parts of these victimised females include Joanna Dark fleeing her family to start a life as an undercover operative, Iron Maiden having rocket launcher and claw implants and becoming a member of the Strogg Empire, Kazooie retreating into her only friends' backpack for a life in the dark, and certain women even resorting to taking out their anger by forcing small monsters to fight each other before and after leading a life trapped inside cramped spherical prisons.
It seems that nothing can be done to prvent this traumatic series of occurances, and I for one hope that the entire videogames industry - along with the future of the Special Reserve forums - is not damaged beyond repair by this onslaught.
Famous female videogames stars have recently been bombarded by both their fans and members of the press, when rumours started that these so called "sex symbols of videogames" were actually not women at all, but men.
It is thought that these horrific alligations surfaced within the fabled Special Reserve chat forums (http://www.ukchatforums.com), when posters on these forums frequently accused certain female members - Rosalind, Mystique and Bubbly Babe - of being nothing but female-impersonating blokes. These rumours quickly transformed themselves in a Chinese Whispers style fashion, and female gaming icons found themselves accused of horrific crimes.
We spoke to various people, both Special Reserve members and gaming stars.
UMP = un-named member of press.
UMP: "So Mystique, you've been on the forums for quite a while, haven't you?"
Mystique: "Yes, I've been here for nearly 600 days; over one and a half years."
UMP: "And now you're finding yourself lynched in the street? What exactly has happened?"
Mystique: "Well people have been accusing me of actually being a man."
UMP: "What... and you're not?"
Mystique: "No, I'm bloody well not!!!"
UMP: "Princess Peach, good of you to talk to us."
Peach: "I've baked a cake. Want some?"
UMP: "No... I...!"
Peach: "Go on, it's nice cake."
UMP: "Could we please stick to the topic at hand?"
Peach: "I could have you killed, you know."
UMP: "Yes... erm.... how has your life been effected by this sudden outburst of accusations that you're secretly a male in drag?"
Peach: "Well, I'm wanted for numerous murders now, after talking mushrooms went er... missing. *ahem!* You can edit this, right?"
UMP: "No."
Peach:
UMP: "Eep! Yes."
UMP: "Bubbly Babe, you're looking very nice today. Thanks for giving us this interview."
Bubbly: "Oh, that's ok. I'm devastated by what people are saying, you know."
UMP: "Yes, I'm sure you are -"
Bubbly:
UMP: "Could you explain what's happened?"
Bubbly: "Well I recently joined these forums, and people thought I was being too stereotypical and accused me of being a man pretending to be a woman."
UMP: "Surely not?"
Bubbly: "I'm afraid so."
UMP: "But why?
Bubbly:"Well I think they saw my second Gameaday prize choice - Turok Evolution - as a "giveaway", but as I explained, this was chosen as a birthday present for my brother. But no one else saw it this way and accused me of being a bloke, er.. man."
UMP: "Shocking."
Bubbly: "Yes."
UMP: "Lara Croft, hi."
Lara: "What's wrong?"
UMP: "Nothing..."
Lara: "What?"
UMP: "Ok, I'm scared."
Lara: "Why?"
UMP: "Well you're obviously some kind of human-cotton bud hybrid being from another galaxy, who possesses super strength."
Lara: "Wha...?!"
UMP: "Well how else do you explain a pencil thin waist supporting two 3-ton beach ball sized objects? It just doesn't add up, sorry."
Lara: "!"
uMP: "Rosalind, thanks for speaking to us."
Ros: "Oh, that's fine. I'm extremely angry about all of this."
UMP: "All of what?"
Ros: "These rumours that are flying around, claiming that I'm actually a man."
UMP: "Yes, it's terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "Terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "Terrible."
Ros: "Terrible."
UMP: "So, erm... how have you counter-attacked the people who are claiming that you're a male?"
Ros: "Well I thought that putting on a show regarding how upset I was about the swearing on the forums and the word "tw*t" being used would convince people that I was an emotional woman rather than a smelly, unco-ordinated, drunk, sex-mad, testosterone-hyped..."
UMP: "Man?"
Ros: "Yes."
UMP: "Did it work?"
Ros: "I think so."
Forum Member: "Oi, bloke! Woooo! Hahaha!"
Ros: "Crap."
UMP: "Hiya, Kamek."
Kamek: "Hi."
UMP: "I understand that you've been a favourite "victim" of the rumours."
Kamek: "Yes, I certainly have."
UMP: "Why is that?"
Kamek: "Well up until recently I had always been male, but my role in Paper Mario required me to play as a female... so I had to have a sex change. I thought I could live a happy life as a woman, but people today are so cruel."
UMP: "Yes." *sniggers*
Kamek: "Hmm?"
UMP: "Er, nothing. So people are actually attacking you in the street, I believe?"
Kamek: "Yes. They shout things like 'transvestite' at me."
UMP: "Um... aren't you technically....?"
Kamek: "No!!!"
UMP: "No?"
Kamek: "I'm simply gender challenged."
UMP: "Right."
So there we have it, folks. Actual comments from people whose lives have been effected by these malicious rumours that are circulating on the Special Reserve chat forums. But, what can be done about it? We spoke to Special Reserve owner, Tony, for his views on the situation.
UMP: "Tony, what exactly are you doing to prevent the situation exculating even further?"
Tony: "Nothing."
UMP: "Nothing?!"
Tony: "Duh."
So it seems that the rumours are, at the moment anyway, free to reap havoc upon the forums and make the victims' lives a misery. And, I'm sad to say, that it doesn't end there. No, many others have been accused of being gender challenged. *sniggers*
That's right! Below is a list of the confirmed victims up to the present date:
Special Reserve members:
Bubbly Babe
Mystique
Rosalind
Tony *giggles*
Gaming stars:
Birdo
Brentilda
Croft, Lara
Daisy, Princess
Dark, Joanna "Perfect"
De Vries, Cassandra
Erika, Gym Leader
Gruntilda
Impa
Iron Maiden
Kamek
Kazooie
Kong, Dixie
Kong, Tiny
Kong, Wrinkly
Malon
Misty, Gym Leader
Nettie
Onatopp, Xenia
Peach, Princess
Pipsy
Redfield, Claire
Ruto, Princess
Sabrina, Gym Leader
Salia
Summer, Jody
Tooty
Twinrova, Sorceress Sisters
Valentine, Jill
Zelda, Princess
And many more are being added to this list as we speak.
The worst victims of this malicious campaign have to be Princess Zelda, Salia and Princess Ruto, who were discovered to still be taunted and tormented seven whole years on, when we sent local Hyrule hero, Link, to travel to the future and discover the effects of the event seven years on.
The pictures he sent back to us were not pleasent; too disturbing to show here, though the full time travel report can be seen on October 10th on HTV (Hyrule Television) at 11:30pm. But what we can say is this: the entire world, though most noticably Hyrule, has been effected. Seven years on, and Hyrule is infested with monsters and beings of the night, and everyone, including the Gorons and Zora people, are living lives that I would not wish upon anyone. Princess Ruto, as a child, even attempted to escape those who tormented her by retreating inside the belly of a gian fish. But, she was sadly unsuccessful.
Other cases of irrational behaviour on the parts of these victimised females include Joanna Dark fleeing her family to start a life as an undercover operative, Iron Maiden having rocket launcher and claw implants and becoming a member of the Strogg Empire, Kazooie retreating into her only friends' backpack for a life in the dark, and certain women even resorting to taking out their anger by forcing small monsters to fight each other before and after leading a life trapped inside cramped spherical prisons.
It seems that nothing can be done to prvent this traumatic series of occurances, and I for one hope that the entire videogames industry - along with the future of the Special Reserve forums - is not damaged beyond repair by this onslaught.
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I take Cough-off to get rid of my cough...why would I want to make it bigger...oh.
Edgy wrote:
> ...I only wear women's underwear strictly for comfort reasons...a
*
And to make your *cough* look bigger.
> ...I only wear women's underwear strictly for comfort reasons...a
*
And to make your *cough* look bigger.
...I only wear women's underwear strictly for comfort reasons...
Dirty Tiltawhirl ;)
I'm more of a stockings person.
Edgy wrote:
> I was once mistaken for a girl...but I was nine, dressed up as Peter
> Pan (tights 'n' all) and was at a school fayre type thing.
>
> I look a lot different now and only wear tights on Friday nights.
*
He forgot to mention that he wears them on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday nights, too.
Where WOULD you be without me, eh Edgy?
> I was once mistaken for a girl...but I was nine, dressed up as Peter
> Pan (tights 'n' all) and was at a school fayre type thing.
>
> I look a lot different now and only wear tights on Friday nights.
*
He forgot to mention that he wears them on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday nights, too.
Where WOULD you be without me, eh Edgy?
I was once mistaken for a girl...but I was nine, dressed up as Peter Pan (tights 'n' all) and was at a school fayre type thing.
I look a lot different now and only wear tights on Friday nights.
I look a lot different now and only wear tights on Friday nights.
Page: