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Life Outside of Internet upsets many
Support lines were inundated today with distressed calls from parents of local teens.
“It was funny as hell” quoted an unnamed phone operator “All these parents were like, totally distraught because their kids had come downstairs and started to speak to them after years of grumpy silence”.
After investigation by local Internet Police Officers, it became apparent that several of these traumatized teens had been told to “Get a life” and “try going outside you ####### nerds” by chat forums they had previously spent hours on.
One upset father spoke of his experience “Well for the past few years, Gary had come home from school and gone straight upstairs. We’d only see him for meals we couldn’t fit through the hatch in his wall and whenever somebody called round for him. But two days ago, he came downstairs and spoke to us. To be honest, we had forgotten what his voice sounded like and he insisted on being addressed by his nickname. But it was a silly one so I refused”
Research into this has brought to light alarming facts and habits. It shows that up to 70% of teenagers get most social interaction through the internet “Ironic as hell” sneered a Gen-X spokesperson “Seeing as being alone in your bedroom is supposed to be what teens do, but whacking off or listening to speed-metal, not arguing about video games”.
Not only is this communication-pipe used to discuss what happened on last nights “Buffy” but there is also indication that these teens enter into furious debates about their right to post mild-cussing on these forums.
”It’s not fair” complained an anonymous poster, “I swear all the time with my mates, so why not online as well? Mind you, I’d like to learn a txt image for spitting a lot as well, we do that too and it’s cool.”
The general consensus is that not only does constant interaction with the internet retard social growth, but produces future generations of feckless wasters with monitor-tans and the inability to talk with real people without using phrases as “N00b” and “fanboy”.
One Gen-X spoke out “Man, I’d punch these geeks in the stomach if they spoke to me like some of the nerds I trawl through when I post at work. Punk kids that think they know it all…hell, most of ‘em haven’t even smoked a jay or fingercuffed a skinny”
Parents of these internet-addict teens are advised to follow the guidelines below in order to restore calm in their previously teen-free environments.
1) Do not laugh at the youth, encourage their faltering steps outside
2) Offer to wash their games-emblazoned t-shirt but make it seem like a chore
3) Respond to shouts of “I hate you mum” with an indulgent smile, and if you wish to infuriate your child, it is suggested you throw gang-symbols with your hands and said “Aiiie” a lot
4) If you wish to cease a tantrum-to-be, ask your child who logged onto “BangBus” and see them disappear faster than a pesky wine-stain on your carpet
5) To cause further upset, when your child announces he’s “going to bed”, wait at least 20 mins before knocking on their door and asking if you can “have a word”. Make sure they hear you chuckling as they frantically prepare for your entry, and when they open the door be sure to say “Oh dear, you’re sweating. Are you ill, you look all flushed”.
Internet Addiction and chat forums are a menace to what had previously been a well chartered area of sulky teen years. Instead of staying upstairs and nicking your fags, smoking them out the window – your teenager can often now be found downloading porn through Kazaa, staying up until 1am arguing about computer games and listening to MP3’s without bothering to shoplift the CD from Woolworths anymore.
Be aware of this growing teen-trend and stay one step ahead of your pubescent progeny.
Support lines were inundated today with distressed calls from parents of local teens.
“It was funny as hell” quoted an unnamed phone operator “All these parents were like, totally distraught because their kids had come downstairs and started to speak to them after years of grumpy silence”.
After investigation by local Internet Police Officers, it became apparent that several of these traumatized teens had been told to “Get a life” and “try going outside you ####### nerds” by chat forums they had previously spent hours on.
One upset father spoke of his experience “Well for the past few years, Gary had come home from school and gone straight upstairs. We’d only see him for meals we couldn’t fit through the hatch in his wall and whenever somebody called round for him. But two days ago, he came downstairs and spoke to us. To be honest, we had forgotten what his voice sounded like and he insisted on being addressed by his nickname. But it was a silly one so I refused”
Research into this has brought to light alarming facts and habits. It shows that up to 70% of teenagers get most social interaction through the internet “Ironic as hell” sneered a Gen-X spokesperson “Seeing as being alone in your bedroom is supposed to be what teens do, but whacking off or listening to speed-metal, not arguing about video games”.
Not only is this communication-pipe used to discuss what happened on last nights “Buffy” but there is also indication that these teens enter into furious debates about their right to post mild-cussing on these forums.
”It’s not fair” complained an anonymous poster, “I swear all the time with my mates, so why not online as well? Mind you, I’d like to learn a txt image for spitting a lot as well, we do that too and it’s cool.”
The general consensus is that not only does constant interaction with the internet retard social growth, but produces future generations of feckless wasters with monitor-tans and the inability to talk with real people without using phrases as “N00b” and “fanboy”.
One Gen-X spoke out “Man, I’d punch these geeks in the stomach if they spoke to me like some of the nerds I trawl through when I post at work. Punk kids that think they know it all…hell, most of ‘em haven’t even smoked a jay or fingercuffed a skinny”
Parents of these internet-addict teens are advised to follow the guidelines below in order to restore calm in their previously teen-free environments.
1) Do not laugh at the youth, encourage their faltering steps outside
2) Offer to wash their games-emblazoned t-shirt but make it seem like a chore
3) Respond to shouts of “I hate you mum” with an indulgent smile, and if you wish to infuriate your child, it is suggested you throw gang-symbols with your hands and said “Aiiie” a lot
4) If you wish to cease a tantrum-to-be, ask your child who logged onto “BangBus” and see them disappear faster than a pesky wine-stain on your carpet
5) To cause further upset, when your child announces he’s “going to bed”, wait at least 20 mins before knocking on their door and asking if you can “have a word”. Make sure they hear you chuckling as they frantically prepare for your entry, and when they open the door be sure to say “Oh dear, you’re sweating. Are you ill, you look all flushed”.
Internet Addiction and chat forums are a menace to what had previously been a well chartered area of sulky teen years. Instead of staying upstairs and nicking your fags, smoking them out the window – your teenager can often now be found downloading porn through Kazaa, staying up until 1am arguing about computer games and listening to MP3’s without bothering to shoplift the CD from Woolworths anymore.
Be aware of this growing teen-trend and stay one step ahead of your pubescent progeny.
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gerrid wrote:
> I hate you all.
Aiiieeee.
:-D
> I hate you all.
Aiiieeee.
:-D
These are a pack of lies man! I am like totally willing to like help out and be good natured but the colours are swirling and swirling :S
I hate you all.
Hey why are you giving away all our hard work by telling them how to fight back!? What are you doing!
Just kidding! Very funny.
Just kidding! Very funny.
:o . . |
Thats a mouth. Spitting. Onto the ground.
So lame.
Thats the *smiley*. The post was great
Thats a mouth. Spitting. Onto the ground.
So lame.
Thats the *smiley*. The post was great
Genius.
great stuff!
shouldn't it be white-stain?
shouldn't it be white-stain?
Nice post Goaty
slik ~_~
slik ~_~
The last part was the best.
Nice stuff blah blah blah (you get the idea)
;)
Nice stuff blah blah blah (you get the idea)
;)
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