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Warning, this may contain bad language. Well, actually, it does a little. But it’s censored out. So if you too young then go read the longest thread instead. Thanks.
Ant: …the match finished 2-2. This leaves Liverpool 3rd tied on 8 points with Arsenal, and Tottenham remain top a whole 2 points above anyone else. Now onto motor sport, and boy have we got a treat for you this afternoon. The SR TOCA Tournament has reched it’s climax, and without further ado I’ll pass you onto Neville and Jive in Fuji.
Flanders: Thanks Ant, but remember, I’m only Neville at weekends, you dirty boy you. ‘Ahem’, anyway, welcome to Fuji for… (whispers) why are we here?
Jive: (whispers) It’s the TOCA Tournament Final Round.
Flanders: Sorry?
Jive: I SAID ‘TOCA TOURNAMENT FINAL ROUND’.
Flanders: Ah, ok. Welcome to the Poker Tournament Final Round.
Jive: Sigh, get the old git out will yah?
(Flanders is dragged out of the directors box)
Jive: Sorry about that. As Neville was trying to say, welcome to the final race in the TOCA Tournament. Thirteen brave, mad, brain-dead fools started out in the tournament way back…last week. The fourth and final race is finally upon us here at Fuji. Wow, they’ve really pushed the budget out this time. Look, I even get a straw stool. Wooo. ‘Ahem’. Before the race starts, heres Herc with the current championship standings.
*Drivers Championship*
1st Dave- Privateer- 16
2nd Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 16
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
5th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
6th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 6
7th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
8th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 4
9th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 4
10th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
11th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
12th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
13th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
Hercules: As you can see it’s tied at the top between Dave, aka, Ryan Mckane as he’s called in these forum thingy’s, ho ho, oh, and Honey_Monster. Who? I don’t know. Ho ho. Tom, lalakersrule and Shadow are also in contention. Ho ho. Back to the studio.
Jive: Hercules, thanks. But what happened to the rest of the summary?
Hercules. I have to go. Japanese moths are all around me. Noooo! Help. Oh crap.
Jive: Ok…get nurse Schroeder!
Hercules: Wahoo!
Jive: Now heres Rosalind, whos been speaking to the spectators.
Rosalind: Jive, thank you. Now lets just wander around and speak to this gentlemen. Hi.
AJ: How ye doing lassy?
Rosalind: Erm fine.
AJ: Do ye know were the wee haggis tent is?
Rosalind: No, I’m afraid I don’t.
AJ: Aww Bol**cks.
Rosalind: Sir, please. Less of the batty language. Now then, lets speak to you. Hi.
Hybrid: Hi.
Rosalind: Are you enjoying your day?
Hybrid: Yes. Very much so. There’s lots to do. Kids can go and play with the inflatable Wookiemonster while I watch the race. It’s fantastic!
Rosalind: You have kids?
Hybrid: Yes. Wave to mummy kids. (Myst waves back)
Rosalind: Thanks. Moving on…lets speak to you. And you are?
Er-no: er-no.
Rosalind: Please sir, your name?
Er-no: er-no. (er-no throws himself in front of a car warming up) Did you get that on film Fish?
Rosalind: Fine, if you don’t want to speak to me… lets take a look at the VIP tent. Wow, is that Bristol City’s captain?
Mandatare: No.
Rosalind: Bristol Rovers?
Mandatare: No, Bristol Academy actually.
Rosalind: I see. And why are you here today?
Mandatare: Because I’m getting paid of course. You think someone of my fame would come to this dump for free? For god sake no. I’m a flipping celebrity, get me the hell out of here.
Rosalind: Erm…
Mandatare: In fact, I’m so god damn famous that the next Beckham kid will be named after me.
Rosalind: I’m sure they wouldn’t call it Big Headed Tw*t Beckham would they? No. Now lets see the other VIP’s. Ah, Mr Snuggly. Why art thou seated in the VIP’s section?
Mr Snuggly: It’s all part of the job.
Rosalind: Job!?! You mean you actually do a job?
Mr Snuggly; Yah. Delivering beers to Tony is a tough job you know. Mind you, sitting playing games all day is my hardest job.
Rosalind: Ok, thanks. Now lets move along a bit to the other tents. Ah, you must be Microchips.
Microchips: That’s right.
Rosalind: And I suppose next to you is Micropizza?
Microchips: Nah, that’s Microgarlicbread.
Rosalind: I see. Anyway, bye.
Microchips: See you.
Rosalind. Now lets go take a look at the drivers. Mr Asher D? Hi.
Asher: I’m 22.
Rosalind: Really… thanks for that.
Asher: Yeah I am.
Rosalind: You appear to be looking for something?
Asher: Yeah, my girlfriends took the steering wheel from the car because she doesn’t want me to get killed. The other week I was off work and she took the controllers from both my PSOne and PS2 to work in her handbag so I wouldn’t play while I was sick. (This is actually true and not made up for the Spoof- Natbuc)
Rosalind: Oh. So do you think you will win today?
Asher: Nah, this thing is a fix.
Rosalind: Honestly?
Asher: Yeah, Natbuc said I have to crash else he’s spoiling the Monkey Island ending for me.
Rosalind: What, you mean the bit where you fight the big LeChuck statue?
Asher: Nooooooo! Aww no, you mean….
Rosalind: Whoops, moving on… Quinty. Hello. I here there is a bit of rivalry between you and Asher? You smashed him off in the first race?
Quinty: Heh, indeed.
Rosalind: So you don’t like him?
Quinty: Indeed I don’t. OI ASHER! DID YOU KNOW IN MONKEY ISLAND THAT YOU GO IN A BIG MONKEY ROBOT AT THE END?!?
Asher: Nooo, god please no…please…no…..n..oo.o.g..o..d
Rosalind. Oh dear. Now lets take a look at some more activity on the starting grid. Who’s this lovely young women?
Myst: The names Mystique: Myst for short, but I prefer longer things.
Rosalind: And what are you doing here?
Myst: Can’t you see? I’m a pit-babe.
Rosalind: It’s a good job you told me, else I would never have guessed.
Myst: What you trying to say bi**h?
(Myst and Ros fight. Awesome)
Jive: Erm..hel..hello. It’s me. I’m back. Woooo. I think we’re just about to start. Heres the grid positions first of all.
1st Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
2nd Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
3rd Quinty- Team Tremor 5
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5
5th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5
6th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
7th David- Privateer
8th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
13th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
Jive: As you can see Shadow takes pole and has a great chance to win the tournament because of it. David and Honey_Monster will be battling for a high point scoring position though, and they start in 7th and 5th. Now, I believe we can get on with the race. Here’s Lord H, and first Lawless Fever to take you through the race.
Lawless Fever: Thanks. As you can see we are about to start. We have red, another red, and green! They’re off! Straight away the cars fly off the grid. We’re into the first corner and lalakers barges past Juicy.
Lord H: Come on, crash you wasters!
Lawless Fever: They’re into the second bend and Shadow takes it all wrong. He slides into the gravel trap.
Lord H: Hah, serves the idiot right.
Lawless Fever: He re-enters the track in 9th place. Ouch, that’s ruined his chances.
Lord H: Heh heh.
Lawless Fever: Dave is now up into the points and pushing for more, as he knows that honey_monster will take the championship unless he can squeeze past Asher.
Lord H: CRASH CRASH CRASH! Come on. More crashes. Cant someone die?
Lawless Fever: Shut it you Fag. Here they come into lap 2 with the current order of Kerrang, Quinty and Reddy. This is the first time Kerrang has been in the points. Into the first turn and Asher has spun. He re-enters in the same position and Dave smacks into his rear end. Spectators on the eastern side of the track should be able to see a rather angry Asher flicking his finger up.
Lord H: Heh, that’s the way Asher.
Lawless Fever: They’re entering the last corner and with no mistakes from anyone Kerrang goes onto win but a 4th place for Honey_Monster gives him the championship! But whats this. Asher has turned into Quinty and Quinty has gone flying!
Lord H: Hah! Good! Hope he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: You can’t say that!! Besides, it’s a videogame, no one can die.
Lord H: Looks real to me you piece of crap.
Lawless Fever: Oi! You can’t swear!
Lord H: Why not? And why no deaths?
Lawless Fever: Because Codemasters wanted to keep the age rating low.
Lord H: Scr*w you Codemasters you F**kers. Ooo look children, little Quinty got a shred of metal up his a**e and he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: Enough!
Lord H: Di*k, f**k, wan**r.
Lawless Fever: Back to you Jive! Quick!
Jive: Few. Thanks LF. So that’s it. It’s over. And I think we can go over to Herc to see the final Championship standings. Herc? Herc!?!? Ah, the moths still there. Ok, I’ll do the standings.
*Race Standings*
1st Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10 points
2nd Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 6 points
3rd Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 4 points
4th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 3 points
5th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2 points
6th David- Privateer- 1 point
7th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
8th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
13th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
*Championship Standings*
DRIVER
1st Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 19
2nd Dave- Privateer- 17
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 10
5th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10
6th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 10
7th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
8th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
9th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 6
10th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
11th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
13th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
TEAM
Tremor 5- 49 points
Tech-Art 20 points
Psianic Hi-Fi- 18 points
Jive: Well done to Honey_Monster. No ones heard of you, but you won anyway. And also well done to all the team members of Tremor 5. Oh and a message from Natbuc to all the members of Psianic Hi-Fi… your all crap. Now I believe we can go trackside for the presentation.
Rosalind: Thanks Jive. Here we are on the podium ready for the awards to be…well…awarded. Awarding the bronze award to Shadow is Akira Shinoda.
Akira: Thanks. I am Malaysian. Wow, look at those pixelated bosoms. Nice…..slobber…
Shadow: Just give me the award.
Akira: Sorry, here, have it, I don’t want it anyway, it’s not womanly shaped.
Rosalind: And now Edgy will present the Silver trophy to Dave. Well done Dave.
Dave: Thanks.
Edgy: Thank you everyone who voted me. This means a lot to me and I shall put it on my mantle piece as soon as I get home.
Dave: Erm… that’s mine.
Edgy: What!?! It’s not mine… bu…but they said it was.
Dave: Who?
Edgy: Them. The voices…
Rosalind: Hmm, ok. Now Dead Wonder, will you please hand Honey_Monster his well deserved shiny Gold Trophy.
Dead Wonder: No.
Rosalind: Sorry?
Dead Wonder: No, its so pretty. I want it.
Rosalind: Give him it.
(From the crowd)
Mojojojo: Give him it!
Absolut_Neo: Give him it!
Cookiemonster: Give him it!
Gamezfreak: Give him it!
Gerrid: Give him it!
Ashley: Hurry DW, Eastenders is on soon.
Dead Wonder: Sigh. Here. Have it you n00b that no-one’s heard of.
Honey_Monster: No one has heard of me? Rubbish.
Dead Wonder: It’s true.
WhiteStripes: Absolutely.
Phi11ip: DW tis correct.
KR: He is you know.
Ortega: Yeah he is, who the hell are you?
Honey_Monster: Me? I am Reynolds. Mwhahaha.
Dead Wonder: Oh my god! I shook this guys hand!! I bet he cheated! Cheat!
(The whole crowd erupts)
CDouch: Cheat! Cheat!
Longy: Cheat! Cheat!
Cubist: Cheat! Cheat!
BIGMAN: Cheat! Cheat!
Dringo: Cheat! Cheat!
Goatboy: Cheat! Cheat!
(A single voice can be heard)
Sniper: Wht r u dng? Lev da guy ’lone. He iz da best. I rspct hm and da way he psts. He iz my idl.
Totoro: Get him!!!!
Noman_soul: Get them both.
THE END.
Ps. This was ended before it got too violant. Admitedly the word ‘crap’ comes up several times but what came next is much worse than that. Oh, by the way. Honey_monster isn’t really Reynolds. That was a joke (Hah) but Asher’s bird did really take the joy pads to work so he couldn’t play while he was sick.
Thanks for reading (I bet you didn’t read it all)
Nath.
Ant: …the match finished 2-2. This leaves Liverpool 3rd tied on 8 points with Arsenal, and Tottenham remain top a whole 2 points above anyone else. Now onto motor sport, and boy have we got a treat for you this afternoon. The SR TOCA Tournament has reched it’s climax, and without further ado I’ll pass you onto Neville and Jive in Fuji.
Flanders: Thanks Ant, but remember, I’m only Neville at weekends, you dirty boy you. ‘Ahem’, anyway, welcome to Fuji for… (whispers) why are we here?
Jive: (whispers) It’s the TOCA Tournament Final Round.
Flanders: Sorry?
Jive: I SAID ‘TOCA TOURNAMENT FINAL ROUND’.
Flanders: Ah, ok. Welcome to the Poker Tournament Final Round.
Jive: Sigh, get the old git out will yah?
(Flanders is dragged out of the directors box)
Jive: Sorry about that. As Neville was trying to say, welcome to the final race in the TOCA Tournament. Thirteen brave, mad, brain-dead fools started out in the tournament way back…last week. The fourth and final race is finally upon us here at Fuji. Wow, they’ve really pushed the budget out this time. Look, I even get a straw stool. Wooo. ‘Ahem’. Before the race starts, heres Herc with the current championship standings.
*Drivers Championship*
1st Dave- Privateer- 16
2nd Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 16
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
5th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
6th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 6
7th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
8th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 4
9th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 4
10th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
11th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
12th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
13th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
Hercules: As you can see it’s tied at the top between Dave, aka, Ryan Mckane as he’s called in these forum thingy’s, ho ho, oh, and Honey_Monster. Who? I don’t know. Ho ho. Tom, lalakersrule and Shadow are also in contention. Ho ho. Back to the studio.
Jive: Hercules, thanks. But what happened to the rest of the summary?
Hercules. I have to go. Japanese moths are all around me. Noooo! Help. Oh crap.
Jive: Ok…get nurse Schroeder!
Hercules: Wahoo!
Jive: Now heres Rosalind, whos been speaking to the spectators.
Rosalind: Jive, thank you. Now lets just wander around and speak to this gentlemen. Hi.
AJ: How ye doing lassy?
Rosalind: Erm fine.
AJ: Do ye know were the wee haggis tent is?
Rosalind: No, I’m afraid I don’t.
AJ: Aww Bol**cks.
Rosalind: Sir, please. Less of the batty language. Now then, lets speak to you. Hi.
Hybrid: Hi.
Rosalind: Are you enjoying your day?
Hybrid: Yes. Very much so. There’s lots to do. Kids can go and play with the inflatable Wookiemonster while I watch the race. It’s fantastic!
Rosalind: You have kids?
Hybrid: Yes. Wave to mummy kids. (Myst waves back)
Rosalind: Thanks. Moving on…lets speak to you. And you are?
Er-no: er-no.
Rosalind: Please sir, your name?
Er-no: er-no. (er-no throws himself in front of a car warming up) Did you get that on film Fish?
Rosalind: Fine, if you don’t want to speak to me… lets take a look at the VIP tent. Wow, is that Bristol City’s captain?
Mandatare: No.
Rosalind: Bristol Rovers?
Mandatare: No, Bristol Academy actually.
Rosalind: I see. And why are you here today?
Mandatare: Because I’m getting paid of course. You think someone of my fame would come to this dump for free? For god sake no. I’m a flipping celebrity, get me the hell out of here.
Rosalind: Erm…
Mandatare: In fact, I’m so god damn famous that the next Beckham kid will be named after me.
Rosalind: I’m sure they wouldn’t call it Big Headed Tw*t Beckham would they? No. Now lets see the other VIP’s. Ah, Mr Snuggly. Why art thou seated in the VIP’s section?
Mr Snuggly: It’s all part of the job.
Rosalind: Job!?! You mean you actually do a job?
Mr Snuggly; Yah. Delivering beers to Tony is a tough job you know. Mind you, sitting playing games all day is my hardest job.
Rosalind: Ok, thanks. Now lets move along a bit to the other tents. Ah, you must be Microchips.
Microchips: That’s right.
Rosalind: And I suppose next to you is Micropizza?
Microchips: Nah, that’s Microgarlicbread.
Rosalind: I see. Anyway, bye.
Microchips: See you.
Rosalind. Now lets go take a look at the drivers. Mr Asher D? Hi.
Asher: I’m 22.
Rosalind: Really… thanks for that.
Asher: Yeah I am.
Rosalind: You appear to be looking for something?
Asher: Yeah, my girlfriends took the steering wheel from the car because she doesn’t want me to get killed. The other week I was off work and she took the controllers from both my PSOne and PS2 to work in her handbag so I wouldn’t play while I was sick. (This is actually true and not made up for the Spoof- Natbuc)
Rosalind: Oh. So do you think you will win today?
Asher: Nah, this thing is a fix.
Rosalind: Honestly?
Asher: Yeah, Natbuc said I have to crash else he’s spoiling the Monkey Island ending for me.
Rosalind: What, you mean the bit where you fight the big LeChuck statue?
Asher: Nooooooo! Aww no, you mean….
Rosalind: Whoops, moving on… Quinty. Hello. I here there is a bit of rivalry between you and Asher? You smashed him off in the first race?
Quinty: Heh, indeed.
Rosalind: So you don’t like him?
Quinty: Indeed I don’t. OI ASHER! DID YOU KNOW IN MONKEY ISLAND THAT YOU GO IN A BIG MONKEY ROBOT AT THE END?!?
Asher: Nooo, god please no…please…no…..n..oo.o.g..o..d
Rosalind. Oh dear. Now lets take a look at some more activity on the starting grid. Who’s this lovely young women?
Myst: The names Mystique: Myst for short, but I prefer longer things.
Rosalind: And what are you doing here?
Myst: Can’t you see? I’m a pit-babe.
Rosalind: It’s a good job you told me, else I would never have guessed.
Myst: What you trying to say bi**h?
(Myst and Ros fight. Awesome)
Jive: Erm..hel..hello. It’s me. I’m back. Woooo. I think we’re just about to start. Heres the grid positions first of all.
1st Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
2nd Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
3rd Quinty- Team Tremor 5
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5
5th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5
6th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
7th David- Privateer
8th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
13th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
Jive: As you can see Shadow takes pole and has a great chance to win the tournament because of it. David and Honey_Monster will be battling for a high point scoring position though, and they start in 7th and 5th. Now, I believe we can get on with the race. Here’s Lord H, and first Lawless Fever to take you through the race.
Lawless Fever: Thanks. As you can see we are about to start. We have red, another red, and green! They’re off! Straight away the cars fly off the grid. We’re into the first corner and lalakers barges past Juicy.
Lord H: Come on, crash you wasters!
Lawless Fever: They’re into the second bend and Shadow takes it all wrong. He slides into the gravel trap.
Lord H: Hah, serves the idiot right.
Lawless Fever: He re-enters the track in 9th place. Ouch, that’s ruined his chances.
Lord H: Heh heh.
Lawless Fever: Dave is now up into the points and pushing for more, as he knows that honey_monster will take the championship unless he can squeeze past Asher.
Lord H: CRASH CRASH CRASH! Come on. More crashes. Cant someone die?
Lawless Fever: Shut it you Fag. Here they come into lap 2 with the current order of Kerrang, Quinty and Reddy. This is the first time Kerrang has been in the points. Into the first turn and Asher has spun. He re-enters in the same position and Dave smacks into his rear end. Spectators on the eastern side of the track should be able to see a rather angry Asher flicking his finger up.
Lord H: Heh, that’s the way Asher.
Lawless Fever: They’re entering the last corner and with no mistakes from anyone Kerrang goes onto win but a 4th place for Honey_Monster gives him the championship! But whats this. Asher has turned into Quinty and Quinty has gone flying!
Lord H: Hah! Good! Hope he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: You can’t say that!! Besides, it’s a videogame, no one can die.
Lord H: Looks real to me you piece of crap.
Lawless Fever: Oi! You can’t swear!
Lord H: Why not? And why no deaths?
Lawless Fever: Because Codemasters wanted to keep the age rating low.
Lord H: Scr*w you Codemasters you F**kers. Ooo look children, little Quinty got a shred of metal up his a**e and he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: Enough!
Lord H: Di*k, f**k, wan**r.
Lawless Fever: Back to you Jive! Quick!
Jive: Few. Thanks LF. So that’s it. It’s over. And I think we can go over to Herc to see the final Championship standings. Herc? Herc!?!? Ah, the moths still there. Ok, I’ll do the standings.
*Race Standings*
1st Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10 points
2nd Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 6 points
3rd Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 4 points
4th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 3 points
5th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2 points
6th David- Privateer- 1 point
7th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
8th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
13th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
*Championship Standings*
DRIVER
1st Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 19
2nd Dave- Privateer- 17
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 10
5th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10
6th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 10
7th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
8th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
9th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 6
10th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
11th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
13th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
TEAM
Tremor 5- 49 points
Tech-Art 20 points
Psianic Hi-Fi- 18 points
Jive: Well done to Honey_Monster. No ones heard of you, but you won anyway. And also well done to all the team members of Tremor 5. Oh and a message from Natbuc to all the members of Psianic Hi-Fi… your all crap. Now I believe we can go trackside for the presentation.
Rosalind: Thanks Jive. Here we are on the podium ready for the awards to be…well…awarded. Awarding the bronze award to Shadow is Akira Shinoda.
Akira: Thanks. I am Malaysian. Wow, look at those pixelated bosoms. Nice…..slobber…
Shadow: Just give me the award.
Akira: Sorry, here, have it, I don’t want it anyway, it’s not womanly shaped.
Rosalind: And now Edgy will present the Silver trophy to Dave. Well done Dave.
Dave: Thanks.
Edgy: Thank you everyone who voted me. This means a lot to me and I shall put it on my mantle piece as soon as I get home.
Dave: Erm… that’s mine.
Edgy: What!?! It’s not mine… bu…but they said it was.
Dave: Who?
Edgy: Them. The voices…
Rosalind: Hmm, ok. Now Dead Wonder, will you please hand Honey_Monster his well deserved shiny Gold Trophy.
Dead Wonder: No.
Rosalind: Sorry?
Dead Wonder: No, its so pretty. I want it.
Rosalind: Give him it.
(From the crowd)
Mojojojo: Give him it!
Absolut_Neo: Give him it!
Cookiemonster: Give him it!
Gamezfreak: Give him it!
Gerrid: Give him it!
Ashley: Hurry DW, Eastenders is on soon.
Dead Wonder: Sigh. Here. Have it you n00b that no-one’s heard of.
Honey_Monster: No one has heard of me? Rubbish.
Dead Wonder: It’s true.
WhiteStripes: Absolutely.
Phi11ip: DW tis correct.
KR: He is you know.
Ortega: Yeah he is, who the hell are you?
Honey_Monster: Me? I am Reynolds. Mwhahaha.
Dead Wonder: Oh my god! I shook this guys hand!! I bet he cheated! Cheat!
(The whole crowd erupts)
CDouch: Cheat! Cheat!
Longy: Cheat! Cheat!
Cubist: Cheat! Cheat!
BIGMAN: Cheat! Cheat!
Dringo: Cheat! Cheat!
Goatboy: Cheat! Cheat!
(A single voice can be heard)
Sniper: Wht r u dng? Lev da guy ’lone. He iz da best. I rspct hm and da way he psts. He iz my idl.
Totoro: Get him!!!!
Noman_soul: Get them both.
THE END.
Ps. This was ended before it got too violant. Admitedly the word ‘crap’ comes up several times but what came next is much worse than that. Oh, by the way. Honey_monster isn’t really Reynolds. That was a joke (Hah) but Asher’s bird did really take the joy pads to work so he couldn’t play while he was sick.
Thanks for reading (I bet you didn’t read it all)
Nath.
Page:
Thanks. [email protected]
Great Spoof Natbuc, and I pray that Lord H and tiltawirl don't come in here, no one deserves that annoyance.
:)
Enjoyed it alot mate! :D
You have MSN? :)
:)
Enjoyed it alot mate! :D
You have MSN? :)
Thanks alot. Oh, and you and Dead Wonder should take some anti-mafia pills methinks :D
Damn Long.
Damn Good.
*cough*mafia*cough*
Damn Good.
*cough*mafia*cough*
Warning, this may contain bad language. Well, actually, it does a little. But it’s censored out. So if you too young then go read the longest thread instead. Thanks.
Ant: …the match finished 2-2. This leaves Liverpool 3rd tied on 8 points with Arsenal, and Tottenham remain top a whole 2 points above anyone else. Now onto motor sport, and boy have we got a treat for you this afternoon. The SR TOCA Tournament has reched it’s climax, and without further ado I’ll pass you onto Neville and Jive in Fuji.
Flanders: Thanks Ant, but remember, I’m only Neville at weekends, you dirty boy you. ‘Ahem’, anyway, welcome to Fuji for… (whispers) why are we here?
Jive: (whispers) It’s the TOCA Tournament Final Round.
Flanders: Sorry?
Jive: I SAID ‘TOCA TOURNAMENT FINAL ROUND’.
Flanders: Ah, ok. Welcome to the Poker Tournament Final Round.
Jive: Sigh, get the old git out will yah?
(Flanders is dragged out of the directors box)
Jive: Sorry about that. As Neville was trying to say, welcome to the final race in the TOCA Tournament. Thirteen brave, mad, brain-dead fools started out in the tournament way back…last week. The fourth and final race is finally upon us here at Fuji. Wow, they’ve really pushed the budget out this time. Look, I even get a straw stool. Wooo. ‘Ahem’. Before the race starts, heres Herc with the current championship standings.
*Drivers Championship*
1st Dave- Privateer- 16
2nd Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 16
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
5th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
6th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 6
7th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
8th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 4
9th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 4
10th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
11th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
12th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
13th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
Hercules: As you can see it’s tied at the top between Dave, aka, Ryan Mckane as he’s called in these forum thingy’s, ho ho, oh, and Honey_Monster. Who? I don’t know. Ho ho. Tom, lalakersrule and Shadow are also in contention. Ho ho. Back to the studio.
Jive: Hercules, thanks. But what happened to the rest of the summary?
Hercules. I have to go. Japanese moths are all around me. Noooo! Help. Oh crap.
Jive: Ok…get nurse Schroeder!
Hercules: Wahoo!
Jive: Now heres Rosalind, whos been speaking to the spectators.
Rosalind: Jive, thank you. Now lets just wander around and speak to this gentlemen. Hi.
AJ: How ye doing lassy?
Rosalind: Erm fine.
AJ: Do ye know were the wee haggis tent is?
Rosalind: No, I’m afraid I don’t.
AJ: Aww Bol**cks.
Rosalind: Sir, please. Less of the batty language. Now then, lets speak to you. Hi.
Hybrid: Hi.
Rosalind: Are you enjoying your day?
Hybrid: Yes. Very much so. There’s lots to do. Kids can go and play with the inflatable Wookiemonster while I watch the race. It’s fantastic!
Rosalind: You have kids?
Hybrid: Yes. Wave to mummy kids. (Myst waves back)
Rosalind: Thanks. Moving on…lets speak to you. And you are?
Er-no: er-no.
Rosalind: Please sir, your name?
Er-no: er-no. (er-no throws himself in front of a car warming up) Did you get that on film Fish?
Rosalind: Fine, if you don’t want to speak to me… lets take a look at the VIP tent. Wow, is that Bristol City’s captain?
Mandatare: No.
Rosalind: Bristol Rovers?
Mandatare: No, Bristol Academy actually.
Rosalind: I see. And why are you here today?
Mandatare: Because I’m getting paid of course. You think someone of my fame would come to this dump for free? For god sake no. I’m a flipping celebrity, get me the hell out of here.
Rosalind: Erm…
Mandatare: In fact, I’m so god damn famous that the next Beckham kid will be named after me.
Rosalind: I’m sure they wouldn’t call it Big Headed Tw*t Beckham would they? No. Now lets see the other VIP’s. Ah, Mr Snuggly. Why art thou seated in the VIP’s section?
Mr Snuggly: It’s all part of the job.
Rosalind: Job!?! You mean you actually do a job?
Mr Snuggly; Yah. Delivering beers to Tony is a tough job you know. Mind you, sitting playing games all day is my hardest job.
Rosalind: Ok, thanks. Now lets move along a bit to the other tents. Ah, you must be Microchips.
Microchips: That’s right.
Rosalind: And I suppose next to you is Micropizza?
Microchips: Nah, that’s Microgarlicbread.
Rosalind: I see. Anyway, bye.
Microchips: See you.
Rosalind. Now lets go take a look at the drivers. Mr Asher D? Hi.
Asher: I’m 22.
Rosalind: Really… thanks for that.
Asher: Yeah I am.
Rosalind: You appear to be looking for something?
Asher: Yeah, my girlfriends took the steering wheel from the car because she doesn’t want me to get killed. The other week I was off work and she took the controllers from both my PSOne and PS2 to work in her handbag so I wouldn’t play while I was sick. (This is actually true and not made up for the Spoof- Natbuc)
Rosalind: Oh. So do you think you will win today?
Asher: Nah, this thing is a fix.
Rosalind: Honestly?
Asher: Yeah, Natbuc said I have to crash else he’s spoiling the Monkey Island ending for me.
Rosalind: What, you mean the bit where you fight the big LeChuck statue?
Asher: Nooooooo! Aww no, you mean….
Rosalind: Whoops, moving on… Quinty. Hello. I here there is a bit of rivalry between you and Asher? You smashed him off in the first race?
Quinty: Heh, indeed.
Rosalind: So you don’t like him?
Quinty: Indeed I don’t. OI ASHER! DID YOU KNOW IN MONKEY ISLAND THAT YOU GO IN A BIG MONKEY ROBOT AT THE END?!?
Asher: Nooo, god please no…please…no…..n..oo.o.g..o..d
Rosalind. Oh dear. Now lets take a look at some more activity on the starting grid. Who’s this lovely young women?
Myst: The names Mystique: Myst for short, but I prefer longer things.
Rosalind: And what are you doing here?
Myst: Can’t you see? I’m a pit-babe.
Rosalind: It’s a good job you told me, else I would never have guessed.
Myst: What you trying to say bi**h?
(Myst and Ros fight. Awesome)
Jive: Erm..hel..hello. It’s me. I’m back. Woooo. I think we’re just about to start. Heres the grid positions first of all.
1st Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
2nd Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
3rd Quinty- Team Tremor 5
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5
5th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5
6th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
7th David- Privateer
8th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
13th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
Jive: As you can see Shadow takes pole and has a great chance to win the tournament because of it. David and Honey_Monster will be battling for a high point scoring position though, and they start in 7th and 5th. Now, I believe we can get on with the race. Here’s Lord H, and first Lawless Fever to take you through the race.
Lawless Fever: Thanks. As you can see we are about to start. We have red, another red, and green! They’re off! Straight away the cars fly off the grid. We’re into the first corner and lalakers barges past Juicy.
Lord H: Come on, crash you wasters!
Lawless Fever: They’re into the second bend and Shadow takes it all wrong. He slides into the gravel trap.
Lord H: Hah, serves the idiot right.
Lawless Fever: He re-enters the track in 9th place. Ouch, that’s ruined his chances.
Lord H: Heh heh.
Lawless Fever: Dave is now up into the points and pushing for more, as he knows that honey_monster will take the championship unless he can squeeze past Asher.
Lord H: CRASH CRASH CRASH! Come on. More crashes. Cant someone die?
Lawless Fever: Shut it you Fag. Here they come into lap 2 with the current order of Kerrang, Quinty and Reddy. This is the first time Kerrang has been in the points. Into the first turn and Asher has spun. He re-enters in the same position and Dave smacks into his rear end. Spectators on the eastern side of the track should be able to see a rather angry Asher flicking his finger up.
Lord H: Heh, that’s the way Asher.
Lawless Fever: They’re entering the last corner and with no mistakes from anyone Kerrang goes onto win but a 4th place for Honey_Monster gives him the championship! But whats this. Asher has turned into Quinty and Quinty has gone flying!
Lord H: Hah! Good! Hope he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: You can’t say that!! Besides, it’s a videogame, no one can die.
Lord H: Looks real to me you piece of crap.
Lawless Fever: Oi! You can’t swear!
Lord H: Why not? And why no deaths?
Lawless Fever: Because Codemasters wanted to keep the age rating low.
Lord H: Scr*w you Codemasters you F**kers. Ooo look children, little Quinty got a shred of metal up his a**e and he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: Enough!
Lord H: Di*k, f**k, wan**r.
Lawless Fever: Back to you Jive! Quick!
Jive: Few. Thanks LF. So that’s it. It’s over. And I think we can go over to Herc to see the final Championship standings. Herc? Herc!?!? Ah, the moths still there. Ok, I’ll do the standings.
*Race Standings*
1st Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10 points
2nd Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 6 points
3rd Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 4 points
4th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 3 points
5th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2 points
6th David- Privateer- 1 point
7th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
8th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
13th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
*Championship Standings*
DRIVER
1st Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 19
2nd Dave- Privateer- 17
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 10
5th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10
6th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 10
7th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
8th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
9th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 6
10th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
11th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
13th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
TEAM
Tremor 5- 49 points
Tech-Art 20 points
Psianic Hi-Fi- 18 points
Jive: Well done to Honey_Monster. No ones heard of you, but you won anyway. And also well done to all the team members of Tremor 5. Oh and a message from Natbuc to all the members of Psianic Hi-Fi… your all crap. Now I believe we can go trackside for the presentation.
Rosalind: Thanks Jive. Here we are on the podium ready for the awards to be…well…awarded. Awarding the bronze award to Shadow is Akira Shinoda.
Akira: Thanks. I am Malaysian. Wow, look at those pixelated bosoms. Nice…..slobber…
Shadow: Just give me the award.
Akira: Sorry, here, have it, I don’t want it anyway, it’s not womanly shaped.
Rosalind: And now Edgy will present the Silver trophy to Dave. Well done Dave.
Dave: Thanks.
Edgy: Thank you everyone who voted me. This means a lot to me and I shall put it on my mantle piece as soon as I get home.
Dave: Erm… that’s mine.
Edgy: What!?! It’s not mine… bu…but they said it was.
Dave: Who?
Edgy: Them. The voices…
Rosalind: Hmm, ok. Now Dead Wonder, will you please hand Honey_Monster his well deserved shiny Gold Trophy.
Dead Wonder: No.
Rosalind: Sorry?
Dead Wonder: No, its so pretty. I want it.
Rosalind: Give him it.
(From the crowd)
Mojojojo: Give him it!
Absolut_Neo: Give him it!
Cookiemonster: Give him it!
Gamezfreak: Give him it!
Gerrid: Give him it!
Ashley: Hurry DW, Eastenders is on soon.
Dead Wonder: Sigh. Here. Have it you n00b that no-one’s heard of.
Honey_Monster: No one has heard of me? Rubbish.
Dead Wonder: It’s true.
WhiteStripes: Absolutely.
Phi11ip: DW tis correct.
KR: He is you know.
Ortega: Yeah he is, who the hell are you?
Honey_Monster: Me? I am Reynolds. Mwhahaha.
Dead Wonder: Oh my god! I shook this guys hand!! I bet he cheated! Cheat!
(The whole crowd erupts)
CDouch: Cheat! Cheat!
Longy: Cheat! Cheat!
Cubist: Cheat! Cheat!
BIGMAN: Cheat! Cheat!
Dringo: Cheat! Cheat!
Goatboy: Cheat! Cheat!
(A single voice can be heard)
Sniper: Wht r u dng? Lev da guy ’lone. He iz da best. I rspct hm and da way he psts. He iz my idl.
Totoro: Get him!!!!
Noman_soul: Get them both.
THE END.
Ps. This was ended before it got too violant. Admitedly the word ‘crap’ comes up several times but what came next is much worse than that. Oh, by the way. Honey_monster isn’t really Reynolds. That was a joke (Hah) but Asher’s bird did really take the joy pads to work so he couldn’t play while he was sick.
Thanks for reading (I bet you didn’t read it all)
Nath.
Ant: …the match finished 2-2. This leaves Liverpool 3rd tied on 8 points with Arsenal, and Tottenham remain top a whole 2 points above anyone else. Now onto motor sport, and boy have we got a treat for you this afternoon. The SR TOCA Tournament has reched it’s climax, and without further ado I’ll pass you onto Neville and Jive in Fuji.
Flanders: Thanks Ant, but remember, I’m only Neville at weekends, you dirty boy you. ‘Ahem’, anyway, welcome to Fuji for… (whispers) why are we here?
Jive: (whispers) It’s the TOCA Tournament Final Round.
Flanders: Sorry?
Jive: I SAID ‘TOCA TOURNAMENT FINAL ROUND’.
Flanders: Ah, ok. Welcome to the Poker Tournament Final Round.
Jive: Sigh, get the old git out will yah?
(Flanders is dragged out of the directors box)
Jive: Sorry about that. As Neville was trying to say, welcome to the final race in the TOCA Tournament. Thirteen brave, mad, brain-dead fools started out in the tournament way back…last week. The fourth and final race is finally upon us here at Fuji. Wow, they’ve really pushed the budget out this time. Look, I even get a straw stool. Wooo. ‘Ahem’. Before the race starts, heres Herc with the current championship standings.
*Drivers Championship*
1st Dave- Privateer- 16
2nd Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 16
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
5th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
6th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 6
7th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
8th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 4
9th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 4
10th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
11th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
12th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
13th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
Hercules: As you can see it’s tied at the top between Dave, aka, Ryan Mckane as he’s called in these forum thingy’s, ho ho, oh, and Honey_Monster. Who? I don’t know. Ho ho. Tom, lalakersrule and Shadow are also in contention. Ho ho. Back to the studio.
Jive: Hercules, thanks. But what happened to the rest of the summary?
Hercules. I have to go. Japanese moths are all around me. Noooo! Help. Oh crap.
Jive: Ok…get nurse Schroeder!
Hercules: Wahoo!
Jive: Now heres Rosalind, whos been speaking to the spectators.
Rosalind: Jive, thank you. Now lets just wander around and speak to this gentlemen. Hi.
AJ: How ye doing lassy?
Rosalind: Erm fine.
AJ: Do ye know were the wee haggis tent is?
Rosalind: No, I’m afraid I don’t.
AJ: Aww Bol**cks.
Rosalind: Sir, please. Less of the batty language. Now then, lets speak to you. Hi.
Hybrid: Hi.
Rosalind: Are you enjoying your day?
Hybrid: Yes. Very much so. There’s lots to do. Kids can go and play with the inflatable Wookiemonster while I watch the race. It’s fantastic!
Rosalind: You have kids?
Hybrid: Yes. Wave to mummy kids. (Myst waves back)
Rosalind: Thanks. Moving on…lets speak to you. And you are?
Er-no: er-no.
Rosalind: Please sir, your name?
Er-no: er-no. (er-no throws himself in front of a car warming up) Did you get that on film Fish?
Rosalind: Fine, if you don’t want to speak to me… lets take a look at the VIP tent. Wow, is that Bristol City’s captain?
Mandatare: No.
Rosalind: Bristol Rovers?
Mandatare: No, Bristol Academy actually.
Rosalind: I see. And why are you here today?
Mandatare: Because I’m getting paid of course. You think someone of my fame would come to this dump for free? For god sake no. I’m a flipping celebrity, get me the hell out of here.
Rosalind: Erm…
Mandatare: In fact, I’m so god damn famous that the next Beckham kid will be named after me.
Rosalind: I’m sure they wouldn’t call it Big Headed Tw*t Beckham would they? No. Now lets see the other VIP’s. Ah, Mr Snuggly. Why art thou seated in the VIP’s section?
Mr Snuggly: It’s all part of the job.
Rosalind: Job!?! You mean you actually do a job?
Mr Snuggly; Yah. Delivering beers to Tony is a tough job you know. Mind you, sitting playing games all day is my hardest job.
Rosalind: Ok, thanks. Now lets move along a bit to the other tents. Ah, you must be Microchips.
Microchips: That’s right.
Rosalind: And I suppose next to you is Micropizza?
Microchips: Nah, that’s Microgarlicbread.
Rosalind: I see. Anyway, bye.
Microchips: See you.
Rosalind. Now lets go take a look at the drivers. Mr Asher D? Hi.
Asher: I’m 22.
Rosalind: Really… thanks for that.
Asher: Yeah I am.
Rosalind: You appear to be looking for something?
Asher: Yeah, my girlfriends took the steering wheel from the car because she doesn’t want me to get killed. The other week I was off work and she took the controllers from both my PSOne and PS2 to work in her handbag so I wouldn’t play while I was sick. (This is actually true and not made up for the Spoof- Natbuc)
Rosalind: Oh. So do you think you will win today?
Asher: Nah, this thing is a fix.
Rosalind: Honestly?
Asher: Yeah, Natbuc said I have to crash else he’s spoiling the Monkey Island ending for me.
Rosalind: What, you mean the bit where you fight the big LeChuck statue?
Asher: Nooooooo! Aww no, you mean….
Rosalind: Whoops, moving on… Quinty. Hello. I here there is a bit of rivalry between you and Asher? You smashed him off in the first race?
Quinty: Heh, indeed.
Rosalind: So you don’t like him?
Quinty: Indeed I don’t. OI ASHER! DID YOU KNOW IN MONKEY ISLAND THAT YOU GO IN A BIG MONKEY ROBOT AT THE END?!?
Asher: Nooo, god please no…please…no…..n..oo.o.g..o..d
Rosalind. Oh dear. Now lets take a look at some more activity on the starting grid. Who’s this lovely young women?
Myst: The names Mystique: Myst for short, but I prefer longer things.
Rosalind: And what are you doing here?
Myst: Can’t you see? I’m a pit-babe.
Rosalind: It’s a good job you told me, else I would never have guessed.
Myst: What you trying to say bi**h?
(Myst and Ros fight. Awesome)
Jive: Erm..hel..hello. It’s me. I’m back. Woooo. I think we’re just about to start. Heres the grid positions first of all.
1st Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
2nd Kerrang- Team Tremor 5
3rd Quinty- Team Tremor 5
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5
5th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5
6th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
7th David- Privateer
8th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
13th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
Jive: As you can see Shadow takes pole and has a great chance to win the tournament because of it. David and Honey_Monster will be battling for a high point scoring position though, and they start in 7th and 5th. Now, I believe we can get on with the race. Here’s Lord H, and first Lawless Fever to take you through the race.
Lawless Fever: Thanks. As you can see we are about to start. We have red, another red, and green! They’re off! Straight away the cars fly off the grid. We’re into the first corner and lalakers barges past Juicy.
Lord H: Come on, crash you wasters!
Lawless Fever: They’re into the second bend and Shadow takes it all wrong. He slides into the gravel trap.
Lord H: Hah, serves the idiot right.
Lawless Fever: He re-enters the track in 9th place. Ouch, that’s ruined his chances.
Lord H: Heh heh.
Lawless Fever: Dave is now up into the points and pushing for more, as he knows that honey_monster will take the championship unless he can squeeze past Asher.
Lord H: CRASH CRASH CRASH! Come on. More crashes. Cant someone die?
Lawless Fever: Shut it you Fag. Here they come into lap 2 with the current order of Kerrang, Quinty and Reddy. This is the first time Kerrang has been in the points. Into the first turn and Asher has spun. He re-enters in the same position and Dave smacks into his rear end. Spectators on the eastern side of the track should be able to see a rather angry Asher flicking his finger up.
Lord H: Heh, that’s the way Asher.
Lawless Fever: They’re entering the last corner and with no mistakes from anyone Kerrang goes onto win but a 4th place for Honey_Monster gives him the championship! But whats this. Asher has turned into Quinty and Quinty has gone flying!
Lord H: Hah! Good! Hope he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: You can’t say that!! Besides, it’s a videogame, no one can die.
Lord H: Looks real to me you piece of crap.
Lawless Fever: Oi! You can’t swear!
Lord H: Why not? And why no deaths?
Lawless Fever: Because Codemasters wanted to keep the age rating low.
Lord H: Scr*w you Codemasters you F**kers. Ooo look children, little Quinty got a shred of metal up his a**e and he’s dead.
Lawless Fever: Enough!
Lord H: Di*k, f**k, wan**r.
Lawless Fever: Back to you Jive! Quick!
Jive: Few. Thanks LF. So that’s it. It’s over. And I think we can go over to Herc to see the final Championship standings. Herc? Herc!?!? Ah, the moths still there. Ok, I’ll do the standings.
*Race Standings*
1st Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10 points
2nd Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 6 points
3rd Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 4 points
4th Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 3 points
5th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2 points
6th David- Privateer- 1 point
7th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
8th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
9th Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
10th Tom- Team Tech-Art
11th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art
12th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art
13th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art
*Championship Standings*
DRIVER
1st Honey_Monster- Team Tremor 5- 19
2nd Dave- Privateer- 17
3rd Shadow- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 10
4th Reddy- Team Tremor 5- 10
5th Kerrang- Team Tremor 5- 10
6th Quinty- Team Tremor 5- 10
7th Tom- Team Tech-Art- 7
8th lalakersrule- Team Tech-Art- 7
9th Asher D- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 6
10th Rickoss- Team Tech-Art- 5
11th Deltajava- Team Psianic Hi-Fi- 2
12th (.) Juicy Melons (.)-Team Tech-Art- 1
13th Scott- Team Psianic Hi-Fi
TEAM
Tremor 5- 49 points
Tech-Art 20 points
Psianic Hi-Fi- 18 points
Jive: Well done to Honey_Monster. No ones heard of you, but you won anyway. And also well done to all the team members of Tremor 5. Oh and a message from Natbuc to all the members of Psianic Hi-Fi… your all crap. Now I believe we can go trackside for the presentation.
Rosalind: Thanks Jive. Here we are on the podium ready for the awards to be…well…awarded. Awarding the bronze award to Shadow is Akira Shinoda.
Akira: Thanks. I am Malaysian. Wow, look at those pixelated bosoms. Nice…..slobber…
Shadow: Just give me the award.
Akira: Sorry, here, have it, I don’t want it anyway, it’s not womanly shaped.
Rosalind: And now Edgy will present the Silver trophy to Dave. Well done Dave.
Dave: Thanks.
Edgy: Thank you everyone who voted me. This means a lot to me and I shall put it on my mantle piece as soon as I get home.
Dave: Erm… that’s mine.
Edgy: What!?! It’s not mine… bu…but they said it was.
Dave: Who?
Edgy: Them. The voices…
Rosalind: Hmm, ok. Now Dead Wonder, will you please hand Honey_Monster his well deserved shiny Gold Trophy.
Dead Wonder: No.
Rosalind: Sorry?
Dead Wonder: No, its so pretty. I want it.
Rosalind: Give him it.
(From the crowd)
Mojojojo: Give him it!
Absolut_Neo: Give him it!
Cookiemonster: Give him it!
Gamezfreak: Give him it!
Gerrid: Give him it!
Ashley: Hurry DW, Eastenders is on soon.
Dead Wonder: Sigh. Here. Have it you n00b that no-one’s heard of.
Honey_Monster: No one has heard of me? Rubbish.
Dead Wonder: It’s true.
WhiteStripes: Absolutely.
Phi11ip: DW tis correct.
KR: He is you know.
Ortega: Yeah he is, who the hell are you?
Honey_Monster: Me? I am Reynolds. Mwhahaha.
Dead Wonder: Oh my god! I shook this guys hand!! I bet he cheated! Cheat!
(The whole crowd erupts)
CDouch: Cheat! Cheat!
Longy: Cheat! Cheat!
Cubist: Cheat! Cheat!
BIGMAN: Cheat! Cheat!
Dringo: Cheat! Cheat!
Goatboy: Cheat! Cheat!
(A single voice can be heard)
Sniper: Wht r u dng? Lev da guy ’lone. He iz da best. I rspct hm and da way he psts. He iz my idl.
Totoro: Get him!!!!
Noman_soul: Get them both.
THE END.
Ps. This was ended before it got too violant. Admitedly the word ‘crap’ comes up several times but what came next is much worse than that. Oh, by the way. Honey_monster isn’t really Reynolds. That was a joke (Hah) but Asher’s bird did really take the joy pads to work so he couldn’t play while he was sick.
Thanks for reading (I bet you didn’t read it all)
Nath.
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