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I joke around from time to time, possibly at 15 pretending to be Solid Snake may be a case of sheer sadness, but it may also show the inner joys I get from gaming. Sneaking into the Kitchen to steal a Mars Bar isn't what I would class as a top secret mission (having said that getting past my mom is something that only Solid Snake could dream of), but non the less it is still something I enjoy to do (from time to time) and it is quite a challenge sneaking around, watching out for the creaky step and then operating swiftly to move across the Kitchen floor. Once at the fridge it requires a skill that only I could teach budding Snake enthusiasts. Opening the fridge door is a matter of mission success and mission failure, applying the right amount of pressure to pull the door open requires a steady hand and a concentrated mind. If you knew my mom then you would know what I was talking about, getting into the fridge before tea-time is a major operation that requires careful planning and a will to succeed. I will now tell you the 5 most important, no make that crucial parts of the planning stage which shouldn't be missed out on! After all... your stomach needs you!
Step 1, Planning:
Think about your approach carefully, focus on your goal and most of all plan to the max! The first part of any mans planning should be what he will do when he succeeds the task, where will you take your Mars Bar? How will you eat your Mars Bar? All these questions need to be addressed with diligence and a mind of pure concentration. Draw out a map of your hall stairs and landing area, then using a marker pen, mark out where all the creaky steps are and make sure that you learn them well. The key to your success lies in you approach to the Kitchen, sudden movements will alert your mom, this then will send a signal to your dad and it is mission failed! Once you get caught it will require more than a steady up and down stairs plan, do not fail! Planning is the most important part of any Mars Bar operation, especially one that involves your mo... "Oh Hi Mom, no I am just chatting with some friends on-line". *Whispers* remember plan carefully.
Step 2, Extra Preparations:
After preparing a diligent plan it is time to figure out how many minutes to leave before tea for sneaking down and taking your prize. If you leave it only 10 minutes before your tea the chance are that you mom will be in the Kitchen (as women do) or if you decide you don't want to finish off your tea your mom will count the number of chocolate bars missing before performing the finger print ID check on every family member! (Trust me, the only thing my mom hasn't done is call the forensic department). I would leave about 40 minutes before, this way your mom will have probably only just put the tea on and she will be off to watch a chat program in another room. Time over a week how long your mom stays in the kitchen and when the best times are that you can access the kitchen without your mom (or any other family member) being there. One vital thing to remember is that dads are push-overs, tell them there is a stri... I mean football match on down the road and they will be out of the house like a shot, 1 down and 10 to go (well it might as well be 10 because 10 men are easier to get past than one woman who is on a mission of her own). After noting down the time you are then ready to move onto the next section!
Step 3, Time Attack:
Just before you run a test run on your objective you need to see how long it takes for you to get from your bedroom down to the Kitchen, I would imagine a pretty fast time unless you are captured by the enem... I mean your mother on the way down. This shouldn't take long but it will require you to test out some of you skills on the way down. As you may be aware, moms are mad on cleaning and keeping the house tidy so what-ever you do don't put your hands on the walls whilst going down the stairs, moms are trained to smell the sent of human child flesh touching the surface of a painted wall, you have been warned. Repeat the test a few times to make sure you have covered every angle because on the day there could be a huge pile of clean clothes on the stairs, avoid it with your life! After running a few test runs it is time to select your clothing and get out on the battle-fiel... I mean Mars Bar run, this could prove to be the most exhilarating and difficult experience of your life so far, but don't worry if you mom catches you, I know quite a few people in the medical profession, you are in safe hands!
Step 4, Test Run:
Its time for a fully loaded test run, whatever you do don't try it with a Mars Bar, use a piece of fruit, that way if you get caught your mom will probably praise you instead of kill... I mean tap the back of your hand. Use all of your techniques so far, dodge duck and weave between falling socks, accelerate away from your dads underpants that are rolling down the stairs, but remember; keep cool at all times, your life is on the line (only joking, had you worried though... Maybe not, but moms can be very vicious with punishments so I am mentally preparing you for the worst)! Note down your three best times of the test run and work on your weaknesses during mental preparations, if you go through the Mars Bar run in your head enough times then you will be successful!
Step 5, The Day Before:
This is all designed for mental preparation and preparing your body for what is to come. Use any techniques you have to calm the body down, focus on the Mars Bar and remember, failure is *NOT* an option. Rid your mind of any negative thoughts, think positive, tell yourself that you will cross the river of deat... I mean the Kitchen floor and that you will be victorious during this operation. Any last minute clothing preparations should be done on this day, get everything ready for the next evening and remember to get an early night.
The Mars Bar Run:
You have prepared for over 120 hours, you are prepared for the worst (but remember, you will succeed) it is time for the Mars Bar Run! The time is 4:20pm and tea will be ready for 5:00pm, you have 10 minutes to make it in and out of the kitchen alive. After taking a glance down the stairs you have realised that dad is asleep, but mom is more awake than ever before. You dodge the creaking steps and calmly cross the dreaded Hallway of Doom (sorry for the very un-original name), you then role into the kitchen and crawl over to the fridge, the fridge is only 5 metres away. Your heart is pounding and you are starting to swear... I mean sweat; your hand reaches for the fridge door... Suddenly you hear a distant sound of the beeper on the cooker (well it seems distant as you are currently in a suicidal state) your hand is glued to the door, you can't move! Boom...Boom...Boom your mom walks around the corner and to your horror the plan has...FAILED!
To this day I am still working off my punishment, 3 solid centur... I mean months (it feels like a century) of cleaning my room and washing my grandmas feet (don't ask). To this date this is still an un-beaten challenge in my house, no-one dare try anything on whilst my mom is around! I am cursed for a life of grime cleaning my room and... (I won't say it again). I was a failure, the challenge was failed and my life is over (sounds harsh but trust me), I need a successor! Could you handle the Garbe Mars Bar Run? It is time to rebel and start again, it's Payback!
Thanks for Reading
Garbe123
Step 1, Planning:
Think about your approach carefully, focus on your goal and most of all plan to the max! The first part of any mans planning should be what he will do when he succeeds the task, where will you take your Mars Bar? How will you eat your Mars Bar? All these questions need to be addressed with diligence and a mind of pure concentration. Draw out a map of your hall stairs and landing area, then using a marker pen, mark out where all the creaky steps are and make sure that you learn them well. The key to your success lies in you approach to the Kitchen, sudden movements will alert your mom, this then will send a signal to your dad and it is mission failed! Once you get caught it will require more than a steady up and down stairs plan, do not fail! Planning is the most important part of any Mars Bar operation, especially one that involves your mo... "Oh Hi Mom, no I am just chatting with some friends on-line". *Whispers* remember plan carefully.
Step 2, Extra Preparations:
After preparing a diligent plan it is time to figure out how many minutes to leave before tea for sneaking down and taking your prize. If you leave it only 10 minutes before your tea the chance are that you mom will be in the Kitchen (as women do) or if you decide you don't want to finish off your tea your mom will count the number of chocolate bars missing before performing the finger print ID check on every family member! (Trust me, the only thing my mom hasn't done is call the forensic department). I would leave about 40 minutes before, this way your mom will have probably only just put the tea on and she will be off to watch a chat program in another room. Time over a week how long your mom stays in the kitchen and when the best times are that you can access the kitchen without your mom (or any other family member) being there. One vital thing to remember is that dads are push-overs, tell them there is a stri... I mean football match on down the road and they will be out of the house like a shot, 1 down and 10 to go (well it might as well be 10 because 10 men are easier to get past than one woman who is on a mission of her own). After noting down the time you are then ready to move onto the next section!
Step 3, Time Attack:
Just before you run a test run on your objective you need to see how long it takes for you to get from your bedroom down to the Kitchen, I would imagine a pretty fast time unless you are captured by the enem... I mean your mother on the way down. This shouldn't take long but it will require you to test out some of you skills on the way down. As you may be aware, moms are mad on cleaning and keeping the house tidy so what-ever you do don't put your hands on the walls whilst going down the stairs, moms are trained to smell the sent of human child flesh touching the surface of a painted wall, you have been warned. Repeat the test a few times to make sure you have covered every angle because on the day there could be a huge pile of clean clothes on the stairs, avoid it with your life! After running a few test runs it is time to select your clothing and get out on the battle-fiel... I mean Mars Bar run, this could prove to be the most exhilarating and difficult experience of your life so far, but don't worry if you mom catches you, I know quite a few people in the medical profession, you are in safe hands!
Step 4, Test Run:
Its time for a fully loaded test run, whatever you do don't try it with a Mars Bar, use a piece of fruit, that way if you get caught your mom will probably praise you instead of kill... I mean tap the back of your hand. Use all of your techniques so far, dodge duck and weave between falling socks, accelerate away from your dads underpants that are rolling down the stairs, but remember; keep cool at all times, your life is on the line (only joking, had you worried though... Maybe not, but moms can be very vicious with punishments so I am mentally preparing you for the worst)! Note down your three best times of the test run and work on your weaknesses during mental preparations, if you go through the Mars Bar run in your head enough times then you will be successful!
Step 5, The Day Before:
This is all designed for mental preparation and preparing your body for what is to come. Use any techniques you have to calm the body down, focus on the Mars Bar and remember, failure is *NOT* an option. Rid your mind of any negative thoughts, think positive, tell yourself that you will cross the river of deat... I mean the Kitchen floor and that you will be victorious during this operation. Any last minute clothing preparations should be done on this day, get everything ready for the next evening and remember to get an early night.
The Mars Bar Run:
You have prepared for over 120 hours, you are prepared for the worst (but remember, you will succeed) it is time for the Mars Bar Run! The time is 4:20pm and tea will be ready for 5:00pm, you have 10 minutes to make it in and out of the kitchen alive. After taking a glance down the stairs you have realised that dad is asleep, but mom is more awake than ever before. You dodge the creaking steps and calmly cross the dreaded Hallway of Doom (sorry for the very un-original name), you then role into the kitchen and crawl over to the fridge, the fridge is only 5 metres away. Your heart is pounding and you are starting to swear... I mean sweat; your hand reaches for the fridge door... Suddenly you hear a distant sound of the beeper on the cooker (well it seems distant as you are currently in a suicidal state) your hand is glued to the door, you can't move! Boom...Boom...Boom your mom walks around the corner and to your horror the plan has...FAILED!
To this day I am still working off my punishment, 3 solid centur... I mean months (it feels like a century) of cleaning my room and washing my grandmas feet (don't ask). To this date this is still an un-beaten challenge in my house, no-one dare try anything on whilst my mom is around! I am cursed for a life of grime cleaning my room and... (I won't say it again). I was a failure, the challenge was failed and my life is over (sounds harsh but trust me), I need a successor! Could you handle the Garbe Mars Bar Run? It is time to rebel and start again, it's Payback!
Thanks for Reading
Garbe123
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Cheers Hillbilly I am glad you liked it :D
Don't Hum! Just incase your mom hears you, Snake doesn't hum when he is going for Metal Gear Ray! You have just broke the Mars Bar Run's code of conduct :D
Mars bars in the fridge!
*Gamnezfreak hums metal gear solid music and ventures into the kitchen*
:p
*Gamnezfreak hums metal gear solid music and ventures into the kitchen*
:p
Nomad Soul wrote:
> Funny post garbe. You're a good writer.
Cheers Nomad!
As for you Tom, I think we need an extra step in the planning which will take care of your sister! I can't imagine the embarassment of being caught by a family member with your body face down on the kitchen floor as you slide across to the fridge ! After the punishment I wish I had been caught doing that becuase that way it would only take a few trips to the psychiatrist and not 3 months of the worst torture on earth! Dear lord what has she been doing to those feet...
> Funny post garbe. You're a good writer.
Cheers Nomad!
As for you Tom, I think we need an extra step in the planning which will take care of your sister! I can't imagine the embarassment of being caught by a family member with your body face down on the kitchen floor as you slide across to the fridge ! After the punishment I wish I had been caught doing that becuase that way it would only take a few trips to the psychiatrist and not 3 months of the worst torture on earth! Dear lord what has she been doing to those feet...
garbe123 wrote:
> Try this next time Tom, it adds to the fun of having a Mars Bar even
> if your mom isn't the head of British intelligence!
Lol. I think I'd probably feel like a bit of a prat. My sister would then come downstairs and say:
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Erm...yeah. The floor was wet. Honest"
> Try this next time Tom, it adds to the fun of having a Mars Bar even
> if your mom isn't the head of British intelligence!
Lol. I think I'd probably feel like a bit of a prat. My sister would then come downstairs and say:
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Erm...yeah. The floor was wet. Honest"
Funny post garbe. You're a good writer.
Try this next time Tom, it adds to the fun of having a Mars Bar even if your mom isn't the head of British intelligence!
I just shout:
"I'm 'avin a mars bar!"
And get the reply:
"Ok."
Heh heh
"I'm 'avin a mars bar!"
And get the reply:
"Ok."
Heh heh
Tar Gamezfreak! It is a very useful guide! Keep it safe :)
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