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Hello there folks, first of all, allow me to explain the thread title to you. Sit-down comedy, as opposed to stand-up, because I'm sitting down delivering this, as, no doubt, are you sitting down receiving this, so it's sit-down comedy for you all. And half hour becaus eit sounds nice. I doubt it will take half an hour to read, unless you pause to appreciate the 'laughter' after every 'joke', and imagine a 'comedian' mopping the sweat from his brow every now and then.
Compared to usual Saturday night TV, this is a treat. Honest. ;o)
---------------------------------------
So anyway, I was in the bar earlier on, having a quick drink before the show when this lady comes up to me, real fit she was. "Is this seat taken?" she asks, pointing to the chair next to me. I consider grabbing her bum, and asking the same, but I bottle it, andI say "No, take a seat me darling." So she does. She takes it and goes to sit next to some guy by the fruit machine.
Ho,ho! Story of my life that it.
Hey, you know that Will Young, Pop Idol winner? Have you heard his new single? It's a cover of that old song "Something Inside So Strong" only his version's called "Something Inside So Long"
Ha,ha! Just kidding folks. He may be a poof, but he's a lovely lad. Hey, but don't you go getting the wrong idea with me saying that Will, I'm a vagi-tarian! Know what I mean!
Hey, any of you seen Eastenders? What am I saying? Course you have, it's one of the most popular shows on T.V. isn't it? Now what I don't get about Eastenders is how come all of the characters reckon they're poor, yet every lunch time and every evening they're drinking in the Queen Vic! And what's more, how come these lowly mechanic and market trader types can afford huge houses in London? Do the economics of the UK not apply in Walford?
Here you know that Gareth Gates? I heard his new single today. Cover of the "Stutter Rap". Well, so I thought, turns out he always does that.
Haha! You gotta laugh, haven't you?
Have we got any fans of those DIY shows reading? I'd love a go at that, doing up my neighbours house. I wouldn't change much, in fact a steaming poop on his bed would probably do the trick! Ha, don't think he'd be too easy on me either. "Everybody needs good neighbours" that's what they say on the theme to Neighbours. I don't much know about that, sometimes I wouldn't mind if this guy was my closest neighbour. If I lived on my own 50 miles from anyone else! Ha!
I was shopping the other day, in a supermarket, when I got a little thursty, so I went down the drinks aisle. Has that ever struck anyone else as odd, calling it an ‘aisle'? I thought you had ‘aisle's on planes, not supermarkets. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, I go to get me a drink. They've got diet cola, caffeine-free cola, MAX cola, cherry cola, I just want an ordinary bloody cola. So I ask the young lady at the till, and she says they don't stock it, and I should try the speciality store down the road. What? Since when has ordinary cola been a speciality? Probably about the same time that crisp manufacturers begun to consider Ready Salted flavour to be ‘original'.
Rick Waller, he's a big lad, isn't he? I spotted a copy of his album in the bargain bins at Woolworths the other day. "I would do anything for food, but I won't eat that" Containing such classics as "My Gut Will Go On" and "Ginster's Paradise".
What are those reality TV shows all about? Mind you, the Bubble seems to have burst for the ex-Big Brother contestants.... See what I mean, you've forgotten him already, Bubble, bloke from the second series. Ha! Haha!
I was in town earlier, checking out the sites when this bloke comes up to me "Excuse me" he says "Do you want to save money on gas and electricity?" "No" I reply "Do you want to save on dental care?" He looks at me a little puzzled at this point, and goes "What?" So I says to him "I'll give you three seconds before I knock your bloody teeth out." That soon put a stop to his questions, I can tell you!
Darius, he's a one, isn't he? "Hit me baby one more...time" I'm sure we'd all love to! ‘Colour-blind' that's his latest one. Apparently it comes from an album which really highlights other of his sensory failures too. ‘Tone Deaf' is what they're gonna call it.
Anyway folks, it's time I was leaving you, and I'll leave you with the immortal words of a man much bigger than me, Arnold Schwarzeneggar "Weiners don't do drugs". Thanks for reading folks, you've been great, doubt you'll say the same about me, enjoy the rest of your evening and "I'll be back".
Compared to usual Saturday night TV, this is a treat. Honest. ;o)
---------------------------------------
So anyway, I was in the bar earlier on, having a quick drink before the show when this lady comes up to me, real fit she was. "Is this seat taken?" she asks, pointing to the chair next to me. I consider grabbing her bum, and asking the same, but I bottle it, andI say "No, take a seat me darling." So she does. She takes it and goes to sit next to some guy by the fruit machine.
Ho,ho! Story of my life that it.
Hey, you know that Will Young, Pop Idol winner? Have you heard his new single? It's a cover of that old song "Something Inside So Strong" only his version's called "Something Inside So Long"
Ha,ha! Just kidding folks. He may be a poof, but he's a lovely lad. Hey, but don't you go getting the wrong idea with me saying that Will, I'm a vagi-tarian! Know what I mean!
Hey, any of you seen Eastenders? What am I saying? Course you have, it's one of the most popular shows on T.V. isn't it? Now what I don't get about Eastenders is how come all of the characters reckon they're poor, yet every lunch time and every evening they're drinking in the Queen Vic! And what's more, how come these lowly mechanic and market trader types can afford huge houses in London? Do the economics of the UK not apply in Walford?
Here you know that Gareth Gates? I heard his new single today. Cover of the "Stutter Rap". Well, so I thought, turns out he always does that.
Haha! You gotta laugh, haven't you?
Have we got any fans of those DIY shows reading? I'd love a go at that, doing up my neighbours house. I wouldn't change much, in fact a steaming poop on his bed would probably do the trick! Ha, don't think he'd be too easy on me either. "Everybody needs good neighbours" that's what they say on the theme to Neighbours. I don't much know about that, sometimes I wouldn't mind if this guy was my closest neighbour. If I lived on my own 50 miles from anyone else! Ha!
I was shopping the other day, in a supermarket, when I got a little thursty, so I went down the drinks aisle. Has that ever struck anyone else as odd, calling it an ‘aisle'? I thought you had ‘aisle's on planes, not supermarkets. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, I go to get me a drink. They've got diet cola, caffeine-free cola, MAX cola, cherry cola, I just want an ordinary bloody cola. So I ask the young lady at the till, and she says they don't stock it, and I should try the speciality store down the road. What? Since when has ordinary cola been a speciality? Probably about the same time that crisp manufacturers begun to consider Ready Salted flavour to be ‘original'.
Rick Waller, he's a big lad, isn't he? I spotted a copy of his album in the bargain bins at Woolworths the other day. "I would do anything for food, but I won't eat that" Containing such classics as "My Gut Will Go On" and "Ginster's Paradise".
What are those reality TV shows all about? Mind you, the Bubble seems to have burst for the ex-Big Brother contestants.... See what I mean, you've forgotten him already, Bubble, bloke from the second series. Ha! Haha!
I was in town earlier, checking out the sites when this bloke comes up to me "Excuse me" he says "Do you want to save money on gas and electricity?" "No" I reply "Do you want to save on dental care?" He looks at me a little puzzled at this point, and goes "What?" So I says to him "I'll give you three seconds before I knock your bloody teeth out." That soon put a stop to his questions, I can tell you!
Darius, he's a one, isn't he? "Hit me baby one more...time" I'm sure we'd all love to! ‘Colour-blind' that's his latest one. Apparently it comes from an album which really highlights other of his sensory failures too. ‘Tone Deaf' is what they're gonna call it.
Anyway folks, it's time I was leaving you, and I'll leave you with the immortal words of a man much bigger than me, Arnold Schwarzeneggar "Weiners don't do drugs". Thanks for reading folks, you've been great, doubt you'll say the same about me, enjoy the rest of your evening and "I'll be back".
Page:
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Hello there folks, first of all, allow me to explain the thread title to you. Sit-down comedy, as opposed to stand-up, because I'm sitting down delivering this, as, no doubt, are you sitting down receiving this, so it's sit-down comedy for you all. And half hour becaus eit sounds nice. I doubt it will take half an hour to read, unless you pause to appreciate the 'laughter' after every 'joke', and imagine a 'comedian' mopping the sweat from his brow every now and then.
Compared to usual Saturday night TV, this is a treat. Honest. ;o)
---------------------------------------
So anyway, I was in the bar earlier on, having a quick drink before the show when this lady comes up to me, real fit she was. "Is this seat taken?" she asks, pointing to the chair next to me. I consider grabbing her bum, and asking the same, but I bottle it, andI say "No, take a seat me darling." So she does. She takes it and goes to sit next to some guy by the fruit machine.
Ho,ho! Story of my life that it.
Hey, you know that Will Young, Pop Idol winner? Have you heard his new single? It's a cover of that old song "Something Inside So Strong" only his version's called "Something Inside So Long"
Ha,ha! Just kidding folks. He may be a poof, but he's a lovely lad. Hey, but don't you go getting the wrong idea with me saying that Will, I'm a vagi-tarian! Know what I mean!
Hey, any of you seen Eastenders? What am I saying? Course you have, it's one of the most popular shows on T.V. isn't it? Now what I don't get about Eastenders is how come all of the characters reckon they're poor, yet every lunch time and every evening they're drinking in the Queen Vic! And what's more, how come these lowly mechanic and market trader types can afford huge houses in London? Do the economics of the UK not apply in Walford?
Here you know that Gareth Gates? I heard his new single today. Cover of the "Stutter Rap". Well, so I thought, turns out he always does that.
Haha! You gotta laugh, haven't you?
Have we got any fans of those DIY shows reading? I'd love a go at that, doing up my neighbours house. I wouldn't change much, in fact a steaming poop on his bed would probably do the trick! Ha, don't think he'd be too easy on me either. "Everybody needs good neighbours" that's what they say on the theme to Neighbours. I don't much know about that, sometimes I wouldn't mind if this guy was my closest neighbour. If I lived on my own 50 miles from anyone else! Ha!
I was shopping the other day, in a supermarket, when I got a little thursty, so I went down the drinks aisle. Has that ever struck anyone else as odd, calling it an ‘aisle'? I thought you had ‘aisle's on planes, not supermarkets. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, I go to get me a drink. They've got diet cola, caffeine-free cola, MAX cola, cherry cola, I just want an ordinary bloody cola. So I ask the young lady at the till, and she says they don't stock it, and I should try the speciality store down the road. What? Since when has ordinary cola been a speciality? Probably about the same time that crisp manufacturers begun to consider Ready Salted flavour to be ‘original'.
Rick Waller, he's a big lad, isn't he? I spotted a copy of his album in the bargain bins at Woolworths the other day. "I would do anything for food, but I won't eat that" Containing such classics as "My Gut Will Go On" and "Ginster's Paradise".
What are those reality TV shows all about? Mind you, the Bubble seems to have burst for the ex-Big Brother contestants.... See what I mean, you've forgotten him already, Bubble, bloke from the second series. Ha! Haha!
I was in town earlier, checking out the sites when this bloke comes up to me "Excuse me" he says "Do you want to save money on gas and electricity?" "No" I reply "Do you want to save on dental care?" He looks at me a little puzzled at this point, and goes "What?" So I says to him "I'll give you three seconds before I knock your bloody teeth out." That soon put a stop to his questions, I can tell you!
Darius, he's a one, isn't he? "Hit me baby one more...time" I'm sure we'd all love to! ‘Colour-blind' that's his latest one. Apparently it comes from an album which really highlights other of his sensory failures too. ‘Tone Deaf' is what they're gonna call it.
Anyway folks, it's time I was leaving you, and I'll leave you with the immortal words of a man much bigger than me, Arnold Schwarzeneggar "Weiners don't do drugs". Thanks for reading folks, you've been great, doubt you'll say the same about me, enjoy the rest of your evening and "I'll be back".
Compared to usual Saturday night TV, this is a treat. Honest. ;o)
---------------------------------------
So anyway, I was in the bar earlier on, having a quick drink before the show when this lady comes up to me, real fit she was. "Is this seat taken?" she asks, pointing to the chair next to me. I consider grabbing her bum, and asking the same, but I bottle it, andI say "No, take a seat me darling." So she does. She takes it and goes to sit next to some guy by the fruit machine.
Ho,ho! Story of my life that it.
Hey, you know that Will Young, Pop Idol winner? Have you heard his new single? It's a cover of that old song "Something Inside So Strong" only his version's called "Something Inside So Long"
Ha,ha! Just kidding folks. He may be a poof, but he's a lovely lad. Hey, but don't you go getting the wrong idea with me saying that Will, I'm a vagi-tarian! Know what I mean!
Hey, any of you seen Eastenders? What am I saying? Course you have, it's one of the most popular shows on T.V. isn't it? Now what I don't get about Eastenders is how come all of the characters reckon they're poor, yet every lunch time and every evening they're drinking in the Queen Vic! And what's more, how come these lowly mechanic and market trader types can afford huge houses in London? Do the economics of the UK not apply in Walford?
Here you know that Gareth Gates? I heard his new single today. Cover of the "Stutter Rap". Well, so I thought, turns out he always does that.
Haha! You gotta laugh, haven't you?
Have we got any fans of those DIY shows reading? I'd love a go at that, doing up my neighbours house. I wouldn't change much, in fact a steaming poop on his bed would probably do the trick! Ha, don't think he'd be too easy on me either. "Everybody needs good neighbours" that's what they say on the theme to Neighbours. I don't much know about that, sometimes I wouldn't mind if this guy was my closest neighbour. If I lived on my own 50 miles from anyone else! Ha!
I was shopping the other day, in a supermarket, when I got a little thursty, so I went down the drinks aisle. Has that ever struck anyone else as odd, calling it an ‘aisle'? I thought you had ‘aisle's on planes, not supermarkets. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, I go to get me a drink. They've got diet cola, caffeine-free cola, MAX cola, cherry cola, I just want an ordinary bloody cola. So I ask the young lady at the till, and she says they don't stock it, and I should try the speciality store down the road. What? Since when has ordinary cola been a speciality? Probably about the same time that crisp manufacturers begun to consider Ready Salted flavour to be ‘original'.
Rick Waller, he's a big lad, isn't he? I spotted a copy of his album in the bargain bins at Woolworths the other day. "I would do anything for food, but I won't eat that" Containing such classics as "My Gut Will Go On" and "Ginster's Paradise".
What are those reality TV shows all about? Mind you, the Bubble seems to have burst for the ex-Big Brother contestants.... See what I mean, you've forgotten him already, Bubble, bloke from the second series. Ha! Haha!
I was in town earlier, checking out the sites when this bloke comes up to me "Excuse me" he says "Do you want to save money on gas and electricity?" "No" I reply "Do you want to save on dental care?" He looks at me a little puzzled at this point, and goes "What?" So I says to him "I'll give you three seconds before I knock your bloody teeth out." That soon put a stop to his questions, I can tell you!
Darius, he's a one, isn't he? "Hit me baby one more...time" I'm sure we'd all love to! ‘Colour-blind' that's his latest one. Apparently it comes from an album which really highlights other of his sensory failures too. ‘Tone Deaf' is what they're gonna call it.
Anyway folks, it's time I was leaving you, and I'll leave you with the immortal words of a man much bigger than me, Arnold Schwarzeneggar "Weiners don't do drugs". Thanks for reading folks, you've been great, doubt you'll say the same about me, enjoy the rest of your evening and "I'll be back".
Page: