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Yes, it's Ant again, talking about the usual subject that always gets him down. I don't care if people have a go at me for being depressing but this is the only place I've found where I can express my feelings with other people. Those of you who don't know who I mean by "she" or "her" aren't close enough to me to know yet, and those of you who do are...or you just happened to have been there at the time. {:)
Anyway, yesterday I headed off to the place once again, feeling excited and happy that I was getting to see her again, even though she did cause me massive emotional trauma and heartbreak (accidently). And it wasn't just here either, I was staying the night there which is always great because my relatives are best friends with her family and live about a minute away, and I get to see my two cousins. Also, her brother and sister are both good friends of mine, and overall I just have a fantastic time over there.
And strangely enough for a post like this, I did. She wasn't there when I arrived (that's down to poor planning from both sides), so I just hung around with my cousins and her brother. We had a few wrestling bouts as we always do (looks at bruises on legs and elbow), ate quite a lot and played on her brother's GameCube. She arrived with her friend, and we were supposed to let them in. We had other plans however, and kept them outside for around 15 minutes before finally letting them in. Her friend who'd never met me before was apparently calling me immature, but I didn't care because she was the one standing outside giving it, "oh please, let us in now!"
Anyway, her friend left and while she went to get tonight's dinner with her mum, I played cricket with a crappy tennis ball and a weightless yellow plastic bat. Just as she returned and stepped outside, my 11 year-old cousin bowled to me and I smacked it surprisingly hard (especially considering the weight of the bat), and it happened to smash right where the sun doesn't shine. He fell to the floor half-crying and half laughing while her brother rolled around on the grass in hysterics, and her only comment was, "what a shot!" I tried to console my fallen cousin until I realised I should be running, but it was too late as he gained vengeance and ran me out.
Anyway, after that I went on the Internet with her and she forced me to log onto my MSN, where she procceeded to ask Fogmaster, Jetster and GasMask if they had a pic. This reminds me...
GASSIE! YOU NEARLY GOT ME INTO DEEP CRAP! :D Why? Your first comment when she said hello and told you her name was, "Ahh, I've heard about you." WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? :D I ended up making some crappy excuse about a chain mail, and then quickly logged off before you could do any more damage. ;) She then went on her account, and I was shocked to find that she typed faster than I do.
Anyways, I've droned on long enough and all I can say is that we stayed up until about 4am with her brother and sister just talking and having a laugh (this included me and her brother trying (unsuccessfully) to send a text to her current boyfriend at 3am about how he should stop using stupid text language in his messages, and how loads is spelt with an 's', not a 'z'. After twenty minutes we finally managed to send it, and her reaction was rather amusing. We failed to mention in the text about how her ex-boyfriend (me) and brother were sleeping next to her, and how I'd invented a technique called 'knuckling' which was rather pyshical (sp?)
So, I got home this afternoon very happy about the way it had gone, and I still think there's hope for us in the future...maybe she just doesn't realise that yet. And even if not, I'm lucky to have met someone so amazing in my lifetime...I can't really explain to you why she is so amazing to me, but I'm sure most of you understand. Also, I'm very different over there than I am usually at home or at school...I'm just much more lively and confident, and it's nice.
But then it hit me again. There's always a consequence about living almost an hour away from each-other, and that is we can't see each-other that often at our age. To add to it, she's going on holiday in a few days for two weeks, and then I'm going for 10 days on the 21st. With school starting again on the 6th September this doesn't leave us much time, and although it was acceptable to go during school weeks when we were going out, because we're just 'friends' now our parents don't seem to think it's so important.
So, this meant I was feeling pretty crap, and then I learnt me and my family were going to the cinema to see MIB 2. The film was okay, but I spent more time becoming more depressed than watching it, and the trip home was hell. My sister screamed and cried the whole way back because her friend couldn't come over, and my brother complained and moaned about almost anything. This caused my mother to literally have a nervous breakdown driving home, and I sat there with...well, it sounds harsh, but hatred. Especially my sister...she's in tears because she can't have a friend over...she doesn't know a thing about emotional pain. I felt like all letting it all out then, about what happened around a year ago. Now I'm beginning to realise that people have gone through much more than me, but it still hurts like hell. I just wanted so much to go back, and spend one more night there. I've felt so depressed that I've just spent the last couple of hours in my room.
But now I'm back home, and there's nothing I can do about it. When will I see her again? I'm hoping I can go over there a few days before school starts, but it's unlikely. So now I guess, I'm paying for great time I had yesterday and this morning. Damn, I don't know what to think.
I'm a right soppy git, aren't I? :D
Anyway, if you did read this then thanks, and be proud of your epic achievement. Now I have to go back to my pointless existence, so I'll talk to you all later. Ant.
Anyway, yesterday I headed off to the place once again, feeling excited and happy that I was getting to see her again, even though she did cause me massive emotional trauma and heartbreak (accidently). And it wasn't just here either, I was staying the night there which is always great because my relatives are best friends with her family and live about a minute away, and I get to see my two cousins. Also, her brother and sister are both good friends of mine, and overall I just have a fantastic time over there.
And strangely enough for a post like this, I did. She wasn't there when I arrived (that's down to poor planning from both sides), so I just hung around with my cousins and her brother. We had a few wrestling bouts as we always do (looks at bruises on legs and elbow), ate quite a lot and played on her brother's GameCube. She arrived with her friend, and we were supposed to let them in. We had other plans however, and kept them outside for around 15 minutes before finally letting them in. Her friend who'd never met me before was apparently calling me immature, but I didn't care because she was the one standing outside giving it, "oh please, let us in now!"
Anyway, her friend left and while she went to get tonight's dinner with her mum, I played cricket with a crappy tennis ball and a weightless yellow plastic bat. Just as she returned and stepped outside, my 11 year-old cousin bowled to me and I smacked it surprisingly hard (especially considering the weight of the bat), and it happened to smash right where the sun doesn't shine. He fell to the floor half-crying and half laughing while her brother rolled around on the grass in hysterics, and her only comment was, "what a shot!" I tried to console my fallen cousin until I realised I should be running, but it was too late as he gained vengeance and ran me out.
Anyway, after that I went on the Internet with her and she forced me to log onto my MSN, where she procceeded to ask Fogmaster, Jetster and GasMask if they had a pic. This reminds me...
GASSIE! YOU NEARLY GOT ME INTO DEEP CRAP! :D Why? Your first comment when she said hello and told you her name was, "Ahh, I've heard about you." WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? :D I ended up making some crappy excuse about a chain mail, and then quickly logged off before you could do any more damage. ;) She then went on her account, and I was shocked to find that she typed faster than I do.
Anyways, I've droned on long enough and all I can say is that we stayed up until about 4am with her brother and sister just talking and having a laugh (this included me and her brother trying (unsuccessfully) to send a text to her current boyfriend at 3am about how he should stop using stupid text language in his messages, and how loads is spelt with an 's', not a 'z'. After twenty minutes we finally managed to send it, and her reaction was rather amusing. We failed to mention in the text about how her ex-boyfriend (me) and brother were sleeping next to her, and how I'd invented a technique called 'knuckling' which was rather pyshical (sp?)
So, I got home this afternoon very happy about the way it had gone, and I still think there's hope for us in the future...maybe she just doesn't realise that yet. And even if not, I'm lucky to have met someone so amazing in my lifetime...I can't really explain to you why she is so amazing to me, but I'm sure most of you understand. Also, I'm very different over there than I am usually at home or at school...I'm just much more lively and confident, and it's nice.
But then it hit me again. There's always a consequence about living almost an hour away from each-other, and that is we can't see each-other that often at our age. To add to it, she's going on holiday in a few days for two weeks, and then I'm going for 10 days on the 21st. With school starting again on the 6th September this doesn't leave us much time, and although it was acceptable to go during school weeks when we were going out, because we're just 'friends' now our parents don't seem to think it's so important.
So, this meant I was feeling pretty crap, and then I learnt me and my family were going to the cinema to see MIB 2. The film was okay, but I spent more time becoming more depressed than watching it, and the trip home was hell. My sister screamed and cried the whole way back because her friend couldn't come over, and my brother complained and moaned about almost anything. This caused my mother to literally have a nervous breakdown driving home, and I sat there with...well, it sounds harsh, but hatred. Especially my sister...she's in tears because she can't have a friend over...she doesn't know a thing about emotional pain. I felt like all letting it all out then, about what happened around a year ago. Now I'm beginning to realise that people have gone through much more than me, but it still hurts like hell. I just wanted so much to go back, and spend one more night there. I've felt so depressed that I've just spent the last couple of hours in my room.
But now I'm back home, and there's nothing I can do about it. When will I see her again? I'm hoping I can go over there a few days before school starts, but it's unlikely. So now I guess, I'm paying for great time I had yesterday and this morning. Damn, I don't know what to think.
I'm a right soppy git, aren't I? :D
Anyway, if you did read this then thanks, and be proud of your epic achievement. Now I have to go back to my pointless existence, so I'll talk to you all later. Ant.
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Hey Ant. Dude, sorry about getting you into trouble or, almost.
Sorry ;o)
I have a friend like you actually, except, he never went out with the girl he fancies. He's fancied her for, well over 9 months now. And they have just become closer and closer, and, a few weeks back. She told him
"I don't like you, in "That" way"
He was totally gutted. But could not be angry at her. Or, hate her, or anything. He's depressed every night, because he thinks of her. He went to America for Work Experiance and didn't like it. Because he didnt see her.
He's thought of everything. Killing himself. Not talking to her. Trying to hate her. Trying not to speak to her, trying not to talk. He feels like this just brings him closer.
He has also, the most wonderful time with her. He's so happy.
When he leaves her. Its all gone.
Ant, kinda like you then eh? Perhaps anyway.
Lifes a.. Hm. muffin?
Well, it certainly annoys you anyway.
Yes Ant, I do know how you feel about Grace being so wonderful and special and stuff. I've found a girl just like that. She's been on holiday. 1 day. And I miss her like crazy. Im thinking about her constantly and I cant wait to kiss her again!
When you find special people like these, try keep them.
Even as just a friend. Its still worth having them there.
Anyway, thats my grandaddy opinion. Eat it, lick it, shoot it, kill it, ignore it, accept it, crush it, blind it (With a very bright light ;o) ) spit at it.
Its not going to go away.
Love...
Sorry ;o)
I have a friend like you actually, except, he never went out with the girl he fancies. He's fancied her for, well over 9 months now. And they have just become closer and closer, and, a few weeks back. She told him
"I don't like you, in "That" way"
He was totally gutted. But could not be angry at her. Or, hate her, or anything. He's depressed every night, because he thinks of her. He went to America for Work Experiance and didn't like it. Because he didnt see her.
He's thought of everything. Killing himself. Not talking to her. Trying to hate her. Trying not to speak to her, trying not to talk. He feels like this just brings him closer.
He has also, the most wonderful time with her. He's so happy.
When he leaves her. Its all gone.
Ant, kinda like you then eh? Perhaps anyway.
Lifes a.. Hm. muffin?
Well, it certainly annoys you anyway.
Yes Ant, I do know how you feel about Grace being so wonderful and special and stuff. I've found a girl just like that. She's been on holiday. 1 day. And I miss her like crazy. Im thinking about her constantly and I cant wait to kiss her again!
When you find special people like these, try keep them.
Even as just a friend. Its still worth having them there.
Anyway, thats my grandaddy opinion. Eat it, lick it, shoot it, kill it, ignore it, accept it, crush it, blind it (With a very bright light ;o) ) spit at it.
Its not going to go away.
Love...
I have phone, hardly use it. I texted her a bit and it was nice just to hear from her again in some way.
Nae probs Anty boy.
Nae probs Anty boy.
Hehe, thanks Sheepy. It's quite strange, because your situation is extremely similar to mine, even concerning age. I plan to do exactly what you said because there's no way I'm losing contact, but obviously I'm not gonna reject other girls if I'm not going out with her. I love going over to her place though and I'm certainly not going to stop doing that.
I also agree with what else you said, it hurt yesterday and it still hurts today because basically, I'm missing her. Although I constantly took the p!ss out of her for texting so much and how stupid text language is, I'm contemplating getting a phone soon so we can be in contact everyday, rather than the odd conversation on MSN and occasional phone calls and visits. Cheers Sheepster.
I also agree with what else you said, it hurt yesterday and it still hurts today because basically, I'm missing her. Although I constantly took the p!ss out of her for texting so much and how stupid text language is, I'm contemplating getting a phone soon so we can be in contact everyday, rather than the odd conversation on MSN and occasional phone calls and visits. Cheers Sheepster.
Oi Ant you wee git... reply to my reply :D
Yeah I phonned her last week... think they're aff on holiday.
Hey, sounds like she needs help, and you're the dude to help her. Yup.
Would you believe I've been in a situation almost identical too that... I'll skip through it but here's the basics.
About 8 years ago on holiday my family met another family and have been friends ever since. I live in East Kilbride, they live in Kilmarnock about half an hour drive away. In this family is a girl just a year younger than myself and since we met it has been a "good friends" relationship with lots of kissing and stuff and is really only one of few females who i've more than liked.
Only problem is we went to their house twice a year and they came to ours to stay the week-end. This would always be a great time, not just with her but I enjoyed it a lot. However, every time I came home I would get depressed and miss her which sucked beyond believe.
Years passed... she would always have countless boyfriends as she was extremely attractive but when I went it would be different. As time went passed I became the indie/activist/mentalist I am today when she strayed into the wrong crowd and became a ned/townie. A shame because she was nice and acted herself around me but lately she's lost it which makes me sad. We're both old enough to stop going to week-ends... I've asked to meet her in Glasgow a few times and we have which is cool.
I still like her and she still likes me and I think I'll meet her again soon as I heard sadly she has eating disorder and is acting weird.
So my advice is to keep in contact and such, meet up and such. Doesn't mean you should commit to her... meet other people like me and her did.
I know you feel crap now but you'll get over it and go through the cycle together.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder etc :)
About 8 years ago on holiday my family met another family and have been friends ever since. I live in East Kilbride, they live in Kilmarnock about half an hour drive away. In this family is a girl just a year younger than myself and since we met it has been a "good friends" relationship with lots of kissing and stuff and is really only one of few females who i've more than liked.
Only problem is we went to their house twice a year and they came to ours to stay the week-end. This would always be a great time, not just with her but I enjoyed it a lot. However, every time I came home I would get depressed and miss her which sucked beyond believe.
Years passed... she would always have countless boyfriends as she was extremely attractive but when I went it would be different. As time went passed I became the indie/activist/mentalist I am today when she strayed into the wrong crowd and became a ned/townie. A shame because she was nice and acted herself around me but lately she's lost it which makes me sad. We're both old enough to stop going to week-ends... I've asked to meet her in Glasgow a few times and we have which is cool.
I still like her and she still likes me and I think I'll meet her again soon as I heard sadly she has eating disorder and is acting weird.
So my advice is to keep in contact and such, meet up and such. Doesn't mean you should commit to her... meet other people like me and her did.
I know you feel crap now but you'll get over it and go through the cycle together.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder etc :)
Hehe, that's what's so great about being around her, because I am myself and I am confident. Very confident, in fact. And to be honest, I'm more depressed today that I'm gonna miss her, not that she's not going out with me or anything like that.
I've sort of told myself something the last two days or so, and that's just to enjoy being around her. Obviously, if she askes me out I'll be elated, but I'm looking forward to getting out of school in possibly a year (or maybe 3), and meeting new girls. I think my experiences with her have made me stronger, if a little infuriating for you guys. :D
Thanks Grix, and my friendly Duck.
I've sort of told myself something the last two days or so, and that's just to enjoy being around her. Obviously, if she askes me out I'll be elated, but I'm looking forward to getting out of school in possibly a year (or maybe 3), and meeting new girls. I think my experiences with her have made me stronger, if a little infuriating for you guys. :D
Thanks Grix, and my friendly Duck.
:0)
Could be worse. :0D You could live something like eight hours away from her, and not be able to go see her until September. And then it'll only be for a week. Sod that though, I'll stay as long as I can.
Solution? Buy a phone, get a job that really sucks but has long hours so lots of money. Be thankful for what you have. In your case, there's quite a bit more you can get, naturally... but for your sake, please, just take one piece of advice.
Be yourself.
And it sounds like you are. If she really does make you happy, when you're just being you...
Maybe her boyfriend is just a comfort, just a stupid little thing to have. There are loads of questions you have to ask yourself really... like you love her because she loves you, stupid circle of escapism. Don't escape into her, just enjoy her sort of thing.
Most important thing, apart from being yourself? Keep talking, naturally. To be honest, I'm a little weary that you feel emotionally crippled. After all, if you care about her, why not let her do the things she wants to do? I know you're insecure and stuff, I was too, but you've got to understand that if she loves you, then that beats everything and anything. If she doesn't, then stop beating yourself up. Not everyone's gonna love you, because they're silly.
You're a good lad, Ant. *talks with cigar in mouth* But you need the confidence. Confidence. I don't give a crap about your little problem, or anything, everyone has it, not everyone gets over it because they make excuses for the rest of their lives. Because in the end? You're gonna be dead. Everyone's gonna be dead. If you keep stopping people from knowing who you are, what sort of impression are you going to leave? Because you're a great person, seriously, just a little confused.
The more you look at it, the more you'll see. Fear of judgement. Fear of judgement by your parents, your friends, by whatshername. If you fear judgement, then how can anyone TRULY love you? How can anyone TRULY know who you are?
And if she's afraid, if they're all afraid of who you are? Well who's problem is that? Go on. Speak your mind. Tell her you love her. If it ends in tears? Keep living life, and keep being yourself. If it ends in happiness, enjoy your life together. That's all there is to it.
Careful though. Don't walk into her house naked with a rose in your arrs cheeks or something. Don't say "I love you" and then try to ram your tongue down her throat. Unless you want to, and then sir, you aren't in love, honest. But I'm not gonna lecture you. :0D I can only tell you what love isn't, not what love is.
So dude, yeah, just keep talking, and keep being yourself. That's the only way anyone could ever possibly love you, and the only way you'll ever get the confidence to talk.
Could be worse. :0D You could live something like eight hours away from her, and not be able to go see her until September. And then it'll only be for a week. Sod that though, I'll stay as long as I can.
Solution? Buy a phone, get a job that really sucks but has long hours so lots of money. Be thankful for what you have. In your case, there's quite a bit more you can get, naturally... but for your sake, please, just take one piece of advice.
Be yourself.
And it sounds like you are. If she really does make you happy, when you're just being you...
Maybe her boyfriend is just a comfort, just a stupid little thing to have. There are loads of questions you have to ask yourself really... like you love her because she loves you, stupid circle of escapism. Don't escape into her, just enjoy her sort of thing.
Most important thing, apart from being yourself? Keep talking, naturally. To be honest, I'm a little weary that you feel emotionally crippled. After all, if you care about her, why not let her do the things she wants to do? I know you're insecure and stuff, I was too, but you've got to understand that if she loves you, then that beats everything and anything. If she doesn't, then stop beating yourself up. Not everyone's gonna love you, because they're silly.
You're a good lad, Ant. *talks with cigar in mouth* But you need the confidence. Confidence. I don't give a crap about your little problem, or anything, everyone has it, not everyone gets over it because they make excuses for the rest of their lives. Because in the end? You're gonna be dead. Everyone's gonna be dead. If you keep stopping people from knowing who you are, what sort of impression are you going to leave? Because you're a great person, seriously, just a little confused.
The more you look at it, the more you'll see. Fear of judgement. Fear of judgement by your parents, your friends, by whatshername. If you fear judgement, then how can anyone TRULY love you? How can anyone TRULY know who you are?
And if she's afraid, if they're all afraid of who you are? Well who's problem is that? Go on. Speak your mind. Tell her you love her. If it ends in tears? Keep living life, and keep being yourself. If it ends in happiness, enjoy your life together. That's all there is to it.
Careful though. Don't walk into her house naked with a rose in your arrs cheeks or something. Don't say "I love you" and then try to ram your tongue down her throat. Unless you want to, and then sir, you aren't in love, honest. But I'm not gonna lecture you. :0D I can only tell you what love isn't, not what love is.
So dude, yeah, just keep talking, and keep being yourself. That's the only way anyone could ever possibly love you, and the only way you'll ever get the confidence to talk.
Ah well, good to hear it went well at the time anyway.
Still stand by what i said before.
I'll leave it for people who know a bit more about the situation now.
Try to keep your head up :O)
Still stand by what i said before.
I'll leave it for people who know a bit more about the situation now.
Try to keep your head up :O)
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