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"OAP games characters"

"Hello, welcome to the show. 50 years ago, a great console war was raging. The Gamecube, Xbox and the Playstation 2 were battling it out for gaming supremacy, each headed by some famous characters, well, except in the Xbox's case, who only had Master Chief. Let's see what time has done to our famous stars, and what they hope to aim in the future. So, without wasting any more time, let's invite our first guest down, Mario!"

Mario walks down the stairs with the aid of his Zimmer frame.

"Hellloooo….Sonny."

"Hello Mario, how are you?"

"I need mushroom juice pumped through my veins via a drip- how would you feel?"

"Oh, right, sorry… So, what have you been upto these past 50 years?"

"Well, after I defeated Bowser for the Tenth time, I decided to invent a miracle cure for the common cold, and got a doctors PHD. Then, I decided to participate in a few sports, I had a tennis and golf tournament, I had a go at painting and composing music in Mario paint, and even had a few party's in between! I then got framed by some evil water me, and had to clear up a load of graffiti! After that, I decided to lay low for a while, and resorted back to my roots- plumbing. I set up Mario's Plumbing Services, a ten-hour plumbing service for the Mushroom kingdom. This proved quite popular, as many of the Toad's were always getting coins stuck down the sink, thus clogging up their pipes. It was a great way to earn money, but because of the long shifts, it forced me into an early retirement. I would sit around all day, wheezing and panting until I was put into a home. Then some strange man waked me up from my afternoon nap... Hey! That's him there, the camera guy! Learn some Manners, sonny!"

Camera Guy: "Sorry Mario, it was necessary. The people at reception said you get cranky when you get asked onto a chat show, so I had to wake you up and bring you here without asking you."

"Aha, so that's how I ended up here, I thought this was a dream. Must have been all those magic mushrooms I ate throughout my life. Damn them!"

"Yes, well, what do you want to achieve in the rest of your life?"

"Well, I want to live past 80. I swear I keep getting older every day, and I even lost my Italian accent! I loved that accent, now what was I talking about, oh yes, I want to… *falls asleep*.

"Thank-you Mario, and whatever you do, DON'T WAKE HIM UP! Phew, that was close. Now, let's meet our next guest. Sir Link!"

Link enters the studio on a Stenna stair-lift, and is carried onto the sofa.

"Welcome, Sir Link, how are you?"

"Ganondorf, is that you? Why I outta…."

"No, no, it's only me, your average overworked and underpaid presenter."

"Oh, sorry, didn't recognize you without my glasses. OH NO! Where's my glasses?"

"Erm, you're wearing them…"

"Ah, yes, sorry."

"Now, Sir Link, what did you do after you finally finished off Ganondorf?"

"Ganondorf? Where? Why I outta…"

"No, here's not here, you killed him, remember?"

"Remember? Ah, yes, my favourite show- Hyrule Flower roadshow. Can I use this T.V over here?"

Link climbs into his electric wheelchair, and drives over to a T.V in the corner, and switches to channel 7, the Hyrule Flower Roadshow.

"Well, that was interesting, if only…"

"Ssssssh! I'm trying to find out how to prevent my petunia's from slugs."

"Oh, sorry, well, we can't interview here, so let's go and meet the rest of our guests in their homes, er, old people's homes."

Three hours later, the presenter, camera guy and the sound guy arrive at an old people's home in the middle of nowhere, and venture inside. They look around and stare at all the trophies, pictures of games, and hearing aids sitting on the shelves.

"Erm, hi, who wants to be interviewed then? Anyone?"

"I'll be down in a minute!"

"Oh, good, we'll be sitting here then."

Three hours pass.

Sound guy: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go and get some waffles- I'm starving!"

"Yeah, let's go."

Just as they get up, a familiar face appears from the door behind them.

"Is that, is that you…. Sonic?"

"The one and only. I'm so fast, they, they… damnit, what was I going to say again? Ah yes, I'm so fast, no one can keep up with me!"

"You're so fast, yet it took you three hours to get down 12 steps."

"It's this place's record!"

"Yeah, figured. So, what have you done over the past 50 years?"

"Well, I set a new land-speed hedgehog record yesterday, 2 miles in 23 hours. That's the OAP record, ya know. I also sponsored the makers of the chilli dawg by eating 50 of them in 8 minutes. Beat that Mr. Presenter!"

"Erm, yeah, well, I host my own show! So there!"

"Ow, that hurt."

"Sorry. So, what do you hope to achieve in the rest of your life?"

"Well, after I got to 60, my blue hair finally turned brown, but it went wrinkly and squidgy. I want to put even more pep into my life, so I am going to try some anti-youth creme, and hopefully get younger, and ultimately, blue again."

"Well, you don't hold back, eh? Not lost the zest for life yet then, that's always nice to see. Well, thanks for chatting to us today, so, bye-bye for now, Sonic."

"See ya dudes!"

"Oh, and drop that 'cool dude' thing, it doesn't suit you anymore."

"Ow, that hurt again."

"Yes, oh, over there, it's Crash Bandicoot, I think."

"Yippee! Yes, it's me."

"So, Mr.Crash, what have you done over the past 50 years then?"

"Well, after I defeated Cortex, I went on a trip around the world for a few years, learnt some new techniques, like this one."

Crash stands still and closes his eyes. He goes to sleep.

"Erm, Mr Crash? Hello? Are you awake? THAT'S JUST SLEEPING STANDING UP! *Ahem* Well, look around guys, practically everyone is asleep, this whole place is asleep."

Sound Guy: "Let's poke him with a stick!"

The sound guy pokes him with a stick.

"Oooooow! Now, where was I ah, yes."

"Erm.. you were here, with us. Anyway, what do you hope to achieve in the rest of your life?"

"I want global domination."

"Erm, wasn't that what you were supposed to stop Cortex from doing?"

"Sssshh, My favourite program is on."

"Yeah, well, I have had enough of you and your cheesy shenanigans, let's go and interview someone else!"

Crash breaks down into tears.

"Ooops! Now, let's try and get another interview in before the end of the show. Hmm… who to interview, who to interview. Ah yes, hello there, a very popular games character, and a super-human."

"Hello."

"Erm, so, master chief, you're not old really, are you?"

"Well, yes and no. They cryogenically froze me again, so that I wouldn't age and would be ready to fight again if needs be. Since world peace was declared, I lost my job and gave up all hope of getting anywhere in my life. So, I joined this old folk's home, as really, I am an OAP in mind, but not in body."

"But, couldn't you beat the record set by Sonic then?"

"Yes, and no."

"Always friggin' yes and no."

"Yes, well, back to the subject, I am indeed faster than Sonic, but the rules state that cryogenically frozen people may not try and break the record."

"Ah, that's a pity. So, what do you aim to get out of the rest of your life then?"

"Well, I want to look for a new job, but the nurse won't let me out. Having said that, she is pretty darn fine, so I might actually stay here and get some 'special treatment'. I think I'll go and do that now! Oh nurse, I need special treatment!"

"I'll be right over, I'm just getting the rest of Mario's foot scrapings."

"MARIO? Not again! Well, to avoid any more confrontations with Mario, we had better leave. It's a good night from me, good night from the camera guy, and a good night from the insignificant sound guy. See ya!"

Thanks for reading

Microchips

lol, good post, nice to see old people haven't been forgotten in todays busy world

You want to read more of my stuff? Hmmm... I have a few spoofs floating around somewhere, you should be able to dig them up by scrolling back a few pages.

:)

heh- i always look at criticism and sarcasm as a guide- telling me how to improve, and besides, what is the point of argueing? it gets you nowhere...

:)

funniest iv seen tres bien tres bien. posted any other good ones? where if so?

Nice to see my comments weren't retorted back in my face with stuff like 'Im no JK Rowling and the like'

Good on ya Chips :D

We need more of you!

LOL! I asked you to read it, because I wanted to know what peole thought, and your has given me the best thing to work on yet- length.

Cheers Fuzzy.

:)

After a request to read, I, err, read. Thoughts -

Liked? Crash bandicoot standing move
Sonic OAP record

Disliked? Shortness and few(ness) of interviews.


:) Constructive, destructive, acceptable, unacceptable - you decide

Heh- Quinty, why didn't you post yours?

:)

And thanks.

Excellent, another great spoof. I wanted to post mine but hey *Shrugs* this is good.

And seems as you didnt win last time you deserve it mate. (y).

Cheers Nintendoid. :)